Saturday, January 9, 2010

I so should have been a southern mama...

So when I logged on today and my MSN homepage popped up it showed the usual little tidbits of news (some not so newsworthy) and there was a link to a "Midwestern Food Quiz" so I took it. And I only got 6 right. Now, I've lived in the Midwest for 22 years and I cook so I'm a little miffed at my results. I guess the problem stems from them lumping a variety of states together and calling it the "Midwest". From Nebraska to North Dakota, Iowa, Illinois and even Ohio. I hate to tell them but we may all be considered "Midwest" but there is a severe lack of cohesion between those states. I mean North Dakota?? That's not Midwest, that's northern! And Ohio? Way too eastern to be considered true northwest. But whatever. The link led me to another quiz..."Southern Food Quiz". Guess what? I scored an 8!

Now, I really am a big fan of the south. My dad's family all hails from the south...Kentucky and Tennessee to be exact. We lived in North Carolina for awhile and South Carolina is my favorite vacation destination. Although, we had a pretty good time in Tennessee too. As I said before, my southern accent comes out strong when I'm angry or whenever I'm south of the Mason Dixon line. It's unintentional, it just happens. And there is always a pitcher of sweet tea in my fridge. Which as everyone knows, is the house wine of the south. (Yeah, that's totally one of the answers to the quiz...consider it a freebie!)

I once dated a boy whose family was from the south. In fact his mama was grooming him to be a Senator from Georgia. The family had political connections and ambitions. She loved me. I wasn't from the south, but I still fit in and she thought I'd make the perfect politician's wife. And the boy? Well, lets just say he'd make a perfect politician. Handsome, charming, sweet talking and not a faithful bone in his body. As it turns out he didn't run for office (yet, I guess there's still time) but he did become a big wig with UPS. (I know because I googled him. Shut up! That's totally not cyberstalking. And besides it was only after some um, well, interesting emails he'd sent me...which I totally kept in case he becomes a politician...) The point is...I can totally pass for southern.

One time, summer before last I believe, Lu and I were laying on the trampoline (it's our favorite tanning spot) and I was reading a book by Jane Green (who is by the by a fantastic author and you should probably read her books). In the book, the husband's mother is southern and the things she says are words they could have taken straight from my mouth. Or my grandmothers, or any southern mother I suppose. I read aloud to Lu in order to make my point. The following conversation ensued:

Me: I totally should have been a southern mother. Should have married S after all. I'd be living in a big old plantation house raising future pageant queens and politicians. Instead of stuck in the middle of nowhere USA.

Lu: (giggling)

Me: Instead I'm here raising a future marine and the future queen of Michael's double wide. Y'all let me know when you need those polyester curtains made, k?

Lu: I'm never going to live in a trailer!!! You know this. Although that is my ringtone on his phone. (Sammy Kershaw's 'Queen of my Double wide Trailer'.)

Me: Whatever...I mean, I totally believe you.

Lu: Besides, you'd hate that life. They'd expect you to behave all the time and you'd have to join junior league or something. Plus your hair frizzes in the humidity. It'd be so much worse down there.

Me: They make hair products for that you know. Besides I'd own that junior league baby!

Lu: Then there's the fact that you hate whiskey. That might be a sin in the south.

Me: Hmm. There is that. I can drink whiskey though if there's something to take the taste out of my mouth. (I got seriously sick drinking whiskey once, now I just can't stomach it. Even the smell makes me want to vomit.)

Lu: And last but not least, you detest Tennessee Williams and Faulkner. I know that's got to be like an extra extra big sin down there. They'd run you out of town!

Me: Well, they're just so depressing! All broody and dark with no redeeming qualities. I'm not changing my mind about them. (I once refused the lead in a play because it was a Tennessee Williams play. I was reassigned to a George Bernard Shaw. I won an award for that one. So there drama professor!)

Lu: See, you might want to stay where you are.

Me: (exiting the trampoline) Whatever.

Lu: where you going?

Me: I'm off to make some chicken salad and sweet tea for lunch before your brother gets back and asks me where his lunch is.

What part of the World do you feel you should live in??



  1. When I'm rich and famous (you know this year..) I'll have to keep a place in Ireland with horses but also an apartment, maybe in the Dakota building in New York. Wouldn't that be nice?? Oh and a beach house in Florida. And a villa in Tuscany. Now, you've got me started!!

  2. Or, you could just move to Canada and make Poutine and drink beer!

  3. BTW you're post today SOUNDED very southern. I could almost hear you saying it with a southern accent. Did you think in your head with a southern accent? lol...
    I don't know where i belong. All 21 years of my life (lol) i never belonged where i lived. I was always different. So, like any normal, adapting child I learned to embrace my difference. I don't think I'd fit in anywhere. Although I look European, but i talk southern and i;m an independent. So, I'd fit in somewhere where they all look European..have southern accents, and are independent. Do you know a place like that?

  4. I think you DO belong in the South. If you can't take Faulkner (understandable; I think I'm one of the few who do love him) or Tennessee Williams (not that I DO NOT understand!), try Flannery O'Connor. She's just the best! But in any case, I think I belong in Texas -- where one can be Southern and feisty Westerner. And a goddamn independent!

  5. How come everyone I know that has dated someone from the south or is from the south knows someone that is being "groomed for politics"? LoL :)

  6. You sound totally southern to me and this comes from a native Virginian!

  7. Tina~ well dear I hope you invite me to visit everyplace except the Dakota. I've heard bad things about that place!! LMAO. That's one of my all time favorites. And I'd settle for published and moderately successful. Lol.

    Xtreme~ oddly enough I've never thought about moving to Canada. But it seems I've made so many friends there, maybe I should!

    KT~ I'm afraid I don't know where that place is! But you are welcome wherever I happen to be. Wanna visit Italy? I hear Tina's buying a villa...

    DfG~ I'm glad you found your little niche of the world! I will give O'Conner a try. And yes I do believe I fit the southern bill.

    UnA~ I think it's just a southern thing. I mean most of the boys are pretty darn charming. It's that slow drawl and good manners.

    Suzi~ Hello. And welcome! Thank you! I will take that as a high compliment indeed!!

    And yes, everything said in my head is in southern accent.


  8. I took the midwestern test and only got 3 right. I have never heard of chili on spegetti!

    I am truely southern, 9 out of 10 right!

  9. Yes ... Canada it should be ... perhaps even just on a visit? Y'know, when you are promoting your book...

    I would like to have a place in Scotland ... and perhaps a grass hut and a little square of sand on a warm beach somewhere ... perhaps St Thomas or the like ... mmmm yeah. Don't think I'd ever abandon Canada, though. Just need to have more moolah.