The one where I can't seem to put it behind me...

So um. This is probably going to be completely random because I have no idea what I'm going to blog about. I had fifty thousand post ideas until I actually sat down at my computer and my mind went blank. So here I am staring at the blank screen and randomly typing.

Today is the 6 month mark from Mike's accident. He's doing great. He still has some occasional shoulder pain and he still doesn't have his stamina quite back but he's doing amazing for someone who almost died. He still says he only remembers bits and pieces of things after the accident. I have full recall of the entire day. Sometimes I wish I didn't. I can't pass a red truck without feeling a chill snake it's way down my spine. Every time anyone leaves the house I worry til I know their safe. If I start to say something and don't or if I don't get a chance to say "I love you" before they leave I spend hours freaking out, thinking what if something happens, will they know I loved them? It's ridiculous really, but I can't stop it. Even writing this I find myself tearing up. I have flashbacks to that trauma room and my husbands bruised and bloody body. He seems to have put it out of his mind for the most part. I wonder why I can't?

On a happier note- Lu's pregnancy is going really well. Other than the fatigue (you ladies know what I'm talking about- that bone weary tiredness of the first trimester), she hasn't had much trouble. Some headaches and passing nausea, but overall she's super healthy and doing great. I should take a picture of her baby bump to post. She sees the doctor for the first time on Wednesday and we're hoping they will be able to determine her due date for sure. Emotionally she's got a lot going on. She wants to have the first appointment be just her and I and the baby daddy is pressuring her to let him come too. I'm not sure why he can't seem to respect her wishes on this. Technically she doesn't have to let him come to any appointments but she's promised he could come to some. She's also helping a friend who's been through rehab for alcoholism and just got out.

Sean is, well, Sean. I haven't seen him much these last few weeks because he's got his father's work ethic. He had pneumonia and only missed one day of work. Then he stayed late several times to make up the missed hours. Then he took on a couple of side jobs with a friend. Between all that and his Lodge duties, he's gone a lot. I miss him. He's the one I can count on to lighten my mood. Lizzie (his "not" girlfriend) did visit with us over her Thanksgiving break and we all enjoyed that. Lu made us (and when I say "made" us, I mean MADE us. She's like the family game night Nazi) play games that night. Personally, I wish they'd drop the "not" status and just go back to dating. Sean found "the whole happy meal" in Lizzie and I like that she gives shit right back to him when he's dishing it out. Lu has asked them to be her baby's godparents.

And me? Well, I'm working on Christmas stuff. I'm unusually ahead of the game this year. My shopping is nearly done, I'm starting my craft projects tomorrow, and I may wrap some today. I'm usually a last minute Christmas girl so I'm feeling pretty proud. My folks and sisters family will be coming here for Christmas, so I do have some carpet shampooing and cleaning to do. And I have to get it all done because I'm having my gallbladder out on the 30th. That conversation went like this.

*I'd seen the surgeon (yes, the same one who did Mike and Lu's surgeries. He's probably going to get to go on vacation from the money he's made on us this year!) And the nurse comes in*

Nurse: Doctor wants to take that out right away. He said tomorrow but we don't have any openings. How about next Thursday the 9th?

Me: Um. No can do. We have a wedding to go to on the 11th and a banquet.

Nurse: How about the next week. The 16th?

Me: Nope. Mike's work Christmas party.

Nurse: The 23rd?

Me: You're kidding right?

Nurse: *blank stare*

Me: I'm having company for Christmas. How about the 30th?

Nurse: But the doctor said right away.

Me: I've been in pain for months now. I'm pretty sure I can handle 29 more days. So the 30th works. Book it.

I know that my family would have been okay with a messy house and pizza for Christmas dinner. But I would never have healed enough to be able to have CJ home. This way I get Christmas out of the way, enjoy every one's visits and then take care of me. That's how we Mom's do it, right?

Hope you all are having an excellent month. If you have snow, send it my way. I'm ready for some!

♥Spot

And then she said...

So, I've been absent a few days and I'm so far behind in my blog reading/commenting. You guys should maybe stop being so prolific. I mean, if I skip a day even, I get behind. The other day I was even contemplating giving up an hour of sleep in order to catch up. And if you knew how much I love my sleep, you'd realize that this is crazy talk!! So stop blogging while I'm sleeping, it makes me feel lazy.

So I got the results of the gall bladder glowing x-ray. No, they didn't call me, I had to call them. The other nurse (the one who actually knows her shit) said the test came back normal. The doctor was out this week so no idea what the next move is. I told her I've been doing okay lately so I'll just let them know if anything gets worse. My bruise is till pretty. Although its not purple anymore, just browns, yellow and gray.

We got CJ on Wednesday and then took him back yesterday. We had an awesome visit and I will update you later with pictures. But today I'm exhausted. I stayed up way too late finishing the fabulous new Joe Hill book. And all the busy this week is catching up with me. So today I'm just going to give you some convos that I have rattling around in my head from these last few weeks. If they're as funny as they were to us at the time, you may want to set your drink down...

