Wednesday, April 21, 2010

18 and NOT pregnant...or the one in which Lu scares the crap out of me...

Hubby's alarm went off this morning at it's usual time...6 AM. I struggled to turn it off, because my hand had somehow managed to fall completely asleep. As I became more conscious, I realized my right hip was screaming with pain. Not twingeing, not aching, but screaming in full blown agony. I realized that I'd slept in the same position all night. Anyone with even a little bit of arthritis (old artie as my Grandma used to call it) in their joints knows that this is a bad thing. So I gingerly negotiated myself into another position on the other hip, with some moderate whimpering. I looked at hubby. He showed no signs of wakefulness. "Get out of my bed." I grumbled crankily. He sighed and sat up. I closed my eyes. I opened them. He was still sitting there.

Me: What are you doing?

Him: Disentangling my socks. (He sets his clothes out by the bed the night before)

Me: Well could you do that in the living room so I can go back to sleep??

He lumbered out of the room. I sank back into grateful oblivion. For fifteen minutes. Then I woke up to the Diesel (one of our youngest kitties) scratching furiously at the door to be let back in. She freaks out if she can't get to me. I put the pillow over my head. We go through this every morning. Two mornings out of seven, hubby hears her and lets her in. The other mornings, I have to get out of bed and do it myself. My hip is still screaming, I'm praying he hears her. Five minutes go by. No luck. I drag myself out of bed and limp to the door, biting my lip. Seriously, my eyes well up with tears by the time I get back into bed. I lay there thinking I will not be able to go back to sleep because of the pain. Diesel purrs and settles by my feet. I debate getting up and taking arthritis medicine. I debate getting up and taking Vicodin. But alas, I have a conference call at 10 AM and do not want to be loopy or groggy for it. I fall back to sleep.

8 AM. I awake to vegetable drawer banging as Lu attempts to open it. Yes, I can tell that's what the noise is from the bedroom. Two months since I asked Hubby to fix it. Still broken and sticks. No point going back to sleep. I limp to bathroom, then kitchen. Kids make fun of my limp. I flip them off (save your parenting advice, it's too late for that) and gimp to my computer. Blessedly, the arthritis meds have kicked in now and the hip is tolerable. Sorry, didn't mean to whine about it. Oh WTH! It's my blog, I'll whine if I want to. Can't wait to talk to orthopedic doc on Friday. Hip is probably hurting from walking funny due to knee. And, in the interest of honesty and keeping it real, I did play some Wii with the kids last night. I'm pretty sure it was the skateboarding that got me. It almost got Lu as well, but in an entirely different way. Let's just say that skateboarding is not my thing. I sucked it up pretty badly. If they gave points for hitting the fence and the walls, well I'd be champion. But they don't. Lu laughed so hard watching me that she couldn't breathe. I kid you not, she turned blue. Screw skateboarding, I'm going back to snowball fighting.

And in the interest of funny~

Lu and I were watching the season finale of "16 & Pregnant". Don't ask. She got addicted and sucked me in. So on this wrap up show, Dr. Drew (trying to look hip in a purplish colored shirt and velvet (maybe) jacket and so not pulling it off) talked to the girls. Throughout this hour and a half they reiterated that teen pregnancy is 100% preventable. They go over birth control options and remind you that condoms also protect against STD's and STI's.

Me: Did he just say STI's?

Lu: yep.

Me: *staring into space, thinking* Infections maybe?

Lu: Maybe. I was totally confused, but I didn't want to ask you because then you're all like 'I'm so much cooler than you'...

Me: *giggling at her* Well, I am.

Lu: whatever.

Anyone who says that these shows glorify teen pregnancy (like my mother, who's never even watched the show) is totally off base. There's no glory here. Just a bunch of whiny teenagers, finally realising that pregnancy is not fun or easy and labor sucks. And then realising that their mother's were right, taking care of a baby not only is exhausting, but totally ruins your social life. It's a fantastic advertisement for birth control.

Which is why I'm completely confused when Lu asks me what I would say if she got pregnant.

Me: Probably something along the lines of "Holy Crap Batman"

Lu: But you wouldn't yell?

Me: That would be pretty hypocritical of me, wouldn't it? No, I wouldn't yell. I'd tell you that I think it's a really bad decision on your part and it would be a decision because you are well versed in birth control. But it's your life so it's your decision.

Lu: Well, I'm not.

Me: Good. I'd also advise you to take a good hard look at my life and decide if that's what you really want. Not that my life is bad, or I regret any of my decisions, but it hasn't been an easy road and every day is still a compromise. And if you guys have a baby before you go to school, your lives will be very similar to ours. That's an uphill struggle that your father and I were fortunate to make it through. So you have to weigh that along with whether or not you think that you and Dexter's relationship is strong enough to weather that and whether or not you think he's mature enough to handle the situation.

