The one where I'm mistaken for a fugitive on my birthday...

So, as many of you know, Saturday was my birthday. I'd flown out to California on Monday to return my grandbaby to his parents and visit their new home. The baby was a good traveler, he seemed to like riding on the airplanes and it was a good experience. We had a lot of fun in California. We visited fisherman's wharf in San Francisco, Old Sac Town in Sacramento, toured the base, saw the home they'll be moving into on December 27th (so much nicer than any base house my family lived in and definitely nicer than the apartments Mike & I started out in), ate good food, hung out and generally had a great time.

It was hard to leave. It was hard to say goodbye to my baby and her baby. Dylan has lived with us since he was born and it was like leaving two pieces of my soul out there. Mo and Boo. So I cried. But then I bucked up and Sean and I made our way through TSA and to our gate. Where we found out our flight would be delayed an hour because of a storm in Ontario (where the flight was coming from). Ugh. No one likes flight delays. I approached the desk to let them know that I had a connecting flight in Las Vegas and would be cutting it short on time. They assured me I'd make my connecting flight, but I might not get to board with my "A" pass, meaning that Sean and I might not get to sit next to each other. Fab.

Sean, not being the experienced world traveller that I am, was not happy. So we decided to tour the airport gift shops, where we bought trashy magazines and sour patch kids. These helped pass the time and take care of his crankies. Finally, we boarded our aircraft. They'd oversold the flight, so every seat was taken. Including the one next to me in our row. And, has everyone forgotten airplane etiquette? Is it not rude to promptly put both of your elbows on the armrests so you can text on your phone? Excuse me, sir, I might have wanted to use that armrest. You could have at least asked.

Also, there's turbulence. A lot of it. This doesn't bother Sean and I at all, but it does slow the plane somewhat. And then we land. And sit on the airplane, on the tarmac, because they haven't got a free gate for us. The time before my connecting flight leaves is ticking away. I'm beginning to get annoyed.

So what should have been a lovely hour and a half lay over in Vegas (plenty of time to have a drink and drop some money on the slots) has turned into a mad dash to our connecting flight ten gates away. We bob and weave through the crush of other travelers to arrive at our gate, sweaty and out of breath, only to find that they are delaying the flight for twenty minutes. So I get us a place and Sean runs to the sandwich shop (we haven't eaten in 8 hours and no, I don't count airline peanuts). He returns in the nick of time with two turkey sandwiches, a coke, and a look of sheer surprise. Turns out he didn't realize that two sandwiches and a coke could cost $24. Haha.

So we're lining up to board, while a harassed and frazzled looking airline worker is helping those in wheelchairs on board. I notice one little old lady sitting neglected (and surrounded by other travelers) in a wheelchair some distance from the desk. I asked her if she'd like me to wheel her closer so the attendant wouldn't forget her. At her nod, I did. Turns out, when the attendant checked her ticket, she was on the next flight. Oops.

We get on board, and once again the plane is full. The guy who sits next to me this time also commandeers my arm rest. WTF? And his bony elbow happens to be digging into my side for most of the ride. Not cool. But we get there. And Mike is waiting for us and he has roses.

He seems really alert and chipper so he gets to drive and after a brief stop for sodas, we're finally on our way home from St. Louis. We talk about the trip and Boo. But after an hour and a half, I can tell he's getting sleepy. So I suggest he pull over and I'll drive. So on the outskirts of Hannibal, Mo, he pulls into a closed gas station and we play Chinese fire drill.

Back in the car, I drive through Hannibal and I'm nearly to the turn off for the bridge to Illinois, when a cop in the oncoming lane flashes his lights at me. Huh? Then he pulls a u-turn and turns on his lights. So, slightly bewildered, I pull over. He comes to the car and I hand him my license and registration.

Cop: What are you doing in town tonight?

Me: Travelling home from St. Louis.

Cop: So you're just passing through? You didn't stop anywhere?

Me: Um, well, we stopped at a gas station to change drivers because he was sleepy.

Cop: Shining his light in and looking at Mike & Sean: Did you see anything at that gas station?

Me: No. They were closed.

He asks for Mike & Sean's IDs too. WTH? I can tell he's suspicious but can't figure out why.

Cop: Well, ma'am, you were speeding. You were doing 52 in a 35.

Me: Was I? I'm sorry. I should have been paying more attention. Shit. I haven't had a speeding ticket in 18 years!

Cop: Well, that's better than me. But the fact is you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. We got a call about a fight at the gas station you passed and everyone scattered when the police showed up. When I saw you speeding, I thought you might be one of the people fleeing the scene.

*Seriously? I have a suit jacket on. Do I look like the kind of person who flees the scene of a fight at a gas station?!*

He takes our IDs back to his car and I burst into tears. Mike and Sean kind of chuckle.

Me: Remember the birthday where we were driving home and the tire fell off the van?

Mike: Yeah, it hit a barn.

Sean: See? It's not the worst birthday ever!

Me: Not by a longshot. But I'm so tired and I just want to go home.

I mop up the tears and the cop comes back.

Cop: I'm so sorry about this. You were just speeding in the wrong place at the wrong time. You've got a great driving record, you've been very pleasant, and I noticed it was your birthday. I feel like a jerk giving you this ticket, but once I write it, it's set in stone. I'm really sorry.

Me: It's not your fault. But do you have to keep my driver's license? I'm going to Florida on Friday...

Cop: Oh, no, we don't do that in Missouri. Man, then I'd really feel bad, keeping your license when you were going on vacation.

And so he gave me my ticket and we drove off. $125 dollars poorer. And the end of my safe driver's discount. And as we drive off~

Mike: Just so you know, we do have a shotgun in the trunk.

Me: WTH??!! You mean I was riding dirty?

Mike: It's Porky's. We're going hunting in the morning and he forgot it. I stopped by and picked it up for him. It's not illegal to have an unloaded gun in the trunk.

Me: Oh. Well at least they didn't bring out the drug dogs.

Sean: That would have been funny as hell, sitting on the sidewalk while the drug dogs searched your car after the day we've had. At least you have a story to tell.

Me: Yeah. And you're welcome fugitives who really were fleeing the scene. F*ckers. They probably all got away while the cop was busy with me.

Sean: let's just pretend tomorrow is your birthday.

And so we did. I slept til 10 and then I talked to my Dad and to Molly. Then Sean and I watched four movies in a row. And a documentary on Doomsday Cults. And we ate take out. So it worked. We kind of figured out that I only have good birthdays every five years anyway. So I'm anticipating 45, that's when the next one is due.

Happy Travels, everyone. I'm off to Florida on Friday. Wonder what kind of trouble I'll get into along the way...

♥Spot

The one where I share a funny story...

I'm not going to apologize for my absence (although, I am sorry), I'm just going to relate a funny story. Please note that names have been changed to protect the guilty. Because, well, really, the innocent never do anything they need protecting from, do they? But I didn't change Sean's name, because let's face it, you'd know it was him anyway.

Sean has a friend, we'll call him Jethro. And Jethro has just begun seeing a new girl (no, I don't know her name). Well, once upon a time (a few weeks ago) in a land far far away (or 30 minutes anyway) new girlfriend's evil (or slightly misguided) ex-boyfriend comes to her house and begins making an ass of himself (as young boys often do). New girlfriend calls Jethro in tears. Unfortunately, Jethro is stuck in a land farther away, running errands with his father. What to do? Jethro calls in other heroes to save new girlfriend. Namely, Sean. Sean agrees that this is a problem and since another friend, we'll call him Roscoe (yes, I do know it's a silly name. pay attention, would you?), is already on his way to Sean's house, he phones him up and tells him they have a fair maiden to save so he should drive "double time." (Honestly, I don't know what driving "double time" means and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.) But apparently, Roscoe is some kind of stunt driver akin to those in the Fast & Furious movies and he gets to our house much more quickly then normal (but, thankfully, all in one piece).

