The one where Sean and I are ridiculous...

I know what you're thinking ... which post aren't Sean and I ridiculous in? And you're right. We're pretty ridiculous on a regular basis. But some incidents of ridiculousness just scream, "Blog me!" And I have two of those for you today.

One day a week or so ago (it was a Wednesday, not that it matters), Sean and I drove CJ back to his house in Macomb. Someone usually rides with me because I get a little teary when I drop him off and if I have to drive the hour back home alone, I get more than a little teary. So, more often than not, Sean rides along to distract me. Because he's a sweetie like that (but don't tell anyone because it will ruin his street cred).

So, after dropping CJ off we decided to swing through Jimmy John's and get sandwiches to take home for dinner. After I park, I realize Sean is not making any move to get out of the car.

Me: Aren't you going in with me?

Sean: Why?

Me: I don't know what you want.

Sean: The same thing I always get.

Me: Can't you just come in?

Sean: *huge sigh like I'm killing him* Fine.

Now, by that "fine," I know something is up. And as I swing open the door to JJ's~

Sean: *very loudly* Well, I'm not the one who sells my body for money!

Me: *quickly thinking* How else was I going to pay for your gender re-assignment surgery?

All conversation had stopped in Jimmy John's and I turned to the counter to see everyone's mouth hanging open. We got some weird looks, but they certainly made our subs quick. The moral of this story is A) making Sean do something he doesn't want to do ALWAYS has consequences and B) if you're going to hang with us, you better have lightening fast mental reflexes. I like to thing that evening's work went quickly for those JJ employees since they had something so juicy to discuss.

And yesterday Sean and I got tattoos. I got a special one in honor of CJ. My favorite tattoo artist designed a Claddagh symbol using the autism puzzle pieces for the heart and put CJ's initials in for me. And I got a little star for Dylan added to my foot tattoo. Sean got Marvin the Martian on his leg. His Dad has one there and so does his Uncle.

 

My CJ tattoo

 

 

The purple stars represent my children, so I added a little blue star off of Mo's star for Dylan.

 

 

Sean's Marvin.

 

 

If you're near the Quincy area and need a tattoo, I can highly recommend Pleasurable Pain. Jerry is a fantastic artist, everything is sterile, and they're nice guys. Mo has had all five of her tattoos there, I've had three of mine, and Sean's had his two done there.

 

So we go in to get our tats and we're a few minutes early. So Jerry is working on paperwork and Sean and I sit there quietly. But on his laptop he's got Youtube up and so I start watching the video for the song that's playing. To see the video, click here. It was Avenged Sevenfold's A Little Bit of Heaven.

  

Then I look at Sean and we both chuckle. Jerry turns around and I say~

 

Me: Your choice of songs leaves me vaguely uneasy.

 

Jerry: Why? What do you listen too?

 

Me: Pretty much everything. It's the video for this one ...

 

Jerry: What? Having sex with dead people is weird?

 

Me: Funny story. (At that point, he looks uneasy) I'm actually putting out a book of zombie erotica. And after reading the vast amount of submissions for it, necrophilia actually doesn't sound weird to me.

 

Jerry: *laughs* I bet a lot of people will read that book. Someone told me the other day I looked like the kind of guy who keeps dead girls in his basement.

 

Me: I don't think so. Besides, looks are deceiving.

 

And it works out that I'm going to take copies of 50 Shades of Decay to his shop to sell. You just never know what kind of networking will pay off. But later, after Sean gets his tattoo, I get mine. And just as Jerry starts, Sean gets a phone call and walks outside. He comes back in and this conversation ensues~

 

Sean: Are you doing work emails?

 

Me: Um, no?

 

Sean: You are the only person I know who can work through getting a tattoo.

 

Me: Well you weren't here to talk to me and distract me, so it seemed like a good way to distract myself. By the way, I'm really thirsty. So if you go outside again can you get my soda out of the car?

 

Sean: I wasn't planning on leaving you.

 

Me: You just did.

 

Sean: Yeah, I meant again.

 

Me: Why? I think I'll be fine. Granted, that might be how little girls disappear. But those are skinny young girls, not chubby grandmas in their forties.

 

Sean: Ha! You're a grandma getting a tattoo! *he and Jerry both laugh* And besides, those girls don't disappear; they're in his basement.

 

At which point I start giggling and get admonished to "hold still."

 

And that my friends, is a glimpse into our ridiculousness. I kid you not, it knows no bounds.

 

And for those who may not have seen Mo's last tat- here's a picture. I told you Jerry does great work!

