And then she said...

So, I've been absent a few days and I'm so far behind in my blog reading/commenting. You guys should maybe stop being so prolific. I mean, if I skip a day even, I get behind. The other day I was even contemplating giving up an hour of sleep in order to catch up. And if you knew how much I love my sleep, you'd realize that this is crazy talk!! So stop blogging while I'm sleeping, it makes me feel lazy.

So I got the results of the gall bladder glowing x-ray. No, they didn't call me, I had to call them. The other nurse (the one who actually knows her shit) said the test came back normal. The doctor was out this week so no idea what the next move is. I told her I've been doing okay lately so I'll just let them know if anything gets worse. My bruise is till pretty. Although its not purple anymore, just browns, yellow and gray.

We got CJ on Wednesday and then took him back yesterday. We had an awesome visit and I will update you later with pictures. But today I'm exhausted. I stayed up way too late finishing the fabulous new Joe Hill book. And all the busy this week is catching up with me. So today I'm just going to give you some convos that I have rattling around in my head from these last few weeks. If they're as funny as they were to us at the time, you may want to set your drink down...

Driving to pick up some food in Myrtle Beach after shopping all day~

Lu: I'm really thirsty!

Sean: Me too.

Me: I know right?! I'd kill for a fountain coke (my weakness) right about now.

Lu: Why do people say that? I'd kill for something. I mean, would you? Really?

Me: Um. Yeah. I think I would kill for a Coke right now. I mean, not someone I liked. But someone I didn't like. Like J** E***? I'd totally take him down for a fountain Coke right now.

Sean: You scare me.

Lu: I get you. I guess there's totally people I'd take out for a Coke right now.

The other morning, right after I got up and stumbled in to get a cup of coffee, as I passed through the living room on my way to the family room~

Sean: So I guess the faggots only killed black cats.

Me: (completely appalled at his use of the word "faggots" and also completely confused as to what he's talking about) What?!

Sean: (a little slower) The faggots only killed black cats.

Me: Why would faggots kill cats?

Sean: What faggots?

Me: Exactly?!!

Sean: Omigod! I said the VATICAN only kills black cats.

Me: Oh. Well that's not what it sounded like. But that does make more sense. How do you know?

Sean: I watched a program on history channel last night.

Me: Oh. Huh. (and I walked off).

After dinner the other night, as we're clearing up and talking about getting our vehicles fixed~

Lu: well Porky needs to look at my car. I really need that new blower motor because I don't think mine's working at all. I drove the whole way to work this morning and the car never heated up.

Me: Really? It was cold in there the whole time? Because it was making noise when I borrowed your car, but the heat seemed to be working.

Lu: Well the temperature thing never did get all the way to where it usually does.

Hubby: (with a slightly perplexed look that was mirrored by Sean and I) what temperature thing honey?

Lu: You know! The one that says "H" and "C" and has the little read needle. When my car is warm it's usually between the "H" and the "C", but today it barely got above the "C".

Hubby: (desperately trying not to laugh) Honey, that gauge measures the temperature of your engine, not the inside of your car. It was extremely cold this morning so your engine never warmed up all the way. That has nothing to do with your heater or blower motor.

By now, Sean and I are convulsing with laughter and Hubby loses it too.

Lu: STOP making fun of me!! It's not that funny!

But it really was. She was so mad she went to her room and slammed her door. All night long the rest of us could barely look at each other without laughing again. But because I'm a good mom, I did go talk her out of her sulk. But?? Buahahahaha.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I fully intend too!!
♥Spot

It's freakin Thursday already?