Now, we have two back up heroes who speed to the damsel in distress' house. They walk around the house and notice  two groups of people. One group includes our fair lady, her friends, and possibly siblings (these details are a little thin) and the other group includes young men set on douchebaggery, the evil ex and his minions. Our heroes assess the situation and then:

Sean: Are you Jethro's fair maiden?

Fair Maiden: Yes (this may or may not have been said with tearful hopefulness)

Sean: Okay. Then which one of you jerkwads (this may not be the exact wording) is starting trouble?

*No reply*

Sean: We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.

*Evil ex is pushed forward by now uncomfortable henchmen*

Roscoe: We need to have a talk with you.

*Sean and Roscoe approach Evil ex*

Roscoe: Now this can go down one of two ways. The first way is you apologize and leave quietly. The second is much more violent and doesn't end well for you, except that you still apologize and leave.

*Evil ex blusters for a minute*
*Sean pulls Roscoe aside*

Sean: *speaking in very loud whisper intentionally trying to be overheard* I think we're going to have to bash some skulls.

Roscoe: I was hoping you'd say that...

Evil ex: Yeah, okay, whatever, we're leaving. Mumbled apology. *The villain and his minions retreat*

Fair Maiden's brother: Wow. Jethro really did send his friends.

*Our heroes begin walking back around the house to their vehicle*

Someone in crowd: Wait, good sirs, what are your names?

Sean: *thrown casually over his shoulder* Starsky and Hutch.


And that, dear friends, was your story for today. I'll try to be more frequent with my postings.

♥Spot

The one where we discuss my new story over dinner...

Last night Sean got to come home for dinner. It was family night at camp (you know, in our front yard). On family night, the families of the scouts come and have dinner in their campsites and there's a big campfire. But Lu and I weren't planning to go this week. We'll pop down next week when Sean's troop is in camp. So Sean had been home briefly earlier in the day, looking for something. And I mentioned that I was making Salmon Fettuccine for dinner and he decided he'd eat here. I did not invite Mike to eat at home because that is not a dinner he would like. So Sean comes home, Lu gets home from work and we sit down to eat.

Sean: Dad told everyone you didn't invite him to dinner.

Me: He wouldn't even like this!

Sean: I'm just telling you what he said.

Me: That man....grrr.

Me: So I wrote a story today for the friday flash on the vamplit blog. Remember that baboon leg lamp we saw on Oddities, Lu?

Lu: Yes. That thing was hideous! You wrote about that?

Me: The theme had to be "terrible taxidermy". Where do you even think you get a severed baboon leg?

Sean: You cut it off a baboon, duh.

Lu: Why would anyone even want that?

Me: Well in the story, the guy's obsessed with Africa...

Sean: Which is really stupid because Baboons are native to South America.

Lu: Mom! I thought you said you were going to research Baboons...

Me: I did Lu. Settle down. Why do you ever believe your brother? He's teasing. He already tried that on me...

Sean: And she was like, I researched it. Her trying to be accurate is really ruining my fun.

Me: I had to research it, I wanted to get the fight scene accurate. Did you know that Baboons are omnivorous? They will actually eat small animals, like small antelope.

Lu: small antelope?

Sean: That's like saying small whales. It's still a big animal. Well thank Bob they don't eat HUGE whales. See? Ridiculous.

Me: And they will sometimes steal babies out of huts because they sound like Baboon babies. They have similar cries.

Lu: That's awful!!

Me: What do you think they do with the babies when they realize they aren't all hairy? And that they aren't baboons?

Sean: They probably eat them.

Lu & Me: gross!

Lu: So they have that whale bath tub I want at Sears.

Sean: Wheel bathtub?

Lu: Whale!

Me: Its a little bathtub shaped like a whale for the baby. But you shouldn't get it Lu, because according to Sean whales attract baboons.

Sean: And then they'll steal your baby.

How do these conversations go so far awry??

Happy Friday,
♥Spot

PS- you can read the story over at The Author Spot. It's not for the squeamish though!

The one where I have random conversations...

This post will just be a jumble of some random conversations.

Me: I don't know how our bed keeps getting so messed up. Every morning the sheet is completely untucked and the comforter is balled up in the middle.

Mike: It's because they aren't flannel sheets.

Me: Duh. Because it's summer.

Mike: It doesn't matter what season it is, it's always arctic in this house.

Me: That's because I'm allergic to heat.

Mike: No one is allergic to heat.

Me: I am. Its probably very rare. I think I can get you a doctor's excuse if that will help.

Mike: How about we just put the flannel sheets back on the bed.

Me: No.

At the Doctor's yesterday~

Me: So obviously something is broken in my body. I need you to fix it. I don't have time to be feeling bad.

Dr: It doesn't work that way.

Me: Why not? I take the car to my mechanic and tell him it's broke and he fixes it. It should totally work the same way.

Dr: *rolls his eyes* I'm going to do these twenty bazillion tests...

Me: And then you better fix it. You went to school for this way longer than my mechanic.

Sean came home briefly yesterday looking for something in his room (which is also my office at the moment). He was talking to me for a few minutes and then~

Sean: You better pay attention. This is important.

Me: *turning from my desk* yes?

Sean: The blackberries are ripe.

Me: That was the important thing?! You've just told me about ten things and that was the important one I needed to pay attention for?

Sean: Blackberries don't pick themselves, you know. And cobblers don't bake themselves. My stomach thinks that makes it very important.

In the waiting room for Lu's dr visit~

Lu: What are you doing?

Me: Being bored

Lu: You're reading a magazine. How can you be bored at the same time?

Me: Because I can multitask.

Happy humpday folks,
♥Spot

The one where we need to have a little chit chat...

So my Dad has this voice that we call his "dictator voice". It means that in the following discussion he will brook no whining, silly excuses or disagreement. He's kind of like Dr. Phil. (If Dr. Phil had spent 24 years in the Air Force bossing around other people and dealing with live bombs). Even at my advanced age and parental status, the "dictator voice" scares me. But I called him on it and now it's kind of a joke. Still, when he starts a sentence with "we need to talk", I figure I've got some 'splaining to do and start frantically searching my mind for what I've screwed up recently.

It has come to my attention recently that I "need to have a talk" with some people out there. The subject? Lu's pregnancy and the father of her baby. It seems somewhat crazy to me, in this day and age, that people are blaming Luke for this situation. Wth? Peeps, wake up and smell the decade! It's not the fifties folks. If I was going to take anyone to task over Lu's pregnancy (which I am most certainly NOT), it would be Lu! She's the one who's responsible for her own body. And here's why:

1.) She's not sixteen. She's nineteen and legally an adult. She was raised to make her own decisions and well educated on sex and birth control. She knows how to prevent pregnancy and not to rely on someone else to handle that prevention.

2.) Luke is only a year older than she is. Its not like he's some older guy who walked in and seduced an innocent and then abandoned her.

3.) They were planning on getting married when said conception occurred. They'd been in a monogamous relationship and living together for a year and a half. And we'd already started looking at wedding dresses for heaven's sake!

4.) He did not abandon her, she asked him to leave. While there was some miscommunication and screw ups in the beginning, he was not trying to abandon his child or Lu. In fact, he's been doing a pretty decent job of stepping up.

5.) Neither of them planned nor anticipated this pregnancy. It was an accident of malfunction. Shit happens. And it happens for a reason.