 

 

 

 

Yes, it is HUGE. She better not have too many more children or her whole body will be covered!

 

Hugs to you all,

 ♥Spot

The one where I share a funny story...

I'm not going to apologize for my absence (although, I am sorry), I'm just going to relate a funny story. Please note that names have been changed to protect the guilty. Because, well, really, the innocent never do anything they need protecting from, do they? But I didn't change Sean's name, because let's face it, you'd know it was him anyway.

Sean has a friend, we'll call him Jethro. And Jethro has just begun seeing a new girl (no, I don't know her name). Well, once upon a time (a few weeks ago) in a land far far away (or 30 minutes anyway) new girlfriend's evil (or slightly misguided) ex-boyfriend comes to her house and begins making an ass of himself (as young boys often do). New girlfriend calls Jethro in tears. Unfortunately, Jethro is stuck in a land farther away, running errands with his father. What to do? Jethro calls in other heroes to save new girlfriend. Namely, Sean. Sean agrees that this is a problem and since another friend, we'll call him Roscoe (yes, I do know it's a silly name. pay attention, would you?), is already on his way to Sean's house, he phones him up and tells him they have a fair maiden to save so he should drive "double time." (Honestly, I don't know what driving "double time" means and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.) But apparently, Roscoe is some kind of stunt driver akin to those in the Fast & Furious movies and he gets to our house much more quickly then normal (but, thankfully, all in one piece).

Now, we have two back up heroes who speed to the damsel in distress' house. They walk around the house and notice  two groups of people. One group includes our fair lady, her friends, and possibly siblings (these details are a little thin) and the other group includes young men set on douchebaggery, the evil ex and his minions. Our heroes assess the situation and then:

Sean: Are you Jethro's fair maiden?

Fair Maiden: Yes (this may or may not have been said with tearful hopefulness)

Sean: Okay. Then which one of you jerkwads (this may not be the exact wording) is starting trouble?

*No reply*

Sean: We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.

*Evil ex is pushed forward by now uncomfortable henchmen*

Roscoe: We need to have a talk with you.

*Sean and Roscoe approach Evil ex*

Roscoe: Now this can go down one of two ways. The first way is you apologize and leave quietly. The second is much more violent and doesn't end well for you, except that you still apologize and leave.

*Evil ex blusters for a minute*
*Sean pulls Roscoe aside*

Sean: *speaking in very loud whisper intentionally trying to be overheard* I think we're going to have to bash some skulls.

Roscoe: I was hoping you'd say that...

Evil ex: Yeah, okay, whatever, we're leaving. Mumbled apology. *The villain and his minions retreat*

Fair Maiden's brother: Wow. Jethro really did send his friends.

*Our heroes begin walking back around the house to their vehicle*

Someone in crowd: Wait, good sirs, what are your names?

Sean: *thrown casually over his shoulder* Starsky and Hutch.


And that, dear friends, was your story for today. I'll try to be more frequent with my postings.

♥Spot

The one where nothing says "good time" like a cavity search.

Okay so first off, I'm jumping around like a giddy little kid on Christmas morning. And all because my interview is up at Say Anything and I don't sound like a complete dork in it! Yay me. So if you want to take a break and go read it, I'll wait...*tapping foot* done yet? Okay, how about now? Good, you're back. And if you're new, please stay. Really. C'mon, it'll be fun. Promise. Look at the other nice people...they like me. (You guys like me, right? I'm not just talking to my self here, am I?) Anyway, that's part of the good news. The other part is that Mike got the green light from the doctor yesterday and he's back to work with no restrictions as of today. And he was excited. I think he texted everyone in his cell phone the minute we walked out of the exam room. True story. My man is a super goober who loves his job. So we had this convo~

Me: You're such a dork. You were still getting paid, you got to spend time with me and relax and yet you're eager to go back to work. You know, some people would have totally milked that out.

Mike: I feel like I did milk it out. This whole last week I've felt OK.

Me: Um. You almost died six weeks ago. Six weeks off work is not milking it out. And you had legitimate reasons for not being at work last week. You know, in the form of doctors orders.

Mike: Well I'm fine now. Gotta go fix the ice machine, hook up the new water heater, grade roads, mow. *him running for the door*

I should see him again sometime in October...

So Sean leaves for the National Boy Scout Jamboree on Saturday. Two weeks out east. One week at Fort AP Hill Virginia and another week site seeing in DC. He's super excited. I'm nervous as hell. I've never been away from him that long. And yeah, I know as of yesterday, he's seventeen. But he's still my baby. We had this conversation~

Me: So I'm going to get you a phone card since you won't have electricity to charge your phone the first week.