Driving to pick up some food in Myrtle Beach after shopping all day~

Lu: I'm really thirsty!

Sean: Me too.

Me: I know right?! I'd kill for a fountain coke (my weakness) right about now.

Lu: Why do people say that? I'd kill for something. I mean, would you? Really?

Me: Um. Yeah. I think I would kill for a Coke right now. I mean, not someone I liked. But someone I didn't like. Like J** E***? I'd totally take him down for a fountain Coke right now.

Sean: You scare me.

Lu: I get you. I guess there's totally people I'd take out for a Coke right now.

The other morning, right after I got up and stumbled in to get a cup of coffee, as I passed through the living room on my way to the family room~

Sean: So I guess the faggots only killed black cats.

Me: (completely appalled at his use of the word "faggots" and also completely confused as to what he's talking about) What?!

Sean: (a little slower) The faggots only killed black cats.

Me: Why would faggots kill cats?

Sean: What faggots?

Me: Exactly?!!

Sean: Omigod! I said the VATICAN only kills black cats.

Me: Oh. Well that's not what it sounded like. But that does make more sense. How do you know?

Sean: I watched a program on history channel last night.

Me: Oh. Huh. (and I walked off).

After dinner the other night, as we're clearing up and talking about getting our vehicles fixed~

Lu: well Porky needs to look at my car. I really need that new blower motor because I don't think mine's working at all. I drove the whole way to work this morning and the car never heated up.

Me: Really? It was cold in there the whole time? Because it was making noise when I borrowed your car, but the heat seemed to be working.

Lu: Well the temperature thing never did get all the way to where it usually does.

Hubby: (with a slightly perplexed look that was mirrored by Sean and I) what temperature thing honey?

Lu: You know! The one that says "H" and "C" and has the little read needle. When my car is warm it's usually between the "H" and the "C", but today it barely got above the "C".

Hubby: (desperately trying not to laugh) Honey, that gauge measures the temperature of your engine, not the inside of your car. It was extremely cold this morning so your engine never warmed up all the way. That has nothing to do with your heater or blower motor.

By now, Sean and I are convulsing with laughter and Hubby loses it too.

Lu: STOP making fun of me!! It's not that funny!

But it really was. She was so mad she went to her room and slammed her door. All night long the rest of us could barely look at each other without laughing again. But because I'm a good mom, I did go talk her out of her sulk. But?? Buahahahaha.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I fully intend too!!
♥Spot

So I'm pretty sure aliens stole my gallbladder...

The week before I went on vacation I had two tests done...a brain MRI for the headaches I was having. My doctor said it might be an aneurysm. Really? Who picks that as the first choice?? Give him a choice between a horse and a zebra and this doctor always picks the zebra. But he has been right a majority of the time so I go along.

The other test was a gallbladder ultrasound. I've been having some stomach trouble for a couple of months now and he's convinced it's my gallbladder. I don't care anymore, I just want it to stop. I really really like to cook and eat and I don't like feeling horrible after I do. He said if the ultrasound came back negative, he wanted to do a fluoroscopy. Mmmmk. So I had my tests and I went on vacation. And I forgot to call and get the results. I figured if it was anything serious, they'd call me. So last week, after getting back and settling in I called the Doctor's office. And it went like this~

Me~ Hi *nurse*, it's *me*, I had a brain MRI and a gallbladder ultrasound two weeks ago and I was just calling for the results because I haven't heard anything.

Nurse~ um. OK. when did you have those?

Me~ February 4th.

Nurse~ okay. Let me see here. Give me a minute. Can you hold?

Me~ sure. (I'm smart enough to use the 800 number when I call so it's free.) Lalalalalala. (insert some humming, some talking to Sean)

Nurse~ okay. I have them. I'm looking at the MRI. Did you have an appointment to discuss these results with him?

Me~ um. no. that's why I'm calling to get them. (Duh?)

Nurse~ oh. well. I'm going to have to call you back.

Me~ um. ok.

I hang up and pretty much begin freaking out. Why does she have to call me back. What's up with that MRI. Do I really have an aneurysm?? Have I been walking around with a ticking time bomb in my head for two weeks??! Why didn't they call me?!
The nurse calls back~

Nurse~ Okay, I talked to the doctor and the results of both the brain MRI and the gallbladder ultrasound are normal.

Me~ (WTF?!! You had to talk to the doctor to tell me that?! I worried for 20 minutes that my head might explode because you couldn't tell me it was fine??!) Um. Ok.

Nurse~ So is there anything else?

Me~ Well he said if the gallbladder thing was normal he wanted to do some radioactive xray.

Nurse~ huh. Well I'll have to talk to him and call you back.

Me~ Of course you will. Ok.

