what passes for sane on a crazy day

The one where he now belongs to the USMC

2012-01-19T11:24:00.000-06:00

I don't even know what to call this post. That's how my whole week has rolled. Tuesday I couldn't even tell you what day of the week it was. First I thought it was Monday and then I thought it was Thursday. WTF, me? And then Tuesday night- the bomb dropped. I was making supper and Sean and Mike had just walked in.

Sean- I heard from the recruiter today. He called and said he had good news.

Me- Oh yeah? What?

Sean- I have to go to MEPS tomorrow, I'm swearing in on Thursday.

Me- *sputtering* But...what...all your waivers?*He had to get a waiver for his wrist tattoo because it wasn't an inch from his wrist. He had to get a waiver for his home school diploma. It's been nothing but a pain from the beginning.*

Sean- All went through. I'm in.

Me-*mouth hanging open, still stuttering* but...but...

Sean- No buts! All I need now is for my job assignment and ship out date to come down.

And then he went off to take a shower.

Lu- Why do you sound so surprised? You knew this was coming.

Me- Well, I mean, they kept jerking him around, and the Air Force tried to steal him, and he had a plan B and it was a good plan. And now he's leaving!

Lu- Again, you knew this was coming.

Me- You don't get it yet, but you will in eighteen years. *Pointing at baby Dylan* He's my baby. And now he's leaving home. And you should know that after you leave things are never the same. And he's joining the service, the Marines no less, and he could get sent to Afghanistan and die.

Let me first say that I have nothing against the Marines. Except that they are the first in. They lose more military personnel every year. Sean knows this. Sean doesn't care. And despite an IQ and test scores that qualify him for Intelligence jobs, Special Ops, or millions of other things, Sean wants to be Infantry. First in. He's wanted this since he was six. Seriously, six. And while I admire the determination and his fire, as a Mom, I'd like him to have a nice behind the scenes job. Like, stateside. But I know that isn't his dream and I have to support his dream, regardless of what my dreams for him might have been.

Also, I was raised in an Air Force family, so it's hard to switch loyalty. Which only military people will understand.

I'm not sure anyone in the family gets it. Sean thinks I'm not proud of him. And that is far from the truth. Sean is amazing. I couldn't be more proud of him. And I am proud that he wants to serve his country. And I'm proud that he's confident and independent and nothing I say would talk him out of this. I'm glad he's going for his dreams. But I can be proud and glad and happy for him and still be sad for me.

Don't get me wrong-- I'm totally looking forward to all of my chicks leaving the nest. I know that the house will be cleaner, quieter and easier to take care of. Mike and I will have some quality time together and I won't have so many distractions from writing. I'm not one of those people who are scared to death of what they'll do when they have an empty nest. Not anymore. I have a career and outside interests. I have friends and hobbies. Mike and I have plenty to talk about besides the kids. Our trip to New Orleans proved that we can still be "just Mike & Stacey" and enjoy it.

But I will miss my chicks like nobody's business. I will miss the loud chaotic craziness of five adults and a baby living in the same house. I will miss talking out a story line with the kids or insane dinner conversations. I will miss having partners in crime. I will miss sarcastic banter (Mike's not so big on the sarcasm). Who will explain quantum physics to me, for gosh sakes?

I'm excited for the kids to start their lives. I know, living at home, they both feel like they are kind of in limbo and waiting for "their real lives to begin". And I understand that. And I'm excited for "the rest of my life" to begin. I'm excited for the next stage in Mike & I's relationship to begin. I'm excited to lay on the couch, after a long day working, and not have to keep turning the TV up, in order to hear it.

But I'm sad too. I'll miss those chicks. They are my kids, my chicks, my spawn. But they are also some of my best friends. So sending them off is bittersweet. It's the culmination of my life's best work. Nothing I achieve from here on out, can ever compare to raising confident, intelligent, responsible adults. I devoted the last 21 years of my life to it and seeing it come to fruition is supremely gratifying. And terrifying. But mostly, gratifying.

So I'm going to have a glass of wine at dinner tonight. And I'm going to toast- Sean on the beginning of his journey, and to me- in the next phase of mine.

♥Spot

The one where we wrap up the year...

2012-01-10T11:44:00.000-06:00

Hello? *peers anxiously out at the audience* Anyone out there? *taps microphone* Is this thing on? Oh! Wait, there you are! Shout out to my stalker, Michigan. Didn't think I knew your name, did you? Yeah, I have mad stalker skills of my own. Or, well, ok, Sean told me. Anywho, for anyone still out there reading my rambling, few and far between posts, Happy New Year (a few days late).

I know I don't post as often as I should, but I've got my reasons. Mostly, I'm super busy and distracted. And it's not that funny shit doesn't still happen all the time at my house, I just forget it before I can blog it. Sad, but true. And then there's the fact that so many people that know me (in real life) read my blog that it's kind of awkward to put some stuff on here. And mostly, they're pretty awesome peeps but some just look for gossip. (You know who you are and you should probably get a more interesting life of your own so you don't have to try to ruin mine). Whew, I've been wanting to get that off my chest.

So, a whole 'nother year flew by. Seriously, it feels like it was whoosh and there went 2011. Why does time seem to go so much faster as you get older. Does it really speed up or is our perception skewed? The answer probably has something to do with quantum physics and the space time continuum. I'd ask Sean, but you know my eyes would glaze over and all I'd hear was "blah blah blah". I'm going to go with it actually does go faster, because to admit that it was my perception would be like admitting these lovely "silver" highlights in my hair were actually greys and that I'm aging. Which I think is totally unfair because most days I don't feel a day over 21. Well, mentally. Physically, some days I feel 100. Wait? Where was I?

Oh yeah, a new year. 2011 was eventful. I mean, like ginormously eventful. My oldest, CJ, graduated from his school and turned 21. Lu had a baby and got married!! And my baby, Sean, turned 18, travelled across the continent twice and joined the Marines. I don't have children anymore, I have adults. How weird is that? Mike was hospitalized, twice. I had gallbladder surgery (good riddance!), a skin cancer scare and started a whole new career. And Mike & I finally took a trip, all by ourselves. See what I mean? Last year was HUGE. And this year the world ends. I mean, if you believe all that "end of the world" stuff. Personally, I lean either way, depending on my level of optimism or pessimism. Although, if a cataclysmic apocalyptic event should happen, you know we're prepared out here. Sean even learned this year that I happen to be a pretty decent shot and won't be totally useless in the zombie apocalypse.

But I digress, the year in review: Wow. That's all I can say. I'm so grateful for last year. Don't get me wrong, there were some bad things. Mike's paternal grandmother lost her battle with cancer in November. She was an awesome lady and will be missed by our family. Mike's hospital ordeals were nerve wracking and not fun. My mother received a very grim medical diagnosis, although the second opinion is, so far, inconclusive. That will be a whole other post. But in the end, we came out stronger. My Mother's illness prompted my sister and I to take a weekend, just us and Mom & Dad. It was a weekend for healing old hurts and forgiveness. Watching my daughter give birth was one of the hardest, but most joyous, things I've ever witnessed. She was a champ. Her being a mother and wife has brought us even closer in fabulous ways. Mike's illnesses and our trip reminded us, again, to cherish each other while we can. (Sappy, right?)

And, as always, I am constantly reminded that we have met and continue to meet the most amazing people, both in person and online. Shout out to Peg at Square Peg in a Round Hole for the awesome white trash chex mix she sent me. It was delicious! Thanks to everyone who has sent notes, cards, emails, ect, whenever we've needed a "pick me up". And thanks, most, for continuing to share my life through this blog. I ♥ you, one and all.

And here's some highlights:

Our trip to Gulf Shores, Al in March with a pregnant Lu

CJ's prom in May

CJ's Graduation in late May

Counting down the weeks til Dylan's birth

The big day arrived, 07-18-11 Dylan James Flanagan, 7 lbs 10 oz

She's a beautiful Mama

Mike's Grandma Vera got to see the baby

The wedding: small but wonderful, in the place they met

Cutest family ever, Halloween

Mike in a New Orlean's coffee shop before the cemetery tour. How could you not love this guy?

May you all have a very blessed 2012!

♥Spot

The one where we adopt a code word...

2011-12-15T09:46:00.001-06:00

So Sean's ex-girlfriend (and yet, still my favorite future daughter-in-law) fussed at me about not blogging the other day. So you can pretend that you all gave me a lecture. And here I am, trying to appease you, my faithful audience. It's my birthday and I really want to do one of those sappy "another year older, yet wiser" birthday posts. But I don't have time for that today. So today, you get another funny (hopefully) glimpse into our ridiculous household.

We all know how this Christmas thing goes: we shop, we decorate, we bake (well, some people do anyway), we hand make beautiful gift baskets (or at least I used to, now I have no time), we spend time with people we love and we make merry. That about sums it up in a nutshell. But what about those odd Christmas occasions, here and there, that we have absolutely no desire to attend, yet, feel obligated to? We have a few of those~

Me: Do we have to go?

Mike: I think it's expected.

Me: But I don't wanna...

Mike: Me either.

Me: Okay, so how about that day I'll stand on the porch steps and you push me off, necessitating a trip to the ER, thus giving us the perfect excuse for not being there?

Mike: You're kidding, right?

Me: Um, yes. No. Not really. But don't make me land on my head, because I don't have time for a concussion. And not my arms or wrists or anything, because I have to be able to work...

Mike: I'm pretty sure that's not a good idea.

Me: Um. Fine. But I'm going to start drinking before we go.

Mike: That's probably not a good idea, either. You have a tendency to tell people what you think of them when you drink very much.

Me: Don't be silly. I always tell people what I think of them.

Mike: True. But sober Spot does it with a sweet smile, the hint of an accent and in words so big, that most people don't realize you've insulted them until hours later. Tipsy Spot just tells them, "I don't like you."

Me: Fine. Well how about I still have a drink or two and we develop a code word? Something that you can say that will let me know I'm saying too much.

Mike: Like what?

Me: How about "ur mom"?

Mike: My mom?

Me: No! "Ur mom", kind of as in my mom.

Mike: You want me to say "your mom"?

Me: No. I want you to say "ur mom". It sounds totally different.

Mike: "Ur mom"?

Me: Exactly!

Mike: That's not going to work.

Me: Why not?

Mike: Because I'm pretty sure that no one over the age of 15 actually says "ur mom" and I don't know how I'd work that into a conversation.

Me: I don't know what you're talking about. Me and the kids say it all the time.

Mike: Yeah...

Me: So does my sister.

Mike: Again, yeah...

Me: Whatevs...

Mike: I don't think adults say that either.

Later that day~

Me: So I tried to get your dad to push me off the porch so we wouldn't have to go to "x".

Lu: That might be a bit drastic.

Me: Yeah, my luck I'd break a wrist or something. So I tried to get him to say a code phrase when I was getting too honest. But he wouldn't play along.

Lu: What phrase?

Me: "ur mom". I thought it was perfect. He said he couldn't work it into conversation.

Lu: What? He could totally say "that's what ur mom says!"

