Dad: So you really don't want to move to Alaska.
Me: Oh but I do! Because Sean and I watched this program on Animal Planet called "Killer Aliens" and it's all about the exotic pets that people are having shipped in and then they get loose or people just set them free. And they are destroying Florida's natural ecosystem. Did you know they actually have a bounty on Burmese pythons?? And they have a monitor lizard problem. I am absolutely not getting eaten by something like that. So it's a move to the frozen north for me!
Dad: *laughing at me* But not to Alaska. There's bad shit there. There's a movie you need to see.
Me: You mean "30 Days of Night"?! Best vampire movie ever! But I'm not moving to Barrow, so it's cool.
Dad: Well you don't want to move to Nome either! I was talking about "The Fourth Kind".
Me: Oh!! Did you see that? Sean and I have been wanting to see it forever! Was it good?!
Dad: I thought it was. Very creepy. Your mom fell asleep (no surprise there). Did you know the FBI has visited there over 2000 times since the 60's?
Me: Wow. That's creepy. Sean and I were just discussing aliens & anal probes the other day.
Dad: Why doesn't this surprise me?
Me: Because you know us?? Anyway, it's cool. I've decided to move to Maine. I've decided I can handle creepy killer clowns and black bears.
Then last night, we were watching the movie, and it is very good! Kind of hard to get used to at first, because they incorporated actual audio and video from the true story. That's right peeps, this is a true story. Which makes it even freakier. Anyway, several people claim to have seen a white owl outside their window. So they show a very creepy white owl. And~
Me: Maybe it's not aliens. That owl looks like a demon to me. Look look! It's head is spinning. Definitely a demon!
Lu: Owls can turn their heads all the way around.
Me: Um. Duh. Because they're demons! OMG! Has no one but me made this correlation?? You're welcome people. Problem solved. Owls are demons in disguise.
So now I'm afraid of owls. Fabulous. And alien abduction. Lu actually asked to sleep with me. When I pointed out that it wouldn't matter, they seem to take people out of bed even when someone is sleeping right next to them, we decided to leave the outside lights on instead. Although, my real plan was that if the aliens came I'd tell them to take hubby. It's not like he'd even wake up anyway. And his short term memory is pretty shot, so I doubt he'd even know on any level that the abduction happened. And besides, he deserves it for this conversation before we watched the movie~
Me: I'm totally going to wake up with butt pain and think the aliens got me.
Sean: Why the H would you wake up with butt pain?? Who does that?
Me: Um. Me. Duh. Fibromyalgia. I have weird pains all the time. It's why I take muscle relaxers.
Hubby: (passing through on his way to bed) Yeah, but don't worry, the butt pain is not aliens, it's just me.
Me: Eeeew! Did you really just say that?? You freak.
Lu: Wow Mom, those muscle relaxers must really knock you out.
Sean: But there's some muscles even they can't relax!
Anyway, see the movie. It's creepy good. And you might want to learn ancient sumerarian. You know, just in case. Have a good weekend! Watch out for aliens and owls! You know I will!