Therefore, there is no blame to place and I would like everyone to stop trying to assign some. Mike & I are not angry because Luke "knocked up our little girl". For real people?! We are truly supportive of them both in their effort to work things out and become the truly awesome parents we know they can be. So back off or I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey.

And now for a giggle~

The other night Mike, Sean and I were watching a scary movie:

Me: Omg! Why would he put his bed between two windows?! Who does that?? The only way to watch them both at the same time is to sleep on your back. I can't sleep on my back. I'd be exhausted all the time!

Mike: You do realize our bed is between two windows, right?

Me: Yes. But that's different. You're between me and one of them.

In the car:

Sean: What is that smell?

Me: I don't know. But it kind of smells like soybeans. Its spring, time for weird smells in farm country. It must be an RSC.

Sean: RSC?

Me: Random soybean cloud.

On the return trip:

Me: Ewwww. That stinks! RCSC!

Sean: RCSC?

Me: Random cow shit cloud.

Sean: You truly confound me with your ability to make up and throw out random acronyms. Its like you don't even have to stop and think about it.

Me: I know. Lightening fast acronym skills are just one of my many super powers.

Sean: Make that an acronym.

Me: LFAS!

Sean: Astonishing. But not particularly useful.

Me: You're just jealous.

On the way to the movies:

Sean: Come on *dancing in his seat* let's get pumped up for this!

Me: You want me to sing the "Friday" song? "We so excited"

Sean: No! Wait..."partyin partyin"

Me:"yeah"!

Sean: No but let's get P to the U to the M to the...*loooong pause*

Me: To the P

Sean: *crickets chirping*

Me: to the E to the D. You know, your rapping would be more effective if you could actually spell.

Sean: That's right. Make fun of the Dyslexic guy.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday as much as I am,
♥Spot

The one where I hate being laid up...

Honestly? I was looking a little forward to my down time. Having some enforced relaxation after what has to go down as the craziest couple of months for our family. I was looking forward to being on the other end of the "being taken care of" side. Settling in for some naps, some movies of my choice, some peace & quiet. But after almost a week of it- I'm so done.

I miss my computer desperately. I can only sit there for so long before the knee starts aching. I miss cooking (I must admit Lu makes the most amazing PB&J sandwiches ever but I need some meat!) I miss being busy and productive and caught up in the frantic chaos that defines my life.

Sitting around only allows me time to focus on the parts of my house that are flawed and desperately in need of work. Like how bad my carpets need shampooing. How badly the bathroom needs repainting. CJ's toy box needs cleaning out. New slipcovers, new chairs. The list is damn near endless. And mind boggling. I don't even know where to start.

Apparently, relaxing is no longer in my nature. Who knew? Oh yeah, so maybe you guys did. Good call.

So today found me hobbling around (don't yell- the doctor told me I could) and making my bed, wiping the counters, making a grocery list and loading the dishwasher. I'm either OCD or just have control issues. Again, no surprises there.

This whole episode has been something else. Apparently, the Doctor told Mike & Lu that once he opened up my knee the damage was worse than what the MRI had shown. He said my knee was "way older than the rest of my body". For realz? How the hell did I wind up with the used part?! And how do I get a refund? What gives, Universe?!

I guess perhaps it relates to the recent discovery of some labs I had done fourteen (yes, fourteen) years ago that suggest I have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis. Oh well, it's always something, isn't it? Life is a constant uphill climb, but the roadside viewing areas are what makes it all worthwhile.

It looks as though things are finally moving forward for everyone. Lu is doing great and went back to work Tuesday. She has a 35 hour schedule this week. Luke is looking for a second job. Sean is a full time telemarketer and he loves it. How crazy is that kid?! His phone call stories make me cry with laughter. I'll be sharing those soon. Bobby works full times. And Mike is back full swing although he'll probably be facing shoulder surgery in January. He has a labral tear and impingement from the accident.

Once the knee is healed, hopefully I can get something of a writing routine going again. I have freelance work coming out my ears. So for now, life is good.

I will soon be catching up with all of your adventures as well.

Take Care, my friends,
♥Spot

Conversational Snippets....

I'm really overwhelmed with the comments and appreciation for my more serious posts. It's nice not to feel like I always have to be funny. But I did promise more funny...so here goes. These are conversations amongst my family from the last few days...

The first one is from Thursday at the nursing home. My 83 year old grandma has been in the nursing home since last summer. She's not happy about it. And unfortunately she's suffering some dementia so some days she doesn't remember people, sometimes she doesn't know where she is, and somedays she makes up things. And sometimes, she thinks she's a secret agent. Do not think that I am not deeply saddened by her condition, I am. But I treat everything with humor. Because crying only messes up your mascara. And laughter lets you cope. She was a very funny person before. Very sarcastic and witty. And I know that she would like for us to continue laughing, not at her but with her. Because when she is lucid she does laugh at herself. So it's out of love that I tease her.

Grandma: I'm so tired of this place. And these people think they can keep me here. But you just wait. One of these nights I'm going to sneak out of bed and waltz right out of here.

My aunt: You can't do that. They have alarms on the doors. You have to know the code to get out.

Grandma: Humph.

Me: And even if you managed to crack the code and get outside, there's the snipers on the roof to watch out for.

Grandma: (perfectly serious) There's always something!

At the breakfast table this morning~

Me: I have so much to do today! I don't have a headache though, finally. Well, maybe a little one.

Sean: I think you're just being a girl and making it up.

Me: What do you think only girls make things up? (notice I'm totally unconcerned that he basically called me a hypochondriac)

Sean: Yeah.

Me: Whatever. You're the master prevaricator.

Sean: When was the last time I made something up?

Me: You're always making shit up and sounding all smart and I totally believe you until you say "not really, I just made that up."

Sean: Well, the things I say could be true. I don't know that they're not. They're just my theories.

Mike: He's got a valid point there.

Me: Really? Because it sounds like you just made up a lame excuse for making things up.

Sean: No. I gave you my theory on my theories.

And a couple of days ago~

Me: Blockbuster called. You returned the video game case without the video game in it.

Lu: Yeah, I know.

Me: Well you need to get it back as soon as possible because they charge 99 cents a day for every day you're late. I can't believe you forgot to put the game in the case.

Lu: I didn't forget. I wanted to keep the game and play it tonight.

Me: So why did you return the case then??

Lu: Because I thought if I returned the case, it would seem like I forgot, but I made the effort so maybe they wouldn't charge me.

Me: For real?! Oh lord Lu! The world does not work like that. You don't credit for effort.

And a long time ago~

Lu: The wind is blowing really hard today! Hey! When the wind blows hard does the earth spin faster?

Sean: Did she seriously just ask that question?!

Lu: I was kidding! I know it doesn't. Right?

Sean: Explain to me how she survives...

Well I hope those tickled your funny bones. As always, every conversation is exactly how it happened. Really, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

There are new posts at Gert & Hildi. If you haven't checked them out, you totally should because my sister is almost as strange as I am. And I'm planning to put up a new review on What Spot Saw.

And last, some people have asked me to twitter. How many of you tweet? And what are your twitter names?

♥Spot

If you tell the Universe to flip off, it might break your dishwasher.

Because it totally did. Hubby says that actually it's like limescale build up or a pump or something but I know it was the Universe striking back. But again...I managed to tell it to flip off. I went out to eat. What now Universe? What now?! I know you think I'm seriously putting myself in danger taunting the universe but I'm in a rebel kind of mood. Actually, I'm in a really odd mood. So for today's post I'm going to give you conversations from yesterday...

