Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Aliens & anal probes = reality TV

Thank you all so much for your "get-well" wishes and your prayers for my Grandmother. I'm finally fever free so I'm going to visit her at the hospital today. We should get the results of the needle biopsy of her liver and have a more informative prognosis.

So, the last few posts have been distinctly "un"funny. But as those of you who've been reading this blog for awhile know, things are rarely serious for long at our house. It's just not how we roll. So for today, here's a conversation Sean and I had while watching a program on alien sightings~

Sean: Why are people always claiming that aliens anal-probed them? Seriously, do you think aliens would be that fascinated with our butts? They have the technology to build spaceships and travel through the galaxy and the best their medical team can come up with is an anal-probe? I think not.

Me: Well it's a little known fact that aliens don't have butts. That's why they want to study ours.

Sean: The hell?! Why would you think aliens don't have butts?

Me: Have you seen the drawings people do of aliens? Have you ever once seen one with a butt?? And not once in any sci-fi movie have you ever heard "There's definitely alien life on this planet!", "Why's that Bob?", "Because I just stepped in a big pile of alien sh*t!". Nope. Not once. Therefore, one can only can conclude that they don't have butts.

Sean: That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.

Me: Really?! The most ludicrous thing you've ever heard?

Sean: Okay. Not the most. But it ranks right up there.

Me: Maybe they do the anal probe because they think it's the fastest way to our brains. I mean, if I was intelligent life watching this planet, I'd definitely think most people have their heads up their butts.

Sean: Now see, that theory makes sense. Or...maybe they're micro chipping us.

Me: Ooohh! You mean like they do dogs?

Sean: Exactly. Or like the way Ducks Unlimited bands ducks. They're tracking our migratory patterns.

Me: Maybe we're just like pets to them. Or maybe we're just one super reality TV show.

So what's your theory?


  1. One super reality tv show? Seriously, that is just the best!

  2. Ha! I googled aliens and butts!! Oh yes I did! First, I saw your blog! Then I saw that maybe they are preserving our virginity, or something about they have no souls so maybe that's where they are looking for them....and also....Aliens are perverts!!
    Funny post! I am now following :)
    And I hope your grandma is doing well.

  3. you should ease up on the meds. On second thought, amp it up and let's see what you come up with.

  4. Well, considering that I just watched probe-oriented The Fourth Kind tonight, and scared the crap out of myself, I'm kind of hoping for the reality show scenario. : /

  5. I read Sean's question and I said to my computer..Cause they don't have butts".
    Scroll down and volia, you said it too!

    Nice to be able to find some humor in these dark days.

  6. Ah ha ha ha! I totally agree with you on this. Aliens don't have butts! Also, this
    "Maybe they do the anal probe because they think it's the fastest way to our brains. I mean, if I was intelligent life watching this planet, I'd definitely think most people have their heads up their butts."
    has got to be pure genius :P

  7. I just read your Grandma post! Hugs hun and lots of prayers.

    As for aliens....have you seen The Fourth Kind? They are SNOW OWLS!

  8. Aliens did have butts in that M. Night Shamahaha movie I think. Or wait, I can't remember seeing a crack. I never thought I'd ever picture an alien butt before...

  9. You guys are hilarious! However, I know a few people's butts I'd like to ram foot sizes microchips up!

  10. My theory is that you have one weriously twisted family! AND I LOVE IT!!!!

  11. Hilarious...I love it. I am new to your blog but as Arnold the alien terminator said,"I will be back!!!"

  12. I'd see it, but I haven't seen the first 3 'kinds'.

  13. Butt probe. Nah. You got it wrong. It's simply a socket that the aliens are plugging in to....sorta' like USB port.