Sunday, January 31, 2010

Conversational Snippets....

I'm really overwhelmed with the comments and appreciation for my more serious posts. It's nice not to feel like I always have to be funny. But I did promise more here goes. These are conversations amongst my family from the last few days...

The first one is from Thursday at the nursing home. My 83 year old grandma has been in the nursing home since last summer. She's not happy about it. And unfortunately she's suffering some dementia so some days she doesn't remember people, sometimes she doesn't know where she is, and somedays she makes up things. And sometimes, she thinks she's a secret agent. Do not think that I am not deeply saddened by her condition, I am. But I treat everything with humor. Because crying only messes up your mascara. And laughter lets you cope. She was a very funny person before. Very sarcastic and witty. And I know that she would like for us to continue laughing, not at her but with her. Because when she is lucid she does laugh at herself. So it's out of love that I tease her.

Grandma: I'm so tired of this place. And these people think they can keep me here. But you just wait. One of these nights I'm going to sneak out of bed and waltz right out of here.

My aunt: You can't do that. They have alarms on the doors. You have to know the code to get out.

Grandma: Humph.

Me: And even if you managed to crack the code and get outside, there's the snipers on the roof to watch out for.

Grandma: (perfectly serious) There's always something!

At the breakfast table this morning~

Me: I have so much to do today! I don't have a headache though, finally. Well, maybe a little one.

Sean: I think you're just being a girl and making it up.

Me: What do you think only girls make things up? (notice I'm totally unconcerned that he basically called me a hypochondriac)

Sean: Yeah.

Me: Whatever. You're the master prevaricator.

Sean: When was the last time I made something up?

Me: You're always making shit up and sounding all smart and I totally believe you until you say "not really, I just made that up."

Sean: Well, the things I say could be true. I don't know that they're not. They're just my theories.

Mike: He's got a valid point there.

Me: Really? Because it sounds like you just made up a lame excuse for making things up.

Sean: No. I gave you my theory on my theories.

And a couple of days ago~

Me: Blockbuster called. You returned the video game case without the video game in it.

Lu: Yeah, I know.

Me: Well you need to get it back as soon as possible because they charge 99 cents a day for every day you're late. I can't believe you forgot to put the game in the case.

Lu: I didn't forget. I wanted to keep the game and play it tonight.

Me: So why did you return the case then??

Lu: Because I thought if I returned the case, it would seem like I forgot, but I made the effort so maybe they wouldn't charge me.

Me: For real?! Oh lord Lu! The world does not work like that. You don't credit for effort.

And a long time ago~

Lu: The wind is blowing really hard today! Hey! When the wind blows hard does the earth spin faster?

Sean: Did she seriously just ask that question?!

Lu: I was kidding! I know it doesn't. Right?

Sean: Explain to me how she survives...

Well I hope those tickled your funny bones. As always, every conversation is exactly how it happened. Really, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

There are new posts at Gert & Hildi. If you haven't checked them out, you totally should because my sister is almost as strange as I am. And I'm planning to put up a new review on What Spot Saw.

And last, some people have asked me to twitter. How many of you tweet? And what are your twitter names?



  1. Your kids are so funny. I'll bet your Grandma was a hoot in her day! Going over to catch up with you and your sis!

  2. Nice post.... I too made a convo post. What the fuck... mepsipax_s_free on twitter.
    Also, I used to work in a nursing home for mentally handicapped patients... some of them had great senses of humor, sometimes I felt bad when I laughed so I know how you feel.

  3. Very funny. I loved them all.

    My husband is forever making shit up. He's very convincing so I almost always fall for it.

    I've never invented a headache though, when it hurts, it really hurts. Unfortunately most of the time I take a couple of Motrin and suck it up. Compared to certain men in the house who occasionally need to lie down and watch TV in order to recover. ;)

  4. Love these snippets. Jack (the little guy) is always saying funny things and I so wish I would have written them down!
    Oh - and yes I do Twitter, or Tweet, or Twit, or Tweeter. Whatever. See? As you can tell I'm AWESOME at it. Find me if you sign up and you can see firsthand! =)
    Twitter: thesuburbanlife

  5. Aw c'mon and be a total twat. You know you want to. I'm @bugginword.

    My grandfather is rockin' the Alzheimers. He is perfectly ambulatory but likes to steal other patients' wheel chairs. It's like a wheelchair depot in his room.

  6. Be a Tweeple @angeliasims

    Grandma is totally hiding a bullet proof vest in her pillow case. For serious!

    I love Lu conversations because I can relate. Yesterday at lunch, Jason says pick a number between one and five. Syd says 3, and I really didn't hear him and said 7. :-( Now my family thinks I can't count.

  7. I loved it all! Great post and perfect to read on Monday for a laugh. = )

  8. I tweet, well I would, if I knew what it was all about hahaha my twitter thingy is sparkyblogs86

    I think.

    Anyway, I love the conversations with your family, they sound like mine, I really need to make notes, cos they would make good blogs haha


  9. My 84 year old mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. It's sadder to watch my dad think she's going to get better.

    I just go along with the conversations and she's had twins, lived in the White House, we apparently had a plantation, she was friends with Michael Jackson while living in the White House. The best is when the staff comments about how my mom misses the farm.

    I laugh and explain she's never lived on a farm and the only farm hands were her kids who had to weed the veggie garden every summer.

    My mother is happy and doesn't know better. I'm just happy she's being well taken care of and in no pain.

  10. It's fun to tweet. You get to encapsulate your entire thought process into 140 characters or less. This requires so much effort, your tweets come out profound!

    I'm @ rolltome. Margarete's at MCassalina, fyi.

    Your fam is INSANE!

  11. My grammy actually did escape once. They found her at the house her and grampy had when he was still alive. Very sad and brings back so many memories.

    I see the funny is genetic.

  12. Tell your grandmother I know exactly how she feels. My boss hires those same snipers to keep me from leaving work early.

  13. Hahah! I like the conversation about theories.

  14. I want to be Lu when I grow up.

    I will follow you on twitter. I don't tweet so much as i do just laugh and enjoy others twats, i mean tweets. sorry, after seeing elly lou use the word twat, i wanted to try it out.♥

  15. I love your conversations. They always make me giggle.

    Yes, I do have Twitter as WhisperAmber

  16. I heart you. Once, my middle school child asked if she was supposed to put the flag up on the mailbox. Honor student. I am still stumped on that one.

    Twitter? Yes! TheGrasshoppa. Hope to see you there.

  17. Creat conversations!
    And I only pretend to twitter, but I'm ala139.