So I have so many posts running around in my head that it's hard to choose just one to write today. I, unlike other bloggers who've said lately they don't have any inspiration, am never at a loss for what to blog. As I told Mindy the other day...as soon as I open up that 'New Post' tab, it just comes spewing out like mind vomit. You'd think my mind would be anorexic or bulimic by now but it just keeps chugging along. I'm pretty sure it's the steady diet of blogs, supplemented here and there with SK books, and inappropriate conversations. But I've finally decided on today's post and it's probably going to be a long one so buckle up kids, grab a refreshing beverage (alcoholic or not, your choice, I mean it's 5'oclock somewhere, right?) and maybe get a snack too. Or you could just move on to the next blog (no, of course I didn't mean that! Sit your bootie back down! Don't touch that mouse! I spat on it!)
For awhile now, I've been thinking about the nature of friendship (okay, it might only have been since yesterday, but it was a long day). And several people have blogged about it lately too, and very well I might add. But friendship is so personalized for everyone. And it's such a give and take relationship. I think it's probably the one area I feel like I totally failed in as a mother. My children are not good "friends". I don't mean with each other, I mean with other people. I've always prided myself on being a good friend, and tried to model the behavior, but my kids not so much. And while some of it may be the raising, I think some of it is nature. My hubby knows a lot of people. He's friendly with a lot of people. And some he would call friend. But as for that soul deep feeling of friendship and the need to connect with someone outside the family, not so much. He is, save for us, a loner. He just doesn't feel that the need outweighs the effort. My children are the same way. They are both popular kids, they have tons of acquaintances, people they would call friends. People they hang out with. But they can go months without seeing these people or talking beyond a text here and there. My son turns down invitations on a regular basis. He could have a steady stream of girlfriends, but he doesn't feel the need to put in the effort to maintain those types of relationships. Sometimes I think it's my fault. That our family is too close and that by being my children's friend as well as their mom, I've hogged their friendship abilities. I hope it's not something I did, but one wonders.
As for me, I have always had friends. And many close friends. There is always someone I can call or text or email if I need support. Always there to support them as well. I don't feel like this takes away from my family, although many times they have expressed jealousy over my friends. It's hard to have friends when you're a young mom, always busy and sleep deprived, but luckily I had friends I could call when I got a spare minute and we were all raising young children. And I had a very close friend,L, who is also my husbands aunt, and we got together every evening to walk, children in strollers, we covered miles both physically and emotionally. We hit a rough patch about 5 years back and didn't speak for a year, but we made it through that our friendship is as strong as ever, even though we don't get to see each other often.
Then there's J, who I've known since high school! She's the one who knows where all the bodies are buried. All my closet skeletons. She lives 5 hours away, so we only see each other maybe once a year, but we talk on the phone and email. Without her, I probably would have gone crazy at some point in time. We've literally talked each other through every major event in our lives. I don't know what I would've done without her.
There's also my sister, Hildi to you all. We are 7 years apart so always at a different stage in our lives. I left home when she was 10 and she saw it in some ways as abandonment. It took a long time for us to get past that and get to the incredibly close bond we have now. She is always my first call when I'm upset. She has given me remarkably good advice about my daughter. While her girls are still young, she and my daughter are ridiculously similar and this enables her to give me insight into Lulu's head. And of course, I'm her total "everything cooking" resource. And we laugh about our hubbies.
I have a circle of good friends that live in town. My "best" friend and several others. I have old friends that I don't see nearly as often but the knowledge that we would still be there for each other is always there. I have some new friends that I'm quickly becoming very attached to. And they have the added benefit of having known my hubby before they knew me. It's interesting to hear the things they say about him.(Somedays I totally don't get it, but apparently he's quite the catch and I'm a lucky woman.) I just like friends. Don't get me wrong, some days I don't want to talk to anybody on the phone or get dressed and go to town or have company. But I do them anyway because that's what friends do. And if a friend calls, I will stop what I'm doing to chat because that's what friends do. They do the same for me.
I finally learned about 5 years ago (roughly the same time my daughter hit her "teens"), that a circle of girlfriends is invaluable. Because no matter how many guy friends you have, or how great your husband is, there are just some things they will never understand. But your girls will. And even if they don't, they will listen and they will support, and they will do whatever they can to help. And sometimes, just the listening is enough.
And now, I have my blog friends. It's funny because I sure didn't start this blog to make friends. That was probably the furthest thing from my mind. And yet, that's exactly what happened. I made good friends. And really close, really quick friends because I was busy baring my soul. I made friends with Kathryn, and we quickly progressed to emails and then texts and probably soon 4 hour phone chats. I made friends with Mark, and we're now friends on facebook. Which means he can now see all of the truly horrible pictures my daughter and sister seem to enjoy posting of me (skinny bitches). And even though I was afraid to write on his wall, because I figured his real live friends would be all "who's this chick. why does she thing she knows Mark??". Paranoid maybe, but that's how I roll. And I made friends with Danica, who better friend me on facebook and soon. And Heather, and Cynica, and management, and Mindy, and soooo many others that I now consider friends. I absolutely cannot wait each morning to hear (read) what you guys have to say. It's like you're my morning coffee club. And it never fails that at least one, if not all, put a smile on my face and a chuckle in my heart (good gosh that was sappy!!) and start my day off in a good mood. You also keep me writing. Something I don't always share with my non computer friends.
And then there's my family. My kids, my hubby, even my parents. Yes, we're family and they're the most frustrating people I know. But they are also my friends. I love hanging out with them. And I think that's important.
What is the moral of this story. I don't know, I got lost halfway through. I think it's just about how important friendships are and how important it is to maintain them. Have a friend, be a friend. It does a body good. Wait, that might be milk. Okay...it does a soul good.
PS- I do have one friend I seem to have lost and miss dearly. But that's another post. With a poem...