Me: Exactly. He's such a killjoy.

So, long story short, Mike did not push me off the porch. Nor did I imbibe heavily before I left the house. And I behaved. And not a single solitary person said "ur mom" all night long...(which might be why I didn't want to go in the first place.)

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous holiday season! May all your occasions be merry!

♥Spot

PS- I'm participating in a blog hop called the "Twelve days of Creepfest" on my other blogs. I'm having contests, so you could win prizes, so stop by either See Spot Read or The Author Spot and enter the contests. Did I mention there were prizes??

The one where charity begins at home...

2011-11-28T15:24:00.001-06:00

Right. I know. You're all mad at me and probably no one even reads this blog anymore because I can't be bothered to write it. I'm sorry. *hangs head in shame* But honestly, I'm so busy living...that I don't always have time to write about it. And I don't know whether I can apologize about that.

Anywho, I do owe you guys a blog post about Mike & I's trip to New Orleans, complete with pictures, and I promise that one is coming. But this one is slightly more important.

Lately, I've been feeling ultra-charitable. Don't get me wrong, we've always tried to be charitable, I've tried to raise the kids to appreciate their blessings and give to those less fortunate. I think it worked pretty well, both of them will donate their time to a good cause. Lu cannot pass a Salvation Army bell-ringer without emptying her (and whoever happens to be with her's) pockets of change. We donate old clothes and shoes to the Salvation Army store. We've given away furniture and unused TVs. I recently redecorated the living room and donated all the old decorations.

And in New Orleans? Well, Mike wouldn't let me carry cash because I kept giving it to homeless people. Especially those with dogs. Something about those homeless dogs really got to me. When we got home I started feeling a tug every time a commercial for a non-profit would come on. I started debating the relative merits of donating to UNICEF, ASPCA and the WWF. You've seen the commercials, who can resist those sad eyed children or kittens? And don't even get me started on the tigers... I figured I could spare a little, and there were so many organizations who need help. But then I found a charity closer to home.

I noticed last time that I picked CJ up from his group home that he had some flaky patches on his scalp. We used some head and shoulders shampoo and I bought him a bottle to take back to his house. When I dropped it off, they told me that all the kids had been switched to a body wash/shampoo combo soap. Obviously, it wasn't working for CJ, but I'd bought him new shampoo. When I picked him up this time, I told them I'd bring special shampoo, soap and lotion back for him. We discussed how the new soap wasn't really working for any of them. I couldn't get that out of my head. Some of the boys in CJ's house have toileting issues still. That can't be good for their skin.

When we were driving CJ back to his house after Thanksgiving, I reminded Sean that I had to stop and get CJ some hygiene products. And that while I understood that smaller budgets and dwindling money sources had forced his school into trying to save money where they could, switches like these really bothered me.

"Why don't you buy enough good body wash for all the boys?" Sean asked.

Why didn't I? I talked to one of his aides and asked if that would be a problem or if we'd need special permission for them to use it. She said not as long as it was on the approved list. Whaddya know? Suave body wash for men was on the approved list. And since that's what I buy my guys at home, I figured it's what I'd buy these guys too. She said they'd go through 8-10 bottles a month. I bought one for each boy and got them started. But I'll be sending more their way. Everyone deserves decent soap, shampoo and lotion. Especially those who can't buy it for themselves.

Take a look around you this season and find someone who really needs your help. Pay it forward. I dare you.

♥Spot

PS- Many of the children with disabilities who attend CJ's school have families of their own. Some of those families struggle to send their children to a place where they can receive the special instruction and care that they need. Some of them live far away and don't get to visit often. And some of the children are wards of the state, with no parents. They can always use donations of clothing (all sizes), games, books, dvds, ect for the residential dorms and group houses. We have donated many items over the years and they are always very grateful.

**Update- here is the link to The Hope Institute's Webpage for those of you who would like to donate. http://www.thehopeinstitute.us/ They and I thank you.**

The one with the zombie giraffes...

2011-10-23T11:42:00.000-05:00

As you all know, we have some wicked outlandish conversations at my house. Its pretty much the norm, as a matter of fact. Well, while Mike was in the hospital, Sean came to visit every day. As Mike slept a lot, I was glad of the company. While we were watching what passes for TV there, an advertisement for a documentary on the zombie phenomenon in pop culture came on. And this conversation ensued~

Me: I hope we're home by then, because I totally want to watch that.

Sean: Me too. Just to laugh at your generation's ideas about zombies.

Me: 'Scuse me?

Sean: You know, now that my generation has actual fact to support zombies. We were raised with enough knowledge of DNA, genomes and molecular mutation (I must admit that at this point all I heard was blah, blah, blah) that we understand how zombies could happen and why they aren't really dead.

Me: I'm not really sure what you just said, but I think you're full of sh*t.

Sean: I'm not full of sh*t. I'm just smarter than you.

Me: I'll give you that you have a higher IQ, but that means nothing when it comes to zombies, because I'm like a freakin expert here. And zombies are too dead. They're the walking dead. Duh. Everyone knows that. They travel in hordes.

Sean: No they aren't. Zombies are live people who blah blah blah.

Me: (Somehow, my brain has jumped the track and I'm off course) OMG. Do you think sharks could become zombies? I mean if dogs and cats can become zombies, then sharks could right? That's freakin scary. Or alligators! What's scarier than a freakin zombie alligator?!

Sean: Um. Sharks and alligators already attack people so I'm not sure they'd be any scarier as zombies than they already are.

Me: Oh. Well then let's pick something that doesn't already eat people. What about Giraffes? Pretty non-scary to begin with but all of a sudden, wham!! Scary!!

Sean: Giraffes are herbivores, they eat leaves and grass. So they'd just go around attacking trees. Not scary. Extremely goofy.

Me: It doesn't matter what you eat before you become a zombie. The mutation that causes zombiefication would cause a craving for flesh. Therefore, anything that became a zombie would eat flesh.

Sean: Their digestive systems couldn't handle flesh. They'd still eat leaves.

Me: They're dead! Do you think vegan zombies are going to go around eating beans? No! They're going to eat people.

Sean: But human digestive systems are equipped to eat meat. It's not a matter of evolution, its a matter of preference. Giraffes don't prefer leaves, they're genetically programmed to eat them.

Me: (jumping the track once more because its how I roll, peeps) Wait! Do you think if Giraffes "accidentally" ate flesh, they'd develop a craving for it? (I did do air quotes on the "accidentally")

Sean: Zombie giraffes or regular giraffes?

Me: Oh regular. Not zombie, live giraffes.

Sean: How is a giraffe going to "accidentally" ingest flesh?! I think you'd have to practically force feed it to them.

Me: Okay, so say a serial killer works at a zoo and he wants to dispose of a body so he cuts it up and mixes it with the giraffe's food.

Sean: I think if a serial killer worked at the zoo, there are far more likely animals to feed a body to. You know, like Lions or Tigers.

Me: Okay okay, so say he just accidentally gets some in the giraffe's food. Taste for flesh, or no?

Sean: I think it would get very sick, so no.

Me: Whatever. Man eating Giraffes. I think they're scary.

Sean: Nope. Just goofy.

Me: I hope it eats you while you're busy laughing at it.

I'm pretty sure there's a story in there somewhere. And you all might want to look a little closer next time you go to the zoo. Giraffes have really big teeth.

Happy Sunday,
♥Spot

The one where I get angry...

2011-10-22T12:38:00.000-05:00

Yep. I'm angry today. I'm angry at my husband. Why? Because I love him, that's why. But he doesn't listen very well, so I'm writing him this letter. And I know he'll see it because he reads my blog.

Dear Mike,

I love you. Do you know that? You should after what we've been through the last year and a half, the good, the bad and the hideously ugly. I've been right by your side, through it all. Sometimes for days on end.

I can't possibly let you know exactly what it was like to sit by your bedside in the ICU after the accident and wait and worry and make deals with the Universe in my head for your survival. I can't tell you what it was like to try to stay awake, convinced that something bad would happen if I closed my eyes, if for a second, I lost my focus.

I can't tell you what it was like, even after you were doing better, to be afraid to leave the hospital, to leave your side. No one told you how I'd begin to shake if I was gone longer than a half an hour. How great the need to keep you in my sight was.

I can't tell you how hard it was for me to let you out of my sight once we were back home. How scared I was to let you drive anywhere by yourself. How I sat there, staring at my phone, waiting for the text saying that you made it safely.

But I did it. You pulled through and so did I. And gradually, I learned to let it go, that I didn't have to be constantly vigilant, that it was going to be OK.

Then you got really sick in February and we did the hospital thing again. Luckily, it was over quickly and you were better, nearly overnight. And you were cranky. But I stayed there with you and I put up with your crankiness, because I was still so grateful that you were alive. Ok. Little speed bump. No big deal.

Then last weekend you got sick again. At first, I wasn't really that worried. I hated that you were feeling so bad, but I figured a night in the hospital, IV fluids and antibiotics and you'd perk up. Just like February. But it didn't happen that way. You ran a high temp for 3 days. Your white count shot up. The doctor was stumped. I was petrified.

I can't tell you what it was like to be there, again. Doing the bedside vigil and wondering if you were going to kick this thing or if it was something much more serious. You were asleep more than you were awake and you weren't real clear when you were awake. But you never knew how scared I was, because I didn't show it. And when you began to worry, I'm the one who curled up in the bed beside you and gave you a pep talk.

And you pulled through again. And you began to get sarcastic and I knew you were getting better. We came home yesterday and you slept mostly. The kids remarked that when you were awake, you were grumpy. Tell me about it. And yet, I didn't hold it against you.

So why am I angry? Because after all of this, you still refuse to take care of yourself. The doctor said that you still have the pneumonia and you were supposed to go home and rest. I'm pretty sure that didn't mean going immediately back to work this morning. Remember last night when you got up, walked from the living room to the kitchen and had a coughing fit so bad, you doubled over? Remember how you had to sleep sitting up in the chair last night, because you couldn't breathe?

And yet, this morning, you were gone before I got up and didnt' come back in to take a break for four hours. Does that sound like resting to you? Really? And so I fussed at you. And you said you hadn't done anything physical except drive around in your truck and talk to people.

Well, driving isn't resting. And talking to people is what got you into this in the first place. People have a million germs and I know for a fact that you weren't wearing a mask like you should have been. I'm pretty sure you didn't have any hand sanitizer either. You're immune system is already in a seriously weakened state and yet you insist on pushing your luck. So we had words. And I told you that next week when you're in the hospital again, I'm not going to be there. Because its not fair. Its not fair to put me in that position when you can avoid it. I told you I'd hire a babysitter to sit with you. Its an idle threat because you know I wouldn't do that. You know I'll be there.

You insisted that you'd be fine. I wondered when you developed psychic powers and the ability to know the future and why you hadn't shared that with me before. Maybe you will be fine. I hope so.

