Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The one where Sean doesn't have an eye tumor but I have crunchy knees...

Sorry to leave you hanging for a few days! I know everyone was waiting to see if Sean had an eye tumor. The answer is no. Sean does not have an eye tumor, brain tumor, or anything seriously wrong with him. And I got super busy, which seems to happen a lot lately. More about that on another blog. Now, back to our story...

As Sean and I were waiting Friday in the Nurse Practitioner's office we were bored. Obviously she's a pediatrician, so her exam rooms are full of toys, children's books and tips for new or young parents. Well, Sean wouldn't let me read him a story, so I started reading out loud the "Tips for Teeth" posted on the bulletin board. They seemed to be common sense. Brush your teeth. Floss. Get sealants. But number four was the best~

Me: "Don't put your child to bed with a bottle". Damn. Okay Sean, you're going to have to start leaving the Jack upstairs when you go to bed at night. I don't want you ruining your teeth.

Sean: Wow. You're the best parent ever.

Me: I know right? I should write a damn book!

After lunch, the expedition to Shopko, and the trip to the library, we headed back to the clinic to check in for Sean's eye appointment. We settled in the waiting room with our books. Fortunately, we didn't wait long. As we got up to follow the nurse, my knee gave a loud pop. Like a "make the people in the waiting room turn around and stare at you" pop. No big deal. Does it all the time. Not very painful, but I did notice it was grinding as I walked back to the exam room. The nurse did the usual, took the history, had him read the eye chart, looked at his eyes. Then she decided to put some drops in his eyes. Let me just explain that Sean is not a wuss. The kid has had two corneal scratches, which are supposed to be excruciatingly painful injuries, and he didn't even tell anyone for hours. I've picked gravel out of his skin and scalp from wipe outs. He's had pneumonia with 103 fever before and told me "he's fine". But he does have sensitive eyes. When he was a toddler, I had to make sure he had sunglasses on all the time. He'd get severe headaches after swimming from the light reflecting at the pool. He has very pale blue eyes and the eye doctor said that the pigment was very light and that's what made them so sensitive. I used to have to sit on him to get eye drops in his eyes. Then he got bigger than me and I gave up.

So this nurse is trying to get drops in his eyes and he's squirming. Finally, she gets them in but his eyes keep watering and watering. Then she tries to check pressure with a blue light she's shining directly in his eyes. Not going so well. So then she sticks some pen looking thing that clicks loudly in his eyes. At last, she manages to get what she needs and leaves the room. Sean is not a happy camper. So~

Me: Give me your hand.

Sean: *sticks out his hands* Why?

I place his hand on my knee, which is stretched out in front of me. Then I bend it.

Sean: *freaking the f*ck out* WTH?!! That's disgusting!!! Why would you do that?

(In Sean's defense...it is disgusting. You can feel my bones/cartilage grating when I do that)

Me: Because you aren't thinking about your eye anymore! It's called distraction. You're welcome.

Sean: OMG. I still can't believe you did that. Why didn't you warn me?

Me: Because then you wouldn't have given me your hand. Duh.

Sean: Now my knees feel weird. *he's rubbing them as he speaks*

Me: Hahaha. Mine too.

Sean: I may hate you.

Me: Whatever. You know it was a good distraction. See what a great mom I am??

The doctor comes in and sits and manages to look at Sean's eyes. He says he has cobblestones.

Me: What?

Doctor: They're bumps under his eyelid. They rub on the eye itself and can be quite painful. That's why both his eye itself and the lid were hurting.

Me: Gross. What's it from?

Doctor: It's an allergic reaction. I'm going to give you allergy eye drops and some steroid drops to help the inflammation. Use them until it feels better and then just keep on with the allergy drops. *he leaves*

Me: *giggling*

Sean: Why are you laughing?

Me: Because it's an architectural issue. Stop trying to build streets in your eyes.

Sean: *laughing* Yeah, when he said "cobblestones" I started thinking of old English streets.

Me: I know right? Weird. Guess you aren't going to be on Mystery Diagnosis after all. But hey, maybe HGTV would be interested. *I ducked the punch he aimed my way*

So then I got to go to the doctor. It wasn't really funny. She said my knee was "extra crunchy". She showed me the arthritis on my xray. Said she could do an MRI but she didn't think I'd torn any soft tissue. She told me I'd probably need a knee replacement in the future.

