So we celebrated Father's Day with Mike last night. Because, of course, camp is in session and he is always working on Father's Day. Plus Sean had to leave for the other camp this morning. So the four of us managed to sit down to dinner together and give Mike his cards and present. We got him a new phone. He desperately needed one and this one is "indestructible". Yeah, I went ahead and put insurance on it because at our house "indestructible" just means "try harder". But this is the phone all the cool kids have. And by cool kids, I totally mean other guys who drop, chainsaw, hammer, run over, and generally mistreat their cellular devices. I have it on good testimony from one such cool kid that you can drop it from a ladder and it's still okay. The saleslady asked if I'd like to buy him the handy belt clip for it. I replied "No, he'd much rather drop it out of his truck as he climbs out." She looked at me oddly. Duh, lady. Why do you think I need the indestructible phone? Certainly not because he's careful with it.
This morning I made breakfast for the kids before they headed off to their respective jobs. Lu scarfed hers down because she was running late so basically Sean and I ate breakfast together. We had this conversation~
Sean: I remember going to Cub Scout Camp. Dad didn't love me enough to go with us.
Me: Don't be ridiculous. Of course your Dad loved you enough, he just had to work here at Boy Scout Camp. I came up part of the time.
Sean: Yeah, all the boys thought you were the cool mom.
Me: Duh. Because I was.
Sean: They still think that.
Me: It's because I'm awesome.
Sean: Trevor's Dad sang us some songs each night before we went to bed.
Me: Dave has a great voice. He's a nice guy.
Sean: And once Trevor walked back from the shower house to our tent naked.
Me: *giggling* That must have been quite the sight! Why would he do that?
Sean: He said it was no big deal, his clothes were in the tent. I tried to tell him it was no big deal to bring your clothes with you either. Matt went with us to camp too.
Me: Yeah, he was your Den Chief. He must've been like 14 or so.
Sean: Yeah. I actually hated Cub Camp. And they made us do these swimming tests, and I was a horrible swimmer back then and the water was so cold my lips turned blue. And nobody noticed except Matt. He made me get out of the water and warm up.
Me: So is that why you work Cub Scout Camp Staff? So you can be a great counselor and make sure the kids have fun?
Sean: No. I work there because they pay me. *rolls his eyes at me*
Well, I guess that's as good of a reason as any. And for the record- I don't remember him hating Cub Scout Camp.
Showing posts with label family dinner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family dinner. Show all posts
Friday, June 17, 2011
Monday, November 8, 2010
The one where Sean gets served
So not many people commented on my last blog so I'm thinking maybe you don't like it when I get serious or maybe it's just a skinny people boycott. Whatever. If you guys are going to play that game I guess I'll just go ahead and give you what you want. I know, you want the "funny". Fine. Here. I hope you all snort liquid out your noses. (No, really, I do!)
A couple of weekends ago, Sean's "not girlfriend"(which is a whole confusing state in and of itself) Lizzie came home from college for the weekend and we'd already planned that she would come to our house Friday night. We said we'd make dinner (and by "we", I totally mean "I") and then we'd (now I mean "we") teach her to play Mexican Train Dominoes. Don't laugh. It's fun. And we are all extremely competitive so it involves a lot of trash talking and a couple of swear words. So she arrived on a Friday night and we gathered round the table to chow down on some pork carnitas (duh, what else would you eat but Mexican food when you're going to play Mexican train dominoes?). It was Lizzie, Sean, Lu, Bobby (who was still off work from his accident) and myself. Naturally our dinner table conversation took several small leaps off track. And I'm just going to warn you right now-- if you get embarrassed about the word "vagina" or are easily offended STOP READING RIGHT NOW. Also, if you think you might feel the need to offer me parenting advice or something-- don't. I won't listen and I happen to think I've done a wonderful job. Thus ends the warning.
Me: Lizzie, how did W's 21st birthday party go? Wasn't it her first time ever drinking?
Lizzie: I don't know for sure that it was, but I know she was always against underage drinking whenever she was with K & I. But she drank alot and puked twice.
Me: Gross. But sometimes when you puke you feel better and can keep partying. Not that I recommend that.
