So, I'm going to discuss something today that I don't often discuss. Oddly enough, I had this blog post written in my head yesterday and didn't get time to actually get it to the computer. Then when I read my favorite bloggers posts today, a couple of them were about religion. I think it might be a sign from the Universe.
When Lu was in the hospital recently, my uncles (my mother's brothers) were visiting one evening when the pastor from my Grandmother's church stopped by. He read a bible passage and led us in a quick prayer. After he left we got to discussing how strong my Grandmother's faith had been and how she'd enjoyed her visits from the pastor. I said I enjoyed the pastors stopping by because it reminded me of Grandma even if I didn't necessarily believe the same things they did. I still take comfort from their words and the fact they are sending out prayers for us. My uncle stated he did not believe in God. Because how could God let bad things happen to good people? That statement has been buzzing around in my head for the last month.
Here's the thing: I'm the exact opposite. I believe in a higher power (which we'll call the Universe) because bad things happen to good people. You're probably totally confused right now, huh? I must admit I was too at first. But let's think about what defines a "good" person. To me, a good person is someone who stays on the right side of the law, takes personal responsibility for their actions, doesn't lie, steal, or harm others. A good person tries to help others when they can, pays it forward as often as possible, is kind, and generally makes a difference in the lives of others. I try to be a good person. I don't always succeed. But I still put the effort forth. If I asked a smattering of people I know, if they thought of me as a good person, I would hope they would say yes, and I think they would. And many times I've heard my husband referred to as a good person. I'm trying to raise my kids to be good people and seem to be succeeding for the most part. And yet, as most of you will agree, we've had a year of hard knocks. I lost my grandmother, Mike nearly died in an accident, Lu has had medical problems and surgery, I've had the knee injury and surgery. We've had some tough times. But through it all, I've still struggled to be good. We didn't give up on each other or rail at the Universe. We didn't blame anyone else for our troubles or treat anyone badly. We didn't try to cheat the system and milk out Mike's workman's comp...the man was desperate to get back to work. Through it all, we've tried to hold to our integrity.
But it wasn't easy. It would have been easy to complain and give up. It would've been easy to beg for money from others. It would have been easy to turn negative and nasty. It would've been easy to blame others for our misfortune. And that's what proves my point. Being a good person isn't always easy. Oh, in good times, it is. And that's the point. If no one ever faced adversity, their "goodness" would never be challenged. If it was easy to be "good" everyone would do it? Right? It's the challenges and bad times that test your commitment to being "good". It's like if it never rained, you'd never know how to appreciate the sun. If my life was easy, I wouldn't appreciate the effort I or my family put in.
I don't know if anyone but me is following my train of thought here, but I hope the message is getting through. Being a "good" person is hard. But the Universe tests "good" people for a reason. And I firmly believe that the rewards are great. I'm not talking about Heaven, because my views on Heaven and Hell are pretty nebulous at best. I'm talking about the reward of supportive friends, great family bonds, and just the joy of making some random person smile because I let them go ahead of me in line. These joys, in the here and now, are things that make life and "goodness" worth it. And the challenges, well, they're there for a reason. Each one teaches a lesson, strengthens my resolve, and moves me forward. The Universe is testing me. Hope I pass.
And to any of you who read this and think "jeez, Pollyanna, give it a rest". I apologize, but this is truly how my brain works.
Blessed be,
♥Spot
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The one where I re-think my goals for the year...
Thank you to everyone for all your wonderful comments! Except you...you follower who deserted me. For real?? Kick a girl while she's down?! What kind of person does that? Rude.
You know what weirds me out? Not much actually. But it weirds me out when I'm in a group and I go to tell a story and someone says "Oh yeah! I read that on your blog". I know right?! In a sense it's a little annoying, because obviously I wanted to tell that story and now they've ruined it. But also because it means people I know know way more about me than I do them. It also makes me think twice before I write anything, which shouldn't be the case but it is. I mean if I bitched about someone I know on the blog now it would totally get back to them and probably blown all out of proportion. I mean, don't get me wrong, being widely read (at least in my little neck of the woods) is awesome but also kind of surreal.
Lu is doing well here at home. She hasn't run a fever, she's eating more, and other than tiring really easily she is symptom free. She takes her medicine with a jello cup or pudding cup and that seems to help it stay down. She is going stir crazy though. It's tough to be stuck at home when you're eighteen. So I spend alot of time hanging out with her to keep her entertained. Since I love hanging out with her, it's not much of a hardship but I do seem to fall behind in my tasks. Which got me to thinking about goals and how I haven't accomplished any this year.
