The one where I look for the silver lining but can't find it...

So on the whole, I'm really not a big fan of this year so far. And this weekend? Well, it's been a triple slam dunk of bad news. Friday a woman I call friend lost her husband. I'm still unsure of the details, a mutual friend of ours was trying to get things pieced together. But the details don't really matter. Her husband is gone. He was a vibrant fun-loving guy and the few times I actually spent with him were great. He had "lived" if you know what I mean and had great stories to tell. And together they were a fabulous couple. They were very close. He had retired a few years back, and she'd cut her hours back, both kids were out of college and settled. And they had a few grand kids. It was definitely their "golden years", but now he's gone. Suddenly. And my heart aches for her.

Next, a man we call friend and who's very close to my husband was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. Now prostrate cancer does have a 93% survival rate so his odds are good. Of course, they won't know for sure until they do the surgery. He too is a healthy active retiree enjoying his golden years with his wife. Again, they're one of those awesome couples who enhance each others personalities. Fingers crossed for him.

And the last blow...my husband's aunt may have ovarian cancer. She went to the ER Friday with intense pain and they admitted her. Her obgyn called in an oncologist (who just happens to be Lu's doctor so at least she's in good hands). There is a cyst the size of a tennis ball on her ovary. They're sending her to a larger hospital in a bigger city to do the surgery and biopsy. Of course, we won't really know anything til then. She's an amazing woman. For any of you who think I'm an inspiration, let me tell you, she wrote the book. She has a son with Downs that she's never stopped working with. Another son was paralyzed in a car accident and she quit her job to become his full time aide and activist. She is the one that everyone leans on when they need a shoulder.

So in conclusion, bad shit happens to good people. All. The. Damn. Time. And life is seldom fair. So you better count your blessings while you have them and don't let a day go by that you don't find something to appreciate about your life or the day that you were given. Because every day is a gift. And don't put off the little rewards you owe yourself. Don't spend your time thinking about doing something in the future. Do it now. Live in the day. You don't know how many days you have left.

Sorry for the seriousness, but it's been that kind of weekend (year).

♥Spot

Even Spot gets "the blues" as my Grandpa used to say...

Yeah. That's pretty much me today. I can't figure it out. I have every reason to have motivation. I just can't dredge any up. I've been sitting here for 3 hours now and I can't believe that I haven't accomplished more. But no, I've answered some emails, commented on a few FB statuses, read and commented some blogs, checked out some recent blogs of note (for real, blogger?? for real??) and contemplated my universe. And yet, I remain absolutely uninspired. The hell, me??! The hell?!

Maybe it's the muddy, grey, wet mess that is my little corner of the world currently. The sky is grey, the trees have yet to bud, and everything is a non-solid, squishy, muddy mess. Yuck.

My house is a disaster. Well, okay, at first glance it's only slightly messy. But I know it needs a good deep down cleaning. And that my fur babies are not helping. In fact, I'm pretty sure that there's at least one large ball of cat fur on the basement stairs that is in fact very close to taking on a life of it's own. And yet, my repeated pleas to Sean to sweep the basement (his room) and the stairs go unanswered. And frankly, I lack the energy to yell.

I've come to realize in the past few days that my family seems to think "my" time is "their" time. And I'm supposed to be available 24/7. But the time they spend with me should be scheduled at their convenience. Case in point, I was watching a movie last night (yes, it was a totally ridiculous SyFy movie that not only made no sense and lacked a cohesive plot, but the acting was well practically non-existent. But that my friends, is not the point!) and Lu came home from work. She'd had dinner with her cousin and her friend after work and felt the need to tell me all about it. She complained that of course both the other girls said they weren't hungry and then proceeded to eat half of Lu's plate of nachos. (She'd gotten that order because she knew they would). She said they were loads of fun and tons of laughs, but... And here I supplied what she was thinking... irresponsible? party girls? silly? and then I resisted the "told you so". Then I was regaled with the entirety of her day at work. By this time, my movie had ended. I have no idea what took place the last half hour. She asked what I was going to do and I said I needed to go back online and do some more work. She said "but I'm home. Can't you spend time with me?" I told her didn't I just spend time listening to her tell her stories even though I'd actually been watching that movie? And why was our spending time always at her convenience? She completely didn't get it.