As I said, dishwasher is broken. Hubby got up to the kitchen flooded with water yesterday morning from the dishwasher. He mopped it up (I'm going to guess that alot of foul language accompanied this...but I slept through it so I can't say for sure.) He then obsessed about the dishwasher. I mean he worked on it all day. He didn't even come to dinner and the movies with me and the kids last night. So yesterday afternoon, I get up and walk through the kitchen...he's doing dishes...

Me: What are you doing?

Hubby: Dishes.

Me: Why?

Hubby: because I'm trying to fix the dishwasher and I had to take the dirty dishes out of it.

Me: Why didn't you just holler for me? I would have done them.

Hubby: Because it's personal. This is between me and the effing dishwasher.

Me: Oh. I see. (but really I don't). Well why aren't you using the dishpan? (said blue dishpan is sitting on the counter and the sink is full of suds).

Hubby: because I can fit more in the sink without it. I hate the dishpan.

Me: Uh huh. Well I've never seen you do the dishes without the dishpan.

Hubby: When was the last time you saw me do dishes?

Me: Good point. (it was like maybe never ago).

As I'm downstairs folding clean laundry and changing loads, Sean sticks his head in the room and asks what time we're leaving. Then we begin to discuss stuff we really need to start working on for him to finish school this semester...

Sean: We really need to get some sort of routine.

Me: I have a routine.

Sean: No you don't.

Me: Um, sure I do. I have stuff that I do everyday. Just not maybe at the same time or in the same order every day. But it all gets done. That's like a routine.

Sean: That's nothing like a routine.

Me: It's kind of sort of like a routine...

Sean: No. It's really not.

Then on the way to town, Sean got a voicemail to call the head of the OA Lodge (boy scout stuff). So he calls and this is his side of the conversation...

The sky. (and by this I know the other person asked "what's up?")
Why what do you need?
You know the usual, crack and strippers.
Saint who?
What saint's church?
What about the new Scout Exec?
Anthony? Okay. See you then.

It turned out they wanted him to do a ceremony at Saint Anthony's church on Saturday. For the new scout executive's son's pack. You got that out of it, right? I hope Homeland Security never taps his phone...

And last but not least, as I was sitting here on the computer, hubby (who's still locked in mortal combat with the dishwasher) yells...

Hubby: Do you have any old toothbrushes?

Me: Um. No. Why would I save old toothbrushes?

Hubby: Do you have any new toothbrushes?

Me: Of course. (I keep lots of new ones, for overnight guests who forget theirs. I like clean breath. And good dental hygiene.) So I get up and go to my bathroom and get my toothbrush because I need a new one like every month. I brush too hard and splay out the bristles. I take it to him.

Me: Here you can have mine.

Hubby: thanks.

Me: But I don't want it back. It's like a gift. There's no return policy.

Hubby: I'm not sure why you felt the need, but I'm glad you clarified that for me.

Me: I'm just a giver. What can I say?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday and that the Universe doesn't break your dishwasher.

I'm doing a new review on What Spot Saw today.

♥Spot

Mmmm....Gerard Butler...

So I don't have alot of time today, but I promise a longer post tomorrow. I have to go into town in the midst of this blizzard because both Lu and Hubby have dr. appts. And since I can only get Hubby to the doctor like once a year, no way am I canceling! So instead of my planned post which has been unceremoniously bumped to tomorrow's schedule, I give you the following conversation~

Picture this...I'm sitting here on the computer diligently reading and commenting on blogs. Sean is drinking coffee and watching the Today show on the TV in here. Lu is in my bathroom, curling her hair. Now, my bedroom is directly across the hall from this room and the bathroom is located just off the bedroom. Therefore, it is possible to have all three of us in the conversation (if we shout. which we often do).

Sean: Wow. Gerard Butler got fat.

Me: What??! No way.

Sean: Look! Quick...look at the TV.

Me: (twisting around in my chair like a pretzel to view the screen. A picture of Gerard from 300 and a picture of "fat" Gerard. Gone were the rock-like washboard abs and add some love handles) Oh he doesn't look that bad! Besides I still love him.

Lu: (shouting from the bathroom) what about Gerard?!

Me: they think he got fat.

Sean: He did get fat.

Lu: So? He probably just took a break from working out. He'll lose it.

Me: Yeah, it was the holidays, everyone gains some weight. They should cut him some slack.

Lu: Exactly. Poor Gerard.

Me: Besides, he's still got that awesome accent and those killer eyes.

Lu: Mhm.

Me: I could work that extra weight off him no problem!

*silence*

Me: I just totally killed this conversation, didn't I? My bad.

Lu: Um yeah. Because I was totally picturing me & him and then you...and um...yeah. Eew.

Sean: I was picturing me & him and um...oh shit...did I say that out loud?

*convulsive giggling on all parts*

Sean: (shouting) what's that Dad? You need me to hammer something? Monster trucks and football!!*

Sean: Oh...look Jessica Simpson got fat too.

Me: (once again with the pretzel antics) Yep. She's fat.

Lu: Oh yeah. She is.

Ever wonder why we willingly cut men slack and not women?? Guess we're mean girls.


*Now, for the record, Sean is not into guys like that. Well, not as far as I know, and I wouldn't have a problem with it. He just says things like that for the laugh. And the laugh is NOT at the expense of gay people. The laugh is at the expense of men, who after saying something that might be deemed homosexual, suddenly launch into macho displays of how manly they actually are. I just wanted to set the record straight. No pun intended. My gosh...I just keep making it worse...I'm going to quit now...and just hope everyone gets a laugh out of it...

♥Spot

It's a Love Story? Part four...

Was I perturbed at Lu yesterday? Well today I am downright angry. It's one of those times when you shake your head and go "where did I go wrong"? She's having car trouble, she's moving home, and I don't even know where she left her brain. Don't get me wrong...I know she's going through a rough patch and I'm totally sympathetic. To that end, her Dad and I have been trying to help her. We told her to get the car looked at and if it's okay to drive long distance we will come up and trade her cars, to get hers down here where either DEBF or her brothers can fix it and save her a gazillion dollars. Somehow she manages to have trouble getting her part done. Then I keep asking her what day she's off so she can come down and bring some stuff. We don't have a truck at our disposal unless we want to pay a fortune to use Hubby's work truck and since she took stuff up a little at a time it will take a couple of trips to get it all. But she keeps saying she'll look at her schedule and then text me. Only she doesn't. Finally last night I blew up and told her that contrary to her belief the world does not actually revolve around her. The rest of us do not sit and wait for her to be able to come down, we all have lives and so a little advanced notice of her arrival would come in handy for scheduling purposes. Then I hung up. I know, not well done of me...but this snafu (not my first choice word but clusterfuck is so rude) has been going on for days!! And I've got DEBF saying if she doesn't get the car here soon, he'll be in rehab and unable to fix it. So I'm a smidge on the frustrated side.

But I digress...back to the story....

When we left off yesterday our heroine had kicked Jackass to the curb (hopefully for good). She'd decided to leave the Hippie and return to the bosom of her family. She had begun talking to DEBF, at least about her car. So our heroine has returned to Iowa, with the secret knowledge that she will be leaving the Hippie. She wants to talk to her boss first to see how much notice is required to leave her job so that she's not stuck in the same apartment for forever with a saddened Hippie. Her boss says that next week can be her last week. Although she also offers Lu a place to live should she decide to stay in Iowa because she's awesome at her job and they hate to see her go! But boss lady will definitely see if Lu can transfer to the store closest to home. Lu also calls her old job to see if the transfer should fall through to they have a place for her and they do! So Lu will not be jobless.