Normally, I don't do New Year's resolutions. But turning forty last year had me thinking I needed to set some goals. You know, something to strive for. We're almost three quarters of the way through the year and I have accomplished exactly none of my goals. So either I need to reevaluate my goals or step up my game.
My goals were simple, because I believe in making them attainable so I don't feel like a failure (the way I kind of do right now). I wanted to lose twenty pounds (should be easy to do in a year, right? Hmmph). I wanted to get two stories accepted for publication. And I wanted to finish a novel. I have not lost any weight. Unless you count the five pounds I'm continually losing and then re-gaining. I guess I've done it at least four times now so technically I lost twenty pounds and said goal didn't state that I had to keep them off. I haven't had any stories accepted for publication although I have collected some really nice and some form rejection letters. And I have two novels in progress but nowhere near finished. And I haven't written a word of fiction in over two months. These goals are kicking my ass. So my Dad suggested I make a list of the things I have accomplished this year even if they weren't even in my thoughts when I made the last goals. So here goes:
1. Began freelancing. This wasn't even something I'd given thought to last December when I made my goals. I didn't think I had the skills or connections. But now I make enough money freelancing to pay the payments on my new vehicle plus save some. Thank you to Kathryn who talked me through getting started and gave me the pushes I needed.
2. Attended my first writing conference. Thank you to Deena and everyone at Coyote Con for coming up with and presenting an online conference that made it easy to attend. I learned so much and met so many amazing folks. I'm a better writer for it.
3. Began submitting again. Thank you to Tina for her encouragement and editing skills. Thanks also to Suzicate and Kenzie for being my fruit loop girls! I so want success for all of you as much as I do for myself. I haven't had any acceptances yet, but there are still three more months to the year...
4. Renewed my relationship with my husband. It's funny that this wasn't one of my original goals when I now know that it should have been. This relationship is the backbone of our family and both of us had taken it for granted for far too long. It's a shame it took such an earth shattering event for us to realize it, but you take your wake up calls where you find them.
5. Found out that I have the most amazing (and world wide) support group ever. So much love and support were sent our way after Mike's accident, not only from family and close friends, but from the entire community and the Internet. It feels amazing to realized that you are so blessed.
6. Found a renewed sense of my spirituality. I'm not going to preach here, but it's hard not to have faith in a higher power after everything this year has brought.
7. Managed to retain and even add a few followers to this blog (except for the deserter...). That means alot to me, because this blog has become so much a part of who I am.
And that's where my mind is at right now. Contemplative. What were your goals and have you reached them? Are you progressing towards them or is it time for a re-evaluation? Do you even set any? Enquiring minds want to know...
♥Spot
You know what weirds me out? Not much actually. But it weirds me out when I'm in a group and I go to tell a story and someone says "Oh yeah! I read that on your blog". I know right?! In a sense it's a little annoying, because obviously I wanted to tell that story and now they've ruined it. But also because it means people I know know way more about me than I do them. It also makes me think twice before I write anything, which shouldn't be the case but it is. I mean if I bitched about someone I know on the blog now it would totally get back to them and probably blown all out of proportion. I mean, don't get me wrong, being widely read (at least in my little neck of the woods) is awesome but also kind of surreal.
Lu is doing well here at home. She hasn't run a fever, she's eating more, and other than tiring really easily she is symptom free. She takes her medicine with a jello cup or pudding cup and that seems to help it stay down. She is going stir crazy though. It's tough to be stuck at home when you're eighteen. So I spend alot of time hanging out with her to keep her entertained. Since I love hanging out with her, it's not much of a hardship but I do seem to fall behind in my tasks. Which got me to thinking about goals and how I haven't accomplished any this year.
Normally, I don't do New Year's resolutions. But turning forty last year had me thinking I needed to set some goals. You know, something to strive for. We're almost three quarters of the way through the year and I have accomplished exactly none of my goals. So either I need to reevaluate my goals or step up my game.