Lizzie: Yeah, she puked the first time at the party and then the next time after we got home, she was on the porch and the window was open.
Sean: Did she make it to the bathroom at the party?
Lizzie: I don't know for sure.
Lu: Well I hope she didn't puke in her purse.
*We all start laughing*
Sean: Why the hell would she puke in her purse?
Me: That's totally gross. Who would do that?
Lu: Well it always seems like a good idea, until the next morning. It's just a really bad idea.
Me: Please tell me you don't know this from personal experience!
Bobby & Sean: She totally does! Look at her face!
*by this time we're all laughing hysterically*
Lu: It's really not that funny!
-now I know some of you are going "she just sort of admitted to getting drunk" and yeah, it can be viewed that way. But for the most part if you think your teenagers have never snuck a drink or two, you're fooling yourself. Besides, it's not like I can ground her for sins of the past. If you could, my parents would probably still be trying to ground me for shit I pulled they never knew about. There's got to be a statute of limitations on that kind of stuff-
From there, the convo takes a bewildering turn-
Lu: I don't know why Axel(my tiny female cat) is so mean to Sparkplug(Lu's male cat) anymore. They used to be the Romeo & Juliet of the cat world.
Me: She hasn't wanted anything to do with him since he came home from the vets.
Lu: Maybe she just knows he can't put out anymore. That's okay Sparkplug, you stay away from her vampire vagina.
*All of us turn to stare at her*
Lu: I read it in that cat book you got when Axel was pregnant. When cats have sex the female has these little barbs in there that make it impossible for the male to pull out before the deed is done.
Sean: So let me get this straight- you think cats have fangs in their vaginas?
Lu: No not fangs, barbs. But whatever, they're like vampires.
Me: *struggling for breath because I'm laughing so hard* Vampire Va-jay-jays! Man, where's Elly when you need her?!
Bobby: thank god humans don't have those.
Me: seriously, people would never have sex. And boys would learn to say no.
Sean: No! Keep that vampire vagina away from me girls!
Me: Do they sparkle?
Yeah, we ran that conversation into the ground. And the rest of the night anytime anyone said "vampire" we all started laughing again. Which was very confusing for Mike when he finally made it to the house.
Sean ended up winning the game. And the highlight of the game was Sean kept shouting "Stop looking at my dominoes Lizzie!!" He gets highly irate when you look at his dominoes. And then once, when he had to draw a domino, Lizzie told him he'd had one he could have played all along.
Sean: Then why didn't you tell me?
Lizzie: Because you keep yelling at me to stop looking at your dominoes! Besides, I needed that space.
Yes, Sean, you did just get served.
Hope Monday isn't treating you all too badly,
♥Spot
A couple of weekends ago, Sean's "not girlfriend"(which is a whole confusing state in and of itself) Lizzie came home from college for the weekend and we'd already planned that she would come to our house Friday night. We said we'd make dinner (and by "we", I totally mean "I") and then we'd (now I mean "we") teach her to play Mexican Train Dominoes. Don't laugh. It's fun. And we are all extremely competitive so it involves a lot of trash talking and a couple of swear words. So she arrived on a Friday night and we gathered round the table to chow down on some pork carnitas (duh, what else would you eat but Mexican food when you're going to play Mexican train dominoes?). It was Lizzie, Sean, Lu, Bobby (who was still off work from his accident) and myself. Naturally our dinner table conversation took several small leaps off track. And I'm just going to warn you right now-- if you get embarrassed about the word "vagina" or are easily offended STOP READING RIGHT NOW. Also, if you think you might feel the need to offer me parenting advice or something-- don't. I won't listen and I happen to think I've done a wonderful job. Thus ends the warning.
Me: Lizzie, how did W's 21st birthday party go? Wasn't it her first time ever drinking?
Lizzie: I don't know for sure that it was, but I know she was always against underage drinking whenever she was with K & I. But she drank alot and puked twice.
Me: Gross. But sometimes when you puke you feel better and can keep partying. Not that I recommend that.
Lizzie: Yeah, she puked the first time at the party and then the next time after we got home, she was on the porch and the window was open.
Sean: Did she make it to the bathroom at the party?
Lizzie: I don't know for sure.
