Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The one where Sean becomes a dictator...

I know I kept you waiting for two whole days...but I'm back to finish the convo. You know Mondays are like crazy making right?? Wait. What day around here isn't? Well, I guess to be honest, that pretty much every day that ends in "y" is crazy making around here. But today, I eked out some time to blog. So where were we? Oh yes, in the car on the way to town, and Sean was just about to take over Slovakia...

Sean: I'm going to take over Slovakia.

Me: Why there?

Sean: It's small, no one knows much about it. If I need more room, I'll annex the Czech Republic. I mean, they used to be one country anyway.

Me: And you're going to build arms factories to support your country?

Sean: Yes, we'll be the biggest manufacturer in the world. And there are no child labor laws in my country so everybody works! Thus eliminating the need for costly daycare.

Me: Um. What about school?

Sean: Bah! They don't need school. They get hands on training for their careers. I'm letting them skip a few steps.

Me: Wow. You are one benevolent dictator *dripping sarcasm*

Sean: Yeah. I'm a helluva guy. I think we'll sell guns to Somalia.

Me: Somalia? WTH? Dude. That's not cool.

Sean: This is not a popularity contest. It's about being rich, powerful and oppressing a country full of people. I might even expand operations and build a nuclear weapons plant. Then threaten to sell to supremely unstable countries so that the US has to buy at inflated prices just to stop me.

Me: Uhhh. Uhhh. *thinks "where did I go wrong?"*

Sean: I'll sell to places like the "stans".

Me: The "stans"?

Sean: Yeah, there's like 5 of them. Pakistan, Afghanistan...

Me: Uzbekistan.

Sean: Kazakhstan and Turkmenistan.

Me: Do you even know where those are??

Sean: Duh. They're in the middle east. Near Saudi Arabia. Which brings us to Yemen.

Me: Yemen?

Sean: Did you know that like 80% of the population of Yemen is under 15?

Me: For real?? How do you know this?

Sean: Colbert did a thing on it. Apparently there are rumors that the Taliban is doing some recruiting/training there. So we were debating invading.

Me: Well, it would be easy. I mean if they're all fifteen, we could just drop in some skateboards, Jonas Brother & Miley Cyrus Cds and Skittles and they would all be distracted. Heck, we could take that place with no bloodshed!

Sean: Definitely doable.

Me: But you can't sell arms there because they aren't old enough to buy them.

Sean: I do what I want. I'm the dictator.

Me: Hmmm. Okay.

Sean: You're just mad because my life plan is better than yours.

Me: No. I'm slightly concerned that I raised an evil genius who wants to be a ruthless dictator of small countries and possibly bring about the end of the world. I mean, how's that going to look at the reunion? So what do your kids do? Well my daughters got a thriving NeuroMuscular Massage business, my foster son is still going to school for his engineering degree and my youngest just took over Slovakia. You might want to put up a bomb shelter in your back yard. I'm sure there's some of those blueprints from the fifties around here somewhere.

Sean: Maybe you could open an online business selling bomb shelter plans...

Me: Oh! That has possibilities....

And that's how little boys grow up to be dictators...
I'm really hoping he uses his genius for good, but it's not looking good from here. If only evil wasn't so profitable.

Hoping her son doesn't cause the end of the world,


  1. Hahahaha....that's one smart cookie there.

    He has a very well thought out plan.

    So, since I have a whole tribe of kids here and I'd allow them to work for super cheap just for the life experience, that means that we could totally move to Slovakia and he would give us protection, right?!?

  2. Yowsa! We need to get that evil genius a new sense of direction!

    I say we kidnap him and force him to watch reruns of Full House so he can figure out how the Olsen girls made their millions.

    We'll go from there.

  3. Here's the difference between men and women - I'd take over Belgium.


    Diamonds and Chocolate....Everyone would love me.

  4. I'm with the above comment...give out diamondsa, chocolate, and I'm adding wine,and he'll have all the women he ever dreamed of!

  5. Stephanie~ pack your bags! Sean says you're in!

    Kathryn~ I think that might violate his civil rights. It falls under "cruel and unusual punishment".

    LMB~ good plan!!

    Suzicate~ hmmm...maybe, but only if he lets me be the Queen of the country. And approve of the women. Because evil genius dictator or not, he's still my baby.


  6. Psht. Taking over the world is so yesterday. I am taking over the universe. XD

    Loved this post! You are so wonderful!

  7. Can I come along? We could plant Kudzu to cover everything so the evil goings on wont be spotted until we are ready :^)

  8. Hmmm, will Sean give me protection rights if I become head of the Slovakian mafia, and I take over Holland, making them slaves to mine diamonds and make chocolate?
    Oh wait, does the fact that I'm also in the mob complicate this?

  9. So this post just makes me think of one of my favorite cartoons years ago....Pinky and the Brain.

    Pinky: So what are we going to do today

    The Brain: What do we do everyday Pinky? Try to take over the world.

    yep this is your son.

  10. I don't think you have to worry...if he were serious he wouldn't be talking about it with you. However, I do suspect he might make a great author of thrillers some day. Or screenplays!

  11. If he turns up with a mini-me we should all be afraid....very, very afraid. :-) Mwahahaha.

    You crack me up!

  12. Oh my god. I love that boy. I really hope he gets his own stand-up one day. ROTFL

  13. He didn't get it from nowhere. Are you sure you don't want to take over the world, just a teeny little bit?

  14. Here I was - just barely keeping from falling off my chair, laughing from your post ... and then Roxy brings up Pinky and the Brain...

    "... and that's what happened, officer ... she just went bonkers from there. We haven't had a coherent word out of her since ... she just keeps singing the Pinky & the Brain theme song."

  15. UnA~ Dream big girl!!

    Jimmy~ of course! He's always interested in more minions, especially if they have good ideas!

    DorkVader~ He might just make you 2nd in command!

    Roxy~ We loved that cartoon! That could be part of the problem...

    DfG~ if only he liked to write...*sigh*

    Angelia~ indeed. That tiny guy scares me!

    C~ that would be awesome!

    Tina~ NO. I'm really not all about the responsibility.

    Danica~ Oh sure. Blame it on us...LOL.


  16. Should I hide under a desk? Remember the old PSA commercials?? LOL!

  17. W00t w00t! I get to help take over Slovakia and Holland! ^_^
    And I might be second in command >:D

  18. The Stans! LOL! That boy is such a crack up! Very funny, I think or it could be very concerning.

  19. Oh honey...this is hysterical! I am totally loving your blog! Seriously! Where have you been all my bloggy life??
    I also hope your son doesn't cause the end of the world...because, quite frankly, I think that's going to be my daughter's goal (she's 3 1/2)....
    Have a wonderful day!