My goals were simple, because I believe in making them attainable so I don't feel like a failure (the way I kind of do right now). I wanted to lose twenty pounds (should be easy to do in a year, right? Hmmph). I wanted to get two stories accepted for publication. And I wanted to finish a novel. I have not lost any weight. Unless you count the five pounds I'm continually losing and then re-gaining. I guess I've done it at least four times now so technically I lost twenty pounds and said goal didn't state that I had to keep them off. I haven't had any stories accepted for publication although I have collected some really nice and some form rejection letters. And I have two novels in progress but nowhere near finished. And I haven't written a word of fiction in over two months. These goals are kicking my ass. So my Dad suggested I make a list of the things I have accomplished this year even if they weren't even in my thoughts when I made the last goals. So here goes:
1. Began freelancing. This wasn't even something I'd given thought to last December when I made my goals. I didn't think I had the skills or connections. But now I make enough money freelancing to pay the payments on my new vehicle plus save some. Thank you to Kathryn who talked me through getting started and gave me the pushes I needed.
2. Attended my first writing conference. Thank you to Deena and everyone at Coyote Con for coming up with and presenting an online conference that made it easy to attend. I learned so much and met so many amazing folks. I'm a better writer for it.
3. Began submitting again. Thank you to Tina for her encouragement and editing skills. Thanks also to Suzicate and Kenzie for being my fruit loop girls! I so want success for all of you as much as I do for myself. I haven't had any acceptances yet, but there are still three more months to the year...
4. Renewed my relationship with my husband. It's funny that this wasn't one of my original goals when I now know that it should have been. This relationship is the backbone of our family and both of us had taken it for granted for far too long. It's a shame it took such an earth shattering event for us to realize it, but you take your wake up calls where you find them.
5. Found out that I have the most amazing (and world wide) support group ever. So much love and support were sent our way after Mike's accident, not only from family and close friends, but from the entire community and the Internet. It feels amazing to realized that you are so blessed.
6. Found a renewed sense of my spirituality. I'm not going to preach here, but it's hard not to have faith in a higher power after everything this year has brought.
7. Managed to retain and even add a few followers to this blog (except for the deserter...). That means alot to me, because this blog has become so much a part of who I am.
And that's where my mind is at right now. Contemplative. What were your goals and have you reached them? Are you progressing towards them or is it time for a re-evaluation? Do you even set any? Enquiring minds want to know...
♥Spot
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The one where I reassure you that I'm still alive...
Yes indeed I am still alive for those of you who are wondering. I do apologize sincerely for not posting even somewhat regularly lately. And for not reading and commenting and knowing what's also going on in your lives. The last two weeks have been hectic and stressful and some days I just don't have the brain power left to post. So this is a quick update.
Mike is still doing well after being released to go back to work. He did end up with an infection in his finger where the stitching had left a hole. And we saw an orthopedic doctor about the shoulder pain he's had since the accident. The doctor wants an MRI.
Sean won his election yesterday. He's now the chief of the OA Lodge. Yes it is an honor and also a huge responsibility. I know, without a doubt, he'll live up to the challenge. And besides, he has an awesome speech writer (me). He starts his first college courses on Monday. I think I'm more excited than he is.
Molly had a blood test Monday and her platelets had only climbed to 122,000 after the IVIG. It was very disappointing that they didn't get boosted more. On Friday we went back to her hematologist to find that they had dropped to 93,000. The IVIG was not doing it's job. The doctor put her on a high dose of steroids to hopefully boost them up for the surgery Tuesday. The continued dropping and non response to treatment has me very worried. Her hemoglobin is also down. He's convinced that the two are not related and that the low hemoglobin is just iron deficiency anemia. But she's already on a high dose of iron twice a day. I'm not one to ask for prayers but any love, positive thoughts, prayer, or good karma that you can throw our way would be greatly appreciated on Tuesday and beyond.
And me? Well, I'm exhausted, stressed, slightly grumpy and the knee is giving me trouble. And I'm currently without my best friend. My computer is having issues and is unusable. I'm borrowing Mo's laptop and it's a civil relationship at best. I miss my computer. The good news is I backed up all my writing online and pictures on SD cards. Somedays I'm smarter than the average bear.
So here's just a few random items:
*Mike got an awesome new work truck. Like the last one, only better. And thank god it's dark blue and not red. I would have flipped out. I still get trauma room flashbacks and hate when he drives off camp property alone.
*Thursday night I dreamed I got a rejection notice on one of the stories I currently had out on submission...guess what was in my email inbox Friday morning. How come prophetic dreams are always about bad stuff?!
*Mo's Luke got a job at Applebees and likes it.
