As you all know, we have some wicked outlandish conversations at my house. Its pretty much the norm, as a matter of fact. Well, while Mike was in the hospital, Sean came to visit every day. As Mike slept a lot, I was glad of the company. While we were watching what passes for TV there, an advertisement for a documentary on the zombie phenomenon in pop culture came on. And this conversation ensued~
Me: I hope we're home by then, because I totally want to watch that.
Sean: Me too. Just to laugh at your generation's ideas about zombies.
Me: 'Scuse me?
Sean: You know, now that my generation has actual fact to support zombies. We were raised with enough knowledge of DNA, genomes and molecular mutation (I must admit that at this point all I heard was blah, blah, blah) that we understand how zombies could happen and why they aren't really dead.
Me: I'm not really sure what you just said, but I think you're full of sh*t.
Sean: I'm not full of sh*t. I'm just smarter than you.
Me: I'll give you that you have a higher IQ, but that means nothing when it comes to zombies, because I'm like a freakin expert here. And zombies are too dead. They're the walking dead. Duh. Everyone knows that. They travel in hordes.
Sean: No they aren't. Zombies are live people who blah blah blah.
Me: (Somehow, my brain has jumped the track and I'm off course) OMG. Do you think sharks could become zombies? I mean if dogs and cats can become zombies, then sharks could right? That's freakin scary. Or alligators! What's scarier than a freakin zombie alligator?!
Sean: Um. Sharks and alligators already attack people so I'm not sure they'd be any scarier as zombies than they already are.
Me: Oh. Well then let's pick something that doesn't already eat people. What about Giraffes? Pretty non-scary to begin with but all of a sudden, wham!! Scary!!
Sean: Giraffes are herbivores, they eat leaves and grass. So they'd just go around attacking trees. Not scary. Extremely goofy.
Me: It doesn't matter what you eat before you become a zombie. The mutation that causes zombiefication would cause a craving for flesh. Therefore, anything that became a zombie would eat flesh.
Sean: Their digestive systems couldn't handle flesh. They'd still eat leaves.
Me: They're dead! Do you think vegan zombies are going to go around eating beans? No! They're going to eat people.
Sean: But human digestive systems are equipped to eat meat. It's not a matter of evolution, its a matter of preference. Giraffes don't prefer leaves, they're genetically programmed to eat them.
Me: (jumping the track once more because its how I roll, peeps) Wait! Do you think if Giraffes "accidentally" ate flesh, they'd develop a craving for it? (I did do air quotes on the "accidentally")
Sean: Zombie giraffes or regular giraffes?
Me: Oh regular. Not zombie, live giraffes.
Sean: How is a giraffe going to "accidentally" ingest flesh?! I think you'd have to practically force feed it to them.
Me: Okay, so say a serial killer works at a zoo and he wants to dispose of a body so he cuts it up and mixes it with the giraffe's food.
Sean: I think if a serial killer worked at the zoo, there are far more likely animals to feed a body to. You know, like Lions or Tigers.
Me: Okay okay, so say he just accidentally gets some in the giraffe's food. Taste for flesh, or no?
Sean: I think it would get very sick, so no.
Me: Whatever. Man eating Giraffes. I think they're scary.
Sean: Nope. Just goofy.
Me: I hope it eats you while you're busy laughing at it.
I'm pretty sure there's a story in there somewhere. And you all might want to look a little closer next time you go to the zoo. Giraffes have really big teeth.