The one where I get interviewed...

You guys are not going to believe this, but I'm going to be interviewed and featured on this site: Mommy Page. I know, you're all wondering if they actually read my blog before picking me. That was my initial thought too. Then I thought maybe I was being punked. Because, I hear you all saying, "But, Spot, you're more like the anti-Mommy." I know, right? But they must have read my blog because the interview questions actually pertain to a post or two. And those questions? Man, they're hard. I'm freaking out just a little. But don't tell anyone, it would ruin my image.

So I'm definitely going to do the interview and I will let you all know when it is up; hopefully, you'll find a minute or two to sneak over and check it out, leave me a little comment love, and generally promote a site that apparently doesn't want to be preachy or "cookie cutter"ish. Let's face it, if they did, they wouldn't touch my blog with a ten foot pole. I mean I've openly admitted to not knowing where my children were every minute of every single day; letting them endanger their health by climbing tall trees, handling snakes (okay, so I totally did not encourage that, quite the opposite), riding without pads or helmets; and snarking at them. But, hey, they survived and became mostly functioning members of society (provided you don't ask Lu where any European countries are located or think that plans for total world domination is an odd life plan for a guy).

I've also stated numerous times that I'm looking forward to my children vacating the premises. I get really funny looks for that one sometimes. And it makes me wonder if people think they want their kids to live with them forever. And if they do, what kind of accident was it that caused the head injury that knocked your screw loose? Because, let's face it, no matter how close you are to your offspring (and anyone reading this blog knows that I'm nearly super glued to mine), there comes a time when you want some space. And I'm not talking about locking yourself in the bathroom for ten minutes with your fingers in your ears, refusing to converse with anyone standing outside the door. (You know you've been there, don't try to deny it.) And after raising them up, I deserve some "me" time. Or better yet, some "me & mike" time. So while I love them dearly, and will cry copiously the day they move out, I will also do a secret (okay, now that I've put it in writing maybe not-so-secret) happy dance.

They need the chance to blossom. Lu needs her own house so that two adult women with different ways of doing things aren't trying to survive in the same kitchen. Sean needs to not have me cook for him, clean his room, balance his checkbook, and amuse him on a routine basis. They need to flaunt their independence, make some mistakes, and become fully adult. Do I wish they weren't both moving half a continent away? Definitely. But I also know that there's nothing much around this area for them. We've always raised our children to want to get out of dodge and find their own niche in the world. I'll miss them like crazy (especially my adorable grandson) but there are cell phones, skype, and air travel. I'll make use of them all. Frequently.

And Mike & I? Well, I need time to devote to work and not feel guilty about neglecting the family. We both need a little less stress and a little more downtime. And we need more couple time.

And guess what? Lu & Sean took baby Dylan to visit his dad in Texas. So the next six days are a practice run at being empty- nesters. I'm only 8 hours in, Lu's called once already, but I'm kind of liking this silence thing. Just me and six sleeping cats. I'll let you know how it goes...



♥Spot

The one where Sean gets served

So not many people commented on my last blog so I'm thinking maybe you don't like it when I get serious or maybe it's just a skinny people boycott. Whatever. If you guys are going to play that game I guess I'll just go ahead and give you what you want. I know, you want the "funny". Fine. Here. I hope you all snort liquid out your noses. (No, really, I do!)

A couple of weekends ago, Sean's "not girlfriend"(which is a whole confusing state in and of itself) Lizzie came home from college for the weekend and we'd already planned that she would come to our house Friday night. We said we'd make dinner (and by "we", I totally mean "I") and then we'd (now I mean "we") teach her to play Mexican Train Dominoes. Don't laugh. It's fun. And we are all extremely competitive so it involves a lot of trash talking and a couple of swear words. So she arrived on a Friday night and we gathered round the table to chow down on some pork carnitas (duh, what else would you eat but Mexican food when you're going to play Mexican train dominoes?). It was Lizzie, Sean, Lu, Bobby (who was still off work from his accident) and myself. Naturally our dinner table conversation took several small leaps off track. And I'm just going to warn you right now-- if you get embarrassed about the word "vagina" or are easily offended STOP READING RIGHT NOW. Also, if you think you might feel the need to offer me parenting advice or something-- don't. I won't listen and I happen to think I've done a wonderful job. Thus ends the warning.