*I'm going to a writer's conference in Ohio the end of the month (provided Mo is doing okay) and my sister Hildi is going with me!!
*We have to be at the hospital for Mo's surgery at 6 am on Tuesday morning. Are they freakin serious?? Apparently they are.
*I haven't written a single word on my fiction works for almost a month. That's no way to treat your career. Luckily I'm (just barely) managing to keep up with my freelancing. And that's only because I need the paycheck.
*When Mo was getting her infusions, the pastors from my Grandmother's church stopped in on different days. One is older and always tells a joke. The other is young and very personable. The young one and I had this conversation-
Him: Well God always has a plan even if we don't know what it is.
Me: so everything happens for a reason, right?
Him: Yes.
Me: when Mike was in the hospital someone told me that God never gives you more than you can handle.
Him: that's right.
Me: (leaning in conspiratorially) well, just between you and me, I think he may have seriously overestimated my capabilities.
Him: No, he just has faith in you.
Me: I think he may have too much faith.
So friends, bloggy buds, tweeples, bear with me. I am certain things have to slow down. And I will be taking the laptop to the hospital with me while I stay with Mo. I'll post updates when I can. Take care of yourselves and be good to one another in my absence. You are all in my heart and thoughts.
Always,
♥Spot
Mike is still doing well after being released to go back to work. He did end up with an infection in his finger where the stitching had left a hole. And we saw an orthopedic doctor about the shoulder pain he's had since the accident. The doctor wants an MRI.
Sean won his election yesterday. He's now the chief of the OA Lodge. Yes it is an honor and also a huge responsibility. I know, without a doubt, he'll live up to the challenge. And besides, he has an awesome speech writer (me). He starts his first college courses on Monday. I think I'm more excited than he is.
Molly had a blood test Monday and her platelets had only climbed to 122,000 after the IVIG. It was very disappointing that they didn't get boosted more. On Friday we went back to her hematologist to find that they had dropped to 93,000. The IVIG was not doing it's job. The doctor put her on a high dose of steroids to hopefully boost them up for the surgery Tuesday. The continued dropping and non response to treatment has me very worried. Her hemoglobin is also down. He's convinced that the two are not related and that the low hemoglobin is just iron deficiency anemia. But she's already on a high dose of iron twice a day. I'm not one to ask for prayers but any love, positive thoughts, prayer, or good karma that you can throw our way would be greatly appreciated on Tuesday and beyond.
And me? Well, I'm exhausted, stressed, slightly grumpy and the knee is giving me trouble. And I'm currently without my best friend. My computer is having issues and is unusable. I'm borrowing Mo's laptop and it's a civil relationship at best. I miss my computer. The good news is I backed up all my writing online and pictures on SD cards. Somedays I'm smarter than the average bear.
So here's just a few random items:
*Mike got an awesome new work truck. Like the last one, only better. And thank god it's dark blue and not red. I would have flipped out. I still get trauma room flashbacks and hate when he drives off camp property alone.
*Thursday night I dreamed I got a rejection notice on one of the stories I currently had out on submission...guess what was in my email inbox Friday morning. How come prophetic dreams are always about bad stuff?!
*Mo's Luke got a job at Applebees and likes it.
*I'm going to a writer's conference in Ohio the end of the month (provided Mo is doing okay) and my sister Hildi is going with me!!
*We have to be at the hospital for Mo's surgery at 6 am on Tuesday morning. Are they freakin serious?? Apparently they are.
*I haven't written a single word on my fiction works for almost a month. That's no way to treat your career. Luckily I'm (just barely) managing to keep up with my freelancing. And that's only because I need the paycheck.
*When Mo was getting her infusions, the pastors from my Grandmother's church stopped in on different days. One is older and always tells a joke. The other is young and very personable. The young one and I had this conversation-
Him: Well God always has a plan even if we don't know what it is.
Me: so everything happens for a reason, right?
Him: Yes.
Me: when Mike was in the hospital someone told me that God never gives you more than you can handle.
Him: that's right.
Me: (leaning in conspiratorially) well, just between you and me, I think he may have seriously overestimated my capabilities.
Him: No, he just has faith in you.
Me: I think he may have too much faith.
So friends, bloggy buds, tweeples, bear with me. I am certain things have to slow down. And I will be taking the laptop to the hospital with me while I stay with Mo. I'll post updates when I can. Take care of yourselves and be good to one another in my absence. You are all in my heart and thoughts.
Always,
♥Spot
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