Lu: I know, that's why I'm not. But we did almost drive to Vegas the other night to get married.

Me: *blinking owlishly at her in her total shock*

Happy Wednesday...halfway to the weekend...


  1. I have three daughters. I'm not looking forward to any sort of pregnancy related issues.

  2. OMG! I'm a 16 and Pregnant addict! Well, any reality show really. I missed the finale last night because I had to go to a sucky dinner with sucky people! I wonder if it's online yet?!? Dammit! Now I'm gonna have to spend the kids naptime looking for it. THis is what I get for not having TIVO!

    It is an uphill battle. I was pregnant at 18, before I was married. Good thing my husband wasn't a douche bag like those boys on that show. There's a few of them I would love to personally castrate!

  3. My daughter just turned 12. Thankfully she hasn't really discovered boys yet... but she did get a Justin Beiber poster for her room because he's cute. oh crap.

    As a side note... the first girl I kissed was 13.

    double crap.

  4. Holy crap, she just didn't say she almost went to Vegas and got married.... Sheesh!

  5. Was she kidding about the getting married bit? More importantly, how do you get a teenager to want to be in a vegetable drawer first thing in the morning?

  6. Damn, don't you love those candid talks?! Sometimes, I wish my kids didn't tell me the things they do! Or almost do in this case!

  7. Another reason you and I are, like, adopted sisters: I got my mom addicted to the same show! Huzzah! I am sorry you are in lots of pain, though. :( That's not fun. And the last line of this post cracks me up.

  8. I was clickety clicking across the net and found you. Then spent 2 hours reading. You're funny, and real, and I like that! :) Following you now.

  9. We just got home from Tim's wedding and we are begging Melissa to go to Vegas for hers I think she is planning to go somewhere like Slovakia we are not ready to travel there for a wedding, Cindy said "We will pay for you to go to Vegas, I don't care if you get married by Elvis and a couple midgets" but then again our kids are past the teen years so please excuse my outburt Ha Ha

  10. Your kid is so fucked up...I love it. Awww crap this dooms me to being tormented by my son.

  11. You were so calm throughout! Poetic licence?...

  12. So...well? That's IT?? Was Lu Serious? Inquiring blogbuds wanna know!

    I'm sorry you're in so much pain, sweetie. That really sucks. (Oh and tell hubby that I do not believe that he should be using words like "disentangled" before 7am. It does not bode well.)

  13. I think you should have Lu do this online pregnancy test via

    A friend of mine posted it as a fun site to go to when bored. I did and I was in shock at how accurate it is! It told me I was pregnant even though I don't have an uterus. Hmmmm...maybe it thought I was a kangaroo and carried on the outside.

  14. Wait, you have access to Vicodin?!?

  15. Good Lord! Give a mom a heart attack, Lu! Vegas? Married? 16 and Pregnant? (For the record, I am also addicted to the show. We're not bad people. I hope.) :)

  16. I have given that same talk to my daughter countless times. I had her when I was 22, and not that I regret it, but it was hard hard hard to finish college in my thirties while holding down a job, but knowing if I didn't I would be bored to tears at the kind of job i could get. at least I got through and both of mine are now out of college and employed and childless. I think they really understand what a commitment it is. The problem is when they're younger (like I was) it's impossible to understand what childrearing is. That is if you plan to do it halfway right. good for you for telling it honestly to Lu. She's listening!

  17. Married?! Yikes!

    I watch that 16 and Pregnant show. It amuses me.

  18. OMG woman! I choked on my pringle! Please tell us she was just kidding!!??

    I would almost bet ya, that pain in your hip is from walking funny cause of the knee. Happens to me all the time. I hope it gets better.

  19. o_0 She WHAT?! Is she trying to freak you out or something? I would probably be shot if I ever said that to my mother. Goodness Lu...

  20. I once asked my husband what he'd do the first time a boy came to the house to take out our daughter. He said he'd knock him flat. Because he "knows what he's thinking." Fortunately we didn't have children. We had cats.

    They say outdoor cats live shorter lives because of all the dangers out there. One of them has to be the danger of being terminated by an owner who has to get up to let him in.

  21. Hey Spot...I'll trade you a Syndol for a Vicodin.Sorry you've got more than your share of aches and pains these days, hope it improves soon!

  22. I've watched 16 & Pregnant with my 15 year old and you are so right, the last thing it does is glamorize the ordeal. My daughter always ends up looking at me when the credits start to roll and saying "I'm NEVER having kids. These people are stupid." I always feel for them though, it really isn't easy especially when you're that young and unequipped. It's rare for couples to make it out the other side.

    So, did she get married in Vegas? ;)

    Hope you're feeling better soon. Pain sucks.

  23. Aw man ... I have two girls ... I am not looking forward to this either.

    I really hope you are feeling better soon, hun.

    Take care of you.