But for now, as I sit in my office, listening to you cough up a lung in the living room, I'm a tad on the skeptical side. So I'm not speaking to you. Because its not fair to yourself, its not fair to your job, and its damn sure not fair to the people who love you, to take risks with your health. But you don't listen. So I'm saving my breath.

Love,
Me

Sorry for the rant peeps, but sometimes people need to know what you're really thinking.
♥Spot

The one where things look up...

2011-10-19T18:29:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd blog for those of you who aren't my Facebook friends. Mike has finally rounded the corner and is feeling better. His temp hasn't gone above 100 all day. He's still got a headache and he's still wiped out, but he's feeling better. The doctor has decided to switch him to oral antibiotics and let us go home tomorrow, provided the fever stays down tonight. Fingers crossed. We're both ready to head home.

The doctors still aren't sure exactly what Mike has, but they do know what it's not. It's not cancer. (whew!) His heart is good, no infection, no leaky valves, looks strong. It's not Lyme disease, Lupus, West Nile Virus, or meningitis. *sigh of relief* The best guess? He caught a virus sometime last week, then he was exposed to strep (most likely) last weekend. The two together were too much for his almost non-existent immune system, and quickly ran rampant through his body. While in the hospital, he also developed pneumonia. But after all of the antibiotics and antivirals, he's finally recovering. He won't be up to speed for another several days, (and if he tries to be- I will duct tape him to the couch- for real- I'm not playing around here) but at least he'll be home.

So here are a few funny episodes from our hospital stay:

After we finally get to our room, at 11pm Saturday night~

Me: Boy, the coyotes sure are...*trails off*

Mike: *stares at me*

Me: That's a siren, isn't it?

Mike: Yep.

The nurse asking Mike questions during admin~

Nurse: So how did all this start?

Mike: *mumbles*

Nurse: *looks at me*

Me: *translates* It's cool, I speak mumble.

And after too many days trapped in a tiny room together~

Mike: I'm just going to warn you, I'm feeling really grumpy and whiny today.

Me: And I'm just going to warn you, that if get too bad, they'll be picking linen fibers out of your nose at your autopsy.

Nurse: (who happened to walk in during conversation) *gasps*

Me: Just kidding. I don't get to collect the insurance money if I kill him.

Nurse: *still looking at me like I've lost my mind*

Please keep your collective fingers crossed that all goes well and we are home tomorrow! And thank you for the many good wishes and positive thoughts and prayers. I love you guys.

♥Spot

The one where we're in the hospital again sigh

2011-10-17T22:53:00.000-05:00

So we're in the hospital again. You'd think by now we'd have a wing of our own, or at least a room, or maybe just a special comfy chair for me. But no, no special treatment. Except that we have the best doctor- Dr. (House) Saeed, the adorable hero of this post.

It started Saturday. Mike had to get up super early, like butt-crack of dawn early, before the sun, at 4am. He says he felt fine when he got up. I wouldn't know because I was doing what all (mostly) sane people do at that time- sleeping. But by the time I woke up, at the much more reasonable time of 8, he had texted me to say he wasn't feeling well. I told him to come up to the house and get some Motrin. He did, I took his temp, no fever, but he said he was cold. Unfortunately, that is usually exactly how him getting very sick starts. In fact, he put on pants (instead of shorts, it really was a lovely day out) and grabbed a jacket. By 2 he was back inside for more Motrin and a stocking cap ( I kid you not). Still no fever. By 3:30, he was down for the count. He could barely make it to the couch and was shivering so bad his teeth were chattering. Fever of 101. I called the Dr. answering service and Dr. Saeed just happened to be the one on call. He said take him to the ER, he was admitting him. I was smart enough to pack a bag!

By the time we got to the ER, his fever was up to 102.9, his headache was killing him and he was miserable. His white count was double what it should be and we were, of course, staying. They finally got his fever to break about 4am, but it kept spiking back up. When the fever was gone, he felt some better, but mostly slept. Not knowing exactly what was wrong they started giving him massive doses of antibiotics. When those didn't seem to be doing it, they added antiviral meds. His white count continued to climb. Nothing seems to be working.

Today, he woke up with 101.9 fever and feeling horrible. They finally got the fever broken, but he's definitely feeling less than well. His white count had dropped a half number. The Dr. said he thought that was mild progress and the fact that his fever was a little less was a good sign. That was at 3pm.

At 4pm his fever spiked back to 102.9. They got it broken again, but still. After so many antibiotics and antivirals that I'm almost positive he's going to glow in the dark, he shouldn't be running such a high fever. They are running two more tests tonight, and I hope that we have some kind of results tomorrow. Today was nothing but waiting and hoping that something would start working.

I don't know how long we will be here. They can't let him go with the fever or the white count this high. We're both frustrated and he's feeling badly. (I know this because he's not complaining about being here. Normally he's begging to go home and stressing about work. He's still stressing a little about work, of course, but only when he's not feverish. Hopefully, tomorrow brings better news, or any news.

Keeping that bedside vigil,
♥Spot

The one where music is useful...

2011-10-09T10:52:00.000-05:00

So my husband actually got on me the other day about blogging. No, he wasn't telling me to stop. He was telling me it had been too long in between posts. Apparently, he checks out my blog every couple of days. I found this pretty humorous. I mean, he lives with me, he knows what goes on.

Then he came in yesterday and said that one of the scout ladies (the one who painted the thunder bird sign and did a fantastic job of it) was looking at some pictures someone had tagged on FB of her son and somehow ended up at my blog. He clearly admitted he had no clue how FB worked so I explained how this random occurrence may have happened. Anywho, he said that she started reading this blog and her husband was reading the work on my author blog. So hello new people! I love you. Thank you for reading my ramblings. Of course, if you know Mike and Sean, you know it's all true.

And I know that you guys are still waiting on the wedding post. And I have another post about Sean & I in Ohio, but honestly, I'm swamped with work right now so this has to be just a quick funny post.

We like music. Not unusual I'm sure, except that we have very eclectic tastes and on road trips have to listen to some of every one's music. This makes for some entertaining CDs, let me tell you. Recently, music popped up in a couple of conversations~

On Lu's wedding day, as we were driving to the salon to get her hair done~

Me: So are you excited?

Lu: Yes, very.

Me: Are you super nervous?

Lu: I am. Marriage is a big commitment.

Me: It is. And you come from a long line of very long marriages. And marriage is hard work. But just remember, when times get hard, remember when you were sitting there by the water, he put his arm around you for the first time...

Lu: What?

Me: It works for Tay-tay.

Lu: Are you quoting me Taylor Swift lyrics as marriage advice?

Me: Yes. And also- Love is a battlefield.

And when Sean and I were driving back from Ohio, we were listening to Hot Chelle Rae's "Tonight tonight". At the end of the song, I was singing the "whoa, oh, oh" part.~

Sean: Why are just singing the "whoa, oh, oh" part?

Me: Because I'm good at it. Listen, "whoa, oh, oh"

Sean: You know most people like to picture themselves as the lead singer and sing that part.

Me: Um, I know my limitations. I'm not lead singer material. I'm definitely more of a "whoa, oh, oh" singer. Or maybe a "La, la, la" girl.

Sean: Only you.

Me: I'm comfortable with the back up singer role, because I'm pretty sure that lead singer can't write a story to scare the stuffing out of anyone.

And when my sister, Sean and I were going car shopping~

Me: Sean, you are looking sick and sexified.

Sean: I've got that glitter on my eyes.

Hildi: And your stockings, ripped up the sides?

Me: And his hot pants, on and up.

Hildi: I got Jesus on my neck-a-lus.

Sean: We are who we are.

That's from Key-dollar sign-ha's song "We are who we are" in case you don't listen to Ke$ha. And yes, we're liable to comment with a line from a song at any point in time. No matter the gravity of the situation. Because we really are who we are.

So I hope someone gets a giggle out of this. I will try to post more frequently so my hubby knows what I'm doing. And because you all deserve it.

Happy Sunday,
♥Spot

The one where I went AWOL (again)

2011-09-26T12:42:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe its been so long since I posted. But suffice it to say that things have been crazy busy around here. And I know you're all expecting a "Lu got married" post, but its not happening today. Sorry. Its in the works, but I don't have that kind of time today, because you guys will want pics and the whole works.

I will say that it was a Beeyoooteefull wedding and Lu looked amazing and Luke was awestruck by her and the whole thing went off without a hitch because I'm OCD and had a plan "B" setting in case it rained on the outdoor wedding thing (which it did). Getting Lu to plan and committ to anything is like pulling teeth so I was stressed out until the Friday before, when I finally gave up and took care of all the details myself so that I could get some sleep in which I did not grind my teeth and wake up with a headache. So she is now officially Mrs. Flanagan. Yes, that is super weird.

In other important family news: Dylan is growing like we feed him Acme insta-grow. At two months old he has grown 4 inches in length and put on 4 1/2 pounds. He's a big guy. And vocal! I don't remember my kids ever cooing and responding as well as he does. Already, he'll talk your ear off if you let him. I can't wait til he has words, because I am dying to know what the heck he's saying. He loves his bouncy chair, will only stay in the swing if the classical music it plays is turned on, and rarely really cries. He is delightful and I'm completely in love with him. Oh and Lu has decided that he will call me "Mimi" instead of Grandma. And her Dad is "Pawpaw". Don't ask, I didn't.

Sean is an Eagle Scout. He finished his project before his birthday, had his board of review and its all over but the celebrating. We will be having his ceremony sometime in October. He's getting ready to enlist. Can't seem to talk him out of the Marines.

Mike is doing well. His insurance lawsuit over the accident was finally settled satifactorily. He's gearing down from the summer season and getting ready for duck & goose season. Don't go all "hunting's bad" on me. He loves it and will rationally tell you all of the ways in which it helps to control the population AND the conservation methods and ethics. Plus, he makes me cook the kills so it doesn't go to waste. And let me just say-- I HATE Duck. It tastes like liver. But he and Sean eat it. Goose is pretty good.

And me- well you can hop on over to The Author Spot for all my author news. But I'll just say, I love my job. Love love love. We talked about retirement the other day and I said I was pretty sure Editors didn't retire, they just go blind. And I'm super pumped because Mike & I are taking our very first ever vacation without kids or young adults or anybody!! Yep! We are going to New Orleans for a week in November, just the two of us. Super excited. Staying at a fabulous apartment in the Garden District, a couple of blocks from Anne Rice's house! And I got a steal on the price! I'm looking forward to everything about the trip. I mean, for real, do you know how many cemeteries there are in New Orleans?! Yay!

So here are some recent convos-

Laying in bed the other night, there is some amazing howling going on outside-

Me: I just realized that we no longer have a dog. What is all that howling?

Mike: Coyotes

Me: Are you sure? I've never heard them howl quite like that before.

Mike: I'm sure.

Me: You're sure it's not werewolves?

Mike: Could be, I guess. But its probably coyotes. *and he rolled over and went to sleep*

Sean and I while having coffee on our back deck:

Me: Man, its gorgeous out here today. All I want to do is sit here and enjoy the view. I have no motivation.

Sean: Welcome to the club.

