My "fairy-tale" marriage...

I want to thank everyone for your comments on yesterday's post. I enjoyed writing it. And I'm going to get some of our old photos put on disks so that I can use them in future blog posts. But in the interest of not furthering the "romance fantasy" as I call it, I want to point out that while we've been together for 22 years, it wasn't easy. We've probably had as many downs as ups and some days the fact that he's breathing the same oxygen as me is on my nerves. And I'm sure there are days when he looks at me and wonders if I'd melt if he threw water on me like the Wicked Witch of the West. I think that true love is finding someone who likes you even when you may not like yourself and accepts you for who you are inside. And is willing to work with you to get through the bad things because they have faith that there are more good times on the other side. And then you hang on to them for dear life! As my mother succinctly put it yesterday~

Marriage is a full time job.

Romantic? No. True? Oh yes. And I think that's a lot of why there are such high divorce rates these days. People watch movies and get the idea that true love is easy. It falls into your lap and then you live happily ever after. False. True love falls into your lap and then you bust your ass to keep it there. I'm pretty sure there were days after the fairy tale ending that Cinderella wanted to throw those glass slippers at Prince Charming's head. Probably because he forgot to take out the garbage again. Or he went hunting when he knew she'd been stuck at home with three small sick children all week. Or he forgot to pick up bread at the grocery store when she specifically asked him to not five minutes before he walked out the door. Shit happens. Every day. Bigger shit than that happens. Believe me. But the determination to stick it out and make things work is what keeps people together. The idea that this person is worth the effort. Remembering what you saw in them in the first place and knowing that that part of them is still there. Finding new things to respect and admire about them. You don't just toss out people like you would a pair of jeans with a hole in them. You don't just go buy another pair. You slap a cute patch on that hole and sew that puppy up!

Alot of people we've known through the years have thought we had a "fairy tale" marriage. I'd like to disabuse everyone of that notion. Because that would imply that it's easy to maintain. Oh hell no!! There have been days when it was like cleaning out a septic tank let me tell you. But the fact is we both put on our coveralls, hip boots and gloves and waded through the shit to clear things up. And never doubt communication is key. Like any other couple, we fight. Alot. Because even if you're fighting, you're still communicating. We don't attack each other. We would never call each other stupid, worthless or worse. But don't think I don't yell. And sometimes throw things. But unbreakable stuff like tupperware. Because I learned that lesson. Hubby's not really much of a voice raiser. And he's definitely not a thrower. He's way more laid back than me. And if we're fighting over something stupid? I usually slam out of the room dramatically and shut myself in my room until I've calmed down. If I'm wrong? I apologize. If I'm not? Then I decide if it's really a big deal or not. Choose your battles. If we're fighting because of something important like one of us feels taken for granted? Or hurt? Then we talk it over. We go somewhere quiet, away from the phone and the kids. And we say "I feel this way. And I feel this way because..." and we give the other person a chance to say "I didn't mean to make you feel this way. Let's change this". Does it always work? No. Do things really change? Not always. But just the act of getting it out there and knowing maybe the other person didn't mean to make you feel that way is sometimes enough of a solution in itself.

I'll stop preaching now. And I promise that tomorrow I'll be funny. And I apologize for all the analogies. In the end...I just want to add on to my mom's statement~

Marriage is a full time job. The work is hard. The pay is bad. And the hours are long. But the benefits make it completely worth it. Don't do it for the money. Do it for the love.

♥Spot

Disclaimer~ If you are in a bad relationship, being abused either physically or mentally, being cheated on repeatedly (Mrs. Tiger Woods this means you!), or neglected, I am absolutely not saying you can work it out. Get out now. Because people like that don't change and they aren't worth the effort. Sometimes you have to return those jeans because they just don't fit. Or they make your ass look huge.

Long long ago in a land far far away or at least thirty minutes south...

So guess what happened 22 years ago yesterday? My husband and I had our first date. And the only reason he remembered was because Sean texted him the night before. The kids and I were out to dinner and I told them. Sean immediately texted his father so that he would have a heads up because he knew he wouldn't remember on his own. Lu's only comment was "you're not going to make spaghetti are you?". She hates spaghetti. But hubby worked in a Spaghetti restaurant when we were young and we ate spaghetti alot. I mean a whole lot. Because it was free and we were poor. So alot of times we fix it to commemorate anniversaries or we go eat at the Spaghetti house. And no, even with the heads up, he didn't do anything romantic for me. Unless you count fixing the dishwasher because I kind of do. But we have an odd idea of romantic. No, the grand gesture better come next month when we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. But I'm going to pay tribute to him today.