Me: Um. I'm not really big on surgeries. My last one was kind of a fiasco.

Her: Well, if it comes town to being in a wheelchair or having a knee replacement, I'm pretty sure you'll go with the surgery.

Me: Wow. Way to sugarcoat that for me.

She also told me that she'd happily give me a shot in the knee for the pain. Or a shot in the hip if it continued to hurt. And that I definitely needed to get the carpel tunnel surgery on my left wrist before I did permanent nerve damage. And sentenced me to physical therapy 3 freakin times a week. It was not a fun visit.

So I signed up for therapy, picked up meds and ran Sean home so he could get ready for his camp out. And I answered a few emails and then decided to meet friends for drinks and dinner. Grown up style. It was awesome. Sean's eye is pretty much all healed. The eye drops worked wonders and I don't even have to sit on him to get them in his eyes.

I've heard that several of you used our saying "that stripper is off her pole!". Sweet.

That's all for today kiddies. But you are definitely going to want to tune in tomorrow. Tomorrow...I get to offer you something. Something for putting up with me. Because I adore you all...



  1. Cobblestones = knobbly bits and I can't say as having knobbly bits in your eyes sounds like any fun. Nor does what's going on with your knee...ouch!Believe it or not, knee replacement surgery may be the best thing that can happen. My step mother was essentially crippled before she hit 70...and they made her wait because they could only perform the replacement once, but after she got her 'new knees'..hoo boy, couldn't slow that woman down for anything!

  2. cobblestones. Weirdest shit I ever heard. At the very least he should get an award for weird eye issues!

  3. Cobblestones? That is so weird! And I'm sorry about your knee...and your wrist...and stop breaking!

  4. I totally cringed just reading about your knee crunching. Ick! :)

  5. I'm so glad his lovely eyes are ok. My knees do that cruching thing! I have made people feel them too (not random people in the street). Have you ever pressed your ear against the top of someone's head while they're chewing?
    I have The Birthing House too. Haven't read it yet. We are sympatico my friend!

  6. I have never heard of cobblestones of the eyes. I'm so glad you told me so I wouldn't nominate him for Mystery Diagnosis, 'cause I totally would have. Maybe YOU can be on Mystery Diagnosis! "Scrunchy knee" sounds painful...I'm wincing in sympathy, sweets.

    Glad Sean's feeling betta...

  7. I used to have to sit on him to get eye drops in his eyes. Then he got bigger than me and I gave up.-absolutely love that! Crunchy knees and cobblestones? Wonder if they're hereditary.

  8. I had a hard time paying attention to the story because you have an ad for tightie whities made out of super thin cotton right there on the right side of the page. Hello! He's going to put my eye out. That's way worse than cobblestones.

  9. I've never heard of cobblestone eyeballs, but they beat the heck out of a tumor. So glad it was something minor. I love the exchange between you and your son, hilarious, especially that you relish in grossing him out. Isn't that what having kids is all about, payback for all that sleep lost no? Your crunchy knee does sound a tad disturbing, I can only imagine how painful it must be. Hope it never comes down to surgery. Yikes.

  10. YIKES! and Double YIKES!!

    You guys have the oddest doctor visits - really.

    I'm cringing from the eye story and then you hit me with crunchy knees ... eeewwww.

    Get better, wouldja??


  11. Well out of Cobblestones and Extra Crunchy Knees it looks like Sean got the best of the two, glad it was something rather easy to get fixed---now for your knee, never had a knee surgery but I know a chair gets old pretty quick, Doctors have such a good way with words sometimes don't they, I had one do the same to me said she would release me to go back to work if I could find a job I could do from a wheelchair, I thanked her for her opinion in not such a nice way----imagine that :^)

  12. I was squirming right along with Sean! I have never heard of Cobblestones, well I have but not in that context. Glad it is clearing up.

    Crunchy knees, I've had those for years. Pretty much crunchy everything now a days! LOL! Not funny I know, very painful. I would definetely have taken that shot!