Me: There's a "no motivation" club now? So what, are you like the president?

Sean: Yep. And there's an annual fee of $25. It's another $24 if you want the t-shirt.

Me: Ouch. That's pretty steep. Wait...there's a t-shirt?

Sean: Well, there will be once I get the motivation to make it.

The other night when I planned to have spaghetti for dinner, Lu and Sean were complaining. Mind you, Lu loved spaghetti while she was pregnant and it's always been one of Sean's favorites. Well, until he had to eat it nearly every week at camp this summer. Finally, I said if I heard one more complaint, we'd be eating spaghetti every night for a week. I made it my Facebook status so they'd be sure to see it.

Lu: I saw your Facebook status, so I warned Sean.

Me: Good.

Lu: Because I know you are crazy enough to actually do that.

Me: It's not a matter of crazy. Its just good parenting.

Lu: How do you figure that?

Me: The key to parenting is consistency. Don't make a threat you don't intend to keep. Your Dad and I really like spaghetti and its cheap to make so it would be an easy carry through.

Lu: I'm still chalking it up to crazy...

Happy Monday y'all!
♥Spot

The one where my children make me laugh...

2011-09-02T11:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, so that's pretty much every post. My children are silly and ridiculous and crazy just like I am and we spend a lot of time laughing at each other. Personally, I'm convinced that's a good thing. I think it works as well as my Oil of Olay to keep me looking and feeling young. So these are some snippets from this week...

Lu had her 6 week check up at the doctor after Dylan's birth. And because she hates to go anywhere and especially to the doctor by herself, she drug me along.

Me: I can't believe you lost 21 pounds already. That's amazing.

Lu: It's not enough. I'm still fat and gross.

Me: You are not fat and gross. Your body just changes when you have a baby and never goes back to quite the same. But you look gorgeous and healthy and amazing.

Lu: My thighs are enormous. They rub together.

Me: Um, no. Your thighs are not enormous. My thighs are enormous and rub together. Yours barely whisper "hello" in passing.

*Huge eye-roll from her*

Me: I'm so blogging this.

And Sean and I went to see the Air Force and Navy Recruiters-

Air force- You'd be really great at special ops. We really need para-rescue, combat control, and combat weather.

Me- what does combat weather do?

Sean- duh. They're weathermen.

Me- but how do you combat the weather? I mean, it just is, there's nothing you can do about it.

Air force- (trying not to laugh) they monitor the weather conditions in the combat zone. If the wind is blowing 300 miles an hour you can't jump out of a plane. Well, you can. You just won't make it to the ground with a parachute.

Me- ohhh...

***

Navy- So let me ask you this- if you went into infantry in the Marines, what would you do with that when you got out? There's not a lot of call for guys who just know how to kill people.

Sean- well I'd probably start out with bank robbing and depending upon my level of success and degree of enjoyment, I might try out serial killing.

Me- he's a bit of a smart ass. Good luck with that.

***

Navy- and since you're stuck on the boat for six months and get a little stir crazy, we stop in different ports so you can have some R&R.

Me- and that's how the Navy got their reputation. Shore Leave.

Sean- She's a bit of a smart ass too.

Navy- must be where you get it.

Later in the car, Sean and I were discussing his options. And I asked about search and rescue or being a Navy diver.

Sean: I hate rescuing people.

Me: But you're a lifeguard.

Sean: I know and I hate it. I had to rescue ten kids this summer and I hate it. I just want to say "Listen moron, if you can't swim that well you probably shouldn't be in water over your head."

Me: But you still saved them.

Sean: And you know the stupidest rescue? The one where the kid was wearing a life jacket. For criminy sake! A life jacket! Swim your ass back to shore! And out of ten rescues? Only one kid said "thank you."

Me: Really? That is kind of sucky. I'd totally thank someone if they rescued me.

Sean: Yeah, and that was one I pulled out for hypothermia. Poor kid apologized for having to be rescued and then said thank you. But I still had to get in that cold water and he got my shirt and towel wet also so I was freezing after that.

Me: So rescue of any kind is out for Sean, the reluctant lifeguard. So noted.

See, total ridiculousness. It's what we do. Also, if Lu doesn't stop being so damn picky and find a dress for her wedding soon, I'm going to pull my hair out. She has no clue what she wants. She won't even decide on a flower for the bouquet. We have two weeks left here folks. Two short weeks. Arghhhh...

TGIF,
♥Spot

PS- first I bitch about not getting enough comments and then I hide the comment thingie. Smart, eh? For those of you having trouble- it's invisible until you roll over it with your mouse. It's right by the time stamp. I'll try to get it back....

The one where things change...

2011-08-29T17:43:00.001-05:00

The times they are a-changin'. Again. They seem to be constantly doing that lately. I think time speeds up as you age and everything happens at a faster rate of speed. Or maybe we just lose attention span and aren't fully focused. I'm totally blaming this on age. Because I can, that's why.

So the first change is obvious...I changed the design of my blog and went back to the original picture. I love that picture. Being at the ocean makes me happy. Also? I think it defines the "edge". And I almost always feel as if I'm on the edge of something. These days it's usually something exciting. I also simplified the design. I felt it was taking too long to load and had too many distracting elements. So there you go. I hope you like it. I do.

The second change is that I'm about to be a mother-in-law. Yep, you read it right. Lu & Luke are tying the proverbial knot. They got engaged last week. I know- you're dying to hear the story of how he popped the question. And even if you aren't, I'm going to tell you anyway. Luke works nights at a steel factory and comes home covered in black grime. So the first thing he does is shower. But last Tuesday night he came home a little late and Lu was so busy worrying that he was late, she didn't notice that he was clean and had changed clothes. He'd also brought her home a cherry slushie & mozz sticks from Sonic which are two of her very favorite things. On one of the mozz sticks was a gorgeous diamond engagement ring. Cheezy story, huh?

I knew it was coming (I helped pick out the rings) but it was still odd. My little girl has a baby and will soon have a husband. How does this happen so fast? They are getting married in a very small outdoor ceremony on September 18th. Only immediate family and their closest friends will be in attendance. Luke is enlisting in the Air Force that week and they will be having a big wedding and reception after he finishes basic and tech school. Not knowing, exactly when that will be, we will start the dress shopping and wedding planning right away. So exciting!!

Lu & Dylan will stay with us while he's away. Then, they'll join him at his first assignment. I'm excited they are about to start their lives, but sad that they will probably be moving fairly far away. I guess I will be traveling a lot to see my grandbaby!

Sean is back from his travels and has some amazing stories to tell! He met some of the most interesting people. I guess we both know the cool kids. He's applying to work at the steel factory with Luke so that he make some bank. But first on his priority list is talking to the recruiters and enlisting. He's wanted to be a Marine since he was six. To make me happy he's agreed to talk to the Air Force and Navy recruiters as well, before enlisting. Too soon, I may have an empty nest. And again, I'll have to travel to see him. Good thing I can work from anywhere, huh?

And I must apologize- I totally left town without alerting the blogosphere. We went to my sister's in Ohio last week and stayed with a friend in Indy on the way back. Visits to my parents bookended the trip. Lu, Dylan and Sean went with me. I do have some funny stories (and pics) to share next time. But the thing that made me giggle was a text I got, two days into my trip.

J: Did you leave your house without letting the blogosphere know? How can we keep track of you if you do things like that?

So you all have my deepest apologies. I'll try to make it easier to stalk me from now on.

♥Spot

PS- For those of you who wondered (you know who you are), Sean did indeed make a fried egg sandwich his very first morning home from New Mexico.

The one where we pick up a hitchhiker

2011-08-16T11:14:00.000-05:00

I know- you're all freaking out, going "You did WHAT?" Settle down now. It's not what you think. I mean I did pick up a hitchhiker, but it was a blind boy. See, you're not so worried now, right? Have you ever heard of a blind serial killer? No, didn't think so.

Friday night Lu and I decided at around 7pm that we needed to eat something for dinner. And we both agreed that DQ sounded amazing. So we put Baby Dylan in his car seat and headed to Hamilton. Hamilton is a tiny town about twenty minutes north of us if you take the back roads. And we always take the back roads. Those roads are the roads my kids learned to drive on. There's hardly ever many cars on them and they wind through sleepy little towns, well if you can call a collection of houses a town. So we drive through the first little town and round a curve when I see a guy waving his arms over his head to flag me down.

Lu: Don't stop!

Me: But it might be important. There might be an accident or something.

Lu: Or he might be a serial killer.

Me: (slowing down) Lu, I'm just going to roll down my window a bit and see what's going on.

Lu: What if he has a gun?

Me: (Almost at a stop and close enough to really see the guy) Lu, it's just a kid.

Lu: So were the children of the corn!!

I stop, roll down my window, and realize that there's something wrong with the kid. He looks about twelve and I realize his eyes aren't focusing and he's blind. So I ask what he needs and he starts walking towards my voice. He runs into the door of my car.

Him: I'm blind.

Me: Yep. I got that. Can I help you?

Him: Well, I'm walking to Tioga and I just wondered how close I was.

Me: You're walking there by yourself?

Him: Yeah, it's okay, I do it alot. I go all over.

Me: Where are your folks? (who lets a blind kid wonder around by themselves??)

Him: Oh the're at home. We don't really get along. My dad's 71. I'm adopted.

Me: (thinking age is no excuse for letting a blind kid walk around by himself) well you don't have any weapons on you, do you?

Him: No. Just cash.

Me: Get in the car, I'll take you back to Tioga. (Lu is frantically shaking her head in the back)

Him: Thanks a lot. I'm going to Mark Foster's. Its a trailer house. Do you know where that is?

Me: No. I'm not from Tioga. Which side of the street will it be on? Do you know what it looks like?

Him: Left side. No. Not really (well of course not, he's blind.)

We drive through the town and I don't see it on the left side. And there are a ton of trailer houses in this town. So we stop to ask a guy on a four wheeler. He says we missed it and to follow him. So we turn around and he leads us to the house. It looks pretty run down and has like a forest full of firewood stacked next to it.

Him: (pulling out money and asking me what each bill is) here's some money for your gas.

Me: No, it's cool. Don't worry about it.

Some really disreputable people come to the window and tell him the guy who lives there isn't home. I tell him to get back in the car. No way I'm leaving a blind kid with them. So I end up taking him back to the intersection where I found him. I did not feel right dropping him off there but he insisted. In the course of the ride I found out that he was fifteen, lived on a farm, his oldest brother is about to turn 50 and he's only been blind for three years. He lost his sight in a four wheeler accident in the winter when he was herding cows. He was lucky to be alive. He had been going to the small high school there but was going to go to the school for the blind in Jacksonville this year. He was a sweet kid. I told him where we lived and and kept saying "we". He probably thought I was crazy because Lu never made a noise the whole time. Nor did Dylan. So he probably didn't even know they were there. After we dropped him off~

Me: You could have said something.

Lu: You were chatting away, doing just fine on your own. Besides, I was being you silent back-up.

Me: What? In case the blind kid attacked me?

