The one with the zombie giraffes...

As you all know, we have some wicked outlandish conversations at my house. Its pretty much the norm, as a matter of fact. Well, while Mike was in the hospital, Sean came to visit every day. As Mike slept a lot, I was glad of the company. While we were watching what passes for TV there, an advertisement for a documentary on the zombie phenomenon in pop culture came on. And this conversation ensued~

Me: I hope we're home by then, because I totally want to watch that.

Sean: Me too. Just to laugh at your generation's ideas about zombies.

Me: 'Scuse me?

Sean: You know, now that my generation has actual fact to support zombies. We were raised with enough knowledge of DNA, genomes and molecular mutation (I must admit that at this point all I heard was blah, blah, blah) that we understand how zombies could happen and why they aren't really dead.

Me: I'm not really sure what you just said, but I think you're full of sh*t.

Sean: I'm not full of sh*t. I'm just smarter than you.

Me: I'll give you that you have a higher IQ, but that means nothing when it comes to zombies, because I'm like a freakin expert here. And zombies are too dead. They're the walking dead. Duh. Everyone knows that. They travel in hordes.

Sean: No they aren't. Zombies are live people who blah blah blah.

Me: (Somehow, my brain has jumped the track and I'm off course) OMG. Do you think sharks could become zombies? I mean if dogs and cats can become zombies, then sharks could right? That's freakin scary. Or alligators! What's scarier than a freakin zombie alligator?!

Sean: Um. Sharks and alligators already attack people so I'm not sure they'd be any scarier as zombies than they already are.

Me: Oh. Well then let's pick something that doesn't already eat people. What about Giraffes? Pretty non-scary to begin with but all of a sudden, wham!! Scary!!

Sean: Giraffes are herbivores, they eat leaves and grass. So they'd just go around attacking trees. Not scary. Extremely goofy.

Me: It doesn't matter what you eat before you become a zombie. The mutation that causes zombiefication would cause a craving for flesh. Therefore, anything that became a zombie would eat flesh.

Sean: Their digestive systems couldn't handle flesh. They'd still eat leaves.

Me: They're dead! Do you think vegan zombies are going to go around eating beans? No! They're going to eat people.

Sean: But human digestive systems are equipped to eat meat. It's not a matter of evolution, its a matter of preference. Giraffes don't prefer leaves, they're genetically programmed to eat them.

Me: (jumping the track once more because its how I roll, peeps) Wait! Do you think if Giraffes "accidentally" ate flesh, they'd develop a craving for it? (I did do air quotes on the "accidentally")

Sean: Zombie giraffes or regular giraffes?

Me: Oh regular. Not zombie, live giraffes.

Sean: How is a giraffe going to "accidentally" ingest flesh?! I think you'd have to practically force feed it to them.

Me: Okay, so say a serial killer works at a zoo and he wants to dispose of a body so he cuts it up and mixes it with the giraffe's food.

Sean: I think if a serial killer worked at the zoo, there are far more likely animals to feed a body to. You know, like Lions or Tigers.

Me: Okay okay, so say he just accidentally gets some in the giraffe's food. Taste for flesh, or no?

Sean: I think it would get very sick, so no.

Me: Whatever. Man eating Giraffes. I think they're scary.

Sean: Nope. Just goofy.

Me: I hope it eats you while you're busy laughing at it.

I'm pretty sure there's a story in there somewhere. And you all might want to look a little closer next time you go to the zoo. Giraffes have really big teeth.

Happy Sunday,
♥Spot

Gather round the table...

So I got two comments on yesterday's blog. And while I am fully appreciative of those two comments (you guys rock!), it seems to me that this suggests that nobody wants to listen to me whine. Which is totally unfair because other people whine on their blogs and they still get like 35 comments but whatever. I don't hold grudges. Because they're messy and you get that stuff all over your hands and then it takes like days to get it off and it stains your whole aura and really, who wants to walk around with a stained aura? That's right. Not me. So I'm now officially over it.

As an update on Lulu~ we actually did not go back to the ER yesterday morning. We decided to give it a little time and see how it went (yes, OK, we were both completely tired and grumpy and had abso-freakin-lutely no desire to go back there like ever again.) Actually, I relied on the "spidey sense". And it was telling me that she wasn't in dire need of medical attention. And as the day went on she improved. She even sat in the kitchen while I made dinner last night and after some motrin, all of her pain was gone. Which is the first time in days. She's feeling so much better in fact, that she wants to go back to Iowa today. I told her "we'd see" which is Mom code for I'll totally decide that when I see how you are tomorrow morning and don't even think you can fake me out because I have eyes in the back of my head and spidey senses.

