The one where my week pretty much blows...

So I'm pretty sure the Universe is laughing at me. Because the theme song of my week seems to be a frustrated "AAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh". Things are not going according to plan. Who am I kidding? Things are screwed up this week. Sunday was the last good day. Bobby graduated, we all went to dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, and Mike, Sean & I watched a movie and I went to bed early. Monday, Sean and I went to town to check out enrolling him in the local community college. I'm still waiting on them to call and tell me what all hoops we have to jump through to get him enrolled due to the homeschooling and the fact that he finished up a year early. Tuesday I had a whopper migraine. I don't get them very often anymore but this one was a doozy. I stayed medicated all day, much to Sean's amusement. About 5 o'clock, I'm lying on the couch in the family room watching a movie on Lifetime Movie Network (no wisecracks, it was a scary movie) and Sean come in and asks~

Sean: what's for dinner?

Me: I don't know. I texted your sister to see if she'd pick something up, but I haven't heard back.

Sean: well hopefully you'll catch her before she gets home.

Me: No it might be better if she comes home first.

Sean: and then has to drive all the way back? Really?

Me: I have no idea what I just said.

Sean: well you said she should come back here first, but maybe you meant she should stop there first?

Me: I don't think so. I think I meant for her to come here first, but I don't know why?

Sean: you're so stoned. You should probably just stop trying to talk.

We did indeed get food and I went to bed early, after not talking much. Also on Tuesday, I emailed a client and told him that I thought our work together was at an end, because I wasn't happy with what I was doing for him. I expected him to be angry. Nope, he agreed and came back with an offer for a bigger project. It was surreal. I could use the money, but it really detracts from the fiction writing time. My husband is urging me to go for the fiction, considering it's what I really really want to do. But it's hard to pass on an interesting project and the money it would bring in. (OH MY HELL!! Did I really just say something that sounded all grown up and responsible??!)

Wednesday, I was headache free. I talked to Kathryn on the phone, finished emails, read some blogs and then the kids convinced me to play hooky and go to the lake with them. It was gorgeous. I didn't feel like swimming, just laying lazily on the dock. (It had a lot to do with the fact that due to the heavy rains, the lake is kind of muddy and gross and reminded me of Shrek's pond). We discussed how scary jumping into the lake is the first time every summer when no one has been it for awhile. There are some ginormous grass carp in that lake, every bit of 6 feet in length. There are multitudes of other fish and snakes and other critters. Lu said she really was a little scared when she'd gone swimming with Luke the day before. (On a side note, it probably doesn't help that when we first moved out here I told them the story of Stephen Kings story "The Raft". And I told it while sitting on the dock out in the lake. I then jumped in and left them there for a few minutes. Mom of the Year award, right??!)

But they jumped in and swam out to the dock anyway. Lu asked if she was drowning would I get in and save her. I told her no. But of course, I would. Then they jumped off the dock a couple of times. Then Lu was laying on the dock, Sean was swimming, and I was laying on the dock by the beach. Suddenly Sean says~

Sean- Oh holy crap! I just realized that this is a setting for a horror movie. Lu on one dock, you on the other and me swimming in between. The next thing that happens is I get eaten by something! *he climbs swiftly up the ladder to join Lu*

Lu~ Yeah, and mom would run to the truck and leave me.

Me~ duh. I'm not getting eaten, and you still have the long swim to shore.

This week has somehow sapped my mojo. I haven't really gotten much written, including blog posts and comments. I find I'm filled with self doubt every time I sit down to write. I look over things and think "crap. this sucks. a middle schooler could have written this." And it just makes the task seem that much more daunting. I was having a moment of doubt yesterday and asked my husband~

Me: What if I CANT finish the novel??

Hubby: Then I'll beat you.

He said it with a serious look on his face. I convulsed in giggles. No indulgent "of course you can, honey" from him. You have to know him to realize how out of character what he said was, but seriously I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. It was exactly what I needed.

Today he called while driving to another city to pick up some stuff for camp.

Hubby: How are you feeling today?

Me: Like crap. I have a tummy ache and I think I might hurl.

Hubby: That's no good.

Me: No. I think I got it from Luke. He's been complaining of a tummy ache for a couple of days. He's like freakin typhoid Mary. I swear every time he comes down with something I end up getting it too even though I rarely come within 3 feet of the boy.

Hubby: Maybe you're just not used to his cooties.

Me: or maybe he gives them to Lu and she doesn't get sick but passes them on to me, like "haha. this will screw with mom"

Hubby: yes, I'm quite sure that's exactly what she thinks.

Me: I know right?! It's a plot. How's your day?

Hubby: Stressful. It's going to be a miracle if I pull off everything I need to pull off this weekend.