Lu: Well I hope she didn't puke in her purse.
*We all start laughing*
Sean: Why the hell would she puke in her purse?
Me: That's totally gross. Who would do that?
Lu: Well it always seems like a good idea, until the next morning. It's just a really bad idea.
Me: Please tell me you don't know this from personal experience!
Bobby & Sean: She totally does! Look at her face!
*by this time we're all laughing hysterically*
Lu: It's really not that funny!
-now I know some of you are going "she just sort of admitted to getting drunk" and yeah, it can be viewed that way. But for the most part if you think your teenagers have never snuck a drink or two, you're fooling yourself. Besides, it's not like I can ground her for sins of the past. If you could, my parents would probably still be trying to ground me for shit I pulled they never knew about. There's got to be a statute of limitations on that kind of stuff-
From there, the convo takes a bewildering turn-
Lu: I don't know why Axel(my tiny female cat) is so mean to Sparkplug(Lu's male cat) anymore. They used to be the Romeo & Juliet of the cat world.
Me: She hasn't wanted anything to do with him since he came home from the vets.
Lu: Maybe she just knows he can't put out anymore. That's okay Sparkplug, you stay away from her vampire vagina.
*All of us turn to stare at her*
Lu: I read it in that cat book you got when Axel was pregnant. When cats have sex the female has these little barbs in there that make it impossible for the male to pull out before the deed is done.
Sean: So let me get this straight- you think cats have fangs in their vaginas?
Lu: No not fangs, barbs. But whatever, they're like vampires.
Me: *struggling for breath because I'm laughing so hard* Vampire Va-jay-jays! Man, where's Elly when you need her?!
Bobby: thank god humans don't have those.
Me: seriously, people would never have sex. And boys would learn to say no.
Sean: No! Keep that vampire vagina away from me girls!
Me: Do they sparkle?
Yeah, we ran that conversation into the ground. And the rest of the night anytime anyone said "vampire" we all started laughing again. Which was very confusing for Mike when he finally made it to the house.
Sean ended up winning the game. And the highlight of the game was Sean kept shouting "Stop looking at my dominoes Lizzie!!" He gets highly irate when you look at his dominoes. And then once, when he had to draw a domino, Lizzie told him he'd had one he could have played all along.
Sean: Then why didn't you tell me?
Lizzie: Because you keep yelling at me to stop looking at your dominoes! Besides, I needed that space.
Yes, Sean, you did just get served.
Hope Monday isn't treating you all too badly,
♥Spot
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Unauthorized biographies and a dinner convo...
So I had a post all written for today. I wrote it last night because I planned to go to town today and run some errands. Then I decided to do that tomorrow. So I'm giving you this post instead because parts of it refer to that post and because well, it's just another example of my family's quirkiness. And by quirkiness, I of course, mean borderline insanity.
Last night at the dinner table, while feasting on deer tenderloins (lovingly hand rubbed with Kansas City spice mix and then broiled), homemade mac-n-cheese, peas (because they are hubbies fav and one of the four, yes four, vegetables he will eat), and garlic cheese bread, we had the following conversation:
me: Didn't I need more icicle lights for outside? I was thinking we didn't have enough last year.
hubby: yes.*grumbling about xmas under breath*
Sean: I refuse to help put up lights on the outside of the house this year.
me: Why? I mean how hard can it be? It's not brain surgery.
hubby: It's a b*tch. Trust me.
me: Really? Because Hildi's hubby puts up lights outside their house and I don't think he whines about it. And he's not as tough as you all sooo..(see my reverse psychology here?? Watch it fail miserably)
Sean: that's because he's scared of Hildi.
hubby: yeah. And they live in a neighborhood where people are going to see the lights. We live in the middle of nowhere. Deer do not care if you put up xmas lights.
me: I see them! Fine. Whatever. If you guys are going to whine and complain, I'll just do it myself. (at which point they began laughing at me). I think you guys are just whiny complainers and I'm sick of it.
Sean: well we think you b*tch alot.
me: well if you guys actually did things when I asked without blowing me crap about it I probably wouldn't have to b*tch so much and then we'd all be happier.
Sean: nah. We're pretty comfortable being lazy whiny complainers and we kind of tune you out anyway.
