The one where I share a funny story...

I'm not going to apologize for my absence (although, I am sorry), I'm just going to relate a funny story. Please note that names have been changed to protect the guilty. Because, well, really, the innocent never do anything they need protecting from, do they? But I didn't change Sean's name, because let's face it, you'd know it was him anyway.

Sean has a friend, we'll call him Jethro. And Jethro has just begun seeing a new girl (no, I don't know her name). Well, once upon a time (a few weeks ago) in a land far far away (or 30 minutes anyway) new girlfriend's evil (or slightly misguided) ex-boyfriend comes to her house and begins making an ass of himself (as young boys often do). New girlfriend calls Jethro in tears. Unfortunately, Jethro is stuck in a land farther away, running errands with his father. What to do? Jethro calls in other heroes to save new girlfriend. Namely, Sean. Sean agrees that this is a problem and since another friend, we'll call him Roscoe (yes, I do know it's a silly name. pay attention, would you?), is already on his way to Sean's house, he phones him up and tells him they have a fair maiden to save so he should drive "double time." (Honestly, I don't know what driving "double time" means and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.) But apparently, Roscoe is some kind of stunt driver akin to those in the Fast & Furious movies and he gets to our house much more quickly then normal (but, thankfully, all in one piece).

Now, we have two back up heroes who speed to the damsel in distress' house. They walk around the house and notice  two groups of people. One group includes our fair lady, her friends, and possibly siblings (these details are a little thin) and the other group includes young men set on douchebaggery, the evil ex and his minions. Our heroes assess the situation and then:

Sean: Are you Jethro's fair maiden?

Fair Maiden: Yes (this may or may not have been said with tearful hopefulness)

Sean: Okay. Then which one of you jerkwads (this may not be the exact wording) is starting trouble?

*No reply*

Sean: We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.

*Evil ex is pushed forward by now uncomfortable henchmen*

Roscoe: We need to have a talk with you.

*Sean and Roscoe approach Evil ex*

Roscoe: Now this can go down one of two ways. The first way is you apologize and leave quietly. The second is much more violent and doesn't end well for you, except that you still apologize and leave.

*Evil ex blusters for a minute*
*Sean pulls Roscoe aside*

Sean: *speaking in very loud whisper intentionally trying to be overheard* I think we're going to have to bash some skulls.

Roscoe: I was hoping you'd say that...

Evil ex: Yeah, okay, whatever, we're leaving. Mumbled apology. *The villain and his minions retreat*

Fair Maiden's brother: Wow. Jethro really did send his friends.

*Our heroes begin walking back around the house to their vehicle*

Someone in crowd: Wait, good sirs, what are your names?

Sean: *thrown casually over his shoulder* Starsky and Hutch.


And that, dear friends, was your story for today. I'll try to be more frequent with my postings.

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It was (almost) a love story (or two or three). But not the fairy tale kind where everyone lives happily ever after in the end.

So...I almost had this incredibly beautiful love story to tell you about Lu. But of course it involved a boy so it didn't turn out that way. Instead it turned out with her vowing to never speak to him again and the rest of us talking in hushed whispers and calling him "he who can not be mentioned" or "that one guy" or just "jackass". I guess for this story you really need a little history, a roster of players and seeing as how the whole story is ongoing it may be a two (or several) parter.

Here's the cast of characters;

Jackass- this would be Lu's first love. They met at summer camp when she was 11 and he was 14. That year nothing happened. But she can still tell you exactly what he was wearing the very first time she met him. Fast forward a year and me telling her boys that age are dumb and he probably wont remember you. Man, did he prove me wrong. Not about being dumb, but about remembering her. Oh and did I mention that in the years time she'd sprouted boobs? May have jogged his memory somewhat. Anyway, they were instantly inseparable for the week. Then they went to a few movies, he came over to the house some and then school started and they stopped seeing each other because a.) he lives an hour away, b.) he was in high school and she was in middle school and he had older girls vying for his attention, and c.) neither of them was old enough to drive. But she had become best friends with one of his close friends, we had become friends with his parents and the other guys parents so we went to basketball games (both boys were on the team) and other gatherings in that town. So they still came in contact with each other and from time to time restarted their romance only to have it end by his bad behavior. (Did I mention the boy was really really cute and had girls falling all over themselves for him?) Both dated other people, a year went by and it's summer again. This time he's working at the camp and is there for the whole summer. They begin dating and spending every waking moment possible together. And then summer ends and so does their romance. Again. They never officially dated after that but there were a few times here and there that they went out or he'd come up to visit (as by this time he's practically part of the family). His mother even (still) has a framed picture of Lu & him hanging up in her house. He graduated high school and joined the marines. I mentioned him in a previous post, he called her from Iraq. Sometime while he was over there they had an argument and the emails stopped. Not sure of the details. I just know we didn't hear from him when he got back. Until December 12th.