Lu: Yes. Now I know why Luke wants me to keep a pocketknife in the diaper bag for protection. You aren't supposed to pick up hitchhikers.

Me: Lu, he tried to pay me for 5 minutes worth of gas. I think he was harmless.

We went to DQ and returned home. We didn't see the blind guy on our way back. Later that night I was working in my office when Lu came in with Dylan.

Lu: Dylan needs a bottle but I'm scared to go into the kitchen.

Me: Why?

Lu: I keep hearing this knocking noise coming from there. And I'm still creeped out from earlier.

Me: You think the blind kid found our house and is waiting outside?

Lu: Well you did tell him where we live...

Me: And what? He's going to make his way through our house, which at the moment has boxes and dressers everywhere, and murder us in our sleep? I'm pretty sure I'd hear him bumping into things. Hell, I can't walk through here without running into things.

Lu: You never know.

Me: You do know the windows are open, right? It's probably a noise from outside.

Lu: I didn't know. Will you get the bottle anyway?

I got the bottle. *sigh* Later I was telling Mike the story and I ended with the fact that maybe we were running late that night for a reason. Maybe we were supposed to help him. The universe gives you all sorts of chances to do good things, you just have to take them.

Mike: was it that house that has all the wood stacked around it?

Me: Yes!

Mike: That's a really seedy looking place. You really need to be careful.

Me: I wasn't going inside. I was just dropping him off. Geez! It was just a good deed.
Me: Maybe, in an alternate universe we didn't stop and someone ran him over. Or maybe in an alternate universe those disreputable people got him when he made it to that house alone.

Lu: Or maybe in an alternate universe he had an accomplice and when you stopped, they whipped out guns and jacked the car with us inside.

Me: Or maybe he got terribly lost and couldn't find his way home and died.

Lu: I think if you die in one alternate reality, you have to die in all of them.

Me: I don't think it works that way.

Lu: I'm pretty sure it does.

Me: And since when are you the alternate reality expert? I just read a book about them.

Lu: whatever. I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Me: We'll ask Sean when he gets home. He'll give us some long drawn out Quantum physics answer that neither of us will understand and will sound like 'blah blah alternate reality blah' but then he'll dumb it down for us.

So we're waiting on Sean. This story makes me laugh but at the same time it makes me sad. I'm sad that my kids have grown up in a world where they don't trust anyone and can imagine such horrible scenarios. I'm glad they're smart enough to know that not all strangers are the good guys, but mourn for the innocence I'm not sure they ever had.

♥Spot

The one where things are random...

2011-08-11T11:08:00.000-05:00

Life is random. There's no doubt about that. Popularity is random. Everything seems random lately. I've got 226 Twitter followers. I only know a handful of them. I have more Facebook friends than I know what to do with. Again, I only know so many of them. But apparently being an Editor and a Writer makes me a "cool kid". I'm slightly confused, because I already thought I was cool. I guess I'm just "cooler" now. But then again, I'm probably supposed to be spelling it "kewl" to be really cool. And while I am enjoying getting to know all my new friends and followers, I still want to keep my old ones. And some of you seem to be missing.

I didn't start this blog to make friends, but that's what happened. And there for awhile there was a core group of us. I could count on their comments and they could count on mine. I got to know them through their blogs and when I was in one of the darkest times of my life (Mike's accident), they helped pull me through with their constant outpouring of love and support. They reached out to me in real life, not just blogland. I miss you guys. I know I've gotten busy and don't blog nearly as much. I know I don't always make it to your blogs as soon as you post, but I do try to keep up! So, if the absence is because you're busy too- just know that I still value you.

And newbies- I heart you too of course. But leave comments, it's how I get to know you and helps insure that I visit your blog as well.

And now for the random portion of the blog. Because this blog is nothing, if not random.

Me: ugh. My hair has sooo many grays in it! Its definitely time to color it again.

Lu: Maybe you should go with the aunt Vicky style. (Mike's aunt who went through chemo. Her hair grew back this absolutely beautiful salt and pepper. She keeps it short and she looks amazing!)

Me: Um. I don't think I can pull off that short look. She looks so sophisticated now. I think I even like it better than her blonde hair she used to have.

Lu: Yeah. It looks "artsy". I don't think it would work for you.

Me: What the hell? I'm "artsy". So what do you think I'd look like if I let my gray grow out?

Lu: Kind of like a hippie.

Me: Oh great. So aunt Vick's hair says "artsy chic" and mine says "aging hippie". Thanks alot Lu.

Lu: Um. Sorry?

Me: Doesn't matter anyway. I'm going to start calling them silver highlights. That makes it sound like I put them there on purpose.

***

We were watching TV the other night and saw an advertisement for one of those shows where they show funny clips they find on the web.

Lu: Isn't that what Tosh.0 does?

Mike: yeah. And Web Soup.

Me: Well I do not have all day to comb youtube for funny videos you guys. Frankly, I'm glad someone else does it for me.

Lu: But I just want to see funny cat videos. I think they should have a crazy cat lady who only shows cat videos. And they can film it in her house with her 80 cats. And she can be all "Mr. Tickles found this clip!"

Mike & Me: *silence*

Lu: Well I'd watch it.

***

Lu & I made a trip to Dairy Queen. The closest one is 20 minutes away in a tiny town if you drive the back roads. So we're driving along and we stop at one of the few intersections. There are stop signs on the road we are on.

Lu: So for the longest time I didn't realize that wasn't a four way stop. And one time I almost got smashed by a semi.

Me: Is this a story where you're such a bad driver you almost died?

Lu: Pretty much. And there was this guy in a pick up truck at the other stop sign and when I went he freaked out. He looked so horrified. Glad that semi missed me. If it hadn't he probably would have told the cops I committed suicide.

Me: And they'd have been all "Ma'am, we think your daughter committed suicide" and I'd have said, "No. She's just stupid."

Lu: I can see you saying that to the cops.

Me: And Sean would be all "I told you she was too stupid to live."

Lu: *giggling* Guess I should pay more attention.

Hope you are all enjoying your week. Mine has been interesting to say the least. More on that later.

♥Spot

The one where I'm someone's favorite...

2011-08-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

That's right! I'm some one's favorite blogger of the week. Okay, so my post was her favorite post of the week. But that totally translates into me being her favorite blogger, of the week anyway. So you should totally read Hamlet's Mistress' post!

In other odd news about me- Did any of you watch Bret Michael's Rock of Love show? C'mon, you can admit it, we're all friends here. No one will point and laugh, much. I watched it. All three seasons. Let's face it- Bret is still hott. And those crazy women! The drama, the fights, the boozing all go a long way towards making me happy I'm not them. So anyway, on season 2, there was this chick from Brazil, Marcia. She was the one who threw up and then kissed Brett (he didn't know). Yeah, now you remember her! She started following me on twitter, out of the blue, just randomly. How weird is that? Like I told Sean- I'm famous, yo.

Also, checking my blog stats and where people travel to my blog from, I'm still popular with the Eastern European crowd (shout out to my homies in The Czech Republic!) but also now, I'm popular with the goth crowd. Woot woot! I was wearing black and reading horror before it was a whole subculture. Go me!

Seriously, I don't understand any of this, but I'm thankful that anyone reads my ramblings. And the fam? Well, they are doing well.

Sean was home for just over 24 hours between West Virginia and New Mexico. Drove him to the train station on Monday evening. May have cried a little after he boarded. He may be a "hott guy" to some of you, but he's still my baby. And while I have complete confidence in his ability to take care of himself, it seems like we've graduated to a new era of his independence and I'm feeling a little lost. Plus, I miss him.

And Lu is settling in to being a mom with remarkable aplomb. Sure, she occasionally tries to pass off a dirty diaper to me to change (ain't happening folks, I did my share), she does everything else herself. Although, she will take me up on the offer to watch Dylan so she can get some sleep occasionally. He's an awesome baby but seems to think playtime is from 11pm to 2am. He's obviously a night owl like his mama. Unfortunately he also thinks being awake from 7am to 9 or so is cool. Not so much his mama and daddy.

Being a grandma is great. I get to smoobie the hell out of that baby, but don't have to get up in the night, change diapers or deal with the "after baby" body grossness. Mike is also way thrilled with being a grandpa.

And the editing business is booming, which reminds me that I need to get back to work...

Happy Hump Day!
♥Spot

The one where Lu has a baby and Sean wrecks a car...

2011-07-28T10:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, all at the same time. That's so not the phone call you want to get from one child when you're in the delivery room with the other child. But let's start from the beginning.

On Sunday, the 17th of July, Luke and I painted the master bedroom blue w/brown polka dots to match the nursery stuff they'd got for baby Dylan. Lu kind of helped, but mostly just watched. I know we were late getting to it, but if you read this blog regularly- you know things have been crazy busy. We were moving into Lu's old room so they could have the larger room w/space for the crib. (It also has an attached bathroom which enables them to stay in their room at night when the baby wakes up- thus creating less noise and more sleep for grandma & grandpa). It turned out beautifully!

About four o'clock Lu started having contractions. She'd had some off and on for the last week but they never got regular. Well, these ones didn't either. Some were 3 minutes apart, some 10, and so on. So we decided just to go to bed. I told her if it was real labor, they'd wake her up and told her to wake me up if she needed anything in the night. We got up Monday and she said they'd kept her awake most of the night, but they still weren't regular. So we started moving stuff into their room and Luke put the crib and changing table together (let me just say here that the rest of my house looked like a hoarder's paradise because we'd moved our things out, but not into Lu's old room because I wanted to shampoo our disgustingly old carpets. So we had no less than three dressers in the living room along with a king size mattress). At 11am Lu's contractions started coming every 3 minutes. So she took a shower. And then I did. And then she refused to go to the hospital until the room was finished. That's my Lu!

We finally got to the hospital around 3:15 Monday afternoon. She was dilated to a 4 and 75% effaced. They told us that first time mothers have to thin all the way before the dilating really gets going. They hooked her up to monitors, she filled out a million pieces of paperwork and at 5 the doctor came in to break her water. As anyone who's ever had a baby will tell you- that's when the contractions get more painful. Lu had decided she wanted a drug free birth, no painkillers, no epidural. She was getting more and more uncomfortable and having a load of back labor. The nurse showed us a more comfortable position and how I could press on her back to offer some relief. I was in charge of back pain relief while Luke held her hand and tried to help her stay strong and calm.

Breathing through a contraction

About 7pm she got to get into a whirlpool tub (where the hell was that when I was in labor??). It helped with the pain alot and she stayed in there for an hour. By this time, contractions were much stronger and she debated on a painkiller shot. Luke and I both told her it was her decision. The nurse checked again and 8pm she had completely thinned out and dilated to a 6. Things were moving rapidly. Back in bed, the pain was worse, much worse and I called the nurse back in at 8:30. She had dilated to an 8! 2 centimeters in half an hour! The nurse explained that that was why the contractions were so strong and close together, because she was having a lot of rapid movement in the cervix. We asked for a shot of Nubain (a mild painkiller). Lu had debated on an epidural but decided against it and by then it was too late anyway. The next hour and a half were filled with more strong contractions, but thankfully the tiny shot had helped take the edge off. The nurse came in at 10:45 and asked Lu if she was beginning to push during contractions. Lu told her she couldn't help it. The nurse checked and she was dilated to 10 and completely thinned! Time to push! The nurse called the doctor who didn't believe Lu was already ready to push. She thought the pushing would take longer.