But on the flip side, I do understand and fully appreciate my blessings. I have teenagers who want to talk to me. Okay, so it cuts into my work time, my reading time, my tv viewing time, my sleeping time. But I can do all those things when they move away. I should just be grateful, that unlike a lot of teenagers, they like to spend time with me, and I know what's going on in their lives.

I'm also blessed in that we are not currently in a bad financial situation. Don't get me wrong, we aren't rich or even middle class. We're still the working poor, but it has finally come to the point where I have enough for all the bills and a pittance left over. Which is better than the paycheck to paycheck, who gets paid this month lottery we used to play. We have working vehicles, access to medical care, plenty of food and a house. I know that puts us in a better position than many people these days.

I'm blessed that I get to do what I like to do, IE: write. No, I'm not currently making more than $5 a month at it, but I still get to do it. I may never make a living at it, but for now, just the fact that I'm doing it makes me happy.

I'm blessed that even though my husband is a workaholic who frequently drives me crazy, he loves me. And I love him. And we can manage to spend time together without bloodshed. And he gets up early and makes me coffee. Everyday.

I'm blessed that I have such wonderful friends, both in real life and blogland. That support me and encourage me.

I'm blessed that I have fabulous people in my family (even if they sometimes drive me crazy also) who return my love and support. I'm blessed that my kids are turning out well.

Let's face it. My life is pretty damn good currently. I don't know what this funk is about. Listing my blessings has helped. I do feel better. But I think I'm turning the computer off now and taking a mental health day. I'll hole up on the couch with a silly movie or good book and lose myself in them. (Oh, and there will probably be chocolate involved as well) And that way, I can come back tomorrow and make you laugh.

Have a good weekend,
♥Spot

It's Thursday again...time to share...

the limelight, the laughter, the mundane. Wait? I don't know what that last one is doing there! So in the interest of "Spread the Word" Thursdays (yes, I am still working on a button thingy. Damn real life for getting in the way!) here's today's post...

First shout out goes to Mo's (Lulu's) doctor~

Thank you Becky Campbell, CNP for going above and beyond the call of duty for my children on a consistent basis. This poor woman has been dealing with my children and me for a very long time. And yet, still seems sane. She returns my phone calls to her office personally, no leaving it to the nurse. She regularly asks my opinion on what's possibly wrong with my kids and trusts my gut instincts. She will call to check on my children daily if they are really really sick. For instance, Mo's freshman year she ended up with Whooping Cough (I know right?! At the time I didn't even know you could still catch that but apparently there has actually been a resurgence of it in teenagers) and was in bed for 3 months. Becky called daily. Sometimes even late at night from home. To me, this is over and above what a regular physician would do. And this latest illness has been no different. I feel blessed that we've had her. The doctor that she works under is also a blessing. He too is amazing and very involved with his patients. And they are good at what they do! So thank you Mo's doctors!!!

Second...I have a tie for funniest blog I've read this week. Please check both out. Surprisingly (or maybe not) both deal with bodily functions. And both are laugh out loud funny. So I give to you~

Mark's post on a text convo he had ~ To pee or not to pee

Monster Apathy's post ~ I've had too much sugar maybe. I will warn you that his blogs may not be for everyone so don't go read it if easily offended!!

Third shout out is to Kathryn for being a good friend and helping out my wannabe writer butt.

Fourth shout out is to my son, Sean. For never failing to make me laugh on a daily basis. For being a fruit loop in a world full of cheerios. And for engaging in ridiculous conversations like this one~

Sean- Mark brought up that deer for us. (Friends own a meat locker in a small town an hour away. Last night they called and said someone brought in a tagged deer but didn't want the meat, did we want it. They'd butcher it for free for us. We have awesome friends!) Dad told me to put it in the little deep freeze but there was no room so I put it in the big one.