I just browsed through some of my old blog posts, thinking maybe I already told the story of our first date. I didn't see it and since some of you are new, you wouldn't know it anyway. If you do, please skip ahead to the end. Really, I don't mind.

I moved back to America in November of 1987 and having graduated high school, being 17 and full of myself, I'd decided I didn't want to accompany my family to my Dad's next base in New Mexico. My parents weren't happy about this but we all know you can't tell a 17 year old anything. So the deal was I'd move in with my Grandma and go to Community College for two years and then transfer to University. Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men. And teenage girls. So I moved here to this little town in Illinois. Just a stopping point on my life's map. Or so I thought. I have a male cousin who's 18 months younger than me and since we were the closest in age, we hung out alot growing up. He was glad I was in town and called me up to see if I wanted to hit a movie with him and a friend. I did and met my husband. I'd been in town 3 days. He was my cousin's best friend. And he was hott. I remember making him show me his driver's license because I didn't believe he was younger than me. I didn't date younger guys. It was love (or lust) at first sight. What my family calls "lightening love" because it strikes fast and out of the blue. I even remember what he was wearing that night. Blue jeans (ripped of course), white high tops, black tshirt and an old army fatigue jacket. I have no idea what I was wearing.

Obviously, there were inherent problems. I was older and in my first year of college. He was still in high school and had been held back in first grade so he was only a sophomore. I was a world traveler who excelled at school. He was a river rat who never wanted to leave this area and slept through school when he wasn't in detention. Oh yeah, he was a bad boy and I was in love. Now I'd never ever really had to chase a guy and swore no guy was worth that. But I wasn't above strategy. You know, casually ending up in the same place or the even more devious dressing seductively and "omigosh! did you just look down my shirt?" ploys. No, I wasn't exactly innocent. But after two months of hanging out constantly, a couple of drunken make out sessions, and me pulling out all my best tricks, he still hadn't asked me out. I was completely confused and flabbergasted. Then he wrecked my car.

Yeah, you heard me right. He wrecked my car. Or rather, my parents car. It had been a wrestling tournament and he was a wrestler. A bunch of us were at the meet and he'd lost his match the night before so we were just there supporting those who were still competing. One of his friends wanted a ride to a party and I had no desire to give the guy a ride (he had a habit of punching me in the arm, hubby swears it was because the guy liked me, I think it was because he was deranged) so I gave hubby my keys. Well the next thing I know he's back, he's pissed and he says "I hit a kid". Once I'd calmed down and realized he hadn't actually run over a kid (a bit of a language barrier from all the time I'd spent in England), my heart sunk. We were both in a world of trouble. But he was so upset with himself, that I spent most of the night trying to calm him down. We had our first sober kiss on my Grandma's front porch. Both sets of parents were hopping mad and my car was undrivable. So he spent the next week driving me to work & my classes when he could. And that Friday night...

I was supposed to go to a basketball game at the university with my college friends, but I didn't like basketball (which is funny because now I love to watch it) and I wanted to see him. So I called him to see what he and my cuz were doing. This wasn't unusual, we talked on the phone alot. And he said my cuz was going to the basketball game and he hated "pumpkin pushers" (it's a wrestler/bball player hate thing in this town) and didn't want to go. I said ditto and maybe he should go to a movie~

him: Alone? That would be dorky.

Me: duh. Take a girl. You know, like a date?

Him: Oh. Well what girl? (my god, he really was a moron)

Me: Um. How should I know? Hey, ask your little sister. Sisters always know who you like. (crossing my fingers in hopes that his little sister did.)

Him: Hey Keely! Who should I take to the movies tonight?

Keely: I don't know. Who are you talking to?

Him: Stacey

Keely: Then ask her dummy!

Him: Um. So you want to go to a movie?

Me: (Not about to cut him any slack) You mean without Shannon? Like just the two of us? On a date?

Him: Um. Yeah. I guess so.

Me: Well, OK. I guess. Pick me up 6:30.