Luke decided he'd stay by Lu's head and I'd be the one holding her leg and seeing the birth. And what a sight to see. The doctor barely arrived in time. Lu only pushed for 18 minutes and part of that time was the nurses telling her not to push because we had to wait for the doctor and them trying to keep the baby's head in the canal! Lu was a trooper and baby Dylan was born at 11:16pm on July 18, 2011. He weighed 7lbs 10 oz and was 19 inches long. Lu had no ripping or tearing or bruising. Unbelievable.

!

Baby Dylan♥

I've never been on that end of the birthing before and it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Luke and I both cried at the absolute awesomeness of the miracle of birth. And I'm so proud of Lu for sticking to her guns and pushing through the pain to have the birth she wanted. The nurses were amazed too and kept praising her.

The very next morning she was up and about, showering and even wearing makeup. That's my Lu!

The very next morning!

Both mother and baby are doing great a week and a half later. In fact Dylan has already surpassed his birth weight and is up to 7lbs 14 oz. He's thriving. And he's a super chill baby that doesn't cry or fuss much at all. He doesn't enjoy diaper changes or being really hungry, but other than that he's a quiet happy baby who seems to really take in his surroundings. He loves to be talked and sung too. And yes, I am a very proud grandma!

Sleepy baby & sleepy mommy

What a cutie, frowny face and all!

Now for the other child...

Sean has been working for Camp Callahan again this year and feels his responsibilities keenly. He knew Lu was in labor but couldn't get away until he'd gotten his campers to bed. So he was headed to the hospital at 10pm that night. We'd told him to drive Lu's car because he had a taillight out on his truck and we didn't want him to get a ticket. He called me at 10:45pm to tell me he'd had an accident and was pretty sure he'd totaled Lu's car. He tried to give me details but he was shaken up and hard to understand and Lu was starting to push! So I told him to call his Dad (who was in the waiting room, not in the thick of things!). It seems he was going way to fast on the little blacktop road that runs from our gravel to the highway. He was trying to make it to the hospital in time. Apparently Lu's headlights aren't that great and it was a dark night. Somehow, he managed to miss the stop sign that is where the blacktop meets the highway. He ended up flying across the highway and up a 5ft embankment, coming to rest in the yard of the house that sits there. 6 inches to the left and he would have hit a tree. Another foot and he'd have hit the water meter. I have no idea how he did it.

In typical Sean fashion though, he knocked on the door and told the girl who answered he'd parked his car in their yard and could he borrow her cell phone? Apparently his was dead. After he called us, he sat on the porch with the girl (the house owner's girlfriend. the house owner wasn't home). He had a first aid kit in his bag which he used to bandage his hand- it had gotten bruised and burned by the airbag. (Thankfully that was his only injury) He also had oatmeal cookies and Gatorade which he shared with her. He ended up getting a ticket for "failure to reduce speed to avoid an accident". He could have ended up with three tickets and a suspended license. We are still waiting to see if the insurance company totals Lu's car or fixes it again. Sean's insurance just went way up, I have no doubt.

Lucky for Sean, we all had something to distract us, so he didn't get in to too much trouble.

Uncle Sean

What a night! Here's a few more of my favorite pictures:

Happy Family♥

Could they be more beautiful?!

Grandpa & Dylan

Isn't life grand?

♥Spot

The one where we grieve...

2011-07-26T10:27:00.000-05:00

I was going to blog about the baby's birth, and I still will, but this post is what's on my mind right now. If you are not an animal lover, don't have pets or don't understand how people get so attached to their animals- you should probably stop reading right now and come back another day. This was a sad sad weekend for our furry kids.

On Friday, our old black lab, Maggie, passed quietly in her sleep. We'd known it was coming for awhile, she was sixteen years old, mostly blind and mostly deaf, but she'd still trek off with Sean around camp. She was definitely slower and couldn't go as far, but she was still a trooper. She came to our family when she was seven, she'd been one of Mike's grandpa's duck dogs. She was trained to retrieve and loved to swim. And she loved the kids, especially Sean. She followed them on all of their adventures and I always knew that she'd protect them from any harm that came their way. I remember one time, she even went down the hill on a sled with them! We are sad to see her go, but thankful for a peaceful end.

Some of you already know that Lu's cat, Sparkplug, had been having colon issues and had been in and out of the kitty hospital several times. The last time they told her that the only thing left to try was surgery. The surgery would remove part of his colon and hopefully take care of the problem. It was risky and dangerous but they had no choice. Lu had scheduled the surgery for this Wednesday. On Thursday morning Sparkplug was once again having trouble and the vet said to bring him in, they would give him meds, keep him overnight and she could pick him up on Friday. So we did. Friday they said they were going to have to keep him another night and they were moving the surgery up to Tuesday. An hour later the vet called back and said that his colon wasn't filtering the toxins from his system and it was going to start affecting his liver. And that they were already seeing neurological issues. They had to do the surgery right then, it was an emergency and his last hope. They were rushing him in right away so we didn't even get to see him one last time. They called a couple hours later- he'd made it through surgery and was resting on a heating pad and recovering from the anesthesia. They'd be keeping him the rest of the weekend.

We didn't hear from them Saturday, but I told Lu that no news is good news, they would call if there was a problem. They called Sunday. Sparkplug had passed. Lu was devastated. I honestly think if she didn't have baby Dylan, she'd still be in bed crying. I have never seen a cat and it's owner as close as she was to him. She'd had him since he was tiny and they were inseparable. He often stole items of her clothing and carried them off and hid them; socks, swimsuit tops, jewelry. He was also fond of plastic hangars. Once, he stole Sean's cell phone and hid it beneath the couch. True story- pinky swear. That cat had more personality than any cat I've ever known. And he loved his girl more than anything. He had a super loud purr that you could hear a room away. He loved to chew on her hair and he slept wrapped up in her arms at night.

He was the father of two of our other cats and he was the only male cat I've ever seen be a good daddy. He stayed with the mama cat and babies, he kept them herded in one room and taught them to use the litterbox. After they were older, he still slept with them sometimes. He had more quirky character traits than I can possibly list. But he will be missed greatly. And I'm bawling as I write this- both because I will miss him, and because Lu is still in so much pain at his loss and there's nothing I can do to ease it.

All kitties go to heaven, right?

RIP Maggie & Sparkplug- may you remain friends wherever you are.
♥Spot

The one where I catch you guys up...

2011-07-13T10:30:00.000-05:00

It has been a crazy busy week and it's only Wednesday! Sunday I spent the day with my Dad. We went shopping at the new Scheels store in Springfield. That store is amazing! There is a ferris wheel in the store. We were shopping for the rest of Sean's gear for his trips to West Virginia and New Mexico. Poor kid is working so much that he hasn't had time. He has one more half day off before he heads out and we are going to try to celebrate his upcoming birthday on that day. That evening I picked up CJ and brought him home for a quick visit.

Monday, I hung out with CJ all day. We rode along with Mike on a trip to town, but only because there was McDonald's involved. Lol. Then CJ, Lu & I went swimming. We had supper and did some golf cart riding before a trip to DQ for ice cream. It was a perfect summer day!

Yesterday Lu & I both started the day with dr. appts. Hers went great. She's doing well. Dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced. She started her maternity leave so she can get some rest before the big event! My appt got me a steroid shot in my shoulder and strict directions for icing and motrin. If it's no better, then its on to MRIs.

Then we headed to Springfield, took CJ to his house and met up with my Mom & Dad. We did some shopping for CJ, he needed new clothes, and picked up the last few things on Lu's list of baby items. Then dinner at Lonestar. Yum! Lu had contractions the whole two hour drive home. Unfortunately they eased up and we went to bed instead of the hospital. But I'm pretty sure it won't be long now!

I posted updates on what's going on in my life work wise over at The Author Spot if you want to check up on that. Today, I am doing another guest post! I'm over at the wonderful Tyr Kieran's blog. There's another short story. Again, shouldn't be too scary for the faint of heart. It's a tale of revenge. If you want to check it out, I'd be all sorts of appreciative!

Happy Middle of the Week,
♥Spot

The one where I do a guest post!

2011-07-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

Hey all! Just wanted to let you know that I am guest posting at my friend Jason's blog today!
http://jasonmckinney.wordpress.com/2011/07/11/the-nightmare-project-by-stacey-turner/

If you would like to stop by and read my story that would be awesome. It is suitable for all I think (even you MM!). It's pretty PG and more humor than real horror.

I guess it's a good thing I'm guest posting *looks around*. It's been looking a little empty all up in here lately. My stats are good, so someone is reading this blog, but don't forget how much bloggers love comments, mmmk? Thanks!

Happy Monday,
♥Spot

The one where I try to explain things to Mike...

2011-07-08T08:16:00.000-05:00

So it's a rare occasion that Mike and I get to spend time together in the summer. His job is super busy and he usually leaves the house before I get up (don't get all judge-y, 8 am is not that late to sleep) and he returns after dark, showers and generally falls asleep long before me. So if I can sneak a little bit of couple time in there, I take advantage. Last week advantage took the form of dragging him to town for an appointment we had to keep. But we did lunch first.

We went to a local pizza parlor for their buffet lunch. It was packed and there was this guy with, I kid you not, a Mohawk mullet. For real. Mohawk in the front, mullet in the back. Two hairstyles that never looked good to begin with combined to make something frightful. I wanted to tap him on the shoulder and be all "Dude. The 80's called...they want their hairstyles back." but he was a lot bigger than me so I didn't. If a mullet said, business in the front and party in the back, what did his haircut say? My mom cuts my hair?? Oh, and did I mention that she still wears that snakeskin mini skirt and listens to old Whitesnake tapes?

Aside from the awesome scenery, we discussed other things; the kids and if they were ever going to move out, his work, our upcoming appointment, his work, plans for the 4th, our trip to the ER the night before, his work and oh yeah, my work.

Me: I'm so busy, I feel like I'm never going to get everything done. And now this arm thing. How am I supposed to paint?

Mike: So when are you going to be rich and famous?

Me: I'm already famous. Duh.

Mike: Really...?

Me: Yeah. You have no idea. I got asked to do two guest blog posts this week.

Mike: What does that mean?

Me: It means I write something for someone else's blog.

Mike: Why? So your followers will go to their blogs?

Me: Well, kind of. But also their followers will get to know me. It's mutually beneficial and very nice of them. I'm flattered. Also, I got quoted.

Mike: Quoted?

Me: Yes, we had a discussion on Masters of Horror about this old horror movie The Changeling. And then the guy who started the discussion did a review of it on his blog and he quoted me. Because I'm an expert on horror movies and stuff.