Me: I have faith. You can do it.

Hubby: well that's one of us I guess.

Me: besides, if you don't, I'll beat you.

Hubby: Wow, it sounds even funnier when you say it! *Laughing*

Me: Whatever. Don't even play like you're not scared. I'm fierce.

Hubby: You're so cute when you're fired up.

Me: I'm cute all the time!


So from now on, I'm going to focus on fiction writing. I have a publisher who is waiting to look at the novel as soon as it is done. I set a tentative date for the end of August, because I work best with deadlines. Tina from
The Clean White Page and I both sent story submissions to a magazine this week. And we're both working on storys for a contest next month. I have loved Coyote Con. I'm sorry to see it end this weekend. But I have plans to attend
CONtext the end of August in Ohio. Some of the really fabulous people I met through Coyote Con will be there, and the writing workshops look awesome.

I also want to focus on the blog, because I love this blog. I love the friends I've made and their support. I also love having this record for the kids. And writing the funny day to day stuff is different than writing things to scare you. So hopefully the blogging will return to a more regular schedule. Oh, and I sure hope Heather notices how I took her advice and put my awards on a separate page!! =]

Also, I've enjoyed reading all of Suzicate's poems. She is a fabulously talented poet, and if you haven't read them, you should. It has made me miss writing poetry as well. I used to write a lot of it. So I think I may be either adding a page or a blog for poetry. Just for fun.

And...(my gosh Spot, aren't you done YET??) I put up a new movie review at What Spot Saw.

Happy Thursday y'all,
♥Spot

What have I done???

Oh My Goddess! What have I done?! What insanity possessed me the other night? Can I blame it on the moon? The lateness of the hour (it was midnight after all!)? What possessed my foggy little brain to commit to something like this? Something so terrifying?

So now you’re all sitting around wondering “what the hell did Spot do?”. Did she finally fall off the deep end and hold the pillow over hubby’s face because he wouldn’t quit snoring? Did she sleepwalk into the kitchen and eat all the cookies? Buy a baby off the black market? What did she do? Um…let me just assure you if was none of the above. It was far worse. (yes, worse than murdering my hubby, I mean people do stuff like that all the time, right?) I signed up for…wait for it…NaNoWriMo.




What was I thinking??? All I can say in my defense was that it was midnight and for some reason I was feeling confident that I do have a novel just waiting inside me. And that if I didn’t do something drastic, it might never get out. I’d just keep procrastinating and saying I didn’t have time.

For those of you who haven’t joined “the cult” as Jessica (who did not add me to her blogroll but whatever) called it, the concept is deceptively simple. You begin anytime after midnight on November 1st (today people!). And end on or before midnight on November 30th (29 short days away). You must write 50,000 words. No, no prizes (although you do get a cool web badge and some bragging rights). Nobody even reads your novel unless you let them by posting excerpts. You are not supposed to edit, just spew forth words. (Kind of like mind vomit through your fingers). The idea is just to get yourself going through the sheer volume of writing you’re producing. Doesn’t sound bad, right? Well it didn’t at midnight Friday night anyway.

But this morning, I’m sitting here staring at the blank piece of paper on the screen in front of me in abject terror. Seriously, I’m nauseous. And my head hurts. And I think I might vomit or hyperventilate. Or both. Which would be really messy. And I might choke. I have stage fright I(or writer fright) in the worst way. I’m petrified that the words might not come.

And if you break it down…50,000 words in 30 days comes out to roughly 1666 words a day. Which might not seem like much…but considering The Spell is 2233 words and took days to write, it’s a lot of pressure. Besides, there will be days I can’t write. Like Thanksgiving. Who the hell picked November??? November is a busy month. Why not March. Nothing happens in March and there are still 30 days.

Oh my…I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. Alright…I have to at least try. I’ll be back….

****

I’m baaaacccckkk! And guess what? I deed it (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose. Because that's how it sounded when I said it.)! I really did. I gave myself two hours of uninterrupted time to start my novel and write my 1666 (give or take) words and I just jumped right in. And wrote. And wrote some more. And then some more. Until I finally stopped at 2253 words. I know right?! I’m feeling pretty awesome right now. I might even write some more later, because the story just started flowing and I could see the whole thing in my head. And if Sean hadn’t come in to get jeans out of the closet and made me lose my train of thought…I might have been able to keep going. But maybe not.

So anyway…I’m off to do those mundane everyday tasks that I’m going to have to do at least until I finish this novel and sell it and become rich and famous. Or con someone else into doing them. Hope you all had a great Halloween!
And any encouragement you’d like to send my way on this whole NaNoWriMo thing will be greatly appreciated!!

Do you think I can call myself a writer yet?
♥Spot