So Sean's ex-girlfriend (and yet, still my favorite future daughter-in-law) fussed at me about not blogging the other day. So you can pretend that you all gave me a lecture. And here I am, trying to appease you, my faithful audience. It's my birthday and I really want to do one of those sappy "another year older, yet wiser" birthday posts. But I don't have time for that today. So today, you get another funny (hopefully) glimpse into our ridiculous household.
We all know how this Christmas thing goes: we shop, we decorate, we bake (well, some people do anyway), we hand make beautiful gift baskets (or at least I used to, now I have no time), we spend time with people we love and we make merry. That about sums it up in a nutshell. But what about those odd Christmas occasions, here and there, that we have absolutely no desire to attend, yet, feel obligated to? We have a few of those~
Me: Do we have to go?
Mike: I think it's expected.
Me: But I don't wanna...
Mike: Me either.
Me: Okay, so how about that day I'll stand on the porch steps and you push me off, necessitating a trip to the ER, thus giving us the perfect excuse for not being there?
Mike: You're kidding, right?
Me: Um, yes. No. Not really. But don't make me land on my head, because I don't have time for a concussion. And not my arms or wrists or anything, because I have to be able to work...
Mike: I'm pretty sure that's not a good idea.
Me: Um. Fine. But I'm going to start drinking before we go.
Mike: That's probably not a good idea, either. You have a tendency to tell people what you think of them when you drink very much.
Me: Don't be silly. I always tell people what I think of them.
Mike: True. But sober Spot does it with a sweet smile, the hint of an accent and in words so big, that most people don't realize you've insulted them until hours later. Tipsy Spot just tells them, "I don't like you."
Me: Fine. Well how about I still have a drink or two and we develop a code word? Something that you can say that will let me know I'm saying too much.
Mike: Like what?
Me: How about "ur mom"?
Mike: My mom?
Me: No! "Ur mom", kind of as in my mom.
Mike: You want me to say "your mom"?
Me: No. I want you to say "ur mom". It sounds totally different.
Mike: "Ur mom"?
Mike: That's not going to work.
Me: Why not?
Mike: Because I'm pretty sure that no one over the age of 15 actually says "ur mom" and I don't know how I'd work that into a conversation.
Me: I don't know what you're talking about. Me and the kids say it all the time.
Me: So does my sister.
Mike: Again, yeah...
Mike: I don't think adults say that either.
Later that day~
Me: So I tried to get your dad to push me off the porch so we wouldn't have to go to "x".
Lu: That might be a bit drastic.
Me: Yeah, my luck I'd break a wrist or something. So I tried to get him to say a code phrase when I was getting too honest. But he wouldn't play along.
Lu: What phrase?
Me: "ur mom". I thought it was perfect. He said he couldn't work it into conversation.
Lu: What? He could totally say "that's what ur mom says!"
Me: Exactly. He's such a killjoy.
So, long story short, Mike did not push me off the porch. Nor did I imbibe heavily before I left the house. And I behaved. And not a single solitary person said "ur mom" all night long...(which might be why I didn't want to go in the first place.)
I hope that everyone is having a fabulous holiday season! May all your occasions be merry!
PS- I'm participating in a blog hop called the "Twelve days of Creepfest" on my other blogs. I'm having contests, so you could win prizes, so stop by either See Spot Read or The Author Spot and enter the contests. Did I mention there were prizes??