Sean: We can't have any electronics the first week. But we can the second.

Me: So I'll get you a phone card so you don't have to call collect.

Sean: Um. Why would I call?

Me: Because you'll miss me?

Sean: Um. Sure.

He's not going to call. Jackhole. But he is going to visit the White House. Which spawned this conversation~

Sean: You know thanks to mom I'm on some kind of terrorist watch list.

Me: You're definitely on the no-fly list. You're welcome.

Lu: Wait. Why is he on those lists?

Sean: Because your mother tells the world everything. And she wrote that post about me and the things that blow up. And then she told the Army recruiter that I'm really good with explosives. And he said to be quiet, we didn't want to be investigated by the FBI.

Me: And I said it wouldn't be the first time. *shrugs* Besides Sean, obviously if I tell the world everything than we're not hiding anything. What's to investigate?

Sean: Me. I'm probably going to get taken to a 'special' room and searched before they let me in the White House.

Me: Well nothing says 'good times' like a cavity search. You'll have a memory you'll never forget.

Sean: Great. Thanks mom.

Me: You're welcome!

I don't really think he'll get cavity searched. But you're totally wondering about that FBI investigation aren't you?? Well, that's a story for another day...

phone taps & video surveillance,
♥Spot

PS- There's new posts at The Gert & Hildi Chronicles also, proof that my sister is just as insane as I.

The one where Lulu acts like a 5-yr old and Sean tries to get me arrested...

First off...my apologies for not blogging the last two days. Thursday my folks stayed until about 2 before they went home and quite honestly I was too exhausted to do anything else the rest of the day. Like I didn't even cook dinner for my family. My hubby heated me up something in the microwave. I probably lost a corner from my "50's housewife" card or something! But it was a good visit with my parents and there will be more on that in the days to come.

And yesterday? Well I fully intended to blog when I got home from town but again with the tired. Okay. And we decided to watch a movie. But I commented on some blogs so that should totally count for something! We went to town yesterday for my dr. appt, Sean's appt, grocery shopping, to get movies and pick up med refills. It was not the best day ever. I have to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks so that's never good. Sean has a pretty good case of pneumonia. I had to go to 3 different grocery stores. And we never did get to see our friend K and her brand new baby M, which was the sole reason Lulu tagged along to town.

Now most of the time, I adore spending time with my children. With Lulu so recently moved back into the house, the dynamics are slightly off. And both children were slightly cranky yesterday. Sean due to the pneumonia and Lulu, well, because she can be?? So they were bickering with each other as well as me. By the time we hit Sean's appt, I had a headache. But as usual, his visit was a riot. My kids see a Nurse practitioner that they've been seeing since their old doctor retired about 8 years ago. She's a fantastic doctor. She and Sean have always had a very sarcastic relationship. So we leave Lu in the waiting room with her book and go back to the exam room. The nurse tells us that there is an NP in training and is it okay if she sees us first? No prob. She comes in and does her exam. Sean is on his best behavior, oddly enough. When she finishes, his regular NP comes in~

NP: Were you nice to her?

Sean: Of course!

NP: You can be as smartass to me as you like but you better be nice to new people.

New NP: (looks totally confused) He was nice to me.

NP: So what's going on? No. Wait. Let me guess...you have a fever and a cough? Geez. Can't you come up with something new? It's always the same with you. Pneumonia.

Me: He says he knew he was getting sick on Friday last week and still went to the polar bear camp out this weekend.

Sean: well I was already getting sick so what was the difference?

NP: What kind of stupid man logic is that?

Sean: if I stayed home every time I thought I might be getting sick, I'd never go anywhere!!

*** so then the NP stops and discusses some of Lulu's stuff with me for a minute. The outcome being that Lulu needs to get her flu shots and they can work those in today since she's in town with me. Then she turns back to Sean***

NP: Okay, it's all about you again. I'm your most humble servant.

Sean: You are anything but humble.

NP: Watch out pot...you're talking to the kettle. At least I don't need a garage size door to fit my inflated ego head into my house.

***they decide to do blood work to check for mycroplasm (the walking pneumonia germ) even though we all know it will be positive. Sean goes to the lab to get blood drawn and I go to the waiting room to tell Lu the nurse is going to call her to get her flu shots. She has a fit. Seriously, I mean like a five year old. Now, she hates shots but for real?! The H1N1 shot has saved lives this year. Could she be more ridiculous?***

Me: You're all the time wanting to be treated like an adult and right now you're behaving like a spoiled 5-yr old. That is what I'll treat you like.

