Thursday, May 20, 2010

The one where I try to induce nightmares...

So I read this article the other day on "Urban Myths that are really true". And one of them was that candy causes nightmares. I'd never heard that before and couldn't think of any time I'd seen a definite correlation. So I did what we always do in my house in that kind of situation. I decided to conduct an experiment. I announced close to bedtime that everyone had to eat some candy because I wanted them to have nightmares. Sean and I had Jelly Beans, but I only had yellow and orange, because those are the only ones I'll eat. Luckily, Sean loves me enough (or I pester him enough) that he picks out those ones and hands them to me. Luke and Lu had gummy worms. When I felt we were sufficiently sugared up, I wished everyone scary nightmares.

Lu: You really just wished us nightmares?

Me: Duh. The experiment will be a failure if you don't have any.

Luke: You just mean like weird dreams, right?

Me: Um. No. I want full on, wake up screaming nightmares. I haven't had one of those in forever!

Luke: You're like seriously excited about this. Why?

Me: I love to be scared. Nightmares are the best! They make great story ideas.

Lu: I'm totally facebooking this. *and she did. Her status-My mother just made me eat candy before bed because she wants to see if I have nightmares. Can we say best mom ever award?!?! Lmao.*

Sean: I hope you feel good about the cavities I'm going to get because you made us eat candy so late at night.

Me: I didn't say you couldn't brush your teeth, Sean. You're not blaming that on me.

Sean: This is so going in my notebook for my future therapist.

Fast forward to morning. No one had a nightmare. I was super bummed. We did all confess to very strange dreams. I knew I'd had one, but had forgotten it by the time I actually got up. Sean's was almost a nightmare. He and Lu were having a party and she drank all the whiskey and half the wine, even though she hates wine. But overall we decided it wasn't scary enough to be a nightmare.

The next night, we tried ice cream. With chocolate and caramel sauce. Still, no one woke up screaming. Again, a few weird and almost lucid dreams. I have to commend my children on allowing me to mess with their digestion and sleep patterns in my quest for a scientific way to induce nightmares. I have had a few suggestions from helpful people, but most of them involve alcohol or illegal drugs. Not happening. Alcohol has never made me have nightmares. I'm open to other suggestions though. Anyone got some??

In the name of science,


  1. Spot, this is freaking hilarious!!! I'm wondering how everone went to sleep after consuming all that sugar...keep me posted on the nightmares. LOL!

  2. I am so glad you're my adoptive big sister. Stuff like this is freakin' hilarious. I am sorry it was an epic fail, though. Maybe I will eat candy for you and let you know the results.

  3. Do you want guaranteed, heart stopping, sweat soaked sheet, shrieking nightmares? Try the Nicotine Patch...every woman I've ever known who attempted to use the patch to quit smoking had horrendous nightmares.

  4. Ice cream right before bed? Yeah I can tell you that does not produce nightmares... I've tested that far too many times...

  5. I Love Ice Cream, but the only nightmare that I would get would be my Blood Sugar in the morning if I loaded up before bedtime, guess I can't be included in this experiment huh :^0

    Loved the post anyways Spot :)

  6. Aha, maybe a visit from me might work...I'm pretty scary looking!

  7. Ok, don't make fun of me but I had the WORST nightmares after that Will Smith Legend-whatzit movie. Holy GOD I didn't sleep for a week.

    And seriously? A hot bedroom. Wear too warm pajamas and a heavy blanket. Instant nightmares. Promise.

  8. Darn! I had it all backwards. I've had nightmares about not getting sweets.

  9. Brite is right! The nicotine patch is a sure fire way to get nightmares. Hubby and I both tried to quit with them and after two days and nights I was yanking the thing off! BUT I'm not sure if the nightmares came from the patch or just from the not smoking.

    I like to experament things too, but I don't think this is one I'm game for! LOL!

  10. This is so refreshing. Our parents used to just tell us the neighbor man with no teeth, Mr. Frank, ate children who disobeyed. The nightmares were terrible. We'd get chased, then gummed.

  11. LMAO... I think Murr Brewster's mom just took your mom of the year award though. That is hilarious in itself.

    Your family keeps me in stitches. I have always tried to AVOID nightmares so sorry I can't help you there!

  12. Oh, you are too funny. You're probably the only person I know who actually wants nightmares...I avoid 'em at all costs.

    You could always do something dunno...maybe not paying your taxes, or gambling away your mortgage money. I'm betting that'll bring *something* to the surface!

  13. hadassah99~ Thanks Trish! I don't think anyone slept particularly well.

    UnA~ Kenz, you should totally do it. You know, for science.

    Brite~ thanks for the suggestion, but I don't smoke. Ever. So I'm pretty sure the patch would cause waking nightmares, like a trip to the ER.

    JP~ you should have told me that before I tried it!!

    Jimmy~ Thanks! Maybe you can try other things. Like veggies??

    suzicate~ so untrue. You are gorgeous.

    Elly~ Hahahahaha!! I mean, oh, that's too bad. (see not making fun of you). I can't sleep when I'm hot. That would make me the nightmare!

    Jerry~ that never happens at my house! Seriously, aren't sweets a food group?

    Heather~ c'mon, it'll be fun??

    Murr~ now that's just mean. And scary.

    Peg~ thanks! Yeah, I think most people do. But we all know I'm not like most people...

    Kathryn~ no, that would bring on full blown panic attacks while I was wide awake. Those I avoid at all costs!!


  14. Cheese, I'm telling you! Strong cheddar before bed. I agree with the hot bedroom too, but for me, it's more airlessness than heat. I have regular terrifying nightmares in the winter, because the heat is on and the windows are closed. I have to leave the door to the hall open a little bit. Really scary stuff. Of course it could just be because there's something wrong with me...

  15. Spot, you are genius, pure and simple.
    Only you can come up with a way to gorge on sugary noms right before bed, and all in the name of science. I take my hat off to you :P