Mike: Really? Like he said "Stacey Turner says..."

Me: No. He said, "My new friend Stacey Turner says..." (Read the review here)

Mike: Well that's kind of cool.

Me: Don't look so surprised. I got fans, yo!

Mike: *nearly chokes laughing at me*

Me: It's not like I have my own Wikipedia page like The Bloggess or anything. But someday..."

Mike: So about the rich part...

Me: I'm working on it baby. Don't worry. I got this...

As soon as I know what day I'm doing my guest posting, I'll be sure to share. And it would be very awesome if some of you would stop by those blogs and have a look-see. Some of you (those squeamish types) are totally excused. A friend of mine told me last week that she can't read my work. She tried to read "The Lamp" but had to stop. I scared someone. Those of you who've been here from the beginning know that my main goal was to scare at least one person. Looks like it's goal accomplished! Whew! That's a load off.

Also, I have a poem being considered for an upcoming poetry magazine issue. Its about as far from my usual writing as you can get. I'll let you know if it pans out.

Happy Friday y'all,
♥Spot

PS for those of you not squeamish...please check out today's Flash Friday post at The Author Spot.

The one where we celebrate America's Birthday...

2011-07-06T21:46:00.000-05:00

That's right. 4th of July. In honor of this auspicious holiday I've made a list.

Things You Don't Want to Hear on the 4th of July:

1. I may have started a small fire.

2. Run! That one's headed towards you!

3. Just put all the duds in a paper sack and light it on fire. Then run like hell!

4. We didn't need that tree anyway. It gets in the way of my golf swing.

5. Damn that fuse was a lot shorter than I thought!

True story. Never mix a retired ammunition's expert with a boy genius. It's frightening.

Hope you all had fun and stayed safe. I mean, someone should.
♥Spot

The one where I give further proof that the universe is out to get me...

2011-07-02T10:17:00.000-05:00

If you've read this blog at all then you know that the universe is conspiring against me. For real. And that the manufacturer of my body used faulty parts. I mean, how else do I end up with knees that look like they belong to an 80 year old? And now, I apparently have spontaneously rupturing muscles. At least with the torn meniscus I had a great story and could call it a "sports injury". This latest thing? Yeah, I got nothing with a capital "N".

It started Wednesday. I drug Mike to town (yeah, seriously drug him. It's boy scout camp time and he's busier than a cranberry farmer at bogging time. And the way it works is once he steps foot off camp property at least one thing breaks.) But we had an appointment we had to keep, we'd already rescheduled three times. And I had to go have some ridiculous ABI test done for my doctor. It was like musical blood pressure cuffs. Arms, legs, all at once, one at a time. Not too bad except I'm not sure why they feel the need to blow those cuffs up all the way when I have relatively low blood pressure. Anywho, we got all that done and we even snuck in lunch beforehand. But of course, on the way home, he gets calls and texts and apparently all hell broke loose at camp while he was gone.

So we get home and he rushes back down into camp. No one else is home so I go to the computer and start working. As I'm working, I notice that its beginning to hurt when I move my right arm a certain way. I really didn't think much about it til I got up at 7 to see about something to eat. Then I noticed that it really hurt to move my arm. It got increasingly worse and when Lu got home from work, I showed her how it hurt to move it certain ways. Her expert advice? "So don't move it like that". Seriously, that girl could be a doctor.

So Mike asks if I want to go to the ER. Who wants to go to the ER at ten o'clock at night? So I say "no". And he goes to his workshop to work on some stuff. But by 11? I can't move my arm without bringing tears to my eyes. And let me just remind you that I am not a wuss when it comes to pain. Walk around on a torn meniscus for 6 months? No prob. Birth a 10lb breech baby with no drugs? Been there, done that. So if I'm in tears, it's serious. So Mike and I proceed to the ER at 11pm.

Cue Twilight Zone music because really? Those people who are at the ER at that time of night? Born in a Walmart if you ask me. There was the pregnant meth head (no lie) who was both scary and pathetic. There was the old lady that they took back immediately even though she appeared in no distress. There was the guy I thought was going to pass out on the floor in front of me. And the whiny chick (who again did not look sick). And the triage nurse from hell. Mike suggested that we bring food some night and just hang out there and people watch. He said it might be fun if I wasn't in so much pain.

But I was in pain. And after sitting in the waiting room for an hour I was highly tempted to take the security guard's firearm and blaze a trail back to a treatment room. And when I heard the meth head say that she should be next, I believe the words that came out of my mouth (quietly so only Mike heard me) were "she better back that crap up because I will cut a b**ch!" Have I explained that extreme pain makes me cranky??

Then the guy comes and gets me for an xray of my shoulder. He informs me I have to remove my shirt and bra and put on a gown. Well, I managed painfully to remove my things and get the gown on but I had to have him tie it. He does the xrays, also painful and then tells me I can get dressed.

Me: Dude, that is so not happening. There's no way I can get that stuff back on by myself.

Him: *mouth open. crickets chirping*

Me: Can I borrow this gown? I'll go out and get my husband to come with me to the restroom and help."

Him: oh yeah, that's fine. (Seriously? Did he really think I was going to ask him to help??)

So I grab my clothes and go get Mike. We go to the ladies restroom and I go in to be sure it's empty. He comes to the handicapped stall with me and I shut the door.

Mike: I'm so going to get arrested. And then I'll be branded a sex offender and lose my job and have to register on a list and...

Me: Um. It's pretty obvious I can't use my arm. I think the security guard will understand.

Finally we see a doctor. And for the third time that night I get the "What did you do to it?" NOTHING! I wasn't skydiving, playing tennis, doing chin-ups or falling down stairs. I was typing when it started. Every time I say this, I am greeted with dubious looks. I'm halfway tempted to tell everyone Sean beats me. I mean, he tells people I beat him so it's only fair, right? The xrays look fine. The doctor has no idea what's wrong. So they give me a shot of dilaudid and a Valium and send me home with a vial of narcotics and instructions to see my doctor the next day. So I'm higher than a kite, but it hasn't even touched the pain. And I have to stay awake on the drive home so I can keep poking Mike, who's falling asleep at the wheel. Because it's now 2 am.

Nothing helped the pain so I went and saw the doctor who was covering for my doctor on Thursday. After moving my arm and watching me tear up he determined that it was my bicep and it's likely ruptured. He gave me a shot of Toradol, which is an anti-inflammatory and a regimen of high dose Motrin round the clock. He also put me in a sling. If it's better by next week, then it's only strained. If it's not, it's likely I separated the tendon from the muscle and will need surgery. You all know how much I love surgery. Like a fat guy loves diet food. So far, it's helped. Whether it's the immobilization or the Motrin, I don't know. I hate the sling with a passion, but if I don't wear it, I forget and use my arm and then it hurts again. Fingers crossed for the strain. I don't have time for anything else.

And this whole episode is the exact reason why I love Mystery Diagnosis so much. It makes me and my medical issues seem normal in comparison!

Have a great forth y'all!
♥Spot

The one where we discuss my new story over dinner...

2011-06-24T09:53:00.001-05:00

Last night Sean got to come home for dinner. It was family night at camp (you know, in our front yard). On family night, the families of the scouts come and have dinner in their campsites and there's a big campfire. But Lu and I weren't planning to go this week. We'll pop down next week when Sean's troop is in camp. So Sean had been home briefly earlier in the day, looking for something. And I mentioned that I was making Salmon Fettuccine for dinner and he decided he'd eat here. I did not invite Mike to eat at home because that is not a dinner he would like. So Sean comes home, Lu gets home from work and we sit down to eat.

Sean: Dad told everyone you didn't invite him to dinner.

Me: He wouldn't even like this!

Sean: I'm just telling you what he said.

Me: That man....grrr.

Me: So I wrote a story today for the friday flash on the vamplit blog. Remember that baboon leg lamp we saw on Oddities, Lu?

Lu: Yes. That thing was hideous! You wrote about that?

Me: The theme had to be "terrible taxidermy". Where do you even think you get a severed baboon leg?

Sean: You cut it off a baboon, duh.

Lu: Why would anyone even want that?

Me: Well in the story, the guy's obsessed with Africa...

Sean: Which is really stupid because Baboons are native to South America.

Lu: Mom! I thought you said you were going to research Baboons...

Me: I did Lu. Settle down. Why do you ever believe your brother? He's teasing. He already tried that on me...

Sean: And she was like, I researched it. Her trying to be accurate is really ruining my fun.

Me: I had to research it, I wanted to get the fight scene accurate. Did you know that Baboons are omnivorous? They will actually eat small animals, like small antelope.

Lu: small antelope?

Sean: That's like saying small whales. It's still a big animal. Well thank Bob they don't eat HUGE whales. See? Ridiculous.

Me: And they will sometimes steal babies out of huts because they sound like Baboon babies. They have similar cries.

Lu: That's awful!!

Me: What do you think they do with the babies when they realize they aren't all hairy? And that they aren't baboons?

Sean: They probably eat them.

Lu & Me: gross!

Lu: So they have that whale bath tub I want at Sears.

Sean: Wheel bathtub?

Lu: Whale!

Me: Its a little bathtub shaped like a whale for the baby. But you shouldn't get it Lu, because according to Sean whales attract baboons.

Sean: And then they'll steal your baby.

How do these conversations go so far awry??

Happy Friday,
♥Spot

PS- you can read the story over at The Author Spot. It's not for the squeamish though!

The one where I have random conversations...

2011-06-22T12:22:00.000-05:00

This post will just be a jumble of some random conversations.

Me: I don't know how our bed keeps getting so messed up. Every morning the sheet is completely untucked and the comforter is balled up in the middle.

Mike: It's because they aren't flannel sheets.

Me: Duh. Because it's summer.

Mike: It doesn't matter what season it is, it's always arctic in this house.

Me: That's because I'm allergic to heat.

Mike: No one is allergic to heat.

Me: I am. Its probably very rare. I think I can get you a doctor's excuse if that will help.

Mike: How about we just put the flannel sheets back on the bed.

Me: No.

At the Doctor's yesterday~

Me: So obviously something is broken in my body. I need you to fix it. I don't have time to be feeling bad.

Dr: It doesn't work that way.

Me: Why not? I take the car to my mechanic and tell him it's broke and he fixes it. It should totally work the same way.

Dr: *rolls his eyes* I'm going to do these twenty bazillion tests...

Me: And then you better fix it. You went to school for this way longer than my mechanic.

Sean came home briefly yesterday looking for something in his room (which is also my office at the moment). He was talking to me for a few minutes and then~

Sean: You better pay attention. This is important.

Me: *turning from my desk* yes?

Sean: The blackberries are ripe.

Me: That was the important thing?! You've just told me about ten things and that was the important one I needed to pay attention for?

Sean: Blackberries don't pick themselves, you know. And cobblers don't bake themselves. My stomach thinks that makes it very important.

In the waiting room for Lu's dr visit~

Lu: What are you doing?

Me: Being bored

Lu: You're reading a magazine. How can you be bored at the same time?

Me: Because I can multitask.

