I was going to blog about the baby's birth, and I still will, but this post is what's on my mind right now. If you are not an animal lover, don't have pets or don't understand how people get so attached to their animals- you should probably stop reading right now and come back another day. This was a sad sad weekend for our furry kids.
On Friday, our old black lab, Maggie, passed quietly in her sleep. We'd known it was coming for awhile, she was sixteen years old, mostly blind and mostly deaf, but she'd still trek off with Sean around camp. She was definitely slower and couldn't go as far, but she was still a trooper. She came to our family when she was seven, she'd been one of Mike's grandpa's duck dogs. She was trained to retrieve and loved to swim. And she loved the kids, especially Sean. She followed them on all of their adventures and I always knew that she'd protect them from any harm that came their way. I remember one time, she even went down the hill on a sled with them! We are sad to see her go, but thankful for a peaceful end.
Some of you already know that Lu's cat, Sparkplug, had been having colon issues and had been in and out of the kitty hospital several times. The last time they told her that the only thing left to try was surgery. The surgery would remove part of his colon and hopefully take care of the problem. It was risky and dangerous but they had no choice. Lu had scheduled the surgery for this Wednesday. On Thursday morning Sparkplug was once again having trouble and the vet said to bring him in, they would give him meds, keep him overnight and she could pick him up on Friday. So we did. Friday they said they were going to have to keep him another night and they were moving the surgery up to Tuesday. An hour later the vet called back and said that his colon wasn't filtering the toxins from his system and it was going to start affecting his liver. And that they were already seeing neurological issues. They had to do the surgery right then, it was an emergency and his last hope. They were rushing him in right away so we didn't even get to see him one last time. They called a couple hours later- he'd made it through surgery and was resting on a heating pad and recovering from the anesthesia. They'd be keeping him the rest of the weekend.
We didn't hear from them Saturday, but I told Lu that no news is good news, they would call if there was a problem. They called Sunday. Sparkplug had passed. Lu was devastated. I honestly think if she didn't have baby Dylan, she'd still be in bed crying. I have never seen a cat and it's owner as close as she was to him. She'd had him since he was tiny and they were inseparable. He often stole items of her clothing and carried them off and hid them; socks, swimsuit tops, jewelry. He was also fond of plastic hangars. Once, he stole Sean's cell phone and hid it beneath the couch. True story- pinky swear. That cat had more personality than any cat I've ever known. And he loved his girl more than anything. He had a super loud purr that you could hear a room away. He loved to chew on her hair and he slept wrapped up in her arms at night.
He was the father of two of our other cats and he was the only male cat I've ever seen be a good daddy. He stayed with the mama cat and babies, he kept them herded in one room and taught them to use the litterbox. After they were older, he still slept with them sometimes. He had more quirky character traits than I can possibly list. But he will be missed greatly. And I'm bawling as I write this- both because I will miss him, and because Lu is still in so much pain at his loss and there's nothing I can do to ease it.
All kitties go to heaven, right?
RIP Maggie & Sparkplug- may you remain friends wherever you are.
♥Spot
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I'm back...sort of...
I'm back. Back to blogland. Back to the Internet. Back to work. Back to life. And yet, some days I'm still feeling like a sleepwalker. Someone who's observing, but not really participating. I think grief does that to you. It creates an insulating wall between you and the rest of the world. I guess that's why they say "numb with grief". It's not all the time, just in those quiet moments when I'm left alone and my mind invariably turns to thoughts of my grandma. Not the way she was near the end, but the way she was in my childhood, early adult years, and until about a year ago. She was feisty. I think that's the one word that sums her up. Others would of course be devoted, determined, and vibrant. Grandma was a feminist, long before feminism was popular. She'd had a hard life, but she was determined to make the best of it. Life gave her lemons, but by God she made some damn fine lemonade. She was a woman to admire and emulate. She was my hero. Way back in fifth grade we had to write a paper about our hero and mine was about grandma.
She was born in 1923 to a Scottish immigrant named Harold Macready and the daughter of German immigrants, Helen Charlotte Schaefer. A year later her mother died in childbirth and Harold had to leave baby Helen (named for her mother) with his wife's parents, August and Minnie Schaefer. They were farmers and were also raising her uncles. When Harold remarried, he came back for her, but August and Minnie refused to give her up. They legally adopted her. I don't know that she ever had much of a relationship with her father after that, but she did have several half sisters that she knew and spent some time with.
She grew up poor and used to hard work. She didn't have many playmates on the farm but she was close to her uncles and grandparents. She dropped out of school after 8th grade. In 1946 she was working for her aunt and uncle who owned a tavern when she met Clyde Graham. They began seeing each other and soon she realized she was pregnant. In 1946 there were few options for unwed mothers; illegal back alley abortions, having the child and being ostracized by everyone, or marrying the father. She ended up marrying even though she didn't want to. Clyde was an abusive alcoholic, who often drank most of his paycheck. They went on to have 7 live births, 1 stillbirth, and one miscarriage that necessitated an emergency hysterectomy. My grandma used to say she got pregnant every time my grandpa laid his pants across the bed. She raised four sons and three daughters on very little money but with a strict sense of right and wrong. She was very short at only 4'11", but she had a fiery temper when crossed.