Me: Lizzie, how did W's 21st birthday party go? Wasn't it her first time ever drinking?

Lizzie: I don't know for sure that it was, but I know she was always against underage drinking whenever she was with K & I. But she drank alot and puked twice.

Me: Gross. But sometimes when you puke you feel better and can keep partying. Not that I recommend that.

Lizzie: Yeah, she puked the first time at the party and then the next time after we got home, she was on the porch and the window was open.

Sean: Did she make it to the bathroom at the party?

Lizzie: I don't know for sure.

Lu: Well I hope she didn't puke in her purse.

*We all start laughing*

Sean: Why the hell would she puke in her purse?

Me: That's totally gross. Who would do that?

Lu: Well it always seems like a good idea, until the next morning. It's just a really bad idea.

Me: Please tell me you don't know this from personal experience!

Bobby & Sean: She totally does! Look at her face!

*by this time we're all laughing hysterically*

Lu: It's really not that funny!

-now I know some of you are going "she just sort of admitted to getting drunk" and yeah, it can be viewed that way. But for the most part if you think your teenagers have never snuck a drink or two, you're fooling yourself. Besides, it's not like I can ground her for sins of the past. If you could, my parents would probably still be trying to ground me for shit I pulled they never knew about. There's got to be a statute of limitations on that kind of stuff-

From there, the convo takes a bewildering turn-

Lu: I don't know why Axel(my tiny female cat) is so mean to Sparkplug(Lu's male cat) anymore. They used to be the Romeo & Juliet of the cat world.

Me: She hasn't wanted anything to do with him since he came home from the vets.

Lu: Maybe she just knows he can't put out anymore. That's okay Sparkplug, you stay away from her vampire vagina.

*All of us turn to stare at her*

Lu: I read it in that cat book you got when Axel was pregnant. When cats have sex the female has these little barbs in there that make it impossible for the male to pull out before the deed is done.

Sean: So let me get this straight- you think cats have fangs in their vaginas?

Lu: No not fangs, barbs. But whatever, they're like vampires.

Me: *struggling for breath because I'm laughing so hard* Vampire Va-jay-jays! Man, where's Elly when you need her?!

Bobby: thank god humans don't have those.

Me: seriously, people would never have sex. And boys would learn to say no.

Sean: No! Keep that vampire vagina away from me girls!

Me: Do they sparkle?


Yeah, we ran that conversation into the ground. And the rest of the night anytime anyone said "vampire" we all started laughing again. Which was very confusing for Mike when he finally made it to the house.

Sean ended up winning the game. And the highlight of the game was Sean kept shouting "Stop looking at my dominoes Lizzie!!" He gets highly irate when you look at his dominoes. And then once, when he had to draw a domino, Lizzie told him he'd had one he could have played all along.

Sean: Then why didn't you tell me?

Lizzie: Because you keep yelling at me to stop looking at your dominoes! Besides, I needed that space.

Yes, Sean, you did just get served.

Hope Monday isn't treating you all too badly,
♥Spot

The one where I get to spend time with my kids...

I can't decide what I want to write about today. I'm having that trouble alot lately. I seem to have an excess of thoughts. But when I try to nail them down I have trouble getting a cohesive sentence. It may be the lack of sleep or the lingering effects of pain medicine. Or just a general ambivalence and sense of malaise I've felt lately. Which again is probably attributable to the lack of sleep. It's extremely hard to get comfortable. My knee, which should be healed by now, feels like someone took it off and put it back on sideways. Yeah, it's a really weird feeling. It's still swollen to about three times the normal size. I can walk without crutches, but with a noticeable limp. Anyway, enough of me whining.

I got the chance this weekend to spend some quality time with both Lu and Sean. Friday night Lu and I met a friend for dinner (at Buffalo Wild Wings and it was so good I cannot stop craving chicken). Then we went to two movies. Yep, we did a double. First we saw "Devil" and it was awesomely scary. Solid (and original) plot, solid acting. Lu was so creeped out that she debated sleeping in my room since the guys were gone that night. Then we saw "Easy A". I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Very sarcastic humor and a good lesson about human nature. We had a fabulous time and I was definitely reminded of why she's not just my daughter, she's one of my best friends.

