Friday, March 12, 2010
Even Spot gets "the blues" as my Grandpa used to say...
Yeah. That's pretty much me today. I can't figure it out. I have every reason to have motivation. I just can't dredge any up. I've been sitting here for 3 hours now and I can't believe that I haven't accomplished more. But no, I've answered some emails, commented on a few FB statuses, read and commented some blogs, checked out some recent blogs of note (for real, blogger?? for real??) and contemplated my universe. And yet, I remain absolutely uninspired. The hell, me??! The hell?!
Maybe it's the muddy, grey, wet mess that is my little corner of the world currently. The sky is grey, the trees have yet to bud, and everything is a non-solid, squishy, muddy mess. Yuck.
My house is a disaster. Well, okay, at first glance it's only slightly messy. But I know it needs a good deep down cleaning. And that my fur babies are not helping. In fact, I'm pretty sure that there's at least one large ball of cat fur on the basement stairs that is in fact very close to taking on a life of it's own. And yet, my repeated pleas to Sean to sweep the basement (his room) and the stairs go unanswered. And frankly, I lack the energy to yell.
I've come to realize in the past few days that my family seems to think "my" time is "their" time. And I'm supposed to be available 24/7. But the time they spend with me should be scheduled at their convenience. Case in point, I was watching a movie last night (yes, it was a totally ridiculous SyFy movie that not only made no sense and lacked a cohesive plot, but the acting was well practically non-existent. But that my friends, is not the point!) and Lu came home from work. She'd had dinner with her cousin and her friend after work and felt the need to tell me all about it. She complained that of course both the other girls said they weren't hungry and then proceeded to eat half of Lu's plate of nachos. (She'd gotten that order because she knew they would). She said they were loads of fun and tons of laughs, but... And here I supplied what she was thinking... irresponsible? party girls? silly? and then I resisted the "told you so". Then I was regaled with the entirety of her day at work. By this time, my movie had ended. I have no idea what took place the last half hour. She asked what I was going to do and I said I needed to go back online and do some more work. She said "but I'm home. Can't you spend time with me?" I told her didn't I just spend time listening to her tell her stories even though I'd actually been watching that movie? And why was our spending time always at her convenience? She completely didn't get it.
But on the flip side, I do understand and fully appreciate my blessings. I have teenagers who want to talk to me. Okay, so it cuts into my work time, my reading time, my tv viewing time, my sleeping time. But I can do all those things when they move away. I should just be grateful, that unlike a lot of teenagers, they like to spend time with me, and I know what's going on in their lives.
I'm also blessed in that we are not currently in a bad financial situation. Don't get me wrong, we aren't rich or even middle class. We're still the working poor, but it has finally come to the point where I have enough for all the bills and a pittance left over. Which is better than the paycheck to paycheck, who gets paid this month lottery we used to play. We have working vehicles, access to medical care, plenty of food and a house. I know that puts us in a better position than many people these days.
I'm blessed that I get to do what I like to do, IE: write. No, I'm not currently making more than $5 a month at it, but I still get to do it. I may never make a living at it, but for now, just the fact that I'm doing it makes me happy.
I'm blessed that even though my husband is a workaholic who frequently drives me crazy, he loves me. And I love him. And we can manage to spend time together without bloodshed. And he gets up early and makes me coffee. Everyday.
I'm blessed that I have such wonderful friends, both in real life and blogland. That support me and encourage me.
I'm blessed that I have fabulous people in my family (even if they sometimes drive me crazy also) who return my love and support. I'm blessed that my kids are turning out well.
Let's face it. My life is pretty damn good currently. I don't know what this funk is about. Listing my blessings has helped. I do feel better. But I think I'm turning the computer off now and taking a mental health day. I'll hole up on the couch with a silly movie or good book and lose myself in them. (Oh, and there will probably be chocolate involved as well) And that way, I can come back tomorrow and make you laugh.
Have a good weekend,