Hubby: What he said.
me: Well you guys are just spoiled. I do everything for you guys and you can't even accomplish simple tasks with out me nagging constantly.
Sean: Spaceships...I mean what? Were you talking?? (Spaceships is what he says when he's pretending to be not listening).
Me: Do you know how many moms cook meals like this now days?? And at least five nights a week no less? I mean most kids have to eat take out!!!
Sean: I like McDonalds.
Hubby: Don't forget Taco Bell.
Me: There are people in third world countries who don't even get to eat every night.
Sean: well you can't blame their mothers for that. I mean, they might want to cook, they just have no food.
Me: whatever. The point is I cook for you and I don't complain, in fact I'm pleasant about it. And I do laundry every day and I don't complain, in fact usually I'm humming while I do it. Cheerfully. That's cheerful service. I do things for you two in cheerful service. You know what I think??
Hubby: What?
Me: I think the two boy scouts at this table just got schooled in "cheerful service"! By a girl scout. Boo-yah!
Hubby: well I still think xmas sucks.
Me: well I think you suck. Especially this month.
hubby: It's only the first day of the month. I haven't even done anything yet.
me: oh, but you will. And you're already grumbling. And with all the crap leading up to Thanksgiving you were already on my list. In fact, you have all the spots on my list. Like in games, where you get to put your name in when you have a high score? And it lists the top ten scores? Well you have all ten places currently. Although Sean is definitely number 11.
Sean: I'm going to need so much therapy. I honestly thought that Mo moving would be a good thing, because I wouldn't have to put up with her anymore. But instead I'm left alone with the two of you who hate each other so much, but are still wearing the exact same t-shirt!!
me: *glancing at hubby and realizing he's right. We both have on the navy blue camp tshirt from several years back* huh. Well we have like 5 of these freaking shirts.
hubby: yeah. It's your mom's fan club shirt (long story).
me: that's right! So why aren't you wearing one Sean?
Sean: I don't have that shirt.
me: we have a zillion of them and you don't even have one? how weird is that? And anyway your father and I don't hate each other. I don't know why you think that.
Sean: maybe because you're planning on ignoring him for an entire month.
me: You've got that all wrong...I'm ignoring him because I love him. It keeps me from killing him or leaving him. See? We're all about the love.
Sean: So much therapy...
And then this morning:
Me: So I'm writing several posts about you in the next few days. And I'm calling it "The Disco Chronicles".
Sean: No. I don't want you to.
Me: I said you'd be mad. It's my blog. I'll write what I want.
Sean: You can't just write a biography about a person without their permission.
Me: Sure you can. It's called an unauthorized biography. And they sell like crazy.
Sean: Really?
Me: yep. So just sit back and bask in your famousness.
Sean: It's not like you have millions of readers.
Me: Whatever. Amazon might disagree with you. I got a deposit from them last month of $11.51. So there.
Sean: $11.51? That's pitiful.
Me: It's quality not quantity that counts.
Sean: how does that apply to this conversation?
Me: Um. I don't know. But it sounded good. There's a lesson in there somewhere. You should think about it. Grasshopper...find the true meaning.
Sean: what did you just call me?
Me: grasshopper. It's from...oh nevermind. Don't you have something to do? Evil plots don't hatch themselves you know.
Yeah, I'm posting the "Disco Chronicles" anyway. Prepare to be amazed. Or frightened. Or just awestruck by the evil genius that is my son.
xmas time is here again,
♥Spot
Last night at the dinner table, while feasting on deer tenderloins (lovingly hand rubbed with Kansas City spice mix and then broiled), homemade mac-n-cheese, peas (because they are hubbies fav and one of the four, yes four, vegetables he will eat), and garlic cheese bread, we had the following conversation:
me: Didn't I need more icicle lights for outside? I was thinking we didn't have enough last year.
hubby: yes.*grumbling about xmas under breath*
Sean: I refuse to help put up lights on the outside of the house this year.
me: Why? I mean how hard can it be? It's not brain surgery.
hubby: It's a b*tch. Trust me.
me: Really? Because Hildi's hubby puts up lights outside their house and I don't think he whines about it. And he's not as tough as you all sooo..(see my reverse psychology here?? Watch it fail miserably)
Sean: that's because he's scared of Hildi.
hubby: yeah. And they live in a neighborhood where people are going to see the lights. We live in the middle of nowhere. Deer do not care if you put up xmas lights.
me: I see them! Fine. Whatever. If you guys are going to whine and complain, I'll just do it myself. (at which point they began laughing at me). I think you guys are just whiny complainers and I'm sick of it.