I'm a little perturbed. Really? Is it that hard to get all your eggs in one basket before you call the patient? Aren't all my records on the computer anyway? And why didn't they send me the "your tests were all normal" letter in the first place?? She calls back~

Nurse~ Okay. I have to call the hospital to set this up, can you hold while I have them on the other line?

Me~ sure. (She clicks over. I stare at the walls.)

Nurse~ oh hey, do you still have your gallbladder?

Me~ (omigod. Did she just for real ask me that?? Seriously? She just gave me the results of my gallbladder ultrasound ten minutes ago. This whole test is for your gallbladder. WTF?) um. pretty sure that's why we're doing this test...

Nurse~ okay. (she clicks back over)

Me~ (to Sean) Dude!! She for real just asked if I still had my gallbladder!

Sean~ No way! She just gave you the results of your gallbladder test!

Me~ I know right??! This is not instilling confidence in me.

Nurse~ Okay, so we set it up for next Tuesday morning at 8am. I'm going to give you the list of instructions, so write it down.

Me~ okay. (I'm so not writing this down)

Nurse~ you can't have anything to eat or drink 6 hours before.

Me~ no snacks after 2am. got it.

Nurse~ bring a list of all your current meds.

Me~ uh huh.

Nurse~ you can't have any retained barium...

Me~ (the hell is that?? waiting for her to continue. Long silence...) Are you still there?

Nurse~ yes. I was waiting for you to say okay.

Me~ I don't even know what that is.

Nurse~ Like if you'd had a barium xray the day before or anything.

Me~ (wouldn't you have been the one to schedule that?? Is that even an issue??) Mmmm...okay. No barium for breakfast. Got it.

Nurse~ No Demerol, nubain, or morphine for five hours before. I don't think you're on any of that...

Me~ um no. Pretty sure those are mostly pain shots given at the hospital...

Then she makes me repeat the list back to her. Which I can do perfectly because it's sooo bizarre!! The whole conversation has been bizarre. I'm wondering if she's on medication.

So today was the fluoroscopy. I got there at 8am. They called me back and I hopped up on one of those flat metal xray tables. The tech started and IV and explained that they would be giving me an injection of radioactive isotopes. These would show up on the camera. First they'd highlight my liver, then drain into the gallbladder and small bowel. There were a series of pictures every five minutes for the first hour. Then they would start an IV of meds that would cause the gallbladder to contract and empty the isotopes completely into the small bowel. That would take continuous pictures for thirty minutes. I began to wonder what I got myself into.

She gave me the injection and I felt nothing. I watched the lights coalesce on the screen. She pointed out my liver. Then she pointed out the small bowel. The gallbladder was taking it's time getting to the party. After about twenty minutes she asked~

Tech~ Do you still have your gallbladder?

Me~ (omg. for real?? Did another person just ask me that??! Why the hell would I be here if I didn't?!) Um. Yeah. Unless the aliens stole it.

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But seriously, if one more person asks me that, somebody's getting decked. I just have to wonder if there are actually people who've scheduled this test and didn't have a gallbladder??! Finally my uncooperative gallbladder showed up to the party. But not as well as they wanted so I had to roll on my right side so hopefully the isotopes would drain into it. She left for fifteen minutes. I dozed off. She scared the shit out of me when she woke me up.

At last we got to the second part. She warned me that some people said the meds made their gallbladder hurt. Just to try to lay still. By this time, I couldn't move anyway. My hip joints and back don't take kindly to two hours on a metal table. It didn't hurt, but it did make me pretty nauseous. My gallbladder continued to glow. Now that it had the stuff, it seemed reluctant to give it up. Way to go gallbladder. You keep the glowing stuff all to yourself. Selfish bastard.

Finally we were done. Apparently my doctor's office will call me with the results. Yeah, right. I'll hold my breath. My body protested the journey off the table. I was stiff and sore, I'm sure I looked like a little old lady hobbling along. The tech took the IV port out and had some trouble with the bleeding. Apparently, my blood was thin today. She bandaged it and let me put my sweatshirt back on and leave. As I walked out, I could feel blood dribbling down my arm so I hightailed it to the nearest bathroom. Sure enough it was a mess. Quite possibly that sweatshirt is ruined forever. I got it stopped, got cleaned up and hit the grocery store before heading home. Guess we'll see what the results are. I'd like it to be something simple like the gallbladder. But remember my intense fear of surgery. ANY surgery. And how I never heal right?? Maybe, I can just stop eating. Then I'd lose weight. That's a win/win right? So, just to prove all this really happened...here's a photo of the amazing bruise the IV left on my arm. I'm sure tomorrow the colors will be even better. Lol.




And thank you to everyone for the amazing outpouring of support and friendship and love yesterday. You have no idea how much it means to me. I feel so blessed. I wasn't feeling so hot after the test today so Sean and I are going up to get CJ tomorrow. I can't wait.
♥Spot