Friday, April 2, 2010

Lumps, swollen knees, and breakdowns...

So...if you're looking for a happy funny post, I'd consider going elsewhere today. Like the Bloggess or other funny people. Because today I'm going to vent. Why? Because yesterday was pretty much the worst day in the history of my days. I mean, so far, because I'm pretty sure it might get worse as the week rolls on...

After I wrote my blog post yesterday, my Dad called. Apparently he'd received a call from my Mom saying that Grandma's condition had deteriorated rapidly and she didn't know who anyone was, they'd upped her morphine and she was probably at death's door. I was stunned, because seriously, she wasn't that bad off the day before. He was having a dilemma about weather to call Hildi and tell her to get here quick. So I told him I'd go to the nursing home, assess the sitch and call him back. Well, after that I didn't have the heart to keep reading blogs and commenting. (sorry peeps I missed getting around to.)

About this time, CJ's program coordinator called and I explained that we were facing an imminent death in the family and I wouldn't be able to get CJ as planned for the weekend. Then I burst into tears on the phone because it will be the first Easter EVER that he hasn't been with the family. But I absolutely cannot bring him into this situation or give him only half of my attention. Then I went to get in the shower and realized a cat had peed on the bathroom floor. As I'm cleaning this up (and cursing the cats), my hubby calls per my texted request. The noise in the background is so loud, I almost can't hear him. I have to shout "Grandma's worse and maybe dying today and I have to go to town and I had to cancel bringing CJ home and where the bloody h*ll are you??!" He tells me he's at the quarrry picking up a load of gravel. Seriously, I didn't even know he'd left the property. He can't take 5 seconds to text me and let me know these things?? Anyway, he's no help. So I shower and Sean and I head out. About 5 minutes into the drive, we realize my AC in my car is broken. It was supposed to have been fixed. NO. So now we have to roll down the windows and open the sunroof. Yay! I love the fine layer of gravel dust that coats absolutely everything after driving down the gravel road with the windows open, don't you?? NO. Not too mention, that when I get hot, I get way stabby. I shoot off a massively pissed off text to hubby and oldest adopted son who had supposedly fixed the AC (to the tune of $250 dollars).

We get to the nursing home to realize my mother is half delirious from lack of sleep, my grandmother is asleep finally (thank you mr. morphine), and the opinions of how rapid her decline is vary widely. So I drive my mom to my uncles in her car (to save the lives of all other drivers she may have come in contact with) and Sean follows in my POS, I mean, car. Along the way, my mother tells me that she's very proud that I'm now a paid writer and that I'm truly going after my dreams. I know now that she is beyond delirious. We get her deposited with strong admonitions to GET SOME SLEEP. Then I say screw it and take Sean to a favorite pizza place for lunch. Over extra large Cokes (thank you caffeine, thank you), salads and personal pizzas, I inform him that this moment may indeed be the highlight of my day. He asks what my mom and I were talking about in the car and I tell him. He looks thoughtful for a moment and then~

Sean: I think me and Lu and Dad have held you back quite a bit.

Me: Well, I suppose. But it was my choice to put raising a family and taking care of my home before my professional aspirations. Now, that you guys are older, I can pursue those goals. I don't regret that decision. Ever. Even if I wrote a bestseller and it was made into a blockbuster movie, no five star review will ever compare to the sense of pride I get when someone tells me how great my kids are.

Sean: Do you really feel that way?

Me: Of course. I mean good books are awesome. Good movies are awesome. But good people? They change the world.

Sadly? Lunch really was the highlight of my day. Bless you fountain Coke, bless you. I called my Dad and told him that it was hard to assess the sitch with Grandma asleep so I'd go back later and try to figure it out. But my spidey sense says that she's not going to pass away in the next 48 hours so Hildi could go with her original plan to be here on Saturday. But she might want to pack extra clothes and funeral clothes just in case. Then Sean and I ran a bazillion errands and grocery shopped. Somewhere along the way I began to have difficulty walking. My knee had been bugging me for a few days, but now it had swelled to twice it's normal size and was aching horribly. Thank goodness for carts. They offer support. Sean tried to get me to sit in one of those motorized scooters at the store. No thanks! We got everything done, I dropped him off to meet his ride to Civil Air Patrol and headed home.

Hubby and Lu carried in groceries and we put them away. The house looked great. But I realized the rug in front of the sink was soaked. I smelled it. Nope. Not cat pee (whew!). The sink is still leaking!! Hubby checks it. He's going to have to rip the entire cupboard out to fix it. Sh*t. Lu and I hurry around and head back out, so we can go back to the nursing home. By now it's 7 o'clock. I can barely walk and Lu is complaining that she's starving because she forgot to eat today. (Seriously? How come I never forget to eat??) We head to the nursing home. Two uncles, an aunt, a cousin, and an uncle's wife (she will never be considered an aunt) are there. No sign of my Mom. I call her. No answer. My uncle says she's still at his house sleeping. He and his wife get ready to leave. I ask them to please wake up Mom when they get home. Agreed. My uncle's ex-wife (my aunt) comes by. Grandma is sleeping through most of this, but finally my cousin gets her to eat three bites of strawberry shortcake and I get her to drink some water. She knows who Lu and I are, although she doesn't recognize my aunt. We leave there because it's now 9 and Lu is still whining she's starving. We go to Jimmy John's. They are out of bread and say come back in a half hour. True story. The sub shop ran out of bread.