Now our Lu has been exhausted from all the work, shopping, driving that Christmas entails. She's been cranky and mean. (Her mother also suspects that she needs a platelet check as this is how she behaves when platelets are crashing). She decides to tell Hippie what's what. So on New Year's Eve she tells him that she's moving back home. She doesn't break up with him, she just explains that she's tired of all the driving and she's moving home. That they can try long distance and see each other on weekends ect. He gets majorly pissed off and says that he knows how this works. Pretty soon they'll be down to the occasional phone call and then it's over. (Well, that was the plan.) But our heroine feels bad, she's trying to let him down gently and also not make the living situation unbearable for the next week or so. I know that also this night, DEBF sends her some heartfelt texts (and let me tell you, I know this boy is a sweet talker) about new years and new starts. Sorry I don't have the original texts. Lu would ordinarily forward them to me to see what I thought, but as we're not speaking...well no blog fodder. So Lu is finishing her work week, supposedly getting her car looked at and packing. Hippie is hurt, mad, pissy. DEBF is cautiously optimistic that he can change and get yet another chance with our heroine. And that's the story so far. Do bear in mind that the heroine has other guys who text her on a regular basis as well. One she never even dated who says he'll wait for her forever.

I'll keep you updated as the gossip rolls in...will DEBF really turn things around (he's currently on the list for the residential rehab program in town. They'll call him when they have an open bed and he has an hour and a half to show up. So far he's been sober since he saw Lu)? Will the Hippie put some effort into getting her back? Will a tall dark stranger come into the picture? What's next for our heroine??

♥Spot

It's a love story? part three...the saga continues...

First...I just want you to know that I'm not especially happy with Lu at the current moment so writing about her has lost some of it's appeal. But I would never leave you hanging like that so I will forge ahead with my tale. But for those of you who don't follow me on Facebook...here was my status for Wednesday...and it was directed at Lu. Sometimes I think you only ask for my opinion so that you have someone to blame when things don't go right. That's totally unfair and you should probably stop. But since I know you won't, I'm going out tonight and consuming mass quantities of tomato juice and vodka. Okay, so that really isn't about you but see how blaming others works? Totally unfair. You probably feel bad now. And yes, she did. But I'm still perturbed with her.

Soooo back to our story....

Jackass texts me the very next day "I guess I'm in a little bit of trouble, huh?" And I replied "well, you did sort of ditch her". He said he didn't ditch her, that he waited til 8:00 for her to text him and when she didn't he figured she wasn't going to make it so he went to the bar and forgot his phone at home. I said I hoped he had fun and he said not as much as seeing her would have been. (I know, you totally want to forgive him, right? Don't do it!) I told him he should apologize to her and explain and she would probably forgive him. I show her the texts and she laughs and says the apology better include a puppy. But another two days go by and she gets no texts from him. Not one. I text and ask if he's ever going to apologize or has he given up on them. He says no he hasn't given up but he's scared to text her, he hates it when she's mad at him. (Meanwhile his FB status says "confused" and many ex gf's are commenting on it. Suspicious, no?) Well, he still doesn't text and finally Saturday she texts him and says "I'm coming down tomorrow. I'll be at Mom's. It would be nice to see you at least once more." He says he'll text if he can make it over. No text. Lu sends him a last text that reads "Same old player. Same old games. Take my playing piece off your game board. Our game is definitely over." And kicks him to the curb.

Meanwhile, Hubs and I take CJ back to school in Springfield on Sunday. And the weather is atrocious. The plan is for Lu to come down from Iowa, stop at the house and pick up Sean, the presents, and the mac-n-cheese I made and meet us at Hubby's sisters for Christmas with his Dad's side of the family. We are running almost an hour late due to weather. Luckily, roads are getting cleared from our house to town, but Lu is running late. Then she calls because she and Sean have a flat tire...on the highway close to town. I tell them to change it. (Lu and I changed a tire about a year ago...I know she knows how to do this.) Sean has never changed one. Luckily, a guy she knows vaguely stops and does it for them and by the time we find them, they're set to go. We head to Christmas. Hubs tells her he'll take the tire to the ag center tomorrow morning first thing to be fixed. I ask what if it's unfixable? He says he'll have to go to town and get another one. She has to leave early to make it to work on time.

Enter Drunken Ex-Boyfriend. (Who's a mechanic, by the way). He has been texting me to say that he's going to rehab. After nearly killing himself in an accident on Christmas eve and getting a consumption ticket earlier that week his friends and family (well some of it) have banded together to convince him to go to rehab. His lawyer also highly recommends this move. I wanted to say "hello? Who tried to get you into rehab last year?? Oh yeah. Me & Lu." But instead I said good plan, so proud...blah blah blah. But really, I am glad he's doing this. It will probably save his life. So I told Lu. Mentioned to him about her tire and he said he could fix it at his Gpa's that night. Tell all this to Lu. She has not spoken to him since May. She has ignored all texts and calls ect. So she decides to talk to him and get the tire fixed. He comes to the house that evening and they go to his Gpa's. But it's bad news. Sidewall's shot. She needs a new tire. He says he'll call first thing in the morning to get one.

After he leaves I ask her about things. She says she told him she was really glad he was going to rehab and she would support him and be his friend but not to count on anything else because it would take a really long time to prove that he'd really changed. That yes, she did still love him and probably always would but she wasn't putting herself in that situation again unless she firmly believed he'd changed. He asked if she'd come in for his counseling sessions if the therapist asked and she said yes, she could do that. I'm pretty proud of her for not immediately caving to him. He got up at 7 the next morning and drove to town to get her a new tire, he had it back here, on her car and her on the road by 9. She said they had this conversation:

DEBF: If you had a bf who serviced your car regularly...

Lu: I did. I got rid of him.

DEBF: Oh. Was he an asshole?

Lu: Yep. Servicing the car was probably his best quality.

DEBF: What if he could change?

Lu: Well, it would take a long time for me to believe that.

However, the one decision she did make that day was that she was moving home. Things are going nowhere with the Hippie and she's tired of driving back and forth. She resolves to talk to her boss and see how much notice she has to give and how good is the possibility is of transferring to the store near us.

*Personally, for awhile, I was rooting for Jackass. I really hoped he'd changed. And he's definitely Sean's choice. But alas, I feel like he played us all. So um, goodbye Jackass. The Hippie? Well, no one's really rooting for him. He's a nice guy but he needs to grow up alot. And Sean really doesn't like him. DEBF? Well I guess his friends and family are rooting for him. His stepmom told him they hope Lu takes him back because they didn't have to worry about him so much. Lu kept him in line. Plus she knows he really loves Lu. His sister's (also alcoholics and truly a little psychotic) don't like Lu at all, but his Dad told him they'd deal with the sisters. His friends even said they were sorry for helping break him and Lu up last time. They thought she was trying to suck the fun out of him by not letting him drink. Now they see that she was trying to help him and they hope he gets the chance. Hubby really doesn't like DEBF. Says he sees too much of his younger self in him and knows how hard change is. Doesn't think DEBF has it in him. Sean? He gets along with DEBF as long as he's not treating his sister badly. Me? I don't know. I'd really like to see her single for awhile. Get to know herself. And figure out what she really wants.*

And tomorrow...she tells the Hippie her decision and places a frantic call to DEBF because her car is making funny noises. Don't miss the next exciting episode of La Vida Lulu.

♥Spot

It's a love story? Part two...

Sorry about yesterday but I had to grocery shop and then I had to nap and then it was New Year's eve. Trust me that's all relevant. I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve and is enjoying this first day of the new decade!

Soooo....here's the story....