And yes, I was totally jumping up and down and mouthing "yes!". So I hung up and went to the bathroom to finish putting on makeup. My seven year old cousin was standing there watching me dance around going "I have a date!" She said "you always have a date, what's the big deal?" And I replied "but this is one I actually like!"

We went to the movies. Remember that Molly Ringwald movie "For Keeps"? Yep, that's what we saw. (And wasn't that slightly prophetic?) And then we hung out afterwards and everywhere we went people asked "where's Shannon?" Everyone was so used to seeing the three of us together. And the next question was "are you guys like on a date then?". And we'd look at each other sheepishly and answer "yes". He drove me home in his huge ass beatup pickup truck and after coming up for air after an extended bout of kissing, it finally came out that he'd like liked me since the night we met but he figured I'd never date someone like him. And he was intimidated by the parade of college guys I dated. I told him that had all been to make him jealous and that I thought I'd practically thrown myself at him and it was about time he finally caught me. And then my cousin came by where we were parked outside Grandma's house and told me it was time to get my ass inside. That just because I was with his best friend didn't mean he wasn't going to protect my virtue (what virtue??). I laughed, but went inside so hubby would make it home by his curfew. After that night? Inseparable. We started talking about "when we get married" two weeks later where he officially "married" me with a beer tab ring. Twenty two years flies by so fast. Thank you Shannon for introducing us and being best man at our wedding and godfather to our first child, with whom you share a birthday. Thank you Keely for being smart enough to know who your idiot brother should ask out even though you were only eleven. And for being godmother to our daughter. And for countless babysitting hours.

And to everyone who thought we were too young (omygodyouweresorightwewerejustbabiesourselves!)~ in your face! Because 22 years later we're still standing here together, happy more than not, and I can't imagine having shared this journey with anyone else. As much as he drives me crazy, he's still my best friend, the one who knows my secrets, holds my tears and never ever doubts me. He encourages me to go for my dreams, be who I am and live life on my terms. His love makes me fearless. Because no matter how bad I screw up he forgives and loves me anyway.

My husband, my hero.



This summer (he may have been slightly intoxicated and laughing his ass off)~


This winter~

How I saved Lulu from utter despair...

So as most of you know, my daughter Lulu has been living her life in true soap opera style. I definitely owe you all an update and will do so next week when I'm back at home. For now, we'll suffice it to say that the hippie is not taking her return home well, and DEBF is not happy that she did not immediately rush back into his arms and resume their pre break-up imagined bliss. She's feeling confused, bad for the guys and isn't quite sure where to go from here. Wednesday was a particularly rough day for her.

So Thursday, as we're driving, I looked over at her and asked~

Me: Are you still depressed? Or are you feeling better today?

Lu: *sighs* I guess I'm feeling better.

Me: It's because I'm awesome.

Lu: Oh?

Me: Yes. And currently you're trapped in the car with me. Therefore, my awesomeness is eclipsing all other feelings. You're welcome.

Lu: Mmmmk.

Or I guess it could be a new character who we'll call Never Dated But Have Been Flirting Since Seventh Grade. Or NDBHBFSSG for short. Or maybe just Tim. But I prefer to think it's my awesomeness.

♥Spot

It's a Love Story? Part four...

Was I perturbed at Lu yesterday? Well today I am downright angry. It's one of those times when you shake your head and go "where did I go wrong"? She's having car trouble, she's moving home, and I don't even know where she left her brain. Don't get me wrong...I know she's going through a rough patch and I'm totally sympathetic. To that end, her Dad and I have been trying to help her. We told her to get the car looked at and if it's okay to drive long distance we will come up and trade her cars, to get hers down here where either DEBF or her brothers can fix it and save her a gazillion dollars. Somehow she manages to have trouble getting her part done. Then I keep asking her what day she's off so she can come down and bring some stuff. We don't have a truck at our disposal unless we want to pay a fortune to use Hubby's work truck and since she took stuff up a little at a time it will take a couple of trips to get it all. But she keeps saying she'll look at her schedule and then text me. Only she doesn't. Finally last night I blew up and told her that contrary to her belief the world does not actually revolve around her. The rest of us do not sit and wait for her to be able to come down, we all have lives and so a little advanced notice of her arrival would come in handy for scheduling purposes. Then I hung up. I know, not well done of me...but this snafu (not my first choice word but clusterfuck is so rude) has been going on for days!! And I've got DEBF saying if she doesn't get the car here soon, he'll be in rehab and unable to fix it. So I'm a smidge on the frustrated side.