By pure chance, Sean's schedule opened up Saturday and he offered to do the grocery shopping with me. I was elated. I mean, Mike was going to take me and that would have been alright, but Sean and I have it down to a science and it goes much smoother when he's my helper. Plus he never begs for cookies the way some people *cough cough Mike* do. So first we headed to lunch at the Mexican restaurant (never grocery shop on an empty stomach!). While there we got a chance to talk. I've really been missing him since he started working full time. He's gone all day and many nights he has activities (scouts, civil air patrol, lodge duties) so our hang out time had been severely hampered. He made me giggle with stories of the things he really wants to say on the phone and stories about the people he works with. Some of them not so savory characters. Like R, who just got out of jail after two years for drug dealing. K, whose dad is a wanted felon. And a couple of gang members. Of course, Sean is on good terms with all of them because he's so laid back. So then he's telling me about T, the girl who wants him.

Me: Well is she nice?

Sean: Um yeah. But she hangs out with the drug people.

Me: Oh. Is she a meth head?

Sean: No. I think she just smokes pot.

Me: did you tell her you don't date girls who do drugs?

Sean: Yes. I don't think it's dating she has in mind.

Me: Ooooohhhhh. Well, um, did you tell her you don't "do" girls who do drugs?

Sean: Yes Mom. She asked me if I wanted a drink at lunch the other day. I declined.

Me: Wow. She sounds great Sean, bring her home to dinner. Wait?! How old is she?

Sean: Her birthday is the end of the month and she turns 22.

Me: OMG! Does she know you just barely turned 17?

Sean: Yep.

Me: Wow. Is she pretty?

Sean: Um. She's okay. (hands me his phone which has a pic she sent him)

Me: Oh holy hell! She's not wearing a shirt!! (I mean you can't actually see anything but you can tell she's not wearing a shirt) Why would you show me that?! I'm your mother!!

Sean: Yeah. Well when I stop showing and telling you should worry.

Me: Hmmm. Good point. Have I told you lately how much I really like Lizzie? (his ex girlfriend).

Sean: Yes mother. (slightly exasperated) We're hanging out Sunday.

We had a good time shopping, it went smoothly. He refrained from knocking me into displays since I was already limping. Later, I shared this conversation with my sister Hildi, who flipped out.

Hildi: Did you call that chick and tell her to leave your baby alone?!

Me: Um. No. I don't have her number. And that's really not my style anyway.

Hildi: well you should!

Me: No. He's 17. He has to make his own choices. Obviously he's been putting this chick off nicely, which is what I would expect him to do. It is Sean we're talking about. He's been mature since he was born. I think he can handle it. Besides, he was right. If he didn't tell me about it is when I'd need to worry. Of course, then I wouldn't know I needed to worry. *I confess, I lost myself a little at this point but in my defense it was almost midnight*

I'm so thankful that I have this relationship with my kids. The one where they can tell me anything and I don't freak out. One where they want to tell me everything. (sometimes more than I needed to know). I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I guess that's why, I'm so disappointed in the woman I call "mother". I'm not going to go into any of it here, because she's told me before that she didn't want to be written about on my blog. I have to respect those wishes. I'll just suffice it to say, that I hope she gets the wake up call she needs soon, before it's too late. Because life is too short to waste.

Life, love & TMI,
♥Spot

I'm not lazy, I'm radical

So it turns out I'm a radical parent. Who knew? I thought I was just weird. But then I saw an advertisement for this show "Radical Parenting" on one of my favorite channels, Discovery Health. And yes, the fact that it's one of my favorite channels probably qualifies me as weird. The fact that Sean is addicted to it as well, and we've managed to suck Lu in a few times, probably doubles the qualification. Well I managed to DVR it and Sean and I watched it on Friday afternoon.