Drunken Ex-boyfriend: Lu's second love. She met him about October of her freshman year. He was a junior. A year older than her. The cousin of one of her close guy friends. Lived on a farm not far from us. We should have known there was going to be trouble when he brought her home an hour late from their first date. And didn't come in to apologize. They had a dramatic off/on again relationship until this past may. They'd fight, they'd break up, we'd breathe a sigh of relief, they'd get back together. Now some of the problem is him...he comes from a family of alcoholics and a culture of alcoholism. His mother locked him in a closet when he was little. His parents fought constantly and his mother finally left the family, kids and all. His father isn't his biological father, his mother got pregnant during one of their separations. His biological father lives twenty minutes from him and never acknowledged his existence. I mean the boy had problems. And while I felt sorry for him (motherless boys are my weakness), my daughter has to be my priority. But we tried to help him. We tried to get him to quit drinking. I tried to get him to go to therapy. We took him in when no one else wanted to. We gave him chances. And the trouble we had with Lu during this time wasn't entirely his fault. She just turned into someone different when she was with him. She lied, she snuck around, she drank way more than she let on. We had horrible fights. (and yes, I do know this is typical behavior, but since we have an atypical household and parenting style, I guess I expected atypical behavior.) They separated for the final time in mid may when she kicked him out of our house and her life for falling off the wagon. They had a fight so he went to a party at his cousins and got wasted.

The Hippie- this would be Lu's current boyfriend. They met in June at summer camp. He's the handicraft teacher. He's fun, upbeat, artistic, sensitive and kind. But he's also irresponsible, lazy, and unmotivated. And smokes pot. And has a retinue of stoner friends. And blows off school, doesn't work much and lives off his folks. And Lu. She's been living in Iowa with him since end of September. She's been paying all the bills for the last two months because he has no money. They've been having huge fights. Now, don't get me wrong, I like him- as a person. And he's definitely done some good things for Lu. Her self esteem is up, he cooks for her, and he would certainly never cheat on her. But he's not settle down with material. He doesn't take care of her. She takes care of him. And so now this is wearing very thin and she's come to realize that it's not going to work...

Crap! That's really all I have time for because I have a busy day today and have to go to town. The way it's snowing outside I may need a sled and a team of snow dogs. Haha. Guess I'll settle for hubby and his truck. I will get into the meat of the drama tomorrow. Trust me, it rivals any daytime soap out there....

Tune in tomorrow...
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She's Baaaaacccckkkk!

Okay so I'm back. To blogging that is. I didn't really go anywhere. I guess I took a staycation from blogging. Christmas was soooo hectic. Maybe if I hadn't put absolutely everything off til the last minute the total hecticness could have been avoided but um that was kind of an epic fail. So I spent the last week before Christmas frantically, shopping, wrapping, planning and crafting my ass off. Did it pay off? Was Christmas loverly? Indeed. But I'm definitely starting in July next year. Yes, I know I said that last year, but this year I mean it. Really.

It didn't help that I was very nice and offered to do Christmas morning at my house on Christmas eve so that Lu & Luke could go to his parents house for the real Christmas morning. I mean all my kids are old enough that it didn't really matter, but it did mean things had to be ready a day early. Which was tough this year let me tell you. Then there was the fact that Lu had major drama this year (which is of course continuing...). Then there was the fact that my sis (Hildi) got mad because I gave her husband a toaster for Christmas. Seriously. Because she didn't think they needed a new one and apparently this means I sided with him in implying that he does everything. The hell??! All that from a toaster?! Who knew they were little relationship landmines??! It was meant to be funny...

Then my hubby told me that he didn't have time to shop for a gift for me. Lu had done all his stocking stuffer shopping and wrapping, but he said he'd had no time or ideas for a big gift for me. I got him a new phone. At first I didn't care because I really am more about the giving gifts and watching others open them. But then I kinda got a little sad that he couldn't even go to the bookstore and pick up a gift card?? Was I that unimportant to him? So Lu & I load the stockings the night before and then the next morning we get up when CJ wakes up. On my way to the bathroom I mention making the bed and when I come out hubby says "c'mon woman, I'll help you make the bed." Now, this in itself is highly irregular because he never makes the bed. Second, it's really kind of a one person job. So I go to my side and then I notice two huge lumps under the covers. "The hell?!" I say and whip the covers back. And it's a Wii!! And the Wii Fit!! I have been wanting those for like a month. I just looked at him in confusion. Then I say "Thank you so much. But this is so unfair! I didn't have $300 dollars to spend on you!". And he says "22 Christmases and I have never ever gotten you a truly memorable gift. I wanted to give you something you really wanted but probably wouldn't end up spending money on yourself for." I cried. Now, to some of you a Wii Fit might not sound like a romantic gift. Or even a great gift. Some of you might be wondering if he's trying to tell me I'm fat. But no. I know him. I wanted the Wii Fit. I wanted to lose weight and have fun working out. I wanted to strengthen my muscles and feel better. And he listened to what I wanted and chose his gift accordingly. To me, that's the most romantic thing ever. To really listen to your mate and sacrifice to make that happen. And he spent money that he'd worked hard for and was supposed to go towards his hunting habit. So he not only listened, he gave up buying himself something. Wow. That in itself was the best gift ever.