But I digress...back to the story....

When we left off yesterday our heroine had kicked Jackass to the curb (hopefully for good). She'd decided to leave the Hippie and return to the bosom of her family. She had begun talking to DEBF, at least about her car. So our heroine has returned to Iowa, with the secret knowledge that she will be leaving the Hippie. She wants to talk to her boss first to see how much notice is required to leave her job so that she's not stuck in the same apartment for forever with a saddened Hippie. Her boss says that next week can be her last week. Although she also offers Lu a place to live should she decide to stay in Iowa because she's awesome at her job and they hate to see her go! But boss lady will definitely see if Lu can transfer to the store closest to home. Lu also calls her old job to see if the transfer should fall through to they have a place for her and they do! So Lu will not be jobless.

Now our Lu has been exhausted from all the work, shopping, driving that Christmas entails. She's been cranky and mean. (Her mother also suspects that she needs a platelet check as this is how she behaves when platelets are crashing). She decides to tell Hippie what's what. So on New Year's Eve she tells him that she's moving back home. She doesn't break up with him, she just explains that she's tired of all the driving and she's moving home. That they can try long distance and see each other on weekends ect. He gets majorly pissed off and says that he knows how this works. Pretty soon they'll be down to the occasional phone call and then it's over. (Well, that was the plan.) But our heroine feels bad, she's trying to let him down gently and also not make the living situation unbearable for the next week or so. I know that also this night, DEBF sends her some heartfelt texts (and let me tell you, I know this boy is a sweet talker) about new years and new starts. Sorry I don't have the original texts. Lu would ordinarily forward them to me to see what I thought, but as we're not speaking...well no blog fodder. So Lu is finishing her work week, supposedly getting her car looked at and packing. Hippie is hurt, mad, pissy. DEBF is cautiously optimistic that he can change and get yet another chance with our heroine. And that's the story so far. Do bear in mind that the heroine has other guys who text her on a regular basis as well. One she never even dated who says he'll wait for her forever.

I'll keep you updated as the gossip rolls in...will DEBF really turn things around (he's currently on the list for the residential rehab program in town. They'll call him when they have an open bed and he has an hour and a half to show up. So far he's been sober since he saw Lu)? Will the Hippie put some effort into getting her back? Will a tall dark stranger come into the picture? What's next for our heroine??

♥Spot

It's a love story? part three...the saga continues...

First...I just want you to know that I'm not especially happy with Lu at the current moment so writing about her has lost some of it's appeal. But I would never leave you hanging like that so I will forge ahead with my tale. But for those of you who don't follow me on Facebook...here was my status for Wednesday...and it was directed at Lu. Sometimes I think you only ask for my opinion so that you have someone to blame when things don't go right. That's totally unfair and you should probably stop. But since I know you won't, I'm going out tonight and consuming mass quantities of tomato juice and vodka. Okay, so that really isn't about you but see how blaming others works? Totally unfair. You probably feel bad now. And yes, she did. But I'm still perturbed with her.

Soooo back to our story....

Jackass texts me the very next day "I guess I'm in a little bit of trouble, huh?" And I replied "well, you did sort of ditch her". He said he didn't ditch her, that he waited til 8:00 for her to text him and when she didn't he figured she wasn't going to make it so he went to the bar and forgot his phone at home. I said I hoped he had fun and he said not as much as seeing her would have been. (I know, you totally want to forgive him, right? Don't do it!) I told him he should apologize to her and explain and she would probably forgive him. I show her the texts and she laughs and says the apology better include a puppy. But another two days go by and she gets no texts from him. Not one. I text and ask if he's ever going to apologize or has he given up on them. He says no he hasn't given up but he's scared to text her, he hates it when she's mad at him. (Meanwhile his FB status says "confused" and many ex gf's are commenting on it. Suspicious, no?) Well, he still doesn't text and finally Saturday she texts him and says "I'm coming down tomorrow. I'll be at Mom's. It would be nice to see you at least once more." He says he'll text if he can make it over. No text. Lu sends him a last text that reads "Same old player. Same old games. Take my playing piece off your game board. Our game is definitely over." And kicks him to the curb.

