Monday, November 2, 2009

Amazing things, scary movies and lost body parts...

So I got a pretty big shock when I signed into statcounter today. (Hey! Don't give me that look people. I'm not addicted to my stats. I check them once, maybe twice a day. Possibly three times. Whatever! Stop hounding me about it. Everyone does it. And by everyone I mean some of the people I know.) Anyway, I had 132 views yesterday. WTH? I mean, I was pretty excited by my former high score of 74. How on earth did it go up so much overnight??? It's a mystery. And so is the fact that 132 people looked at my blog and only about 8 or 9 commented.

In other news, thanks to Kathryn my blog is going to be available in subscription form from So conceivably, someone might buy a monthly subscription to my blog posts and have them downloaded daily onto their Kindle. How convenient?! Technology is so amazing. Almost as amazing as the fact that people read my ramblings. But as soon as it becomes available I will be emailing you all with a link and asking you to write a review. (Hands down in back, NO, there is no financial compensation for your review!) I mean seriously, I'm thinking I'm going to make about $1.20 a month off this. Which isn't even enough for coffee. But in my convoluted way of means someone's paying me to write. (OK, like 1 bazillioneth of a cent per hour. but still!)

And in signing up for this, I may or may not have signed away one of my children, a kidney and/or my eternal soul. The legal jargon made my head spin. I guess I should have been suspicious when they asked me to prick my finger and sign with my own blood. Just Kidding (please don't come after me oh gods of

So, business out of the way...on to today's post. Around my house we watch alot of scary movies. Big surprise right?! I'm sure that was a big secret. Almost as big as the one about my double life as a secret agent stripper. I a secret blogger which is almost the same thing.

So we were watching a couple of scary movies on Halloween night. And you know, they make some seriously bad scary movies. Do we stop watching them? No! We do however proceed to make fun of them. Now the first one we watched was soooo bad that we couldn't even make it better with sarcasm. I know right?! That's horrible. But the second one was much enlivened by our side dialogue. And in one scene one of the rednecks has a certain part of his male anatomy chopped off as he's taking a whiz in the woods. His brother comes over to find him laying on the ground, groaning, squirting copious amounts of blood and spying the offending piece of manhood says "why's your **** way over there, Chuck?" OMG! I was rolling. It has now become the most quoted line from the movie, mainly because every so often Sean or I will look at one another and say it. Causing both of us to collapse in giggles and greatly confusing people who have not seen the movie. Which seems to be basically everyone else on the planet. Also in this movie a witch is stealing the last baby tooth from children, hoarding them and then killing the children, thus somehow dooming their souls to forever wander the earth until they get their teeth back. One of the ghost girls enlists the help of the little girl who's come to stay at the witch's house. (obviously no one knows a 140 year old tooth stealing witch is hiding out in the basement). So Sean's new dialogue for this is:

little girl: oh no! the witch stole my tooth! now she's going to kill me!
ghost girl: wait! I have a plan on how to get our teeth back and kill the witch! *and it almost worked last time! and if it doesn't work this time oh well. guess you'll be a ghost like me.*

So I start joking around and tell Sean that I tried to trade his soul for stuff all the time. And this conversation ensues~

hubby: yeah, your mom's always trying to trade you kid's souls for other things. And it's not even good stuff.

Sean: what? You'll trade me for a flat tire? Gee thanks! What a deal!

hubby: No. The worst was those magic beans. Turns out they weren't magic after all. They were just soybeans. And she came home all excited too.

Then another movie where the characters are trapped in this haunted hotel, and the main female character has just caught her boyfriend playing "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" with her best friend is sitting on the stairs with her best guy friend and he comes up with a plan to appease the vengeful spirit. Sean came up with this alternate dialogue:

girl: maybe you're right. maybe giving back the locket will appease the ghost.
guy: are you crazy? I just said that crap to get into your pants. I don't want to go anywhere near that ghost! We need to haul butt and get ourselves out of here!

I didn't give titles to or links for any of those movies. Trust me they are ones to skip. Unless you have us to make up alternate dialogue for you. =]



  1. If I was "Chuck" my answer woulda bin: Knitting a SWEATER - WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S DOING???

  2. I usually read, but can't comment because sometimes the stupid firewall doesn't let me in. :(

  3. YAY! KINDLE! You Do realize that once someone buys a subscription to your blog, you are officially a the very sense of the word 'cause someone's paid you to write.

    It's all good, bay-bee!

  4. Spot - CONGRATULATIONS on the Kindle subscription thingy-ma-bob! That is just too cool! You have just crossed over to the "other side" of blog world and you should be proud of yourself!!!
    And I totally agree about the "no comment" thing...I'm thinking about giving away a car just to get people to comment. Of course it'll have to be an old 1997 Honda 'Value Package' a.k.a. no powerlocks or windows. That oughta bring 'em in. =)

  5. She's movin on up to the other side. Congrats! Now, are we going to have to pay? jk..

    Good thing there are no titles, hubby would want to check them out.

  6. I want a Kindle but the boss says NO! I like scary movies too even the crappy ones that are more comedy than horror. Did you rent Frontiers yet? It's pretty good. Lotta gore, and you kind of wonder if the actors suffered any long term mental illness after they did the film. It's French so there are subtitles but it's good anyway.

  7. Danica~ haha. Good answer.

    Meeko~ well thanks for reading anyway and the occasional comment. You're blogs are hilarious so I'm flattered!

    Kathryn~ Thank you so much for everything. And I know right?! Soooo excited!

    Mindy~ My car was being poopy today so sign me up for the giveaway!! Crossed over to the "other side", in my world that means something totally different. Always thinking the spooky, I am. Thanks!

    Heather~ of course you don't have to pay! I guess the only reason people would pay is for the convenience. I think you can only read from them as well, not comment. Thanks for the encouragement!

    Mark~ I totally want a kindle! I would miss real books, but seriously, how convenient would it be?! And you can change the print size so I could get by without lugging reading glasses along! Bonus! I haven't seen Frontiers yet, I don't think my tiny blockbuster has it. I did read some reviews of it in a Fangoria magazine though and it is supposed to be goo. Sean balks at films he has to "read". Lol.