My grandmother put up with my grandfather's abuse, alcoholism and affairs until her last son was in high school. Then she finally sought a divorce. I was 7 at the time. She got royally shafted in the divorce proceedings, but she didn't care, she just wanted out. After the divorce, she worked hard to get her GED and worked outside the home until she was no longer able to due to health reasons. She rode the bus, never having learned to drive. I offered to teach her once, but she declined, saying she'd made it this far in life without it, she figured she'd make it the rest of the time. She was not a bitter woman, though she had reason to be. She was always full of laughter and she loved a good prank, which is good, because my uncles were serious mischief makers! Often using masks and sneaky techniques to scare the crap out the grandchildren. She stayed close to my grandpa's parents even after the divorce. And shared our grief when great grandma passed and a year later great grandpa followed. She also grieved for my uncle's wife and then my uncle when he passed. We also lost my cousin and his wife several years ago to a car crash. But through it all, Grandma persevered. She was the heart of our family. She kept us coming together for Sunday dinners and holidays, until she was no longer physically able. She was my friend and confidante and I could always count on her for good advice.
When CJ was small and I was pregnant with Lu, if I got lonely, I could always find willing company at grandma's house. She was always proud of me, even when there was no reason to be. She encouraged me and supported me, and often took my side in disputes with my parents. My earliest memories are of grandma's house and grandma's lap. She took care of me when I was only tiny so my parents could both work. My mother says I used to cry when she came to pick me up because I didn't want to leave grandma's. I know I always cried when we would have to leave after visits, later when we'd moved. The four years I spent in England, I missed my Grandma terribly. But she was an amazing pen pal. She wrote me long detailed letters on beautiful stationary that somehow always smelled like her perfume. I lived with her for a year, my freshman year of college. I'm so grateful now to have had that time and those memories. Though looking back, I would spend even more time with her.
I know that I got my fiery temper from her, as well as my optimism. Grandma knew how to find the silver lining. She taught me how to grocery shop on a tight budget. She taught me to go after what I want with determination. It is from her I get my love of animals, she almost always had a canine companion. She taught me that hard work, sacrifice and determination pay off. She taught me that love is unconditional. And regardless of how hard life was, her hugs were sure to make it bearable. And her absence is like a huge gaping hole.
However, I will go on, with the lessons she taught me fresh in my mind. Because, if there is an afterlife, and Grandma had a firm faith that there was, I know that she is still watching and I want to make her proud.
♥Spot
She was born in 1923 to a Scottish immigrant named Harold Macready and the daughter of German immigrants, Helen Charlotte Schaefer. A year later her mother died in childbirth and Harold had to leave baby Helen (named for her mother) with his wife's parents, August and Minnie Schaefer. They were farmers and were also raising her uncles. When Harold remarried, he came back for her, but August and Minnie refused to give her up. They legally adopted her. I don't know that she ever had much of a relationship with her father after that, but she did have several half sisters that she knew and spent some time with.
She grew up poor and used to hard work. She didn't have many playmates on the farm but she was close to her uncles and grandparents. She dropped out of school after 8th grade. In 1946 she was working for her aunt and uncle who owned a tavern when she met Clyde Graham. They began seeing each other and soon she realized she was pregnant. In 1946 there were few options for unwed mothers; illegal back alley abortions, having the child and being ostracized by everyone, or marrying the father. She ended up marrying even though she didn't want to. Clyde was an abusive alcoholic, who often drank most of his paycheck. They went on to have 7 live births, 1 stillbirth, and one miscarriage that necessitated an emergency hysterectomy. My grandma used to say she got pregnant every time my grandpa laid his pants across the bed. She raised four sons and three daughters on very little money but with a strict sense of right and wrong. She was very short at only 4'11", but she had a fiery temper when crossed.
My grandmother put up with my grandfather's abuse, alcoholism and affairs until her last son was in high school. Then she finally sought a divorce. I was 7 at the time. She got royally shafted in the divorce proceedings, but she didn't care, she just wanted out. After the divorce, she worked hard to get her GED and worked outside the home until she was no longer able to due to health reasons. She rode the bus, never having learned to drive. I offered to teach her once, but she declined, saying she'd made it this far in life without it, she figured she'd make it the rest of the time. She was not a bitter woman, though she had reason to be. She was always full of laughter and she loved a good prank, which is good, because my uncles were serious mischief makers! Often using masks and sneaky techniques to scare the crap out the grandchildren. She stayed close to my grandpa's parents even after the divorce. And shared our grief when great grandma passed and a year later great grandpa followed. She also grieved for my uncle's wife and then my uncle when he passed. We also lost my cousin and his wife several years ago to a car crash. But through it all, Grandma persevered. She was the heart of our family. She kept us coming together for Sunday dinners and holidays, until she was no longer physically able. She was my friend and confidante and I could always count on her for good advice.