Lu & the hippie have been having problems for awhile now. Mostly it's about their very different life views and trying to integrate them into a future together. Lu is very goal oriented and has very strict views on things. The hippie is completely laid back, content to drift, and his views are diametrically opposed to hers on most subjects political and some personal. Lu is the original "hugs not drugs" girl and has never tried any. The hippie is obviously quite fond of his mary jane. He believes in abortion, she does not. He doesn't vote. He is perfectly content to drift. Lu works a 30 to 40 hour week in the retail world. She doesn't miss work unless it is absolutely impossible for her to make it. The girl has been in the ER in the morning and at work that evening. She gets this work ethic from her father. She will definitely vote now that she's of age.

So in one fight she finally told him that she feels like he just moved her up there to be his sugar mama and pay all the bills. He got equally angry and told her if she felt that way she should just move home. She replied "maybe I will". Then she asked him what he'd be doing if she wasn't there to pay for things and he said he would just do without. She came back with "do without the gas I put in your car? do without the food I bought?" and he said no, that he'd ask his parents for money. Lu was outraged. She pointed out that his parents weren't rich and why was it their job to support him when he supposedly lived "on his own"? He said that his parents didn't mind and he was only nineteen, he shouldn't have to know what he wanted to do with his life yet. Lu responded with a you're not really living on your own if your parents are supporting you. You're perfectly able to work and your blowing off school anyway. That in her family, living on your own meant financially supporting yourself. That we would help her if she got into trouble, but would not send her money monthly as she was perfectly capable of earning her own. And that why the hell shouldn't a nineteen year old at least have some idea of where their life was headed?? She and Sean both had life goals and they were younger than he was.

So as you can see, things are not going smoothly. Can the hippie change? He promised to look for a weekend job (although Lu points out he promised that months ago as well and to date has put in not one application). He says that he knows at least that he wants to be with her for the rest of his life. But Lu worries that he either won't buckle down or will resent her if he does.

Enter the Jackass. Jackass starts texting both Lu & I on December 11th. Not sure exactly what their texts consisted of but mine were mostly how much he missed Lu and our family and was coming home for Christmas and hoped to see us. Especially Lu. That he'd done stupid things while he was home last and should have come to see us. How he thought he was ready to settle down, just looking for the right girl, and by the way how was Lu doing?? We reminisced about crazy old times and set up a day for him to come out and see us. Lu decided she was going to come down and see him that day. At our house, not alone. And no, she wasn't going to tell the hippie. Well, she had some trouble getting away because the hippie wanted to accompany her (did I mention he's pretty much up her ass 24/7? We can't even talk on the phone without him bugging her.) and didn't understand why he couldn't come. But she managed. The night was fun. We'd invited some of his other friends too and we all sat around reminiscing and telling funny stories. I gave the boys blankets and offered them their pick of couches and went to bed. Lu and the Jackass stayed up most of the night talking. (Yes, just talking. Yes, I know this for a fact.) They were very cozy the next morning. Reluctantly he left and she said that they talked about the future and the past and where they might go from here. He texted me later to tell me how amazing Lu was and how he really wanted things to work for them but was worried about the distance issue.

Well, she and the hippie were coming down on the 23rd and she was going to drop him at the house and head into town to give her cousin her xmas present. She was also going to see Jackass. I got to hippie-sit. I tried to watch a movie with him but he's one of those people who talks through the movie and not even about the movie. Man, I freakin hate that. (The movie by the way was Lars and the Real Girl. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Ryan Goseling gives an absolutely amazing performance.)

Things don't work out. She can't get ahold of Jackass, who's told her to text him when she gets to my house. She phones his mom and finds out he's at the bar and left his phone at home. Needless to say...she's pissed. She texts him "Thank you for making me feel like an idiot. I knew you hadn't changed."

What does our heroine do next? How does the rest of the family feel about this turn of events? Where does Drunken Ex come in?? Can Jackass turn things around? Can the hippie? Tune in tomorrow for the continuing saga....

♥Spot

Turkey Day...survived!

OMG! I'm so excited to be sitting here in front of my computer today!! Blissfully alone and with nothing to do I absolutely have to do. First off, thank you all for your wonderful comments on my last blog. I hope that everyone had a fantastic Turkey-a-thon and that Brite had a fabulous non turkey weekend since she's stuck in the UK. Mine was fabulous. And definitely worth every ounce of crazy busy the three days before.

We got up Thanksgiving morning (okay technically my sister woke me with her 7 am "Happy Thanksgiving" text. Apparently she and her sister in law have some kind of contest over who can be the first to send it out. Thanks for winning Hildi. Really, I didn't need that extra half hours sleep. What was I thinking?) I immediately get Senor Turkey ready for the oven. Then I get the apple pie ready, pumpkin dump cake ready, and oatmeal scotchie dough ready and get this...my hubbby & I drive down into camp and he opens up the dining hall kitchen and lights the ovens. Oh yeah...I got to bake all three of my concoctions at the same time in industrial ovens. That my friends, is the way to go. He took the boys to his gma's for her get together and I spent an hour down there cooking. (okay, so there's no heat in there and it was a tad chilly, but so worth it). Then I loaded my freshly baked goods and headed back to my house! I ran through, quickly straightening, decide against a final vacuuming and got myself in the shower. Then whipped up a couple of homemade dips. By then, my parents and sister had made it to town to the nursing home to visit my gma and hubby and the boys stopped and picked up my nieces and brought them out to my place.

As they're carrying stuff in...

Sean: (whispering to me) If Maddi asks...the blacktop road is Drury Lane and the Muffin Man lives on it.

So my nine year old niece comes in and (of course) says "what's the name of that road out there?"

Me: Drury Lane

Her: who lives in that one white house?

Me: The Muffin Man. You didn't know that??! I thought everyone knew that!

She was convinced. The next morning hubby kept telling her if she'd walk down to the Muffin Man's house he'd give her fresh muffins for breakfast. She said it was too far to walk. Lol.

We played with the girls and CJ while we waited on the others to arrive. My youngest niece cheats at Candyland, just so you know. And then I hear someone come in, and I go to the door thinking it's my parents and nope. It's my aunt and her husband. I recover nicely and say with a smile "I'm so glad you could make it!" but secretly wonder how many others my mom has invited and forgotten to tell me about. Turns out half the town, but only my aunt and uncle made it. Of course, there was plenty of food and the more the merrier. Especially when the uncle told me my homemade apple pie tastes just like his gma used to make. (Go me!)

We had a great time. So good that my family decided to stay an extra day. Luckily, there were plenty of leftovers to feed everyone and we had a great time. The only downside was that CJ was sick with some sort of cold or virus and ran a temp and coughed alot. But when he's sick he just likes to cuddle alot and nobody minded that at all! They all left and since CJ was fever free yesterday, hubby and I returned him to school. So today, is my first day to breathe freely and not answer to anyone except me (and the towering pile of laundry in the laundry room. It's threatened a hostile takeover if I don't get to the washing)

I will leave you with a funny convo that Sean and I had while he was helping me make the dough for the oatmeal scotchie cookies Lu & Luke had requested~

Me: could you hurry up with those oats? You don't have to measure so carefully! It's cookie baking, not rocket science.

Sean: I'm used to rocket science. Don't rush me woman.

Me: Well it's not like you're mixing hydrogen and helium or any other combustibles. It's oats and brown sugar for Pete's sake! If you accidentally mix them you've only created breakfast cereal, not blown up the kitchen.

Sean: Well, this one time, I was taking the tiny pellets out of those snap things that you throw on July 4th and they explode, and separating them and putting them in a empty pill bottle so I could pack it and add a fuse...

Me: Hold up! So basically, this story should start 'so this one time, I was making homemade explosives...'?"

Sean: Yes.

Me: Those stories almost never end well.

