Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Scary things...like ghosts and my mothers driving...

So talking to my sister the other day and her telling me to come visit her made me think back to October of last year. Most of last year I was sick. I spent a year going through tests and getting diagnoses only to have them ruled out later. I'd taken the entire summer off from my job, hoping that the rest would help, I returned in September but things weren't good and in October, my boss finally asked me to take a medical leave of absence. I did and ended up not going back. And all of that is another blog, but the result of this was that I decided to tag along with my mom and go to my sister's house for Halloween since my kids are older and past the whole trick-or-treating thing. Plus my sister is the only person I know who loves Halloween as much as I do! My aunt also decided to go with us. So the three of us set out.

First pitfall? My mother feels the need to take half of her house with her when she goes anywhere. We were going for 5 days so she takes 3 suitcases, two "bathroom" bags, and hanging clothes. My aunt has three suitcases. I have one suitcase and one small bathroom bag. We're going to Ohio, not China. If you forget something there's a Walmart down the road. So, finally, I get all of this luggage crammed into my mom's Ford Escape and we argue over the driving. My mom insists on driving. Now, my mom is almost the worst driver I know. My aunt is the worst. Neither of them really pays much attention to where they're going and both of them take this crazy mix of prescription pills that renders them semi-conscious on occasion. Can I just say that I huddled in the backseat, surrounded by excess luggage and feared for my life for 5 hours?? Example:

Mom: Boy this road is really rough!!

Me: Um. Mom? You're driving on the rumble strips.

True story. No lie. So we get to my sisters finally! I enjoyed my stay with her and the kids. I had a blast taking them trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. My sis and I are both avid ghost fans so she and her gf's (her bestie Jen, our cousins Nikki & Andi), and myself go to a haunted house at Mansfield Reformatory (one of the most haunted places in the US)! It was some good scary fun let me tell you! But after our 5 days are up, I have to get back in the car for the return trip. Again, my mother insists on driving. And I have to let her due to the fact that I'm under doctor's orders not to drive. Unfortunately, we've shopped while we were there and found a stray kitty (which of course I'm taking home with me). So there's even more stuff to cram in the car. Once again, I find myself huddled in the back seat, furiously texting my sister.

My sis: Where you guys at?

Me: Mom took a wrong turn. We're lost in downtown Indianapolis. And it's going to be dark soon.

My sis: Holy shit! I hope you brought supplies?

Me: You mean like crosses and wooden stakes?

My sis: Well, as you may or may not know, Indy is a hotbed of wampires (not a typo. She actually calls them wampires).

Me: Yes, I've got holy water in squirt guns of course. And it's okay because I'm wearing a hoodie.

My sis: A hoodie? How's that gonna help? They can bite right through that.

Me: No way. It's cotton. Everyone knows cotton is God's fabric.

My sis: Seriously?

Me: Of course. It's grown in dirt. Everyone knows vampires don't like dirt.

My sis: Dude. You're making that up. They sleep in their native soil.

Me: Yeah, so they don't like other dirt. I'm totally going with it.

My sis: hmm. Whatever. If you turn into a wampire don't come visit me.

Me: Rude.

Thankfully, my mother managed to get us home without killing anyone. I'm thinking of going to my sisters for Halloween again. This time...I drive. And don't think I won't be wearing my hoodie.

That's my blog and I'm sticking to it!

Ghosts, wampires & cotton hoodies,


  1. Oh my GOD!!! That's wayyy too funny, Spot.

    I'm blogging at work ... gasp ... and the girls can hear me laughing my ass off up here. I can hear them going: WTF is that crazy bitch laughing about up there??? She's alone, isn't she???

    ...cotton ... lol

  2. OMG! Can you tell me when your mom and aunt are on the road...so I can stay OFF?? Too funny
    about her driving on the rumble strips....
    Your sis has to be more supportive. She should be supplying you with crash gear and vampire-go-away for each and every trip.
    I'd insist on it.

  3. Seriously you want to go there again. Nah you should totally come here and help me hand out candy to the little kiddies and give the teenagers crap.

  4. Danica~ that's my girl! Keep those bitches guessing! Haha.

    K~ well as long as your not in Missouri, Illinois, Indiana or Ohio you should be okay. And usually she lets me drive so she can sleep! I'm cleared for driving again so it's all good. Besides, as demonstrated, it's not the road you need to worry about...stay off the freakin sidewalks! I'll talk to my sis about that...lol.

    Rox~ Well...at least your house is haunted, but she'll probably take me to the prison again. And it was sooo much fun! We're planning an overnight there in the spring. But if I don't go...you're on!


  5. Spot, you make me laugh. I'm gettin a new cotton hoodie. Don't want no halloween "wampires" bitin at me.

  6. Don'tcha just love Halloween? I'm pretty sure I saw that haunted reformatory featured on some ghosthunters television show. Scary! And I totally knew all about the anti-Vampire hoodies. Been workin' that strategy for years. Okay, I'm lying. But it sounds like it might work. Worth a try, right? Maybe cotton hoodie washed in garlic water? Try it out and let me know... =)

  7. Mark~ Thanks. I'm glad I make somebody laugh, come to think of it...people laugh at me all the time...wait, that might not be in a good way. J/K. Better get you a hoodie- I swear by them!

    Mindy~ I do love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday! And yes the reformatory has been on several shows including "Scariest Places on Earth" and my personal fav "Ghost Hunters".
    And um, I don't think I could stand to be around me if I washed my hoodie in garlic water. I wonder if they'll give you enough holy water for a load of laundry???


  8. I thought vampires didn't like garlic? Maybe you should wear a picture of garlic...on a cotton shirt.

    That should do it.