We run to WalMart, where only 5 lanes are open and we stand in line to pay for our 5 items for 20 minutes. Lu is in a pissy mood and won't talk to me, so I forget the cardinal rule and make eye contact with the person in front of me. Now he's talking to me and he won't stop. Lu is giving me the evil eye. I'm pretty sure the guy is also staring at my cleavage. Creeper. Then he starts talking about hugs. Not happening mister, move along. Finally, we get to check out. Then we hurry back to JJ's with 5 minutes til closing. We grab sandwiches, chips and drinks for us and Sean and hurry to pick him up since we're already late. Oh! And then we almost get hit by two cars on our way out of town. The ride home is filled with giggles so that's good. We get home, congregate in the kitchen, finally eat supper (at 10:45 pm). We are all amazed at how swollen my knee is and how dumb I look limping around. And my nose piercing? Well it's been looking a little funny. So I take it out (which actually hurts worse than the piercing itself) and discover a horrid red lump. I think it looks kind of blisterish, so I sterilize a needle and poke it. It bleeds copiously. That was NOT a good idea.

Hubby: What are you 5??! What's that? I don't know. Let's poke it with a stick.

Hmmm...that was kind of the logic I used. I run in Lu's room to show her and she's completely grossed out. I went to bed. I looked it up on the Internet this morning and apparently it's a keloid, or build up of scar tissue. I'll have to see a doctor about it. But for now, I have a hideously ugly red lump on my nose. Ugh.

I did call my Dad and Hildi and tell her to stick to her original plan. I think my Gran will hold on at least for the weekend. I finally talked to my Mom and she was headed to the nursing home to stay the night. I'm headed back in later today.

I am an eternal optimist, but yesterday? Well, it tested even my powers of finding a silver lining. But it's got to get better, right??



  1. Seriously, lady, it sounds like everything is just happening to you all at once. I wish there was something I could do for you! If you need anything - - to vent, a card, someone to just send you cheesey jokes - - let me know, okay?

  2. Geez Louise!!! Make sure and take a moment to just breathe today, okay? Do the ol' inhale to the count of six, exhale to the coun to of six. Believe it or not it totally works to calm the soul (or at the very least prevents you from causing immediate bodily harm to anyone within sight!) I am sincerely hoping that things will begin looking up very soon...very, very soon. Chin up chica! =)

  3. I love you! You had a terrible day, but you saw the light in it; the lunch with Sean (a very special moment), the giggles in the car, your mom saying she's proud of you, tired or not, the clean house. You're a great gal and doing everything for everyone. I recommend a really long bath, away from us and everyone else. Feel good about yourself. You deserve to.

  4. Ok so you definately need a break from it all. Sorry to hear grandma isgetting worse so fast. If there is anything at all you need just holler. And I'll chew out your oldest some as well.

  5. Awww Spot :(
    Life, the Universe, and Fate all need a kick in the head, they're being so mean.
    I really admire how you can still see light in a day like that. Like the conversation with Sean. You truly give me an example to live up to.
    *bear hugs* Hope you can make it through this, and I hope that you don't have to make it through much more.

  6. Wow Spot,

    Vent all you need to Lady, we are here for you, just keep us informed as you can and take care of yourself.

    Still have you all in our prayers

  7. I know you can't but I wish you could slow down a bit. Yell and scream and get it all out!
    I know your going through this rough time, but please take care of yourself.

  8. Aww.....Spot.....*sniff* Wish I could give you a hug right now....You're right, can only get better from that. But the lunch with Sean shows you that every day can't be ALL bad, right?

    Hope it works out. Praying for your grandma.

  9. Hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs. So sorry so much bad stuff happens all at once.Glad you and Sean got to go out for lunch and some caffeine. Prayers lifted for all. And best of all is that even though you think your mom was delirious, at least you were not and you heard those words...maybe she's just never known how to express how proud she is of you. And Sean, well, he is such a sweet and sensitive soul, and once you throw in the sarcasm, he's perfect!

  10. you totally should have hugged the stranger at Wal-Mart. (I needed that hug, just kidding it wasn't me...or was it?) It sucks that Grandma is not well. Calm down, have a drink, and things will seem better tomorrow. Sounds like you and Sean at least had some good times at lunch. Hang in there Spot!

  11. I'm sorry you haed such a character building day, but, I do have an award for you on my blog. Hope it cheers you up some?

  12. Honey, I am so sorry for that totally shitty day. And yet, you still managed to find the humor in it, didn't you? Scarce as it was...

    I am hereby denying you the right to have the rest of the week go downhill. You will handle things the best you can...with antibiotics, sympathy and immeasurable amounts of alcohol.

    I'm here if you need to talk, sweetie.

    Hang in there...

  13. I hope you aren't writing because you're enjoying a nice relaxing spa treatment and not because your weekend got worse. Hugs, muffin.

  14. Sending you blessings and love! Just wanted you to know was thinking of you all. Hopefully you can update us soon on Grandma and make up to CJ missing Easter. Hope Hildi made it safe and sound. Hang in there!! (((HUGS))

  15. I am so sorry things are not going well for you. It just sucks when people get old. I know it is a "fact of life", but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
    Lindsey Petersen