But let me just say...I love me some Wii!!! The whole family is enjoying it. We love the competition of playing against each other. And I have been using it to work out. This thing is amazing...it keeps track of everything for you...whether you're doing an exercise correctly, how many calories you've burned, how long you've been working out, ect. And I'm happy to say that I've already lost 2.3 pounds. Since the 25th. And I'm never bored with it. And my body is sore but in the good way. Not from the fibro, but from the exercise. Sean (who of course has a perfect BMI and weight) has also discovered a passion for tennis. I can't wait for warmer weather so I can take him to a real tennis court and teach him the game. My dad and I used to play weekly when I was a teen. And Lu...yeah you guessed it...her BMI is low. She had to make a goal of gaining a few pounds. Skinny little witch. So the Wii has been not just a wonderful gift to me...but to the whole family. We even get hubby to turn off the tv and bowl a few games at night. And he's addicted to the boxing.

All in all, it was a wonderful Christmas. All the kids were here on Christmas eve and it snowed so everything was pretty. We ate, we played, we talked, we enjoyed. And isn't that what it's all about?

Hope everyone else enjoyed theirs as well. Tomorrow I'll detail Lu's drama. Because I know you're all dying to know...

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Survey says..."optomistic".

So when I wrote that title I actually heard that host guy from "Family Feud" voice in my head. Do other people do that? Or is it just me? It's probably just me. But at least I don't talk out loud to myself. My husband does that. Omigod. It's so annoying. I just want to smack him. He says it's because he works alone all the time so he's just used to nobody being around. But like in the car, driving along, he'll just out of the blue say something, kind of quietly so I can't really hear it. So I'll ask what he said and he'll say "nothing. just thinking out loud." Gahhh! I just want to reach over and pinch him. That is seriously frustrating. I'd think maybe I was just a b**ch, but it annoys the kids as well. Sometimes I talk out loud around the house when nobody's home. But it's to the cats. Honest. They don't offer much back in the way of advice, but they are fantastic listeners!

The doctors visit went fine. He went over the ct scan, even gave me a copy. It's completely clear except of course for the thriving little community on my ovary. He says it looks so good that he's optimistic that the mass will be benign. Yay! I know there's no possible way to know for sure until the biopsy, but I refuse to spend the next two weeks worrying about it. After all, it won't change a single thing. He thinks the pain I've been having in my upper right tummy is gallbladder. He said the ct often misses stones and to keep track of it. If it continues to be a problem we'll do an ultrasound. And I finally got the ankle that's been killing me xrayed. I've been dealing with it for six months but I have so many aches and pains it seems senseless to dwell on them all. Something must be weird on the xray because the xray techs put it on the viewing thing then decided to go look at it on the monitor, then came back and asked a zillion questions. That's me...Spot...medical anomaly.

Had some drama with the kids last night. Haha...I have a houseful of teenagers, how could there not be drama?! Two of my biologicals are camp counselors this month. They do this every summer at a camp for kids with disabilities, which happens to be run at the camp we live at. So basically they spend a month in the front yard, although it's about a half mile from the house. Well, as with any camp where you have co-ed counselors, there are relationships, gossip, drama, ect. Last night, apparently, my daughter caught my son in a rather compromising position with a girl she does not like at all. Then a rather loud and public chewing out ensued. And then she texted home to tell me how awful her brother was. And how he had broken her friend's heart. Well, my hubby went down to talk to my son and get his side. And there appears to have been some miscommunication between him and said broken-hearted girl. He says the night before they stayed up for four hours talking and through the talk she kept reiterating how glad she was they'd never been more then friends. She told my daughter that she told him many times how much she liked him. ??? Seriously (aside from the compromising position, and I did not ask for details, but omg that's my baby!) this is better then "Big Brother". Lol.

Well dears, I'm off to Springfield to pick up my biological oldest from school. He's coming home for a three day visit and I am ecstatic!!! Even if the autism means he can't talk...he gives the best hugs ever.

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