Sean: anyway, I accidentally dropped one in too hard and several exploded, it knocked me backwards in my chair, and I had this high pitched noise in my ears. That's the sound of your nerve cells dying. I'll never be able to hear that tone again.

Me: probably why you should stick to cookies. Inadvertently creating breakfast cereal equals no hearing loss.

Sean: but when I was finished and set it off...the bang was soooo satisfying.

Me: hmmm...well my cookies are going to be better than satisfying. They're going to be deliciousness to die for. And no one's going to go deaf.

And they were! And I must thank Mindy for the pumpkin dump cake recipe. My four year old niece who only eats mac-n-cheese, ramen noodles, chicken nuggets, french fries, fruit snackees and some cereals ate two whole pieces. Unbelievable. It was like a turkey day miracle.

turkey & explosives,
♥Spot

Tuesday or the day I spent in purgatory...

Oh. My. Stars. You would not believe the day I've had. And yet, here I am at 10:30 at night blogging it so you have something to read. I know, I'm a total martyr. But not quite because I'm pretty sure you have to be dead to be a martyr and I'm not ready to be dead. So maybe I'm just a masochist instead. Which isn't nearly as cool. But they both start with "m". So I guess I'll take it.

Now...I want to preface this post with the fact that I am (usually) a really really nice person. I smile at complete strangers, I am polite, and I firmly believe you catch more flies with honey, then vinegar. (translation from old south to english: you get more by being nice then mean.) And I rarely lose my temper in public. Oh...but today...

My day started out pretty normally. I woke up before the alarm at 7:45, reached for my cell phone, checked messages. And then Cujo (black kitty) jumped on the bed for some ear scratches. Mo (Lulu) passes through the room on her way to the bathroom. She looks like death warmed over. She got to the house yesterday evening and said she hadn't been feeling well. That she thought her UTI (bladder infection) hadn't gone away even though she was done with the antibiotics. So she gets in the shower, I get coffee and answer emails. Then I get the shower and get ready to leave. By the time we're ready to leave she's laying on my bed moaning. Her left lower back is killing her, she's chilling and running a fever. So I tell her we are going to ER as soon as she gets her blood test done.

We hop in my car, I start it up and it's making this squeaking sound that I've never heard before. When I try to turn the wheel, I notice the power steering is not working. It's like turning a Mack truck. (Okay, I might be wrong, because I've really never driven a Mack truck, but I'm pretty sure they're hard to turn.) So we decide to take her car. Get in, readjust everything (because she's so short!) so I can drive. As we pass the drive to hubby's workshop, I spot him outside and wave him over. I quickly explain the car sitch. He says he'll call Brian. I say, you should probably get in and at least start it so you see what I mean so that you can tell him better. He says he'll take care of it. I have a witness (Mo) that he said this!!!

We get to town, go to the cancer center for her blood work, and then proceed to the ER. Not too many people sitting around so there's hope this will be quick. By this time, she's in tears and goes to lay down on a bench. I get in line behind this woman with 3 small children (and pregnant with a fourth) and the children are wild. I mean all over the place, touching everything with their little germy fingers. And yes, they were all being checked in. Now, I had 3 kids under 3 yrs of age and one of them was autistic for Pete's sake and they never behaved like that. So then they wheel in this guy in a wheel chair who's in obvious pain and the nurse says he needs to check in first. Not a problem, dude's seriously not well. I get that. But then it's my turn to check Mo in and there's a guy in line behind me, when another receptionist comes to the desk and checks in some guy who just walked in!!! I've been standing here for 25 minutes. Are you for real?? He doesn't even look sick!

So we finally get her checked in and then we sit down to wait for the triage nurse. They take back an elderly woman who comes in with chest pain in front of us, okay I get that too. This girl who comes in coughing in her hands, when every preschooler knows you cough in your elbow to avoid spreading germs comes in and sits right across from us!! Like there's no other seats Ebola girl?? It's another 30 minutes and they've taken in 'off the street' guy and a few others who should have been after us and I'm getting angry. Molly's ex boyfriend texts me and I tell him about my car because he's also a mechanic and he offers to go look at it for me. I say I'll text hubby to see if he's called Brian yet. I text him. He texts back: I thought you were going to. OH MY BOB!!! No, he didn't. He told me he'd take care of it. Is this really what I need??? I tell him Michael is coming over to look at it. Two minutes later he texts that he called Brian and he's coming out to look at it too and where are the keys? Um. My keys are in my purse because I tried to use it this morning. Where are your keys? He texts he doesn't know. Mo says "wasn't he supposed to go drive it so he'd know the noise it was making". Well, I thought he was but apparently he didn't get the memo. Huge surprise. He dropped the ball again. Maybe because it has nothing to do with work. So then he says he'll have Brian come get my keys. Whatever. Fine. I'm pissed now.

Brian calls me two minutes later.
Brian: where are you at?
Me: The ER waiting room.
Brian: Where's that?
Me: The hospital. Duh.
Brian: How do I get there?
Me: For real? You don't know where the hospital is? You've lived in town for over a year!
Brian: The one on 11th & Broadway?
Me: The only one in town? Yes, that would be it. The parking lot for ER is off Broadway and the doors are right there.
Brian: Well I'm on 18th street. How do I get there?
Me: *huge exasperated sigh* Drive to Broadway and then head towards the river. You can't miss it. It's the really big building that says Hospital on the side!!!

So then I go to the reception desk because my baby is crying she's in so much pain. I ask if they have any freakin idea how much longer it might be since they keep taking other people back. About that time the nurse comes out and calls Mo's name. We go back to triage and explain the pain, the fever, the nausea, the chills, the fact that she'd already had a full course of antibiotics for the UTI. And the fact that she has a blood disorder and her platelets are probably low. The one nurse takes her to the restroom to get a urine while I finish answering questions. The other nurse comes back and says we'll send her to urgent care. And I say~

Me: No. You won't. She needs to be seen in ER because they will want to do IV fluids and antibiotics.

Nurse: You think it's more then just a UTI?

Me: Considering the fever, the chills and the fact she's already been treated for a UTI once? Um. Yeah. I think it's a freakin kidney infection.

Nurse: oh. alright then.

But they have no ER beds so back to the waiting room we go. Thankfully, about this time Brian calls and says hubby found his keys so he doesn't have to come get them after all. Twenty minutes later they finally get us back, get her into a gown and into a bed. The nurse says we'll need a urine. We inform her they already did that and I tell her that they already did a CBC at the cancer center and they can probably call for those results (hoping to save her at least one needle stick). The doctor comes in and thankfully it's one of the good ones! (we have some really bad ones). He asks questions, examines her, asks if there's a family history of kidney stones (yes) and kidney infections (yes). He says he'll start her on IV fluids and get her some painkillers and something for nausea while he waits for test results. Thirty minutes go by. My child is still squirming because she's in so much pain she can't get comfortable. I go out to the nurses station and ask them why it takes 30 minutes to get IV fluids and painkillers for a sick child (yeah, I know technically she's been an adult for 5 weeks but whatever). They come in and it takes two tries to get the IV in. They start the fluids and give her the painkillers and something for nausea. Then the lab comes in for a completely different blood test then the one she had. Then, thanks to the painkiller, she passes out. I realize it's now 1:30 and I haven't had anything but a half cup of coffee today and I'm starving!!! What to do? I can't leave her. My blood sugar has got to be amazingly low and I'm about to start gnawing on my own leg when I remember that I have a half a candy bar in my purse! Yes! Not only do I have sustenance, I have chocolate sustenance!! Hooray!! So I scarfed down a half a Hershey bar so fast it would make your head swim! Crisis averted.

