Boy Genius...

So I don't know if anyone else was as bored as me saw the article on MSN's home page this morning about Kid Geniuses? Anyway, I was intrigued, so I read that article and then clicked through to another .one. The second article was on cracked.com so it was funny as well as informative. Then I saw something that caught my eye...

"Some consider William James Sidis the smartest man who ever lived, with an estimated IQ of 250 to 300. For the sake of comparison, you only have to have an IQ of 136 to be a mere run of the mill genius, and your average person is somewhere in the 85 to 115 range"

and I had to call in Sean, my very own Boy Genius.

Me: So I'm reading this article about child prodigies and guess what? You are just a run of the mill genius! You aren't even like a super genius or anything. And my IQ qualifies me to be a run of the mill genius too. What do you think of that??

Sean: Did you look at the pictures of those kids? I'm pretty sure I don't want to be that smart if I have to be that dorky. And that one? Yeah, he took a vow of celibacy. Are you kidding me? No way.

Me: He probably just wanted to not get distracted by the whole boy/girl thing.

Sean: Or he was a huge dork and couldn't get a girl to go out with him.

Me: This one was performing operations at 7! What were you doing at 7?

Sean: plotting total world domination.

Me: Oh yeah. You were a little scary back then. I'm just saying. If it hadn't been for those chubby little cheeks...

Sean: Obviously those kids are some serious overachievers with no idea how to have fun. I'm just pacing myself.

Me: well you better do something impressive soon. Slacker.

Sean: That's it! When I build the world's first spaceship built for long term space travel, you are soooo not invited.

Me: Whatever Mr. Average Genius Joe.

Seriously, can you imagine raising one of those little guys? Sean was hard enough. I wonder if the three year old kissed his mom before heading off for a hard day of college physics???

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I'm just a blogger...

So let's just be up front honest and truthful here...it took me a long time and alot of therapy to learn not to base my self worth on the opinion of others. That they're approval didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. That I was the only one I was responsible too and that likeing myself was far more productive than wanting everyone else to like me. I was a serious "people pleaser". I stopped blaming my parents for my woefully inadequate sense of self esteem because well, they're just human and parents do the best they can at the time. So in conclusion, I do not blame my parents for the low self esteem I once had, my intense need to be liked, or anything else. But they also don't get the credit for the amazing self confidence, my comfort in my own skin, or my "I could care less what you think" attitude. I worked hard for those and they are all mine. And with any luck, I fostered those same qualities in my children. However, in Sean's case I may have "overdid".

So bearing all of that in mind...we begin our story...

The other day I received an email from Kathryn asking if I'd checked on my Kindle subscriptions lately. She said that I was ranked higher than she was (how this happened, neither of us can figure out because she has a gazillion followers) so I must have some subscriptions. Well, I really hadn't expected much to come out of the Kindle subscriptions so I hadn't checked in well, like, ever. In fact it had been so long I totally forgot my password. So once I went through the total hullabaloo of changing my password, ect., I logged on and wow! I did have Kindle subscriptions! People were ordering my blog!!! I did the happiest of happy dances (which is also probably the most goofy of happy dances) and happily replied back to Kathryn, that yes, I did indeed have subscriptions. And then I sat in happy, yet stunned silence. As there was no one else home at the time, I cradled my pride quietly in my arms and grinned like an absolute idiot. Someone thought enough of my writing to pay (okay, so it's not much, but any amount is more than free) to view my ramblings. To me, that says "paid writer" all over it. And you cannot (well, maybe you other aspiring writers can) imagine how encouraging this turn of events is, nor how inspiring. Thank you to all of my readers, but thank you thank you thank you to the nameless faceless masses who subscribe via Kindle. Okay, there's not really enough subscribers to be called "masses" but it's called poetic license. Work with me here people. And the best part...I don't even know anyone (besides Mark) who has a Kindle so it can't be like, you know, just my friends and family!

So here's happy little me, dancing around my kitchen as I prepare supper. The guys come in from hunting and I announce "Y'all ought to avoid the rush and start worshipping me now. You know, before I get famous". (This was also my FaceBook status of the day.) They of course just kind of chuckle because they are used to me being a drama queen. But then I explain, and they are appropriately awed and encouraging. I tell Lu later that night and she too is ecstatic for me. My friend J? Also Encouraging. So the next day I call my folks to check in with them. And I casually drop my big news into the conversation with my Dad. And I say "so now, I'm officially a paid writer". And he says "No you're not. You're just a paid Blogger." Um. The hell?! There's a difference?? He proceeds with "you don't think you're like Stephen King or anything, right?". Um. NO. DUH. He's Stephen freakin King. But how is writing my blog for readers and subscribers different from an essayist in a magazine? I write, I edit, I spend a frankly astonishing amount of time and thought on my blog. And he says "well, when you're published in a magazine, let me know." AAAAAGGGGGHHHH! I wanted to bang my head on my desk. It just brought rushing back all of the "it's never quite good enough" feelings of inadequacy. Like when I'd bring home a report card filled with A's and one lone B and I'd hear "what happened here?" instead of "Oh my god...you're a genius". But then I breathed in deeply through my nose ten times and changed the subject. Then I called my sister. When I told her, she was almost as excited as I had been. I told her Dad's reaction. She said he was kidding. I said, no he was in fact quite serious. She said well maybe he didn't have a firm grasp on blogging. That he & mom had only ever read our joint blog and it wasn't the same. That was just like letters to each other while this blog was more "professional". (Frankly, I have no idea what she means but I'll roll with it.) When I hung up I went to fix supper (man, do I ever do anything else??) and hubby came in and asked why I seemed angry. So I told him. And he laughed. And then I laughed. Because you know what? It makes no difference. I know what I do and it's good enough for me. And nobody is stealing my sense of validation. Nobody. And someday, when I am published by my father's standards, I'll think "in your face buddy", but of course I won't say it, because I'm completely sure that it won't quite be good enough.