So I ended up with a full table for dinner last night. Hubby, Sean, Lu & Luke, Brian & Molly and our friend Brandi. Now, Brandi is a program director for the camp for persons with disabilities that both Lu & Sean work at every summer so she knows my kids really well and hubby. We've only recently become friends and you will remember her as the haunted house screamer. She had never been to our house for dinner. So I'd hand seasoned a large amount of venison steaks and had hubby grill them. I made a big (and by big, I mean huge) pot of homemade mac-n-cheese, carrots in butter and brown sugar and sliced a loaf of french bread. There was a lot of laughter while making dinner. (We have a large eat in kitchen and people have a tendency to congregate there while I cook). Some of it because after hubby went out to start the grill, I asked who was going to go sit outside with him and keep him on task. (he has a tendency to let his mind wander and ends up burning whatever meat he's grilling. As I spend alot of time hand rubbing seasoning on to the meat, this really pisses me off). Of course everyone's hand flew to their nose and screams of "not it" filled the air. In the end, Sean volunteered. And by volunteered I mean lost.

When it was done, and the table set, and the drinks poured and we began sitting down I looked at Brandi and said "wow, you've never been to dinner at the Turner house before. I hope you're ready, you will never be the same." and she replied "that's what I'm hoping for". I warned her that conversation is very rarely appropriate. And I did not lie. Conversation flew and it consisted of such varied topics as:

~The upcoming vote in California legislation to legalize marijuana.
~The 80's one hit wonder group "flock of seagulls" and whether or not they had a fan club consisting of three men in their 40's who gather in one of them's mother's basement at least once a month.
~Tye dyed underwear and tye dye tuesdays
~the zombie apocalypse and why our house is the best place to hole up.
~whether mac-n-cheese on it's own could really be considered a meal
~twilight mania and why I think Edward's hair is totally gross
~Luke's opinion that Edward's hair is the best thing about twilight movies
~Books, especially Pride Prejudice & Zombies (so we like zombies, so what?)

And then I told a story about our little black kitty "Cujo" and our huge catdog "Spot". Spot was laying on the coffee table yesterday and Cujo (who's roughly half Spot's size but is convinced he's a badass) snuck up behind him and smacked him with his paw while making this high pitched meow. Sean said Cujo was screaming like a little girl because he realized Spot might turn around and eat him. I said it was Cujo's war cry and it was sure to confuse his enemies. And then~

Me: I haven't heard a sound that girlie since Sean screamed the other day.
Sean: Jesus mom! It was one time. You said you wouldn't tell.
(At this point everyone's rolling, knowing that Sean's just playing along)
Sean: and I'm telling you that freakin mouse came out of nowhere!!!

And towards the end of the meal I announced that there was butterscotch pudding for dessert. Which garnished me a few incredulous looks from my menfolk. Apparently, I was supposed to announce this at the beginning of dinner so that they "saved room". Um. Just a thought...don't stuff yourself to the point of bursting in case of dessert. Just saying...

Here's to a better week,
♥Spot

Disclaimer~ Brandi does not eat venison. She didn't want anyone to think she ate Bambi or anything.

It's Thursday again...time to share...

the limelight, the laughter, the mundane. Wait? I don't know what that last one is doing there! So in the interest of "Spread the Word" Thursdays (yes, I am still working on a button thingy. Damn real life for getting in the way!) here's today's post...

First shout out goes to Mo's (Lulu's) doctor~

Thank you Becky Campbell, CNP for going above and beyond the call of duty for my children on a consistent basis. This poor woman has been dealing with my children and me for a very long time. And yet, still seems sane. She returns my phone calls to her office personally, no leaving it to the nurse. She regularly asks my opinion on what's possibly wrong with my kids and trusts my gut instincts. She will call to check on my children daily if they are really really sick. For instance, Mo's freshman year she ended up with Whooping Cough (I know right?! At the time I didn't even know you could still catch that but apparently there has actually been a resurgence of it in teenagers) and was in bed for 3 months. Becky called daily. Sometimes even late at night from home. To me, this is over and above what a regular physician would do. And this latest illness has been no different. I feel blessed that we've had her. The doctor that she works under is also a blessing. He too is amazing and very involved with his patients. And they are good at what they do! So thank you Mo's doctors!!!

Second...I have a tie for funniest blog I've read this week. Please check both out. Surprisingly (or maybe not) both deal with bodily functions. And both are laugh out loud funny. So I give to you~

Mark's post on a text convo he had ~ To pee or not to pee

Monster Apathy's post ~ I've had too much sugar maybe. I will warn you that his blogs may not be for everyone so don't go read it if easily offended!!

Third shout out is to Kathryn for being a good friend and helping out my wannabe writer butt.

Fourth shout out is to my son, Sean. For never failing to make me laugh on a daily basis. For being a fruit loop in a world full of cheerios. And for engaging in ridiculous conversations like this one~

Sean- Mark brought up that deer for us. (Friends own a meat locker in a small town an hour away. Last night they called and said someone brought in a tagged deer but didn't want the meat, did we want it. They'd butcher it for free for us. We have awesome friends!) Dad told me to put it in the little deep freeze but there was no room so I put it in the big one.

