Effective fighting 101

Soooo, I had a fight with one of my closest friends last night. Yeah, it was Sean. We were sprawled on the family room couch watching Stargate Universe. He was kinda cranky from being up since 2:30 am (read here to find out why). And I was still a little cranky from being sick and from my discoveries yesterday of just how bad my men suck at doing the chores I ask them to do. The two of us cranky at the same time is never a good thing. So there we are, engrossed in our show...when one of the cats (the half paranoid totally hinky one, Axel) jumps up on the side of the couch, lands on the remote and shuts the satellite off. We both utter "shit" very loudly, I frantically reach for the remote and Sean goes after the cat. Now, I'm not sure what his intentions were exactly, but this cat (even after a year in our household) spooks easy and she freaks and leaps on my neck with all of her claws out! Needless to say, I howled in pain. And rounded on Sean all "The hell?? Thanks a bunch!" and instead of just saying "I'm sorry" you know, like a normal person, he says "I didn't know she'd do that" Really?? Because that's pretty much how she reacts to any sudden movement. And I say "well it didn't help any. It didn't get the satellite back on faster because I had to grab my bleeding neck and dropped the remote." and he argued with me. And did not apologize. And then escalated into both of us trying to shout over the other one (because, that's what we do) until I huffily grabbed my stuff and told him I wasn't going to sit in there with him when he was being a jerk.

So I went into the living room and flopped onto the couch next to hubby. "What's going on?" he asked. And I said "Your son is being a jerk. All I wanted was a freakin 'I'm sorry'. How hard is that? He can never admit he's done something wrong." And hubby just said "huh". Then asked if my show was over. I said no. And then he very generously offered me the remote and said he wasn't really watching anything anyway. So I got my show. But then he fell asleep. And snored. Loudly. And the TV in the living room is much smaller. And farther away. And its a bigger space and the couch is in front of the drafty window. So I was cold. And as I huddled in my corner of the couch, I had an epiphany. Next time I decide to get huffy and make a dramatic exit, maybe I should think about who I'm really punishing. Because Sean got to stay in there all warm and comfy with the cats and watch the big screen. Plus, sometimes I don't get stuff on Stargate and he has to explain it because he's a science whiz and he's watched the previous series so he knows what's going on. So I'm pretty sure I'm the one who suffered. Dammit.

But we're cool this morning. Because that's how we fight. We get mad, we blow up on each other, one of us walks away in a snit (okay, that's usually me) and we retreat to our separate corners. Then after we both cool off, we just go back to business as usual. I know it sounds counter productive, but after the cool off period there's a window of time that we converse rationally and solve things. So it works for us.

So I'm not really sure why I blogged all this. Maybe just because it was on my mind. Maybe as an example of how not to fight. Maybe just to prove that I'm not a perfect parent (you know, just in case anyone was laboring under that mistaken assumption).

On another note...I totally finished the SK book!! Have I mentioned lately how great of an author he is and how I totally worship him from afar. Even if he kills off characters I've come to love and makes me cry. Even if it took me a little over a whole week to finish that book and made the carpal tunnel in my left wrist act up and my wrist ached from holding that book because it weighs 4 freakin pounds!!! It was all worth it.

Have a great weekend,
♥Spot