Sean: well we think you b*tch alot.
me: well if you guys actually did things when I asked without blowing me crap about it I probably wouldn't have to b*tch so much and then we'd all be happier.
Sean: nah. We're pretty comfortable being lazy whiny complainers and we kind of tune you out anyway.
Hubby: What he said.
me: Well you guys are just spoiled. I do everything for you guys and you can't even accomplish simple tasks with out me nagging constantly.
Sean: Spaceships...I mean what? Were you talking?? (Spaceships is what he says when he's pretending to be not listening).
Me: Do you know how many moms cook meals like this now days?? And at least five nights a week no less? I mean most kids have to eat take out!!!
Sean: I like McDonalds.
Hubby: Don't forget Taco Bell.
Me: There are people in third world countries who don't even get to eat every night.
Sean: well you can't blame their mothers for that. I mean, they might want to cook, they just have no food.
Me: whatever. The point is I cook for you and I don't complain, in fact I'm pleasant about it. And I do laundry every day and I don't complain, in fact usually I'm humming while I do it. Cheerfully. That's cheerful service. I do things for you two in cheerful service. You know what I think??
Hubby: What?
Me: I think the two boy scouts at this table just got schooled in "cheerful service"! By a girl scout. Boo-yah!
Hubby: well I still think xmas sucks.
Me: well I think you suck. Especially this month.
hubby: It's only the first day of the month. I haven't even done anything yet.
me: oh, but you will. And you're already grumbling. And with all the crap leading up to Thanksgiving you were already on my list. In fact, you have all the spots on my list. Like in games, where you get to put your name in when you have a high score? And it lists the top ten scores? Well you have all ten places currently. Although Sean is definitely number 11.
Sean: I'm going to need so much therapy. I honestly thought that Mo moving would be a good thing, because I wouldn't have to put up with her anymore. But instead I'm left alone with the two of you who hate each other so much, but are still wearing the exact same t-shirt!!
me: *glancing at hubby and realizing he's right. We both have on the navy blue camp tshirt from several years back* huh. Well we have like 5 of these freaking shirts.
hubby: yeah. It's your mom's fan club shirt (long story).
me: that's right! So why aren't you wearing one Sean?
Sean: I don't have that shirt.
me: we have a zillion of them and you don't even have one? how weird is that? And anyway your father and I don't hate each other. I don't know why you think that.
Sean: maybe because you're planning on ignoring him for an entire month.
me: You've got that all wrong...I'm ignoring him because I love him. It keeps me from killing him or leaving him. See? We're all about the love.
Sean: So much therapy...
And then this morning:
Me: So I'm writing several posts about you in the next few days. And I'm calling it "The Disco Chronicles".
Sean: No. I don't want you to.
Me: I said you'd be mad. It's my blog. I'll write what I want.
Sean: You can't just write a biography about a person without their permission.
Me: Sure you can. It's called an unauthorized biography. And they sell like crazy.
Sean: Really?
Me: yep. So just sit back and bask in your famousness.
Sean: It's not like you have millions of readers.
Me: Whatever. Amazon might disagree with you. I got a deposit from them last month of $11.51. So there.
Sean: $11.51? That's pitiful.
Me: It's quality not quantity that counts.
Sean: how does that apply to this conversation?
Me: Um. I don't know. But it sounded good. There's a lesson in there somewhere. You should think about it. Grasshopper...find the true meaning.
Sean: what did you just call me?
Me: grasshopper. It's from...oh nevermind. Don't you have something to do? Evil plots don't hatch themselves you know.
Yeah, I'm posting the "Disco Chronicles" anyway. Prepare to be amazed. Or frightened. Or just awestruck by the evil genius that is my son.
xmas time is here again,
♥Spot
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