An hour later, Mo is still out and I've read a considerable amount of the book I threw in my purse this morning. The doctor comes in and says definitely a kidney infection. They are going to do some more fluids and IV antibiotics but she can go home after that. Platelets are low but not dangerously low. So the nurse comes in and hangs the antibiotics. Another hour goes by. Mo's still asleep and I'm finished with the book. Finally, finally we get released.

You'd think the ordeal is over right? Well you'd think wrong! Because now we have to go get her prescriptions filled. So we drive thru the pharmacy drive thru to drop them off. The lady at the window says "can you give us half an hour?". Okay. I can kill half an hour. We go to the video store because Mo wants to see I Love You Beth Cooper. We kill 25 minutes in there looking for movies (m-t-w is rent one new release, get a library title free). Then I drive back to the pharmacy, pop thru the drive thru and oh holy crap it's her. "Her" being the pharmacy lady from hell. Seriously she moves slower than molasses and I honestly believe that she might be a little um..."slow". And I'm all for giving developmentally disabled people jobs (CJ will someday have one) but not in the pharmacy!! We pull up I give her the name (everyone else at the pharmacy knows our names) and after 5 minutes she comes back empty handed and says "they're just getting to it, it'll be 20 minutes". For freakin real? It takes 50 minutes to count out 17 pills? What? Do they make their own bottles now?? I live 30 minutes out of town people. I can't just pop home and then come back. Mo's painkillers have worn off and my blood sugar is dropping dangerously low into 'you haven't even seen cranky yet' territory. Honestly, I nearly went through the drive thru window and smacked her. Instead I headed to the grocery store. Picked up some things for supper and some cranberry juice for Mo. Headed back to the pharmacy. There are now 7 cars in line for the drive thru and I know if she's still working the window we could be here for days. So I park and go in. Go up to the window, the medicine is ready (meanwhile she is still working on the first cars prescription). And lucky me...Halloween candy is conveniently on clearance! I deserve this clearance candy.

Eventually we made it home. I got Mo settled on the couch in the family room, dosed her up with painkillers, got her a heating pad and glass of juice. Fixed supper all the while regaling hubby and Sean with the tribulations of my day. We sat down in the family room to eat, watched Mo's movie and here I am. Sharing my godawful day which I spent in what must surely be purgatory with you, my friends. I hope it was at least worth a laugh. Hubby is still confused as to how I ended up with a half of a candy bar in my purse. I'm not sure why that's the important part of the story to him?? And I did text an apology to Brian for being grumpy with him. I told him I was angry with the hospital and hubby not him. And the car? Power steering fluid was empty. Apparently I have a slow leak. This could be minor, could be major. Guess we'll find out. At least it's drivable again.

Please please let tomorrow be a better day!

yes, I really said the "f" word in public,
♥Spot

That story I promised you on Sunday

Okay, so the other day I promised you a story to astound and amaze you. Or was it terrify and repulse you? Or maybe it was amuse and bewilder you? I don't remember. But this is the story you're getting so I promise it will have one of the three effects above.

So I posted before about my "spidey sense" and so far no one has come up with a better name so we are just going to go with that for now. And I mentioned how it is not really useful for personal gain (unless you count avoiding doom which is kind of a point on the gain side really). And then I said unless I started talking to ghosts and became a medium on one of those ghost shows (but really the good ones never use mediums so I'd have to be on one of the mediocre ones and I don't know if I can settle for mediocrity). And then I said that I really didn't want to talk to ghosts. It's true, I really don't. I wouldn't mind seeing one (like a totally non threatening, non scary one of course!) but I don't want it talking to me.

Well, here's the kicker...according to my mom and dad, I used to talk to ghosts. When I was little. I know that you are all pretty freaked out and amazed and OK, maybe mostly freaked out because I know I was!! But they have at least two separate accounts of this behavior.

First, when I was between two and three, we lived with my grandparents (dad's side) for awhile in Bloomington, IL. This was just before my dad joined the air force and began whisking us all over the place. I guess the house my gparents lived in was notably haunted. Lights turned themselves on and off, things mysteriously got moved around, and people passing by the house when my grandparents weren't home would hear the sounds of a party and music and see lights on. It seems that more then one friend of theirs actually got pissed because they thought they had a party and didn't invite them. (It was the early seventies you know). Anyway, the story goes that one night my mom woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of me chattering away (this probably wasn't all that unusual as I'm told even then I was a "talker".) But she said I was even pausing as though I was having a conversation and someone was talking back. She said I didn't sound upset at all. She went down the hall and into my room to find me standing in a corner of the crib chatting animatedly to the empty room. When she asked me who I was talking to I promptly informed her "the lady" and that the lady was cold. She picked me up, I fussed some about the lady being cold and waved "bye bye" as she started down the hall. At which point she started booking it back to her own room, me in her arms. They moved me into their room after that. And we were only in that house a couple more months. I have no recollection of this at all. (of course!)

The second occurrence was much more ongoing and lasted about eighteen months. When I was four we moved to Okinawa, where my dad was stationed. I actually celebrated my fourth birthday on the plane crossing the pacific ocean. At first we lived in a house in one of the villages and I really only had my mom and my dog, Fuzzy, for company. When we moved on base, my mom got rid of the dog (she and he were not friends to put it mildly) So, even though I was in kindergarten (I started early, back then they let you do that), I didn't have a whole lot of friends. So when I started talking to a boy named "Manny" that my parents couldn't see, they figured it was your typical imaginary friend solitary children come up with. But things got increasingly weird as I made them set a place for "Manny" at the table, cried when my mom shut the door too fast and caught "Manny's" elbow in it, walked as though there was someone actually beside me, and had one sided conversations. The doctors assured them it was normal behavior and I'd outgrow my need for my imaginary friend when I started making more real friends. Well "Manny" stayed with me throughout our stay in Okinawa even though I did make real friends. And there were a few odd happenings- once during a typhoon when there was no power, a small plug-in lamp in my bedroom stayed lit anyway. And then "Manny" even followed us back home to America the year I turned 6. Our first stop in America was a visit to my grandparent's (Mom's side this time) home in Illinois. At that time my grandparents were still married (they divorced the next year) and my grandfather was still an alcoholic. One afternoon, my father was taking a bath (they didn't have a shower) in the (only) upstairs bathroom and I was playing in the hall outside the door where our suitcases were stored. My mother had admonished me to stay right there while she went in to rinse my dad's hair for him (picture a 6'2" man crammed into an old fashioned claw foot tub). I was playing horsey on the largest suitcase when suddenly I got up and ran to the door to the bathroom and grabbed the handle. At that moment the sound of a gun going off echoed through the house. I don't remember much of what happened but apparently my father, dripping wet and dressed only in a bathrobe raced downstairs to find my drunken grandfather, my uncle who'd taken the gun from him, and my grandmother. My grandfather had been waving the gun around and it accidentally discharged, sending a bullet straight through the ceiling and exactly where my leg would have been had I still been playing horsey on the suitcase. Well my dad came really close to doing great violence to my grandfather but grandpa spent the night in jail instead. My extremely shaken mother asked me why I'd come to the door when I did and all I could tell her was that "Manny" told me to. "Manny" disappeared after that and I never mentioned him again. While I don't remember much of it (just flashes of scenes) this story still gives me goosebumps. And I thank my lucky stars for "Manny", whoever and whatever he was.

So there you have it. Kind of explains my life long interest in ghosts and all things paranormal, doesn't it? I hope that you, whether you're a believer or not, enjoyed the story. I'm kicking around the idea of making it into a novel (so don't go stealing it!). So which reaction did it get from you?

goosebumps & gratitude,
♥Spot