Lately my days have blended together and flown by. I think it's because I spend so much time right here in front of my computer. If I'm not showing some bloggy love, I'm working on the novel. It's crazy. Yesterday I had to take an enforced break from writing and go to town. (I'm pretty sure I had withdrawal symptoms). I had to take a "stress test". Um. Let me just say that was probably the most not fun I've had since last Tuesdays trip to the ER with Lulu. But you can read all the funny about it over at G & H. Then I had to grocery shop. Now, usually I kinda like grocery shopping. But is it just me, or have the prices of every little thing gone up again? Then I came home and there were groceries to put away, a refrigerator that I swear I'd grown penicillin in, laundry to do, and then my guys expected some supper. A friend called and when I answered the phone~

J: I didn't know if you'd answer. I thought you might be writing.

Me: No. I just got home from the store. I'm actually doing laundry.

J: Oh. I guess you still have to do your other job.

Me: Well yeah, until I can afford someone else to do it for me.

And then after dinner, I chose to sit on the couch and snuggle my extremely neglected husband for awhile. He responded with "What's your name again? And you do know I'm married, right?" He's such a funny guy. Or sarcastic bastard. One of the two. So today it's back to the dungeon for me. I need to crank out about 5000 words. And two blog posts. And clean straighten my house. So without further ado...Spread the word Thursday....

First shout out to Amazon.com, UPS, and Stephen freakin King. Because around 5:30 last evening a huge truck pulled up in my drive. I'd forgotten to turn on the outside lights and it was way dark already so all I could see were the lights. So I headed to the front door and opened it and it was my UPS guy (did I ever mention how adorable he is? If not, well he so is) and he handed me...Under the Dome, Master King's newest book. O.M.G. It was like my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one, I was that freakin excited. But I was a good girl. Kind of. I didn't open the box or peek at the book or read the first 80 pages until four hours later. Four whole hours people!!! Let me just say...it's going to be a great book. And a ginormous distraction.

Funniest read of the week? Well a tie again:

1. The Blogess. Japan. Part one of I-don't-even-know-how-long-this-will-be. Normally I don't include her in my game because everything she writes is laugh out loud pee your pants funny. But she outdid even herself this time. Also she has several thousand readers so she doesn't need my help. And, if you should decide to pick up stakes and follow her instead of me, *sigh* well I'd totally understand.

2. Happy Meals and Happy Hour. The One Where The Kid Walks In On Us. I'm pretty sure we can all relate. And laugh.


That's all I got peeps. Have a good Thursday. See you tomorrow.
♥Spot

I'm losing it...

Then again...it's quite possible I never had it to begin with. Seriously, yesterday I created a blog, blogged, posted and I came back today and it's not there! So either it was eaten by some blog-eating monster in cyberspace or I dreamt the whole thing. Sadly, either answer could be true.



So this blog is because I just need to get some things out of my head. Things I don't necessarily want to share with my friends or family. Weird, huh? I don't want to share it with them but I'll let a million web surfing strangers in on my deepest thoughts? Not really. I mean I'm pretty anonymous on here. Oh yeah, I know...any moron can hack your account and find out who you really are...but seriously, if any one's bored enough to do that to my blog...have at it dude. No, I think it's more because I don't personally know any of the readers (haha...that's assuming someone somewhere is reading this) so I'm not responsible for you. I don't have to worry about offending you, hurting your feelings, or scaring the crap out of you. I can just be "real". Don't get me wrong...that kind of makes me sound like I'm totally fake in my real life...and I'm not. It's just that, hmm...how to explain.... Ok. So you know those people who can find something good in everything? The ones who cheer you up when you're depressed, make you smile no matter what and are just fun to be around? Yeah, that's me. And no, I'm not being boastful...it's just true. I have a pretty happy outlook on life most of the time and I have a really low tolerance for self pity. Bad things happen to good people. And you have to buck up and deal with it. I've had some whoppers in my life and a wise person once said to me "Why are you asking why? Do you think when something bad happens anyone ever says 'oh yeah. I deserved that'?" And so that was the end of that. I do, on occasion, wallow in a bit of self pity...either I go back to bed for a couple of hours or cry in the shower (no one can hear you & you're already wet). But mostly I believe:



A. Everything happens for a reason. Even if you have no clue what the hell that reason is...you have to have faith that there is one.