Me- yeah that's because he keeps saying he wants to clean out the big one. It's getting really full, isn't it?

Sean- yeah, I had to rearrange stuff since it was a huge box. You do know that the entire bottom half is full of deer meat?

Me- yes, I'm sending some home with Molly for her and Luke. And I'll probably take some to my uncle. But it should last us most of the winter and I won't have to buy too much other meat. And then again...I'm kind of stocking up in case of a zombie apocalypse.

Sean- you know, I've given this some thought and I think that if you cooked zombie just right it might be kind of tasty.

Me- really?! I don't know...and wouldn't you get infected if you ate zombie flesh?

Sean- No. You'd cook the infection out. I mean, there's no zombie sushi that's for sure. No medium rare in the zombie apocalypse diet. Everything has to be well done.

Me- What about zombie jerky?

Sean- now you're catching on!

Me- Zombie salami? (at which point we both started laughing so hard I couldn't keep going)

These crazy conversations keep me sane.

♥Spot

PS- Mo(Lulu) is feeling better today. Yay for antibiotics!!!

It's all about me...

So, a couple of days ago, OK, it was Wednesday, I posted that Sparky had given me another kreativ blogger award. Well, I want to be sure and do the things I need to so that I can post it. Which means I get to tell you guys another 7-10 things about me. How excited are you?! I know right! Anywho...just a few other things first...

1.) Do not go see Paranormal Activity in theaters. It is not the scariest movie ever made so that is some seriously false advertising. It's not even the second scariest movie ever made. Sean and Michael (Mo's ex-bf) went with me to see it and they both thought the entire first hour and a half were boring. I didn't mind it so much because I'm one of those people who likes to just watch other people. But seriously the ending was the only scary part. Plus it was predictable and the guy was irritating. Please, guys, if your gf is being stalked by a demon, lets not assume your BA enough to taunt it and take it on. Because seriously, it's a demon. Like from hell. You will not win this battle. Just saying...

2.) Please go and visit my daughter's new blog. She is Lulu of Life, Love and Luluness. I helped her out with the first one, interview style. I do promise she will be entertaining.

3.) Tune in tomorrow for my Halloween post. I have promised Mark a scary story.

Okay...back to moi...

1. I was voted "most likely to get divorced" in high school. Seriously. I had a habit of dating someone for two weeks and then getting bored. Really, it was just all about the chase for me. I plotted conquests like a campaign general. And I usually got whatever boy I set my sights on. (did I mention I was younger, thinner and prettier then??). One of my ex's coined the name "The Ice Princess" and it stuck. Of course, it only boosted my popularity because every boy wanted to be the one who managed to hold my heart. I'm no longer proud of this and I only mention it here so that I can say...prediction unfulfilled...I've been married 20 years in February. Stick that in your yearbook!!

2. I am an awesome cook. I refuse to be modest about it because well why should I be? Everyone should be really good at something, right? I really enjoy cooking, and I like it best when there is a large group at the table. So that there are more people to enjoy it! I really like new recipes that I either found or made up. I cook alot, not just because I enjoy it, but because it's cheaper then frozen food or fast food. I'm also a budget cook. I can do a really good meal for a price well below what you'd pay at a restaurant. It's almost like a game with me. Like name that tune? Only it's cook that meal. Haha.

3. I almost became a psychiatrist. I majored in Psychology my first time in college and wanted to be a psychiatrist. People always told me their life stories anyway. Figured I should get paid for it! Switched majors to English when I went back to school after having the kids.

