The one where we adopt a code word...

So Sean's ex-girlfriend (and yet, still my favorite future daughter-in-law) fussed at me about not blogging the other day. So you can pretend that you all gave me a lecture. And here I am, trying to appease you, my faithful audience. It's my birthday and I really want to do one of those sappy "another year older, yet wiser" birthday posts. But I don't have time for that today. So today, you get another funny (hopefully) glimpse into our ridiculous household.

We all know how this Christmas thing goes: we shop, we decorate, we bake (well, some people do anyway), we hand make beautiful gift baskets (or at least I used to, now I have no time), we spend time with people we love and we make merry. That about sums it up in a nutshell. But what about those odd Christmas occasions, here and there, that we have absolutely no desire to attend, yet, feel obligated to? We have a few of those~

Me: Do we have to go?

Mike: I think it's expected.

Me: But I don't wanna...

Mike: Me either.

Me: Okay, so how about that day I'll stand on the porch steps and you push me off, necessitating a trip to the ER, thus giving us the perfect excuse for not being there?

Mike: You're kidding, right?

Me: Um, yes. No. Not really. But don't make me land on my head, because I don't have time for a concussion. And not my arms or wrists or anything, because I have to be able to work...

Mike: I'm pretty sure that's not a good idea.

Me: Um. Fine. But I'm going to start drinking before we go.

Mike: That's probably not a good idea, either. You have a tendency to tell people what you think of them when you drink very much.

Me: Don't be silly. I always tell people what I think of them.

Mike: True. But sober Spot does it with a sweet smile, the hint of an accent and in words so big, that most people don't realize you've insulted them until hours later. Tipsy Spot just tells them, "I don't like you."

Me: Fine. Well how about I still have a drink or two and we develop a code word? Something that you can say that will let me know I'm saying too much.

Mike: Like what?

Me: How about "ur mom"?

Mike: My mom?

Me: No! "Ur mom", kind of as in my mom.

Mike: You want me to say "your mom"?

Me: No. I want you to say "ur mom". It sounds totally different.

Mike: "Ur mom"?

Me: Exactly!

Mike: That's not going to work.

Me: Why not?

Mike: Because I'm pretty sure that no one over the age of 15 actually says "ur mom" and I don't know how I'd work that into a conversation.

Me: I don't know what you're talking about. Me and the kids say it all the time.

Mike: Yeah...

Me: So does my sister.

Mike: Again, yeah...

Me: Whatevs...

Mike: I don't think adults say that either.


Later that day~

Me: So I tried to get your dad to push me off the porch so we wouldn't have to go to "x".

Lu: That might be a bit drastic.

Me: Yeah, my luck I'd break a wrist or something. So I tried to get him to say a code phrase when I was getting too honest. But he wouldn't play along.

Lu: What phrase?

Me: "ur mom". I thought it was perfect. He said he couldn't work it into conversation.

Lu: What? He could totally say "that's what ur mom says!"

Me: Exactly. He's such a killjoy.

So, long story short, Mike did not push me off the porch. Nor did I imbibe heavily before I left the house. And I behaved. And not a single solitary person said "ur mom" all night long...(which might be why I didn't want to go in the first place.)

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous holiday season! May all your occasions be merry!

♥Spot

PS- I'm participating in a blog hop called the "Twelve days of Creepfest" on my other blogs. I'm having contests, so you could win prizes, so stop by either See Spot Read or The Author Spot and enter the contests. Did I mention there were prizes??

The one where I get to do a *GIVEAWAY*

It's spring. You know what that means? Sneezing and itchy eyes. Check. Grass to mow. Check. Rain. Check. That time of year that I look around and realize how much work my house needs. Check. Check. And double check!! (And yes, I do realize my blog could you some spritzing up too. Stop noticing already! There's only so much time in a day...) So as I look around, I realize I have some painting to do, some carpet shampooing to do, and I desperately need new furniture. And of course by "some" I really mean "a shit ton". Seriously, like the whole house. Then I started looking at the rooms individually and realized that the 80's is probably going to call me soon all "Hey! We want our lighting fixtures back!!". Dude. My lighting fixtures are 26 years old. And you can tell. Check out this beauty...