B. Everything works out the way it's supposed to in the end. Again...not your job to figure out how...just to believe it will.



C. Karma happens. Do nice things for others (without the need for thanks or approval) and you will have good things happen to you. Do mean things to other people and you're screwed.



D. There is a lesson in everything. It IS your job to figure out what that lesson might be. And whether you are supposed to learn the lesson or teach it by example.



If you keep all of that in mind then it's pretty hard to feel sorry for yourself. Mostly because your brain is too full trying to work all that out. Lol. There you have it...my basic life philosophy. And no I'm not religious per se. I'm just spiritual. And frankly, I don't care what religious philosophy you subscribe to...as long as you believe in something. And believe strongly enough to defend it (please note there is a difference between defending your particular point of view and trying to cram it down other's throats. Or trying to convert everyone in listening distance.) And that said belief is strong enough to get you through the rough spots.



So anywho...my life was percolating along...again, had some rough spots (okay some really rough spots) but things were okay. Settling back into a routine, making it work. Had some exceptionally bright spots as well (I do have many things to be thankful for) and then they throw the big scary "C" word my way. That's right folks, I may very well have cancer. In a month it went from "do you want to do an ultrasound to check it out?" to "we have to schedule surgery to remove your right ovary and biopsy it". Yep, you guessed it ovarian cancer. One of the most aggressive and insidious cancers you can find. Good thing I said "hell yeah" to the ultrasound, huh? So surgery is set for August 12th. And I have a pre-op appointment tomorrow. I have to say in a way, this really took me by surprise. But in another way...I just had this niggling feeling that something was wrong for a couple of months now. It's funny though, my paternal grandmother died of breast cancer when I was 13 (okay that was NOT the funny part), and my aunt on my mom's side beat breast cancer several years ago (also NOT funny) so I always assumed it would be breast cancer somewhere down the road for me. (Ok, maybe none of it was funny, more ironic I guess). So you can bet I do the whole breast exam thing like clockwork. But there's obviously no home ovary check.



I'm sure you're all wondering (or maybe you're not...maybe you got up to get a drink...or got distracted by your cat, don't worry I do that all the time!) so am I scared? Ummm. You know...not so much. I mean it's probably a 75% chance I'm going to have to do chemo. They do that with ovarian cancer even if it's only "borderline malignant" (a term which makes no sense to me. Kind of like "minor heart attack" or "a touch of epilepsy". Seriously, who comes up with these?). But I'm not really scared of the chemo. I've talked to several women who've been through it and they have anti nausea drugs for the vomiting, painkillers for the aching bones, but the fatigue...yeah that worries me. I'm so exhausted most days now I can barely get up to go to the bathroom. I can't even imagine it getting worse. But I'm a hundred percent positive that I can beat this. Mostly because I have too much left to do to die yet. But if it comes to that...I'm not afraid to die. I have faith (granted its my own unique brand) and that carries me through. So what am I worried about? Losing my self.



Yeah...losing the part that makes me "me". Not having the strength to keep everyone else's spirits up. Not having the energy to listen to the details of their lives and point out the absurdities. Not being able to take joy from everything. Not feeling like laughing. I mean, I laugh alot folks! For one thing...my family is goofy and hilarious. For another...it just feels good to laugh! What if I get too sick to laugh? What if I get to sick too draw pleasure from the silly little things that I do now? Like a really good meal, or a great movie trailer, or the upcoming release of a book I'm dying to read. What if I lose that? It will be hard enough to not be able to be up taking care of my house, having people over, cooking huge meals, being every one's "mom". And losing my hair, well that's gonna suck too. But I guess I'm worried more about losing "me". And how that will affect everyone I know. So I guess...I'm not really feeling sorry for me...I'm feeling sorry for them.



Things to ponder,
♥Spot