Meanwhile, Hubs and I take CJ back to school in Springfield on Sunday. And the weather is atrocious. The plan is for Lu to come down from Iowa, stop at the house and pick up Sean, the presents, and the mac-n-cheese I made and meet us at Hubby's sisters for Christmas with his Dad's side of the family. We are running almost an hour late due to weather. Luckily, roads are getting cleared from our house to town, but Lu is running late. Then she calls because she and Sean have a flat tire...on the highway close to town. I tell them to change it. (Lu and I changed a tire about a year ago...I know she knows how to do this.) Sean has never changed one. Luckily, a guy she knows vaguely stops and does it for them and by the time we find them, they're set to go. We head to Christmas. Hubs tells her he'll take the tire to the ag center tomorrow morning first thing to be fixed. I ask what if it's unfixable? He says he'll have to go to town and get another one. She has to leave early to make it to work on time.

Enter Drunken Ex-Boyfriend. (Who's a mechanic, by the way). He has been texting me to say that he's going to rehab. After nearly killing himself in an accident on Christmas eve and getting a consumption ticket earlier that week his friends and family (well some of it) have banded together to convince him to go to rehab. His lawyer also highly recommends this move. I wanted to say "hello? Who tried to get you into rehab last year?? Oh yeah. Me & Lu." But instead I said good plan, so proud...blah blah blah. But really, I am glad he's doing this. It will probably save his life. So I told Lu. Mentioned to him about her tire and he said he could fix it at his Gpa's that night. Tell all this to Lu. She has not spoken to him since May. She has ignored all texts and calls ect. So she decides to talk to him and get the tire fixed. He comes to the house that evening and they go to his Gpa's. But it's bad news. Sidewall's shot. She needs a new tire. He says he'll call first thing in the morning to get one.

After he leaves I ask her about things. She says she told him she was really glad he was going to rehab and she would support him and be his friend but not to count on anything else because it would take a really long time to prove that he'd really changed. That yes, she did still love him and probably always would but she wasn't putting herself in that situation again unless she firmly believed he'd changed. He asked if she'd come in for his counseling sessions if the therapist asked and she said yes, she could do that. I'm pretty proud of her for not immediately caving to him. He got up at 7 the next morning and drove to town to get her a new tire, he had it back here, on her car and her on the road by 9. She said they had this conversation:

DEBF: If you had a bf who serviced your car regularly...

Lu: I did. I got rid of him.

DEBF: Oh. Was he an asshole?

Lu: Yep. Servicing the car was probably his best quality.

DEBF: What if he could change?

Lu: Well, it would take a long time for me to believe that.

However, the one decision she did make that day was that she was moving home. Things are going nowhere with the Hippie and she's tired of driving back and forth. She resolves to talk to her boss and see how much notice she has to give and how good is the possibility is of transferring to the store near us.

*Personally, for awhile, I was rooting for Jackass. I really hoped he'd changed. And he's definitely Sean's choice. But alas, I feel like he played us all. So um, goodbye Jackass. The Hippie? Well, no one's really rooting for him. He's a nice guy but he needs to grow up alot. And Sean really doesn't like him. DEBF? Well I guess his friends and family are rooting for him. His stepmom told him they hope Lu takes him back because they didn't have to worry about him so much. Lu kept him in line. Plus she knows he really loves Lu. His sister's (also alcoholics and truly a little psychotic) don't like Lu at all, but his Dad told him they'd deal with the sisters. His friends even said they were sorry for helping break him and Lu up last time. They thought she was trying to suck the fun out of him by not letting him drink. Now they see that she was trying to help him and they hope he gets the chance. Hubby really doesn't like DEBF. Says he sees too much of his younger self in him and knows how hard change is. Doesn't think DEBF has it in him. Sean? He gets along with DEBF as long as he's not treating his sister badly. Me? I don't know. I'd really like to see her single for awhile. Get to know herself. And figure out what she really wants.*

And tomorrow...she tells the Hippie her decision and places a frantic call to DEBF because her car is making funny noises. Don't miss the next exciting episode of La Vida Lulu.

♥Spot

It's a love story? Part two...

Sorry about yesterday but I had to grocery shop and then I had to nap and then it was New Year's eve. Trust me that's all relevant. I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve and is enjoying this first day of the new decade!

