Saturday, December 4, 2010

The one where I can't seem to put it behind me...

So um. This is probably going to be completely random because I have no idea what I'm going to blog about. I had fifty thousand post ideas until I actually sat down at my computer and my mind went blank. So here I am staring at the blank screen and randomly typing.

Today is the 6 month mark from Mike's accident. He's doing great. He still has some occasional shoulder pain and he still doesn't have his stamina quite back but he's doing amazing for someone who almost died. He still says he only remembers bits and pieces of things after the accident. I have full recall of the entire day. Sometimes I wish I didn't. I can't pass a red truck without feeling a chill snake it's way down my spine. Every time anyone leaves the house I worry til I know their safe. If I start to say something and don't or if I don't get a chance to say "I love you" before they leave I spend hours freaking out, thinking what if something happens, will they know I loved them? It's ridiculous really, but I can't stop it. Even writing this I find myself tearing up. I have flashbacks to that trauma room and my husbands bruised and bloody body. He seems to have put it out of his mind for the most part. I wonder why I can't?

On a happier note- Lu's pregnancy is going really well. Other than the fatigue (you ladies know what I'm talking about- that bone weary tiredness of the first trimester), she hasn't had much trouble. Some headaches and passing nausea, but overall she's super healthy and doing great. I should take a picture of her baby bump to post. She sees the doctor for the first time on Wednesday and we're hoping they will be able to determine her due date for sure. Emotionally she's got a lot going on. She wants to have the first appointment be just her and I and the baby daddy is pressuring her to let him come too. I'm not sure why he can't seem to respect her wishes on this. Technically she doesn't have to let him come to any appointments but she's promised he could come to some. She's also helping a friend who's been through rehab for alcoholism and just got out.

Sean is, well, Sean. I haven't seen him much these last few weeks because he's got his father's work ethic. He had pneumonia and only missed one day of work. Then he stayed late several times to make up the missed hours. Then he took on a couple of side jobs with a friend. Between all that and his Lodge duties, he's gone a lot. I miss him. He's the one I can count on to lighten my mood. Lizzie (his "not" girlfriend) did visit with us over her Thanksgiving break and we all enjoyed that. Lu made us (and when I say "made" us, I mean MADE us. She's like the family game night Nazi) play games that night. Personally, I wish they'd drop the "not" status and just go back to dating. Sean found "the whole happy meal" in Lizzie and I like that she gives shit right back to him when he's dishing it out. Lu has asked them to be her baby's godparents.

And me? Well, I'm working on Christmas stuff. I'm unusually ahead of the game this year. My shopping is nearly done, I'm starting my craft projects tomorrow, and I may wrap some today. I'm usually a last minute Christmas girl so I'm feeling pretty proud. My folks and sisters family will be coming here for Christmas, so I do have some carpet shampooing and cleaning to do. And I have to get it all done because I'm having my gallbladder out on the 30th. That conversation went like this.

*I'd seen the surgeon (yes, the same one who did Mike and Lu's surgeries. He's probably going to get to go on vacation from the money he's made on us this year!) And the nurse comes in*

Nurse: Doctor wants to take that out right away. He said tomorrow but we don't have any openings. How about next Thursday the 9th?

Me: Um. No can do. We have a wedding to go to on the 11th and a banquet.

Nurse: How about the next week. The 16th?

Me: Nope. Mike's work Christmas party.

Nurse: The 23rd?

Me: You're kidding right?

Nurse: *blank stare*

Me: I'm having company for Christmas. How about the 30th?

Nurse: But the doctor said right away.

Me: I've been in pain for months now. I'm pretty sure I can handle 29 more days. So the 30th works. Book it.

I know that my family would have been okay with a messy house and pizza for Christmas dinner. But I would never have healed enough to be able to have CJ home. This way I get Christmas out of the way, enjoy every one's visits and then take care of me. That's how we Mom's do it, right?

Hope you all are having an excellent month. If you have snow, send it my way. I'm ready for some!



  1. No snow here, yet. We canceled a weekend trip because it was calling for snow, and they already have several inches there. Glad Lu is doing well with the pregnancy. Hope all goes well with the gallbladder surgery. I don't blame you for waiting until after Christmas. I would have waited, too.

  2. So, how many surgeries in all for your family this year? Like a dozen? Bless your heart!

    Tell Lu to make ginger toast or eat ginger snaps or drink ginger ale for the nausea. It helped alot with my last one!

  3. You did pretty darn good with sitting down to type and your mind going blank. But I just type the first sentence or so and stuff starts flowing.

    Be careful and don't push it. Putting off the surgery until the 30th seems a little iffy.

  4. Maybe I should write when I am blank as good as this one came off Ha Ha

    I agree don't put it off too long because the sooner it's done the quicker it's over.

  5. Don't mess with your health, muffin. I'd rather read about you eating pizza than screaming my pain.

  6. Sean a godparent. I cannot wait to see what kind of religious education he will instill lil' lulu.~J

  7. Aw, hun ... you'll likely never completely get over the aftermath of Mike's accident. Don't fight it ... it just makes it harder.

    Thank GOD he is okay and all that lingers is a desire to make your feelings known always - right?

    So happy for Mo. Can't wait to hear about how the babe is doing. Odd as it sounds, chocolate milk helped me through my first pregnancy. I had morning, noon, night sickness for all but 2 months in the middle, but choc milk helped me a whole lot.

    Can NOT wait to hear about "Unky Sean's" hilarity once that child is born. Can. Not. Wait.

    Take care of you, my friend.


  8. Best wishes with the gallbladder, sweetie!

  9. I just love reading about what is going on in your life! I almost can pretend I am there to help or enjoy. Reminds me of the dear friend you are! Keep posting - and I will keep reading. Know that I am here silently reading - and wishing I had your talent for sharing! Love to you and your family....missing you all!

  10. "I have full recall of the entire day." I totally know this one, I too can remember my hubby's accident like it was yesterday. It's been 8 years and the "I love you's" go out every morning, still. It really is hard to let go.

    Lu letting Luke be involved, just goes to show what a great parent you are, to instill such compassion. Glad to hear everything is going good for her.

    I sure wish you didn't put your health on the back burner, but I think we all do it. Hope the surgery goes well.

  11. Oh girl, I imagine you will have flashbacks for quite some time of that trauma, perhaps forever. Kind of helps keep us grounded I think. Good luck with the surgery but better watch what you eat between now and then to avoid the dreaded emergency surgery route. May you have a truely blessed holiday with those you love!

  12. I think 2011 is your year. Happiness and health and fun.

    After the gallbladder goes away. :)

  13. I hope weddings and Christmas and surgery went well and that this new year brings far less stress and trauma!