Lu: Good! I don't care. I don't want flu shots.

Me: You don't want alot of things. That doesn't mean you don't need them. Are you going to make your children get shots?

Lu: Yes.

Me: Well then?

Lu: Not after they're eighteen. The choice should be theirs then.

Me: Why? Quite obviously, the good decision fairy does not come along and tap you on the head just because you turn eighteen.

Lu: *sticks her tongue out at me*

***the nurse comes and gets us. Lu gets numbing spray and shiny band aids. They even offer her a sucker. She whines about her arm hurting. I give up and take them both to lunch at Jimmy Johns. Where I try to ignore Lu as much as possible when you're sitting next to someone. Which leads to me reading the signs on the wall. Then I read one out loud***

Me: We'd love to see you NAKED but state health code requires the wearing of shirts and shoes.

Sean: Huh. Well since pants don't seem to be a requirement I'm not wearing any next time I come here.

Me: I think they just figure most people don't walk around pantless.

Sean: I'm not most people.

Me: Truer words were never spoken.

***Lu does get over her tantrum, although she continues to claim her arm is going to fall off. By the time we get through the second grocery store, I have a monster headache and I just want to go home and put on my pjs. And spend some time not with my children. At the checkout***

Me: You're supposed to push the cart a little around the side Sean.

Sean: well that's not how I do it.

Me: okay but I have to have room to get to the little thingy to write my check.

Lu: you should get a debit card. Checks take forever.

Me: (under my breath) I cannot wait to get home and get away from you two.

Cashier: (starts laughing hysterically)

Sean: What did you say?!

Me: Nothing dear. I love you.

Sean: (looks at cashier all serious like) She beats me.

Cashier: (more laughter)Really?

Me: No one believes you Sean. I think I'd have a better chance convincing people that you beat me.

Sean: show me the bruises.

Me: Oh honey. They're all on the inside.

Thankfully no one was really harmed in the making of this blog. I got about 30 minutes of peace eventually. Later, when I was telling hubby about my day I said~

Me: I'm exhausted. You're kids drove me crazy today.

Hubby: Yeah, I thought you were crazy taking both of them.

Me: Maybe next time you could say something, you know, before I do it.

♥Spot

Bonus Blog...

Jackpot! Score! Because you are such very good readers...I'm going to give you a bonus blog. Yep. Two in one day. Although it's after midnight so technically it's tomorrow, but I'm still up so in my world it's still today. You may thank me by commenting. Or following. Or sending money. Whichever. And I will make this one relatively short because looking back, I realized I've been writing books. Thank you for wading through them!

Disclaimer: Please please do not try this at home. This stunt is packed with potential danger depending on the temperament of your spouse or significant other. And I would hate to have someone copy my technique and have their spouse smack them around for it. That would be bad, because then I'd feel all responsible and have to put a mafia hit out on them. Which might get traced back to me and ruin my rep. Not to mention I would not look good in a prison jumpsuit. Or what if someone did this and then their spouse came looking for me all you ruined my life by teaching my wife this trick! and tried to shoot me, like that guy did to Nicole Kidman in The Stepford Wives. That would be baaaadddd Bob!

Today I went into my pantry to throw away a paper towel and the trashcan was full. Not just full like close to the top full but full like overflowing full. And I came out of the pantry and let out a little growl and said loudly Why can't your father ever take out the garbage like he's supposed to??!" I mean seriously, it's not rocket science, is it? And he throws away the coffee filter every morning so I know he knows it's full. And Sean said "oh man. not this again". And then it struck me and I'm pretty sure that a light bulb appeared over my head like it does in cartoons when the character has an idea. Because this was brilliant. I said. "You're right." And then I proceeded to march into my husband's home office (which of course he wasn't in at the time) and then I spent 20 minutes searching for his post-it notes because the man does not know the meaning of the word organization. But finally I found them and a sharpie and I left him a note.

The actual note:


In case you can't read it, it says Do up the f*cking garbage or die. Ur choice. It makes no nevermind to me. PS- hope you're having a good day =] And then I left it on his planner. Two hours later I was in the laundry room folding laundry when I heard him come in. As I walked past the pantry door, with an armful of clean laundry I heard the unmistakable sound of the garbage being done up. "Good choice, honey" I called out sweetly. I know, I'm an effing genius.

♥Spot