I so should have been a southern mama...

So when I logged on today and my MSN homepage popped up it showed the usual little tidbits of news (some not so newsworthy) and there was a link to a "Midwestern Food Quiz" so I took it. And I only got 6 right. Now, I've lived in the Midwest for 22 years and I cook so I'm a little miffed at my results. I guess the problem stems from them lumping a variety of states together and calling it the "Midwest". From Nebraska to North Dakota, Iowa, Illinois and even Ohio. I hate to tell them but we may all be considered "Midwest" but there is a severe lack of cohesion between those states. I mean North Dakota?? That's not Midwest, that's northern! And Ohio? Way too eastern to be considered true northwest. But whatever. The link led me to another quiz..."Southern Food Quiz". Guess what? I scored an 8!

Now, I really am a big fan of the south. My dad's family all hails from the south...Kentucky and Tennessee to be exact. We lived in North Carolina for awhile and South Carolina is my favorite vacation destination. Although, we had a pretty good time in Tennessee too. As I said before, my southern accent comes out strong when I'm angry or whenever I'm south of the Mason Dixon line. It's unintentional, it just happens. And there is always a pitcher of sweet tea in my fridge. Which as everyone knows, is the house wine of the south. (Yeah, that's totally one of the answers to the quiz...consider it a freebie!)

I once dated a boy whose family was from the south. In fact his mama was grooming him to be a Senator from Georgia. The family had political connections and ambitions. She loved me. I wasn't from the south, but I still fit in and she thought I'd make the perfect politician's wife. And the boy? Well, lets just say he'd make a perfect politician. Handsome, charming, sweet talking and not a faithful bone in his body. As it turns out he didn't run for office (yet, I guess there's still time) but he did become a big wig with UPS. (I know because I googled him. Shut up! That's totally not cyberstalking. And besides it was only after some um, well, interesting emails he'd sent me...which I totally kept in case he becomes a politician...) The point is...I can totally pass for southern.

One time, summer before last I believe, Lu and I were laying on the trampoline (it's our favorite tanning spot) and I was reading a book by Jane Green (who is by the by a fantastic author and you should probably read her books). In the book, the husband's mother is southern and the things she says are words they could have taken straight from my mouth. Or my grandmothers, or any southern mother I suppose. I read aloud to Lu in order to make my point. The following conversation ensued:

Me: I totally should have been a southern mother. Should have married S after all. I'd be living in a big old plantation house raising future pageant queens and politicians. Instead of stuck in the middle of nowhere USA.

Lu: (giggling)

Me: Instead I'm here raising a future marine and the future queen of Michael's double wide. Y'all let me know when you need those polyester curtains made, k?

Lu: I'm never going to live in a trailer!!! You know this. Although that is my ringtone on his phone. (Sammy Kershaw's 'Queen of my Double wide Trailer'.)

Me: Whatever...I mean, I totally believe you.

Lu: Besides, you'd hate that life. They'd expect you to behave all the time and you'd have to join junior league or something. Plus your hair frizzes in the humidity. It'd be so much worse down there.

Me: They make hair products for that you know. Besides I'd own that junior league baby!

Lu: Then there's the fact that you hate whiskey. That might be a sin in the south.

Me: Hmm. There is that. I can drink whiskey though if there's something to take the taste out of my mouth. (I got seriously sick drinking whiskey once, now I just can't stomach it. Even the smell makes me want to vomit.)

Lu: And last but not least, you detest Tennessee Williams and Faulkner. I know that's got to be like an extra extra big sin down there. They'd run you out of town!

Me: Well, they're just so depressing! All broody and dark with no redeeming qualities. I'm not changing my mind about them. (I once refused the lead in a play because it was a Tennessee Williams play. I was reassigned to a George Bernard Shaw. I won an award for that one. So there drama professor!)

Lu: See, you might want to stay where you are.

Me: (exiting the trampoline) Whatever.

Lu: where you going?

Me: I'm off to make some chicken salad and sweet tea for lunch before your brother gets back and asks me where his lunch is.

What part of the World do you feel you should live in??

♥Spot