4. My 19 year old son, CJ, has autism. He is amazing. Having him in my life completely changed who I am. I am a way better person now. He taught me compassion and empathy on a whole new level. The divorce rate for parents of autistic children is 80%. It is hard on the entire family. But I firmly believe CJ's disability is what cemented our relationship. When we got his diagnosis we were sitting in a behavioral pediatrician's office two hours from our home. I was 6 months pregnant with our third child. I was 23, Hubby was 21. The doctor said "your child has all the classic signs of autism" and I promptly burst into tears (psychiatric background remember?). Hubby looked at me and said "is it that bad?" and I nodded "yeah, it's that bad" at which point he teared up. It's one of the few times I have ever seen my extremely manly husband cry. I had never loved him more then I did at that moment.

5. I still love my husband. After nearly 20 years and all we've been through, he's still my rock. He drives me crazy probably 90% of the time. He's nowhere near the boy I married. Some changes were for the good. Some were for the bad. But when it comes down to it...if I'm hurt or scared or sick...there's nobody else I run to. And isn't that what love is about?

6. I really really like my children. They are some of my best friends. I choose to spend time with them not because I have to, but because I want to. No one gets me like they do.

7. I sew. Yeah, like from scratch. I can make things. I know it's kind of a lost art and not alot of people do it anymore, but I enjoy it. I have a machine and I can sew by hand (although threading a needle seems to get harder every year). Until my kids were teenagers I handmade every costume they had for Halloween. Except 1996. I had a staff infection in my lung that year and spent most of the month in bed. They were so freakin excited about their store bought costumes. Ingrates.

I'd like to thank the academy...

Sorry dear readers (commenters and lurkers alike)! I spent most of yesterday with Mo before she headed back to Iowa. She made us play Clue and watch movies. Dang, I miss that girl. But my attempts to lure her back home with food and mommy cuddles have so far not exceeded the lure of her boyfriend and the freedom of living on one's own for the first time. *sigh*

And I don't have much time this morning as Sean and I both have Dr. appts today. Blah. But we will raid the video store and pick us some fast food so it won't be a total loss.

So today's post is um...well hopefully not a "toot your own horn" kind of thing. But then again it might be. But it's really meant to be a humongous ginormous THANK YOU!!!

First...I recieved another tag for an award. This one came fromSparky. And it is also a Kreativ Blogger one, but since the image is different, I'm still going to accept it. And gratefully, I might add. Because it's my blog and I do what I want!!! So thank you Sparky!!!




Second...Mindy gave me this amazing review over at her blog~

"My cyber-friend, the blogger-extraordinaire a.k.a “Spot” with What Passes for Sane on a Crazy Day has tagged me to answer 35 questions with one word because she thinks I’m “Over the Top!” Which, all I can say is, that speaks volumes coming from her. She’s flippin’ hilarious and authors one of the blogs that I find myself looking forward to reading on a daily basis. Read it. You’ll be glad you did."

And third, Danica gave me a huge shout out and routed people to my poem!~

"You need to go here CLICK RIGHT HERE and read this poem.

I think this is really REALLY good, and I wanted to share (with anyone who didn't already follow "Spot") her delightfully creepy poem.

Just do it - OKAY?? "

I was stunned. Speechless even. Ok, only for about three seconds, at which time I began screaming "hey everybody!!! Come here!!!" Which really only consisted of Sean and the cats because they were the only people here. But Sean did come into the room. And then I pointed out how awesome I was. And he said~

Sean: oh man. Now your head's going to be all big today. You're going to be walking around going "I'm Spot!" in this "aren't I fantastic?" voice. And no one is even going to know what you're talking about.

Me: Oh they know.

Sean: You're right. Maybe you should get a costume. And a cape. And the next thing you know there will be a huge heart symbol in the sky instead of the bat symbol. And there will be "I ♥ Spot" t-shirts and everything.

Me: Oh my! You think so?

Sean: No. So are you going to take a shower or what?

Okay, so he's a smartass. But I totally like the t-shirt idea...

thanks again everyone!
♥Spot

PS- I will post the required things for the blog award next post!