Yeah, it looks like boobs. And yes, it is dusty and dirty, I said I needed to clean! And it's also not centered in the kitchen. Why? The house was built in the 80's, let's not ask questions. Anywho...I have been dreaming online of all the gorgeous lighting ideas with which I could replace it. I'm partial to the chandelier look myself. Like this guy (only for the living room, not the kitchen!)




Any one else ready to do some decorating?? Well here's where I come in! The kind folks at CSNstores have asked me to do a giveaway on my blog!! I want you to know I had the choice of getting myself something pretty and than reviewing it or doing a giveaway and I chose YOU. I know, I'm just a giver. What can I say? So please visit http://www.csnstores.com/ and look around. Find something you like! They have over 200 websites to choose from such as allbarstools.com, www.cookware.com, and www.accentfurnituredirect.com. Go crazy! Okay, not too crazy. The giveaway is a promo code that gives you $60 dollars to spend in any of their stores. You can pick out anything you want and use the promo code to get $60 off!! And yes, there are things under $60, which means you can get something for free!! Woot woot!

Now, I know we've all seen giveaways where they asked you to jump through hoops- link to the giveaway blog in your blog, twitter it, facebook it, follow the blog, follow the blogger's twitter, follow them on networked blogs, friend them on facebook, ect. ect. ect. And it was suggested to me that I do this. But, um. NO! That's not me. I want people to follow me because they like my blog. Because I make them laugh. Not because they might win something. So if you would like to do those things...feel free. But it will not get you an extra entry into my giveaway. Sorry. The only way to enter is to visit one or more of the sites and come back and tell me something you might spend the $60 on. You are free to change your mind if you win. That comment will get you one entry. Then read my blogs for the next few days and leave a comment. Again, comments on subsequent blogs will get you another entry. I will be writing the names down on a piece of paper and putting them in a basket. Then, next Wednesday, I will pull out the name of the winner and post it!! After that you have 48 hours to get me your email address and I will send you the code. Simple as pie.

So let's recap: One comment on this or any upcoming blog until next Tuesday will earn you one entry into the drawing. The winner will be sent a promo code in their email to use at any of CSNstores 200 sites. The promo code will give you $60 dollars to spend, but cannot be used on shipping. (This site has a lot of "free shipping" items though!) All entries will be put in a basket and a name will randomly be drawn next Wednesday. I will post the winner on Wednesday, May 5th! You then have 48 hours to shoot me your email addy and I will send you the promo code!! No fuss, no hoops, all win!!

*I want to remind you that I did not receive any compensation for doing the giveaway, only the winner is getting anything. And it's all because I love my readers!*

I wish you could all win (and me too) but best of luck to everyone!
♥Spot

The one where I look young and Sean *nearly* starts a zombie apocalypse

Mmmmkkkkay....just to clear up a few things...Lu was NOT serious about being pregnant. That was a total joke and I'm not worried about it because as she said the other day..."I don't want to be stuck here for the rest of my life. I don't mean with you Mom. I like being with you. I just meant HERE. In this tiny little area." I so know what she means. Wish I'd considered that before getting pregnant a month out of my teens. And the threat of running to Vegas to get married? Well that was real. Until I pointed out that if they got married, neither of them would have health insurance. Because you can't be on your parents when you're married. Duh. That put the ixnay on that. Lu can be a very practical girl and when you have a blood disorder, health insurance is a priority. Sorry to intrude on their romance with my dose of reality. And for those of you who thought I remained very calm during the conversation...of course. Not poetic license, I really was that calm. Don't you read my blog?! That kind of crazy happens on a daily basis. I can't endanger my health by getting all worked up. Now on to today's daily dose of insanity...