Soooo....here's the story....

Lu & the hippie have been having problems for awhile now. Mostly it's about their very different life views and trying to integrate them into a future together. Lu is very goal oriented and has very strict views on things. The hippie is completely laid back, content to drift, and his views are diametrically opposed to hers on most subjects political and some personal. Lu is the original "hugs not drugs" girl and has never tried any. The hippie is obviously quite fond of his mary jane. He believes in abortion, she does not. He doesn't vote. He is perfectly content to drift. Lu works a 30 to 40 hour week in the retail world. She doesn't miss work unless it is absolutely impossible for her to make it. The girl has been in the ER in the morning and at work that evening. She gets this work ethic from her father. She will definitely vote now that she's of age.

So in one fight she finally told him that she feels like he just moved her up there to be his sugar mama and pay all the bills. He got equally angry and told her if she felt that way she should just move home. She replied "maybe I will". Then she asked him what he'd be doing if she wasn't there to pay for things and he said he would just do without. She came back with "do without the gas I put in your car? do without the food I bought?" and he said no, that he'd ask his parents for money. Lu was outraged. She pointed out that his parents weren't rich and why was it their job to support him when he supposedly lived "on his own"? He said that his parents didn't mind and he was only nineteen, he shouldn't have to know what he wanted to do with his life yet. Lu responded with a you're not really living on your own if your parents are supporting you. You're perfectly able to work and your blowing off school anyway. That in her family, living on your own meant financially supporting yourself. That we would help her if she got into trouble, but would not send her money monthly as she was perfectly capable of earning her own. And that why the hell shouldn't a nineteen year old at least have some idea of where their life was headed?? She and Sean both had life goals and they were younger than he was.

So as you can see, things are not going smoothly. Can the hippie change? He promised to look for a weekend job (although Lu points out he promised that months ago as well and to date has put in not one application). He says that he knows at least that he wants to be with her for the rest of his life. But Lu worries that he either won't buckle down or will resent her if he does.

Enter the Jackass. Jackass starts texting both Lu & I on December 11th. Not sure exactly what their texts consisted of but mine were mostly how much he missed Lu and our family and was coming home for Christmas and hoped to see us. Especially Lu. That he'd done stupid things while he was home last and should have come to see us. How he thought he was ready to settle down, just looking for the right girl, and by the way how was Lu doing?? We reminisced about crazy old times and set up a day for him to come out and see us. Lu decided she was going to come down and see him that day. At our house, not alone. And no, she wasn't going to tell the hippie. Well, she had some trouble getting away because the hippie wanted to accompany her (did I mention he's pretty much up her ass 24/7? We can't even talk on the phone without him bugging her.) and didn't understand why he couldn't come. But she managed. The night was fun. We'd invited some of his other friends too and we all sat around reminiscing and telling funny stories. I gave the boys blankets and offered them their pick of couches and went to bed. Lu and the Jackass stayed up most of the night talking. (Yes, just talking. Yes, I know this for a fact.) They were very cozy the next morning. Reluctantly he left and she said that they talked about the future and the past and where they might go from here. He texted me later to tell me how amazing Lu was and how he really wanted things to work for them but was worried about the distance issue.

Well, she and the hippie were coming down on the 23rd and she was going to drop him at the house and head into town to give her cousin her xmas present. She was also going to see Jackass. I got to hippie-sit. I tried to watch a movie with him but he's one of those people who talks through the movie and not even about the movie. Man, I freakin hate that. (The movie by the way was Lars and the Real Girl. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Ryan Goseling gives an absolutely amazing performance.)

Things don't work out. She can't get ahold of Jackass, who's told her to text him when she gets to my house. She phones his mom and finds out he's at the bar and left his phone at home. Needless to say...she's pissed. She texts him "Thank you for making me feel like an idiot. I knew you hadn't changed."

What does our heroine do next? How does the rest of the family feel about this turn of events? Where does Drunken Ex come in?? Can Jackass turn things around? Can the hippie? Tune in tomorrow for the continuing saga....

♥Spot

It was (almost) a love story (or two or three). But not the fairy tale kind where everyone lives happily ever after in the end.

