I know I kept you waiting for two whole days...but I'm back to finish the convo. You know Mondays are like crazy making right?? Wait. What day around here isn't? Well, I guess to be honest, that pretty much every day that ends in "y" is crazy making around here. But today, I eked out some time to blog. So where were we? Oh yes, in the car on the way to town, and Sean was just about to take over Slovakia...
Sean: I'm going to take over Slovakia.
Me: Why there?
Sean: It's small, no one knows much about it. If I need more room, I'll annex the Czech Republic. I mean, they used to be one country anyway.
Me: And you're going to build arms factories to support your country?
Sean: Yes, we'll be the biggest manufacturer in the world. And there are no child labor laws in my country so everybody works! Thus eliminating the need for costly daycare.
Me: Um. What about school?
Sean: Bah! They don't need school. They get hands on training for their careers. I'm letting them skip a few steps.
Me: Wow. You are one benevolent dictator *dripping sarcasm*
Sean: Yeah. I'm a helluva guy. I think we'll sell guns to Somalia.
Me: Somalia? WTH? Dude. That's not cool.
Sean: This is not a popularity contest. It's about being rich, powerful and oppressing a country full of people. I might even expand operations and build a nuclear weapons plant. Then threaten to sell to supremely unstable countries so that the US has to buy at inflated prices just to stop me.
Me: Uhhh. Uhhh. *thinks "where did I go wrong?"*
Sean: I'll sell to places like the "stans".
Me: The "stans"?
Sean: Yeah, there's like 5 of them. Pakistan, Afghanistan...
Sean: Kazakhstan and Turkmenistan.
Me: Do you even know where those are??
Sean: Duh. They're in the middle east. Near Saudi Arabia. Which brings us to Yemen.
Sean: Did you know that like 80% of the population of Yemen is under 15?
Me: For real?? How do you know this?
Sean: Colbert did a thing on it. Apparently there are rumors that the Taliban is doing some recruiting/training there. So we were debating invading.
Me: Well, it would be easy. I mean if they're all fifteen, we could just drop in some skateboards, Jonas Brother & Miley Cyrus Cds and Skittles and they would all be distracted. Heck, we could take that place with no bloodshed!
Sean: Definitely doable.
Me: But you can't sell arms there because they aren't old enough to buy them.
Sean: I do what I want. I'm the dictator.
Me: Hmmm. Okay.
Sean: You're just mad because my life plan is better than yours.
Me: No. I'm slightly concerned that I raised an evil genius who wants to be a ruthless dictator of small countries and possibly bring about the end of the world. I mean, how's that going to look at the reunion? So what do your kids do? Well my daughters got a thriving NeuroMuscular Massage business, my foster son is still going to school for his engineering degree and my youngest just took over Slovakia. You might want to put up a bomb shelter in your back yard. I'm sure there's some of those blueprints from the fifties around here somewhere.
Sean: Maybe you could open an online business selling bomb shelter plans...
Me: Oh! That has possibilities....
And that's how little boys grow up to be dictators...
I'm really hoping he uses his genius for good, but it's not looking good from here. If only evil wasn't so profitable.
Hoping her son doesn't cause the end of the world,