Yesterday started with a hitch...Sean's eye. He started complaining that his eye was hurting Wednesday night. Something along the lines of "I can't feed the cats, I have a brain tumor". He says it felt like when you get punched in the eye, all bruised in the socket and the lid and the eye. It looked fine to me. Not swollen, not bloodshot, no apparent problem. So I told him to suck it up and take some Ibuprofen. And that it was not a brain tumor. Well it was still hurting Thursday night and the Ibuprofen wasn't helping. And yesterday morning the eyelid was beginning to swell. And he was about to leave on a huge weekend camp out. So yesterday morning I got up and called our NP. She decided to have him come in so she could look at it. The phone call with me and the nurse~

Nurse: Well I have some openings this afternoon.

Me: Um. I have to have him back here early, he's going on a big camp-out.

Nurse: How about a 2:15?

Me: I have an appointment with the orthopedic doctor at 2.

Nurse: Can you be here in 15 minutes?

Me: We live half an hour away.

Nurse: Um...

Me: I hate being a pain in the ass...

Nurse: *laughing hysterically* let me check with the doctor...

Me: Okay. Great!

Nurse: Can you be here in an hour?

Me: Sweet!

Of course this meant that I showered, got ready, stopped for gas and drove like a maniac to make it there in an hour. We were only 10 minutes late. I blame Sean for borrowing the car and bringing it back on "E". Seriously, we were sweating it the 10 minutes to the nearest gas station, the little orange gas pump light was on when I started the car!! But we made it and she did a thorough exam and then set him up an afternoon appointment with the Opthamologist, because she couldn't figure it out. Awesome. Now we have 2 hours to kill between appointments and his is at 1:10, so I might be late to mine. We did what anyone would do in that situation. We ate lunch. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. The one I always (seriously, always) have a coupon for. We had a fantastic lunch of chicken quesadillas, rice & beans, and huge fountain cokes. Then we went to check out~

Cashier (One of the family that owns the place, maybe about 10 years older than me. Always very friendly. We talked about how "Dora" was teaching American children Spanish and Spanish children English last time I was here. Don't ask. I always talk to stranger.) *to Sean* you have beautiful blue eyes!

Sean: *doing that guy thing where they duck their heads and mumble* thanks.

Me: Awww...you're so pretty Sean!

Cashier: Is he your brother?

Me: *laughing* No. He's my son. But thank you. You can be my best friend now.

Cashier: Oh my! Then you must have had him when you were a baby!

Me: Actually he's my youngest.

Sean: She's older than she looks.

Me: *punching him in the arm* Thanks brat.

Cashier: But your mom is so pretty. That must be where you get it from.

Me: Yeah Sean. You better remember that.

At this point I had to use the restroom and since I couldn't locate my keys in the huge bag I call a purse, Sean had to wait in the restaurant for me. When I came out, she had him cornered. He looked distinctly uncomfortable so I rescued him. As we walked out the door, I told him "episodes like that my dear, are why I color my hair!".

Then on the way to the drugstore to drop off some refills and grab up the last 3 bags of leftover Starburst Jelly Beans from Easter, Sean and I had this convo~

Sean: I have stuff to do at home. I did not want to be in town all day.

Me: Um. Ditto. It's not my fault your being a medical mystery.

Sean: It's not a mystery. I have an eye tumor.

Me: You do not have an eye tumor. *but secretly wondering what the hell is wrong with his eye*

Sean: That's what they always say. You're going to feel awful when I do.

Me: Whatever. Hey...maybe you could be on Mystery Diagnosis! (One of our favorite Discovery Health shows).

Sean: *saying it at the same time as me* Mystery Diagnosis! *then we fist bump, because we are so totally cool and in-sync*

Sean: But I don't want to be on there, because they take like years to figure out what's wrong with people. I want it fixed now. I'm going to ask them to test for "yo- antibodies". Then they'll know it's cancer. You know I was thinking...if "yo-antibodies" fight cancer, why can't they harvest those from one person and inject them in another?