So...I almost had this incredibly beautiful love story to tell you about Lu. But of course it involved a boy so it didn't turn out that way. Instead it turned out with her vowing to never speak to him again and the rest of us talking in hushed whispers and calling him "he who can not be mentioned" or "that one guy" or just "jackass". I guess for this story you really need a little history, a roster of players and seeing as how the whole story is ongoing it may be a two (or several) parter.

Here's the cast of characters;

Jackass- this would be Lu's first love. They met at summer camp when she was 11 and he was 14. That year nothing happened. But she can still tell you exactly what he was wearing the very first time she met him. Fast forward a year and me telling her boys that age are dumb and he probably wont remember you. Man, did he prove me wrong. Not about being dumb, but about remembering her. Oh and did I mention that in the years time she'd sprouted boobs? May have jogged his memory somewhat. Anyway, they were instantly inseparable for the week. Then they went to a few movies, he came over to the house some and then school started and they stopped seeing each other because a.) he lives an hour away, b.) he was in high school and she was in middle school and he had older girls vying for his attention, and c.) neither of them was old enough to drive. But she had become best friends with one of his close friends, we had become friends with his parents and the other guys parents so we went to basketball games (both boys were on the team) and other gatherings in that town. So they still came in contact with each other and from time to time restarted their romance only to have it end by his bad behavior. (Did I mention the boy was really really cute and had girls falling all over themselves for him?) Both dated other people, a year went by and it's summer again. This time he's working at the camp and is there for the whole summer. They begin dating and spending every waking moment possible together. And then summer ends and so does their romance. Again. They never officially dated after that but there were a few times here and there that they went out or he'd come up to visit (as by this time he's practically part of the family). His mother even (still) has a framed picture of Lu & him hanging up in her house. He graduated high school and joined the marines. I mentioned him in a previous post, he called her from Iraq. Sometime while he was over there they had an argument and the emails stopped. Not sure of the details. I just know we didn't hear from him when he got back. Until December 12th.

Drunken Ex-boyfriend: Lu's second love. She met him about October of her freshman year. He was a junior. A year older than her. The cousin of one of her close guy friends. Lived on a farm not far from us. We should have known there was going to be trouble when he brought her home an hour late from their first date. And didn't come in to apologize. They had a dramatic off/on again relationship until this past may. They'd fight, they'd break up, we'd breathe a sigh of relief, they'd get back together. Now some of the problem is him...he comes from a family of alcoholics and a culture of alcoholism. His mother locked him in a closet when he was little. His parents fought constantly and his mother finally left the family, kids and all. His father isn't his biological father, his mother got pregnant during one of their separations. His biological father lives twenty minutes from him and never acknowledged his existence. I mean the boy had problems. And while I felt sorry for him (motherless boys are my weakness), my daughter has to be my priority. But we tried to help him. We tried to get him to quit drinking. I tried to get him to go to therapy. We took him in when no one else wanted to. We gave him chances. And the trouble we had with Lu during this time wasn't entirely his fault. She just turned into someone different when she was with him. She lied, she snuck around, she drank way more than she let on. We had horrible fights. (and yes, I do know this is typical behavior, but since we have an atypical household and parenting style, I guess I expected atypical behavior.) They separated for the final time in mid may when she kicked him out of our house and her life for falling off the wagon. They had a fight so he went to a party at his cousins and got wasted.

The Hippie- this would be Lu's current boyfriend. They met in June at summer camp. He's the handicraft teacher. He's fun, upbeat, artistic, sensitive and kind. But he's also irresponsible, lazy, and unmotivated. And smokes pot. And has a retinue of stoner friends. And blows off school, doesn't work much and lives off his folks. And Lu. She's been living in Iowa with him since end of September. She's been paying all the bills for the last two months because he has no money. They've been having huge fights. Now, don't get me wrong, I like him- as a person. And he's definitely done some good things for Lu. Her self esteem is up, he cooks for her, and he would certainly never cheat on her. But he's not settle down with material. He doesn't take care of her. She takes care of him. And so now this is wearing very thin and she's come to realize that it's not going to work...

Crap! That's really all I have time for because I have a busy day today and have to go to town. The way it's snowing outside I may need a sled and a team of snow dogs. Haha. Guess I'll settle for hubby and his truck. I will get into the meat of the drama tomorrow. Trust me, it rivals any daytime soap out there....

Tune in tomorrow...
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