Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Don't drink and Wii...

I have so many posts running through my head that it's not even funny. But I'm going to do this one while it's fresh in my brain because we all know that things get lost inside my head sometimes, never to see the light of day. As many of you know from facebook or twitter or this post, I hurt my knee the week before Easter. Playing with my Wii. Okay, competing heavily with my younger, firmer, thinner, more able bodied children. And boom! There goes my knee. Not much of a surprise, my knees hurt alot of times and make that horrible grinding popping sound anytime they're used much. (As Lu pointed out when we were playing Wii, in the form of "Eeewww...Mom! Your knees sound so gross!") Thank you very much Lu.

Well, with my Grandmother's last days, the details, the visitation, the funeral, ect. I didn't exactly have time to go to the doctor. I slapped a knee brace on it and called it good. I figured it would pass in a couple of days. Well it kept swelling so bad that the knee brace would cut off circulation and I'd have to remove it. So I figured once things settled down and I was off of it for a few days it would go back to normal. So life settled down again and we went back to what passes for normal in our house. I was spending alot of time at my computer desk or watching movies with the kids, trying to stay off the knee. Funny kept getting worse. It was now to the point where it ached and throbbed and had sharp shooting pains when I'm sitting down. Not to mention the pain of walking and heaven forbid I decide to squat, kneel or do the stairs. So my family starts getting on my butt about seeing a doctor. Yesterday I had to go to town so everyone joined forces and pleaded with me to see someone about my knee. I refused to commit.

Well, I spent the afternoon at my Grandma's (now my Uncle's) house going through some of her things with my folks. This was not fun and rates it's own post down the line. After several hours (in which I went up and down her horribly steep stairs), I was tired, sweaty (no air conditioning!), grimy (years of dust), sneezy and in no mood to do anything other than pick up fast food, go home, put on jammies and swallow some Motrin. I made the mistake of calling my hubby. He urged me to go ahead and go to the doctor since I was already in town. So I went to the treat & release at the hospital.

6 pm and the parking lot is so packed I have to park a half a block away and hobble to the building. Off to a good start. Walk in, wait in line. Get signed in and joke with the nurse about how their new "fast care" branch in a local store was supposed to alleviate some of this. But alas, no xrays at the fast care and with warm weather most are injuries requiring xrays, like me. Take a seat in the waiting area where I am accosted by a bored (and kind of grubby) four year old.

4 yr old: What's your name?

Me: Mommy. What's yours?

She stared at me in confusion.

Me: *sigh* Stacey. What's yours?

her: Hailey.

Me: that's a very pretty name. (me wondering why her mother is letting her wander around a hospital waiting room talking to strangers who are possibly ill with something contagious?) Are you sick?

Hailey: yep. I frowed up.

*sigh* I try edging farther from her and finally her mother looks up from her cell phone and calls her back to her seat. The triage nurse calls me and I limp in as a man limps out.

Me: guess you got all the gimps today.

Nurse: I know! Lots of injuries. Did you injure your knee?

Me: I guess.

Nurse: When did this happen?

Me: about two weeks ago.

Nurse: And you're just now coming in??

Me: Um. I've been busy...

Nurse: so how did it happen?

Me: I was playing Wii...

Nurse: I haven't tried it yet. Is it fun?

Me: Well it was until I hurt myself.

She takes my blood pressure, temp and oxygen sats. Really? For a knee injury? Then she says she'll order an xray and there are five people in front of me, I can go have a seat. I limp to the other waiting room and sit down. Oh yay! The Disney channel is on. Whew! NOT. After 5 minutes of some ridiculous show called "Good Luck Charlie", I whip out the novel I was smart enough to throw in my purse. Then the xray tech calls me. I limp along behind her.