When CJ was small and I was pregnant with Lu, if I got lonely, I could always find willing company at grandma's house. She was always proud of me, even when there was no reason to be. She encouraged me and supported me, and often took my side in disputes with my parents. My earliest memories are of grandma's house and grandma's lap. She took care of me when I was only tiny so my parents could both work. My mother says I used to cry when she came to pick me up because I didn't want to leave grandma's. I know I always cried when we would have to leave after visits, later when we'd moved. The four years I spent in England, I missed my Grandma terribly. But she was an amazing pen pal. She wrote me long detailed letters on beautiful stationary that somehow always smelled like her perfume. I lived with her for a year, my freshman year of college. I'm so grateful now to have had that time and those memories. Though looking back, I would spend even more time with her.
I know that I got my fiery temper from her, as well as my optimism. Grandma knew how to find the silver lining. She taught me how to grocery shop on a tight budget. She taught me to go after what I want with determination. It is from her I get my love of animals, she almost always had a canine companion. She taught me that hard work, sacrifice and determination pay off. She taught me that love is unconditional. And regardless of how hard life was, her hugs were sure to make it bearable. And her absence is like a huge gaping hole.
However, I will go on, with the lessons she taught me fresh in my mind. Because, if there is an afterlife, and Grandma had a firm faith that there was, I know that she is still watching and I want to make her proud.
♥Spot
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Memories and Tears...
I want to thank everyone for their comments and warm wishes on the last blog. They meant the world to me. I haven't been home much. I've been either at the nursing home, or a hotel in town, or with my family. I can't blog or read blogs on my current phone, but I can check email. I got your comments in email when I had a chance and they made me smile.
We had a good day Saturday. My parents were able to get some rest, Hildi and her family were here. We grilled and I made homemade potato salad and mac & cheese. Lu & Luke dyed Easter eggs with Hildi's girls and helped them make Easter bags. When they were in bed, we all sat around talking, raiding the Easter candy, filling their loot bags and hiding the eggs. Easter morning was fun. Then we had a lovely brunch. Lu, Luke & Sean kept the girls so the rest of us could go to the nursing home. My grandmother was much worse. They were having to give morphine every two hours so she was never really awake. Hildi & her husband drove 4 hours round trip to see to my parents cats and gather more things. My cousin and I spent hours holding grandma's hands and talking about memories. I got some private time to tell my grandmother how much I'd miss her and how much she's meant to me. But that if she needed to go, she should go. That when the light called to her, to follow it home. She didn't need to suffer anymore. I'll never know if she heard me, but I hope she did. Lu, Luke & Sean brought Hildi's girls in to the hotel. I told them to say their goodbyes, because I didn't think she'd make it through the night. Sean and I stayed at a hotel in town that night. My grandmother passed at 3 am. My parents were with her.
Monday, my father, Hildi & I packed up my gran's belongings from the home. We all accompanied my mother to the funeral home to help the family settle arrangements. We went with my parents to order flowers and then we took them to the hotel. Hildi's hubby had taken the girls back to my house that morning and we joined them around supper time. Today has been the first day I've rested. The next two days, visitation and funeral, will be hard. Hopefully on Friday, I'll feel like posting. Thank you for keeping my family and I in your thoughts and prayers. It means alot to me.
♥Spot
RIP Helen Schaefer Graham
January 10, 1923- April 5, 2010
We had a good day Saturday. My parents were able to get some rest, Hildi and her family were here. We grilled and I made homemade potato salad and mac & cheese. Lu & Luke dyed Easter eggs with Hildi's girls and helped them make Easter bags. When they were in bed, we all sat around talking, raiding the Easter candy, filling their loot bags and hiding the eggs. Easter morning was fun. Then we had a lovely brunch. Lu, Luke & Sean kept the girls so the rest of us could go to the nursing home. My grandmother was much worse. They were having to give morphine every two hours so she was never really awake. Hildi & her husband drove 4 hours round trip to see to my parents cats and gather more things. My cousin and I spent hours holding grandma's hands and talking about memories. I got some private time to tell my grandmother how much I'd miss her and how much she's meant to me. But that if she needed to go, she should go. That when the light called to her, to follow it home. She didn't need to suffer anymore. I'll never know if she heard me, but I hope she did. Lu, Luke & Sean brought Hildi's girls in to the hotel. I told them to say their goodbyes, because I didn't think she'd make it through the night. Sean and I stayed at a hotel in town that night. My grandmother passed at 3 am. My parents were with her.
Monday, my father, Hildi & I packed up my gran's belongings from the home. We all accompanied my mother to the funeral home to help the family settle arrangements. We went with my parents to order flowers and then we took them to the hotel. Hildi's hubby had taken the girls back to my house that morning and we joined them around supper time. Today has been the first day I've rested. The next two days, visitation and funeral, will be hard. Hopefully on Friday, I'll feel like posting. Thank you for keeping my family and I in your thoughts and prayers. It means alot to me.
♥Spot
RIP Helen Schaefer Graham
January 10, 1923- April 5, 2010
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