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Amazing things, scary movies and lost body parts...

So I got a pretty big shock when I signed into statcounter today. (Hey! Don't give me that look people. I'm not addicted to my stats. I check them once, maybe twice a day. Possibly three times. Whatever! Stop hounding me about it. Everyone does it. And by everyone I mean some of the people I know.) Anyway, I had 132 views yesterday. WTH? I mean, I was pretty excited by my former high score of 74. How on earth did it go up so much overnight??? It's a mystery. And so is the fact that 132 people looked at my blog and only about 8 or 9 commented.

In other news, thanks to Kathryn my blog is going to be available in subscription form from Amazon.com. So conceivably, someone might buy a monthly subscription to my blog posts and have them downloaded daily onto their Kindle. How convenient?! Technology is so amazing. Almost as amazing as the fact that people read my ramblings. But as soon as it becomes available I will be emailing you all with a link and asking you to write a review. (Hands down in back, NO, there is no financial compensation for your review!) I mean seriously, I'm thinking I'm going to make about $1.20 a month off this. Which isn't even enough for coffee. But in my convoluted way of thinking...it means someone's paying me to write. (OK, like 1 bazillioneth of a cent per hour. but still!)

And in signing up for this, I may or may not have signed away one of my children, a kidney and/or my eternal soul. The legal jargon made my head spin. I guess I should have been suspicious when they asked me to prick my finger and sign with my own blood. Just Kidding (please don't come after me oh gods of amazon.com).

So, business out of the way...on to today's post. Around my house we watch alot of scary movies. Big surprise right?! I'm sure that was a big secret. Almost as big as the one about my double life as a secret agent stripper. I mean...as a secret blogger which is almost the same thing.

So we were watching a couple of scary movies on Halloween night. And you know, they make some seriously bad scary movies. Do we stop watching them? No! We do however proceed to make fun of them. Now the first one we watched was soooo bad that we couldn't even make it better with sarcasm. I know right?! That's horrible. But the second one was much enlivened by our side dialogue. And in one scene one of the rednecks has a certain part of his male anatomy chopped off as he's taking a whiz in the woods. His brother comes over to find him laying on the ground, groaning, squirting copious amounts of blood and spying the offending piece of manhood says "why's your **** way over there, Chuck?" OMG! I was rolling. It has now become the most quoted line from the movie, mainly because every so often Sean or I will look at one another and say it. Causing both of us to collapse in giggles and greatly confusing people who have not seen the movie. Which seems to be basically everyone else on the planet. Also in this movie a witch is stealing the last baby tooth from children, hoarding them and then killing the children, thus somehow dooming their souls to forever wander the earth until they get their teeth back. One of the ghost girls enlists the help of the little girl who's come to stay at the witch's house. (obviously no one knows a 140 year old tooth stealing witch is hiding out in the basement). So Sean's new dialogue for this is:

little girl: oh no! the witch stole my tooth! now she's going to kill me!
ghost girl: wait! I have a plan on how to get our teeth back and kill the witch! *and it almost worked last time! and if it doesn't work this time oh well. guess you'll be a ghost like me.*

So I start joking around and tell Sean that I tried to trade his soul for stuff all the time. And this conversation ensues~

hubby: yeah, your mom's always trying to trade you kid's souls for other things. And it's not even good stuff.

Sean: what? You'll trade me for a flat tire? Gee thanks! What a deal!

hubby: No. The worst was those magic beans. Turns out they weren't magic after all. They were just soybeans. And she came home all excited too.

Then another movie where the characters are trapped in this haunted hotel, and the main female character has just caught her boyfriend playing "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" with her best friend is sitting on the stairs with her best guy friend and he comes up with a plan to appease the vengeful spirit. Sean came up with this alternate dialogue:

girl: maybe you're right. maybe giving back the locket will appease the ghost.
guy: are you crazy? I just said that crap to get into your pants. I don't want to go anywhere near that ghost! We need to haul butt and get ourselves out of here!

I didn't give titles to or links for any of those movies. Trust me they are ones to skip. Unless you have us to make up alternate dialogue for you. =]

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