Friday, November 13, 2009

How I convinced the hospital lady she didn't know what day it was

This whole being a full time writer thing has turned my brain to mush. Really. I mean I might not have been the most "with it" gal to begin with but it's gotten so much worse. I'm so wrapped up in thinking, plotting, what if-ing, writing that I lose all sense of time, place and sanity. Yes, everyone does still have clean underwear and socks and I do manage to emerge from my world and get supper on the table but that's about it. Here's the conversation I had with the hospital when they called to remind me of Lulu's appointment~

Hospital lady: Hi is this Molly?

Me: No. This is her mom.

HL: Oh. Okay. This is Blessing Hospital calling to remind you about her heart echo tomorrow at 1pm.

Me: Her appointments supposed to be on Friday.

HL: That's right. Tomorrow is Friday.

Me: No it's not. Today is only Wednesday. Isn't it?

HL: Um. I don't think so. Hold on, I'll check. (I'm so adamant, she's doubting herself)

Me: Oh. Crap. You're right. It is Thursday. So her appointment is tomorrow.

HL: Whew! Please don't make me work an extra day. Haha.

Me: (completely embarrassed) I'm sorry. We'll be there.

The really bad part? She called while I was in the middle of writing my "spread the word" Thursday post. So on some level...I had to have known it was Thursday. Sad and scary I tell you. I feel like the absentminded professor. Only not so smart. And more absent minded.

The Stephen King book. Rules. I'm only allowing myself 80 pages a day so I don't just drop the novel writing and devour his book instead. He's just so good. I find myself noticing descriptive turns of phrase and thinking "why don't I think of these?" Because I'm not him. That's why. Speaking of him, here's a convo Sean and I had the other day while waiting in line at the grocery store~

Me: (reading tabloid headlines out loud) OMG. Seriously, if you were married to her, would you cheat with her?

Sean: Not a chance.

Me: Me neither! Man, I bet they get so tired of having their lives plastered all over the magazines and tabloids. Maybe I don't want to be famous. Then again, Stephen King's famous and you never see him in the tabloids.

Sean: (looking at me incredulously) Of course he's not in the tabloids! He's Stephen freakin King. Can you imagine writing something bad about him? I mean he'd show up on your doorstep and be all Really? Really? You're going to mess with me? and you'd crap your pants. Because you'd know that the Boogeyman was gonna get your butt.

Me: True. So the trick is to be famous, but really scary. So that nobody wants to mess with you.

And then on the way home. I was driving along on the highway and all of a sudden a hawk flies near the car. And seriously, I thought it was going to hit the windshield. So I ducked. Sean looks at me and~

Sean: Did you just duck?

Me: Yeah. So?

Sean: You know that doesn't help right? I mean you're

Me: Um. I know that. It's just instinctive reaction.

Sean: But it doesn't help. Look, there's something here (he taps on the windshield in front of me) and here (he taps on the sun roof) and omigod here (he taps on his side window) what is it? We're trapped!! Oh no! It's the witches! Witches have trapped us, what will we do?! How will we escape? (He sticks one hand out the open sunroof) Help help! Someone save me!

Me: (speeding down the highway laughing my ass off) you're ridiculous.

Sean: Riiiggghhht. I'm the ridiculous one. Which one of us got lost and wandered around aimlessly in Hobby Lobby today until I rescued them. Oh yeah. You.

I don't know if I mentioned this before or not...but Sean is somewhat of a sarcastic bastard. He comes from a long line of them. And I really did get lost in the store. I couldn't find the clearance items. Until he pointed to the clearance sign. Five rows in front of me. Sheesh.

Happy Friday (it is Friday, right?),


  1. That's freakin hilarious that you got lost in hobby lobby. Sean gonna keep you on a leash soon if your not careful

  2. You and Sean together is enough to keep everyone rolling with laughter. Yall are too funny!

    I'm in awe of you, did you know that? I would never be able to write my own stuff and read someone else's at the same time, without being super confused.

  3. Maybe Sean could get one of those baby leashes only in reverse. I think it is Friday today so you should probably get Lulu to her appointment and stop reading my ridiculous comments.

  4. So mean...yet so something I'd want to try....

  5. Man, I love sarcastic men! Seriously! I really wish my hubby were more sarcastic because it would make me feel a teensy bit less mean. Since he's more of the kind/giving type I feel kind of like the bully on the playground when I make fun of him. Yet...I still do it. Love. =)

  6. The absolute worst is when sarcastic men are right. All. The. Time. Ask my wife.

  7. Roxy~ hmmm. Well at least I didn't back into a tree in my own yard. In the daylight. 'Nuff said. =]

    Heather~ people do laugh at us alot. I mean with us. Or maybe just at us. And I have to be careful. I don't want to start sounding like SK. I mean he's great, but I want my novel to be all me. Does that even make sense to anyone but me??

    Mark~ The leash may not be so ridiculous. He won't let me go to town by myself anymore. Apparently he's worried. Mostly that if I don't find my way home he'd have to cook for himself.

    Jessica~ I didn't do it on purpose! But that would have been funny too!

    Mindy~ Sometimes when Sean and I talk we just confuse my hubby. Then we make fun of him. Yeah, we might be bullies. But it's freakin funny!

    Management~ Haha. I sympathize with your wife. Unfortunately Sean is pretty much always right too. Damn genius IQ! It's even worse when it's your son.


  8. Ha! That's too friggin funny! Did you really duck? Did you put your hand over Sean's head too?

    Ha! My NaNo novel is called Hawk Tower, but here is thing....(I have told noone this). My inspiration, an actual tower.. the day before NaNo started I went to Hawk Tower for novel insight and to see the Hawks, after close inspection (because my eyesight SUCKS). I get to the base of the tower, yeah, the hawks? Not so much. Damn birds are VULTURES.

    Vulture Tower - It's just not the same. This is why I'm not losing days like you. So, I'm actually really happy for you.

    And I am really trying to use my imagination to finish. I'm gonna get carpal writing nonstop if I procrastinate much longer.

    Thank God it's Thursday! ;-)

  9. I always have those "why didn't I think of that" moments.

  10. This is almost as good as being a fly on your wall, though I can't help but feel that we probably miss some off-the-hook stuff.
    Keep us posted on the new SK book. We are living vicariously? - no cheaply - thru you.
    Rock on, Sistah!
    BTW, Nanowrimo sounds like it would look like Cloverfield dude, so I think you could safely say to Mark that it ate your brain.

  11. Angelia~ Vulture Tower doesn't work for you? You're not writing about the zombie apocolypse? Ohhhh...I see. Lol. Sorry about your inspiration. Yeah, I figure when push comes to shove, nobody will see me that final weekend because I will be typing so fast! We can do this!

    Unabridged~ Do you think even SK has those moments?

    Cynica~ You do miss some of the off-the-hook stuff. Because I remember laughing really hard but I can't remember the conversation. I need to carry a notebook. Now that I'm a writer it's okay to do eccentric things like that, right? The SK book is rocking my socks. It so ate my brains. NaNoWriMo, not the book.