I climb awkwardly on to the table and lay down. She starts shoving my jean capris up over my knee and then says~

xray barbie: I'm going to roll your jeans up. Is that okay?

me: (since she's already doing it (none too gently) do I really have a choice? I'm temped to yell "DON'T TOUCH ME!" but I resist) um. sure.

xray barbie: so how did you hurt your knee?

me: playing Wii with my kids

xray barbie: *blank incredulous stare*

me: um. you know the Wii fit?

xray barbie: *looks me up and down* oh.

I think don't you judge me you skinny little bleached blonde, fake nailed barbie doll! But I just smile. Because I know I have more personality in my little finger than she does in her whole perfect body. So there!

After the xray, I limp back to my chair in the waiting room. It's a long wait, they are super busy. Finally a nurse calls my name. Again, she asks how I hurt my knee. Don't they write this stuff down? Or are they wondering if my hubby beats me? I repeat that I hurt it playing Wii. She nods sagely.

Nurse: My son-in-law broke two fingers playing Wii.

Me: Oh my gosh!

Nurse: He was playing tennis and didn't have enough room around him...he hit his fingers on a weight bench with a backswing.

Me: Ouch!! I can totally see that happening. The tennis is intense.

Nurse: My daughter was out of town. I think there was alcohol involved.

Me: Maybe there should be a rule. No Wii-ing under the influence. *me giggling hysterically at my potty humor*

Nurse: *looks at me strangely*

So then I sit in the exam room for forever. Okay, it was only an hour, but it felt like forever. Then a new nurse comes in and asks more questions about how I hurt my knee.

Me: playing Wii.

Nurse: We've seen a few of those.

Me: well, if my kids weren't so competitive...

Off she goes. More waiting. I'm really ready to curl up on the gurney and go to sleep. Instead I read a Better Homes & Gardens. The whole thing. Finally the doctor comes in. It's Dr. S. I've seen her before and I really like her. She tells me it's a problem with my knee cap sliding sideways and the cartilage getting messed up and it's swollen with blood and other fluid. Gross. I'm wincing at the ookiness of her descriptions (which are very good by the way). She shows me some strengthening exercises I'm going to have to start doing. She says she has the same problem and that if I don't do them I'll be looking at knee replacement surgery in about 10 years. She warns me it may be months before my knee is back to what's normal for me. I'm supposed to stay off of it as much as possible, keep it elevated when sitting, absolutely no stairs, no kneeling, bending or squatting. And no Wii. See my doctor in two weeks and he may send me to physical therapy. She prescribes anti-inflammatory and pain meds. Hello Vicodin! I'm kind of surprised at the painkillers, I mean, I've been handling it without for two weeks. But I'm not going to say no. Then she says~

Dr S: I'm carrying some extra weight around and I know that makes it worse. So losing weight would probably help your knees feel better too.

I'm pretty sure that's the nicest way someone's ever told me I need to lose weight.

Me: Um. Yeah. That's what I was trying to do with the Wii.

She nodded sagely and left. And I sat there wondering how exactly I'm supposed to lose weight when she's just grounded me from all physical activity??! Starvation?? Not happening. Magic pills?? I take enough pills thank you very much. A bad case of stomach flu?? Thanks to Hailey in the waiting room, that may be an option. We'll see...

The nurse comes in and gives me my prescriptions. I head to the pharmacy drive thru and wait. And wait. Seriously?! I'm the only one in the drive thru. It's 8:35 pm. I wait for like ten minutes. I seriously consider getting out and knocking on the window. WTH?! I'm not going away peeps. You better come answer the window. Finally a tech comes to the window. I hand her my prescriptions.

P tech: Have you gotten scripts here before?

Me: only about a bazillion.

P tech: is your address and insurance correct in the computer?

Me: hasn't changed in 8 years.

P tech: when do you want these?

Me: before you close? I live out of town.

P tech: *looks grumpy* we'll try.