Me: I think you might have just come up with a cure for cancer. Or maybe found a way to start the zombie apocalypse. Either way, I say "GENIUS"!

Sean: Well, then you have to get rid of the "yo-antibodies" so it's kind of like curing measles with pneumonia.

Me: That might be a little drastic.

On that note we decided to go to the library because we had an afternoon of doctor's office waiting ahead of us. I got The Birthing House by Christopher Ransom. I'd been going to buy it off Amazon, but free is so much better. Sean got Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer. Don't ask okay? On the way there, this conversation ensued~

Sean: Did you just say "that stripper is off her pole"?

Me: Why would I say that? What does that even mean?

Sean: I don't know. You're the one who said it.

Me: I did not say that. I was talking about my mom.

Sean: Your Mom is off her pole.

Me: *shaking my head in utter defeat*. Maybe that could be a new phrase for crazy. Man, that stripper is off her pole!

Sean: Perfect! I'm going to call Lu and scream that into the phone and hang up.

Me: She hates it when you do that!

Sean: I know. That's why I'm going to use your phone.

Me: Hey! Give that back! She'll know it's you anyway.

So that is our new phrase "That stripper is off her pole!". I think it's catchy. Please feel free to use it in your daily conversations. I think it will totally catch on. Lu thinks we should stop inventing our own sayings. I think secretly she's just jealous.

Well, there are more conversations, parenting advice and why I should probably write a book on parenting coming. But that's enough for today. Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion. Does Sean have an eye tumor? Was Abe Lincoln a Vampire Slayer? What the hell is a Birthing House anyway?

Happy weekend! If you're bored, you should probably color your hair (it's like a magic fountain of youth). Or figure out how to work your new favorite saying ("that stripper is off her pole!" (you're welcome)) into conversation.

♥Spot

My new and fabulous idea...

Okay...so the whole "awards" thing got me to thinking. Scary, right? I know! Why do we have to wait for an award to recognize good blogs? Or anything for that matter. So "spread the word Thursday" was born. Every Thursday from now on I'm going to "spread the word". No, not like the word of God or anything. Mostly because he really doesn't talk to me. And also because there are soooo many people already doing that. Nope, I'm going to link to my favorite blog of the week that day. And it would be awesome if others did this as well. Because it would give your readers a chance to go see another truly awesome blog and also because it would give someone a nice recognition. If nothing has struck your fancy this week in the blog world...feel free to shout out a great book, movie, TV show. Anything. I don't have a fancy button thingy yet...but I'm working on it, okay? (Geez you people expect so much...)

So...here are my shoutouts:

Amazon.com for letting me pre-order Stephen King's upcoming book Under the Dome set up for release in November for only $9!!! For real. I got free shipping too. I cannot possibly tell you how freakin excited this makes me. Let's just say I was jumping up and down and clapping my hands at midnight the other night!

Heather, my bloggybuddy, for her amazing post. Not only is there a great spooky story, but also pictures of Stephen King's house. Go Heather!!!

And my friend Brandi who wanted to go to the haunted house last night. And then once we got there had to be drug in (even though I'd already plied her with peach margaritas for courage). She was like "this is a stupid idea! who's idea was this?! And I'm like "um...yours! You're going in!" And so she did. We volunteered my hubby for the lead, then me, then her, then her hubby brought up the rear. She hid her face in my sweater the entire time yelling "I'm not looking!" True story. It wasn't even that scary. My hubby jumped once. And I mostly giggled. At Brandi. The scariest part was when they forgot to open a door so we accidentally went into this little walkway which was pitch black and a dead end. So we were stuck in a very small space in the dark. That bothers me. Eventually a guy with a light rescued us. But not until we banged on the walls looking for an exit for awhile. I'm sure they were laughing at us. It was a good time.

So, let me know what you think of the idea. Play along if you want to. I'll try to make a cool button or something.

♥Spot