Me- yeah that's because he keeps saying he wants to clean out the big one. It's getting really full, isn't it?

Sean- yeah, I had to rearrange stuff since it was a huge box. You do know that the entire bottom half is full of deer meat?

Me- yes, I'm sending some home with Molly for her and Luke. And I'll probably take some to my uncle. But it should last us most of the winter and I won't have to buy too much other meat. And then again...I'm kind of stocking up in case of a zombie apocalypse.

Sean- you know, I've given this some thought and I think that if you cooked zombie just right it might be kind of tasty.

Me- really?! I don't know...and wouldn't you get infected if you ate zombie flesh?

Sean- No. You'd cook the infection out. I mean, there's no zombie sushi that's for sure. No medium rare in the zombie apocalypse diet. Everything has to be well done.

Me- What about zombie jerky?

Sean- now you're catching on!

Me- Zombie salami? (at which point we both started laughing so hard I couldn't keep going)

These crazy conversations keep me sane.

♥Spot

PS- Mo(Lulu) is feeling better today. Yay for antibiotics!!!

Hack, Hack, Hack...

No. That is not a commentary on my writing abilities (or anyone elses). That is the sound I'm making as I sit here coughing up a lung. For those of you who didn't know, I have the lungs of an 80 year old smoker even though I've never been a smoker or even dated one. (Well okay maybe I dated one once, but we won't go there). Due to horrific childhood asthma that almost killed me and my yearly (sometimes twice yearly) bouts of pneumonia my lungs suck badly. So whenever I get sick even with a minor head cold, it tends to migrate south and lodge in my chest. So here I sit, in my jammies (they are really cute though), messy curls, and pink cheeks (thanks to the fever). No one is home, Mike & Sean had a camp out and Bobby has homecoming. I had to make my own tea!!! And even my cats are avoiding me.

I was supposed to go to Springfield today to my folks house. My sister & her fam are in town from Ohio. And my uncle is in town from Phoenix. But I woke up this morning feeling lousy (and as my hubby proceeded to tell me when he popped into the house for all of 5 minutes, looking like death- not the warmed over kind, but the kind that's been in the fridge for a few days. Thank you dear, for your support!) So since her girls had just gotten over being sick I decided to not go and re-infect them. So I called her:

My sis: You sound like crap.

Me: Oh good because that's what I feel like. Don't you hate it when you feel like crap and you sound amazing? *Insert hacking cough here*

My sis: So you aren't coming, right? Because the girls just got better.

Me: No, I'll spare you my Ebola. But I really wanted to see you.

My sis: You can always come visit. I mean, you can write at my house.

Me: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Except that Sean had to go and get himself a life now so I'll probably have to come alone.

My sis: Damn teenagers. So selfish.

Me: I know right?! Their growing up is seriously cutting into their "keeping mom entertained" time. I have to amuse myself now. It's ridiculous. I mean isn't this why we had kids? So we'd have something to do?

My sis: So you're going to the doctor right?

Me: (a bit muddled) Because the kids are growing up? I don't think there's much they can do. *insert another hacking cough*

My sis: Noooo. Because of that cough.

Me: no. It'll go away if I rest today. I had it on Tuesday, so I rested and I felt better the rest of the week.

My sis: But you didn't have a fever on Tuesday. I remember you telling me that.
(It's hard to believe she's my baby sister isn't it? I mean, she's such a mom.)

Me: It's Saturday. There's no doctors. (Which isn't strictly true, but close enough).

My sis: Well on Monday, then.

Me: Sure. If I still have a fever and am hacking up a lung.

My sis: *sighs* Okay. Want to talk to mom?

Me: Nope. I talked to her yesterday. You can pass along the message. Love you.

My sis: Gee thanks. Love you too.

I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow so that I can go see Zombieland with Sean. And eat chinese. Because I love chinese food. And Molly saw the midnight showing of Zombieland (wench) and said it rocked.

And if you're wondering...the whole homecoming football thing? Yeah...it sucked. It was sleeting!!! We froze (even though I wore gloves and brought blankets) through the first half (in which our team got slaughtered. I mean slaughtered. Like 27 to 0. And the other team...all their senior players got suspended last week so they weren't even there. I told you our team sucked.) Then we did the walk out on the field and it wasn't bad mentally. Physically, it was brutal. Even Bobby was so cold he was shaking. I think it's the first year I've seen the homecoming court candidates standing there in gloves and hats and coats.

Here's a pic:



He didn't win, but thankfully, he didn't care. And then we all came home and got warm. I'm pretty sure the whole freezing and soaked to the skin thing accounts for the lung issue today. But you do what you gotta do, right?

Tea, tissues & cough drops,
♥Spot