The program showed three different families with "radical" parenting styles. The first family were unschoolers. Unschoolers are homeschoolers who don't follow any kind of set curriculum. The let the kids learn through experience and set the tone for what they want to learn. I'd done some research on unschooling when we first decided to homeschool. I even knew a family in the area who "unschooled" their children. They came into the bookstore where I worked frequently and all three of their children were bright and inquisitive. A little lacking maybe in the social skills department, but um, the parents were a bit off kilter there as well. What we ended up doing was a mix of homeschooling and unschooling approaches. I didn't buy any set curriculum's, although there are a plethora of them to choose from. It just always seemed to me to defeat the purpose of why we were homeschooling to follow a set curriculum. I would still be trying to make my kids fit their thinking into a box. So I made up my own curriculum and we adjusted our schedule to fit the mood of the day. I won't call that unschooling because while the kids had a definite say, I still made the bulk of decisions and we still used some workbooks and had assignments. When we homeschooled for high school though, it was a large step closer to unschooling. Mostly because they'd already proved they were a step ahead of the norm and they were (are) inquisitive and motivated learners. If I had lazy students it would have been a different story. But it worked for us. I never thought of it as radical.

The people on the show let their kids make decisions about everything. When they went to bed, what and when they ate, what they wear. And I guess in some ways, we've run our house like that too. My kids have pretty much always dictated their bed times. Sean is an early to bed, early riser. And Lu has always been a night owl who thinks getting up before noon is "early". I stepped in and enforced an earlier bedtime only when they had to get up the next day. I think everyone's body rhythms are different so not everyone can keep the same schedule. Luckily, homeschooling allowed me to be accommodating. I have often let them pick their own meals, though not the time. We all eat together. That's just our family time. Sean and I now joke about who's turn it is to make breakfast and if I don't make it he'll say I'm "lazy". So when we watched the show and saw the kids getting their own breakfast I told him "Look! I'm not lazy. I'm radical. Which is way cooler. You're so lucky to have me."

Another family was "attachment parenting". This meant that they carried their baby in a sling or backpack everywhere. And let the kids sleep with them. Again, I didn't even know I was being radical. I never used a sling or a backpack, but I sure as heck lugged them babies everywhere. Especially Lu. That kid used to scream bloody murder when you set her down. I just carried her so she'd shut the heck up. I didn't know I was "attachment" parenting. But it may explain why, even now, when she's sick, she thinks I should be with her 24/7. Is there such a thing as too attached? And yes, our kids slept with us forever. It started because CJ hates to sleep alone. And of course, if one is there, you can't tell the others no. So no matter where they started out, their own beds, a pallet on the floor of our room, by 2 am we'd been invaded. And they slept mostly on top of me. I remember one night, when we had no air conditioning and all three toddlers were sprawled on top of me, looking over at hubby sleeping peacefully without even a chubby baby leg on him and thought "wow. I'm just going to melt into a puddle of sweat and no one will ever know what became of me. how is this fair??". Again, no idea I was radical. I just wanted to sleep through the night.

These parents also practiced "elimination communication". Say that three times fast! I dare you! Which essentially means no diapers. (eeewwww...) They pay attention to their babies cues that they need to potty. I'm drawing the line here. Especially if I'm lugging that kid around. I can only take being peed on so many times in one day, you know? But more power to you if you can do it.

The third parenting style was "gender neutral" parenting. This is where the parents let their kids play with anything. They let their boys wear mommies heels and have dollhouses. Is this radical, really? Sean and CJ both wore my heels from time to time. They both wore Lu's dress ups too. Sean and Lu played barbies together. Although, Sean's guy was always a GI Joe badass. Lu ran around with the neighborhood boys and played baseball and war. She went hunting with her dad and brothers. I never restricted the kids toys to gender appropriateness. Was I really being radical? Damn, I'm quite the rebel!

I can't wait to see what other radical parenting techniques I used! I'm pretty sure letting my kids run wild through the timber, play in creeks, climb trees and come back by dark is going to qualify me for "free-range" parenting. And the fact that I let my teenagers make a lot of their own decisions (and thus their own mistakes) is going to get me the "unparenting" badge. And maybe I can slide in on the "unconditional" parenting award since my kids didn't get bribes or routine punishments. And they know that I love them even when they screw up.

It's funny, because I thought I was just doing what felt right. And now I find out I was using all these radical techniques. Wow. I'm a pioneer in the field of parenting. Thank goodness my kids seem to be turning out well!! Can you imagine the criticism these movements would be getting if I'd raised a serial killer?? Or a teen mom? Everyone would be gunning for me..."gee thanks Spot. Way to ruin a whole movement." I guess the proof will be in their adulthood though. Check with me in ten years. Make sure the kids have made good lives for themselves. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed...

Are you a radical parent too?

♥Spot