I'm really overwhelmed with the comments and appreciation for my more serious posts. It's nice not to feel like I always have to be funny. But I did promise more funny...so here goes. These are conversations amongst my family from the last few days...
The first one is from Thursday at the nursing home. My 83 year old grandma has been in the nursing home since last summer. She's not happy about it. And unfortunately she's suffering some dementia so some days she doesn't remember people, sometimes she doesn't know where she is, and somedays she makes up things. And sometimes, she thinks she's a secret agent. Do not think that I am not deeply saddened by her condition, I am. But I treat everything with humor. Because crying only messes up your mascara. And laughter lets you cope. She was a very funny person before. Very sarcastic and witty. And I know that she would like for us to continue laughing, not at her but with her. Because when she is lucid she does laugh at herself. So it's out of love that I tease her.
Grandma: I'm so tired of this place. And these people think they can keep me here. But you just wait. One of these nights I'm going to sneak out of bed and waltz right out of here.
My aunt: You can't do that. They have alarms on the doors. You have to know the code to get out.
Me: And even if you managed to crack the code and get outside, there's the snipers on the roof to watch out for.
Grandma: (perfectly serious) There's always something!
At the breakfast table this morning~
Me: I have so much to do today! I don't have a headache though, finally. Well, maybe a little one.
Sean: I think you're just being a girl and making it up.
Me: What do you think only girls make things up? (notice I'm totally unconcerned that he basically called me a hypochondriac)
Me: Whatever. You're the master prevaricator.
Sean: When was the last time I made something up?
Me: You're always making shit up and sounding all smart and I totally believe you until you say "not really, I just made that up."
Sean: Well, the things I say could be true. I don't know that they're not. They're just my theories.
Mike: He's got a valid point there.
Me: Really? Because it sounds like you just made up a lame excuse for making things up.
Sean: No. I gave you my theory on my theories.
And a couple of days ago~
Me: Blockbuster called. You returned the video game case without the video game in it.
Lu: Yeah, I know.
Me: Well you need to get it back as soon as possible because they charge 99 cents a day for every day you're late. I can't believe you forgot to put the game in the case.
Lu: I didn't forget. I wanted to keep the game and play it tonight.
Me: So why did you return the case then??
Lu: Because I thought if I returned the case, it would seem like I forgot, but I made the effort so maybe they wouldn't charge me.
Me: For real?! Oh lord Lu! The world does not work like that. You don't credit for effort.
And a long time ago~
Lu: The wind is blowing really hard today! Hey! When the wind blows hard does the earth spin faster?
Sean: Did she seriously just ask that question?!
Lu: I was kidding! I know it doesn't. Right?
Sean: Explain to me how she survives...
Well I hope those tickled your funny bones. As always, every conversation is exactly how it happened. Really, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
There are new posts at Gert & Hildi. If you haven't checked them out, you totally should because my sister is almost as strange as I am. And I'm planning to put up a new review on What Spot Saw.
And last, some people have asked me to twitter. How many of you tweet? And what are your twitter names?