Seriously? How hard can counting out pills be? How long can it take? There's no one else in line!! So I drive around for 10 minutes, talking to Hildi on the phone. I get back to the drive thru at 5 minutes til and the shades are down and the lights off!!! They closed early to avoid me!! I park and hobble into the store. The pharmacy lights are off, bars pulled down, empty. Sh*t!!

I call hubby. Ask if he and Sean have eaten. No. Apparently they really are incapable of feeding themselves. I offer to get Taco Bell. I go through the drive thru and get food and an extra large fountain cola. Because after all this, I deserve it. Thankfully, Lu works today so she's picking up my meds. But I'm still angry with the pharmacy. I might have to break up with them like I did Blockbuster.

Stay off the Wii if you've been drinking,


  1. Be careful with that. Some woman in England claims she fell off of a Wii Fit and hurt a nerve causing Persistant Sexual Arousal Syndrome and forcing her to have sex 10 times a day... supposedly.

  2. Hee hee ... I like JP!

    So ... if you can't "wii" while drinking ... and you don't need to "wii" if you are not drinking ... wait ... what was the rule again??

    Feel bettah Spot.

  3. Hahaha, this was hilarious. Ive eaten shit playing wii before, but never thought about things like knees and broken fingers. Stupid pharmacy, by the way.

  4. I dunno how to tell you this...but injuries from drunken real-life tennis are pretty heinous, too. But since you've been working on that back hand already, you should really whip it out next time they make you wait that long at the hospital.

  5. Seriously? I love you. You crack me up. I am sorry to laugh at your poor knee, but you write it so well! I hope you get well soon!

  6. Ouch, sorry about your knee. I'm a little afraid of my Wii now. <--That totally could come off sounding dirty...or maybe it's just late and I need to get to bed.

  7. Oh poor Spot...I injured my knees last spring doing the 30 Day Shred, so I totally sympathize.This getting older and taking longer to heal sucks.Take care of those knees and the rest of you too!

  8. It really does amaze me that they don't write shit down. You can answer the same question a dozen times and still no one writes it down or they are avoiding reading the forms in front of them.

    That pharmacy would soo be on my shit list.

    Do those knee exercises!

  9. The wii is dangerous. Especially if you're like me, and spazz out trying to use the controller, like turning your body will somehow help turn the car :P

  10. skinny little bleached blonde, fake nailed barbie doll! - that's much nicer than what came to my mind! How does the doc expect you to lose weight when she grounded you from the wee. BTW, I totally loved your potty humor. I so would have done Taco Bell,too. You rock...even without the wii!

  11. Fuck those pharmacy time...after you get your pills of course. Also, drunk wii is the best.

  12. Now isn't it true that if you drink you will naturally Wii.

    I am like you I do hate repeating myself at the Doctors office, hospital or whatever they need to write the story down and not send someone else to ask the same questions.

    Get yourself to feeling better, we have been there with the Wii injuries, Cindy actually had a challenge from her cousin to Wii Boxing, his wife and I sat and watched bad thing is we both had to nurse them back to health for a rematch the following weekend, I haven't injured myself with the bowling as of yet :^)

  13. Hope your knee feels better soon!!!

    This was the funniest post about an injury I think I've ever read. :)

  14. So first---I need to know what Wii game were you playing?
    Second---what were you drinking because I love the Wii I can only imagine with a few Smirnoffs in me!!
    Third---um YEAH. Absolutely break up with that pharmacy. And call the manager to let them know you are and why.
    Oops. Can I say that out loud on national blog?

  15. Drunken Wii can lead to unmentionable pool parties - or so I have been told. Honest it was this friend of mine...I mean a friend of a friend of a coworker. No not when I was vacationing in Arizona I mean the friend was on vacation...

  16. Oh, you poor thang. Your experience sounds dreadful...I'm surprised you didn't start morphing your story into a completely different story. I've started off a story with being nipped by a salamander and ended with a 6-ft long monster hanging from my chin. (Tay says it was a Gila Monster) You should try's fun.