Happy humpday folks,
♥Spot

The one where we're not in Kansas anymore and we never really were...

2011-06-19T10:44:00.000-05:00

Confused yet? Yeah, well welcome to my Saturday. Yesterday I had an Adventure. Yes, it really does deserve capitalization. It started off as a normal day...

I had planned to go to Springfield yesterday to visit at my parent's house because my sister & her girls were in from Ohio. Now, I drive back and forth to Springfield all the time. Its a simple two hour drive on a four lane highway. No big deal. Well, usually that's the case. But yesterday I think I ventured into the Twilight Zone. And the worst part? There was no flippin signpost up ahead.

I was off to a late start due to the fact that it was one of those rare mornings that Mike didn't have to rush off outdoors (an extreme rarity in the summer). So I spent some time in discussion with him. Then I grabbed Lu's keys (I was taking her car because it gets way better gas mileage) and headed out. I went to the closest gas station (ten minutes drive) and filled up her car. After I paid, I walked back to her car and realized one of the tires was really low and possibly going flat. Damn! I took her car back to the house, alerted Mike to the sitch and grabbed my own keys. Back to the gas station (yes, the same one) to fill my tank. You're welcome Lu, for the $30 bucks in gas for your car. I decided to visit the restroom and also grab some Good-n-Plenty candies for the sugar rush in case I got sleepy. The attendant and I laughed about my return visit and she wished me luck on my trip. Little did I know, I'd need it.

At last on the road, I phoned my Dad to let him know I was running late and that I'd be there about noon. Then I popped in a CD and began to enjoy the drive. An hour and a half in I hit a stream of cars completely stopped in the right lane of the highway. Not knowing what was going on, I joined the line. Turns out, the State Police were forcing us all to exit the highway at Jacksonville. WTF? They'd closed down the Interstate. In 24 years of living here, they've only closed that Interstate when there's a bad snow. But this is summer. I got off at the exit and phoned my Dad. How do I get there without using the Interstate? He didn't know for sure. So I figured I'd follow the semi-drivers, surely they knew an alternate route. But as I drove through town, I remembered that I take highway 104. Its how you got there before the Interstate was finished. I moved ahead of the truckers and led the way. I was pretty proud of myself. That is, until two blocks after we turned on Highway 104 and ran into the barricades in the middle of town. Well, what used to be part of town and was now a lake!! Highway 104 was closed due to flooding.

WTH am I supposed to do now?? I pulled into a gas station. A gas station that was full of people just sitting in their cars. I mean this town was overflowing with traffic and people stopped in the middle of their travels. I called Mike while I searched my car for my Road Atlas (never leave home without one! and teach your children to use it.) He said he'd call his step dad because the man knows every back road in this state. He's never liked highways! Meanwhile, I found an alternate route. I'd take 78 to Virginia (a town, not the state) and hit 125. Mike called back and said his step dad said take 67 to Beardstown and then hit 125. As my way cut out about a half hour of time, I told him I'd try my way first. Mike promised to call later and make sure I wasn't lost somewhere in Kentucky.

Off I set, driving through town I wanted to roll down my windows and shout "Follow Me"! I set out on one road to hit 78 and I made the turn. But 78 led me back into town. That couldn't be right! So I got back on 67 and drove a little farther. By this time there are cars pulled over on the side of the road with people on cell phones and banging on GPS units. I mean, alot of people were lost. I came to a sign for "old 67" and I pulled off. Luckily there was a four way stop and I parked and pulled out my atlas again. "Old 67" looked deserted. I've seen Children of the Corn and Jeepers Creepers and no way was I heading down a lonely highway on my own!

While I'm sitting there, a pickup pulls up next to me. Inside are a young (pretty cute) guy and an older guy~

them: you need help hun?

Me: Yeah, how do I get to Beardstown?

Them: Get back on that other road and follow it.

Me: Okay and do you know if 125 to Springfield is closed?

Them: Do you want to go to Springfield or Beardstown?

Me: I want to go to Springfield, but the Interstate is closed and Hwy 104 is flooded.

Them: Yeah, the Interstate is closed because there's water over it too.

Me: Oh! Wow!

Them: I don't think you can get to Springfield today.

*Now, it's become a challenge. Don't ever tell me I can't do something. Our family motto is pretty much "I do what I want".*

Them: Why you gotta go to Springfield?

Me: to visit some family from out of town.

Them: Prolly have to wait for the water to go down over the Interstate.

*Seriously??? Is that what all those other people were doing? How long would that take??*

Them: We're having a BBQ, you want to come while you wait?

*Why yes, I've taken complete leave of my senses and I'm going to go to a BBQ with two strangers in a pick up truck. That's the plot of a Lifetime movie just waiting to happen. Are they crazy??*

Me: No thanks! I'm going to Springfield!

I turned around and got back on the road I was on which did indeed take me to Beardstown. I was driving into some heavy clouds though and whispered to myself "we aren't in Kansas anymore Toto". The water was only inches from the road in several places and there were downed branches and leaves from the previous storm. I had alerted my Dad of my alternate route so they knew I'd be rather late. I also warned them that if 125 was blocked, I'd turn around and head home. But luckily, it went smoothly, if slowly. And I made it to town just ahead of one of those same semis who had pulled off the road at the same time! All in all, it was a four hour trip. I had to pee so bad it hurt by the time I arrived and I was starving!! All I'd had in the car with me was a Gatorade and the Good-n-Plenties.

But seeing my family and dinner at Olive Garden were worth it. Luckily, the Interstate was open on my return trip and it was uneventful. I did find out through the IDOT website that 78 was flooded. So it was fortuitous that I hadn't gotten to use my shortcut after all!

The moral of the story is this:

1. Be prepared. Make sure you have an atlas with you whenever you travel. And something to drink. And Candy.

2. Don't let people tell you what you can't do. Where there's a will, there's a way.

May all your Adventures have good endings,
♥Spot

The one where we examine Sean's motivation...

2011-06-17T14:26:00.000-05:00

So we celebrated Father's Day with Mike last night. Because of course camp is in session and he is always working on Father's Day. Plus Sean had to leave for the other camp this morning. So the four of us managed to sit down to dinner together and give Mike his cards and present. We got him a new phone. He desperately needed one and this one is "indestructible". Yeah, I went ahead and put insurance on it because at our house "indestructible" just means "try harder". But this is the phone all the cool kids have. And by cool kids, I totally mean other guys who drop, chainsaw, hammer, run over and generally mistreat their cellular devices. I have it on good testimony from one such cool kid that you can drop it from a ladder and its still okay. The saleslady asked if I'd like to buy him the handy belt clip for it. I replied "No, he'd much rather drop it out of his truck as he climbs out." She looked at me oddly. Duh, lady. Why do you think I need the indestructible phone? Certainly not because he's careful with it.

This morning I made breakfast for the kids before they headed off to their respective jobs. Lu scarfed hers down because she was running late so basically Sean and I ate breakfast together. We had this conversation~

Sean: I remember going to Cub Scout Camp. Dad didn't love me enough to go with us.

Me: Don't be ridiculous. Of course you're Dad loved you enough, he just had to work here at Boy Scout Camp. I came up part of the time.

Sean: Yeah, all the boys thought you were the cool mom.

Me: Duh. Because I was.

Sean: They still think that.

Me: It's because I'm awesome.

Sean: Trevor's Dad sang us some songs each night before we went to bed.

Me: Dave has a great voice. He's a nice guy.

Sean: And once Trevor walked back from the showerhouse to our tent naked.

Me: *giggling* That must have been quite the sight! Why would he do that?

Sean: He said it was no big deal, his clothes were in the tent. I tried to tell him it was no big deal to bring your clothes with you either. Matt went with us to camp too.

Me: Yeah, he was your Den Chief. He must've been like 14 or so.

Sean: Yeah. I actually hated Cub Camp. And they made us do these swimming tests and I was a horrible swimmer back then and the water was so cold my lips turned blue. And nobody noticed except Matt. He made me get out of the water and warm up.

Me: So is that why you work Cub Scout Camp Staff? So you can be a great counselor and make sure the kids have fun.

Sean: No. I work there because they pay me. *rolls his eyes at me*

Well, I guess that's as good of a reason as any. And for the record- I don't remember him hating Cub Scout Camp.

The one where I whine a little...

2011-06-14T23:16:00.000-05:00

You've been forewarned. I'm feeling slightly whiny so no doubt that's how this post will come off. If you don't feel like listening to it, you are cordially invited to skip this one. And I won't be mad. Pinky swear.

We had a lovely weekend. Really, the wedding went off well. The reception was a lot of fun and ended far too quickly. The whole thing was great. I did not get drunk as I had planned. I did drink quite a bit of some really excellent wine but it was spread throughout the day and at the reception I kept running into people who wanted to talk and when I talk, I get so animated that I forget to keep drinking. So I was on the sober side when we left for home. Lu went ahead and drove since obviously she hadn't been drinking. We got home around midnight thirty and crawled into bed.

Enter Sunday morning. My legs refuse to work properly. I've mentioned before that I have Fibromyalgia and my leg muscles are a lot of where the problem is focused. All the walking, standing and some stairs Saturday pretty much insured they'd be screaming at me Sunday. So it really was no surprise. I rested a lot of Sunday. Watched some movies that no one else would've watched with me. One was a 1945 black & white horror film I'd never seen before. It had an awesome plot. I didn't mind my down time.

Unfortunately, my body wasn't satisfied with just one day. I've been having this problem lately. When I sit at my computer my feet swell up and then it hurts to walk on them. It’s been a couple of months and I probably should have called the doctor sooner, but I was busy. (Yes, that is my excuse. That and I get sick of doctors.) And now it’s to the point where after a while they go numb. If I sit elsewhere and keep them elevated they do better. So I've been trying to work in breaks. Although breaks make me crazy- they feel so unproductive.

And now there are these bright red dots all over my calves and shins and a few above my knee. No, it’s not a rash. They are flush with my skin and don't itch or hurt. They're just there. They look like larger versions of the petechia that Lu gets when her platelets are low. So I called the doctor. And he wants to look for zebras instead of horses. (That’s what I call it when they do elaborate tests and it turns out to be something simple). So tomorrow they'll take an ultrasound of my heart to make sure its functioning properly. I'm no doctor, but I'm betting it’s something simpler like autoimmune vasculitis and all I need is a course of steroids. But we'll see. Meantime I'm laying low and grumbling because I'm not feeling productive. Of course, there's no one here to grumble to because it’s the busy time of year.

Fibromyalgia is like that. I go for weeks feeling fine and respecting my limitations and then it flares and I have to sit a few rounds out. I'm not much for sitting on the sidelines.

On the work front though, I still managed to finish the edits on the first manuscript for Angelic Knight Press. I posted a book review at See Spot Read yesterday. And an author/publisher interview at The Author Spot. I have a new manuscript to edit for a client not involved with Angelic Knight, and one client due to send me one mid-July. I have a new book to read for review next week. And a book to beta read for a friend. Plus my own two works-in-progress to work on. So legs be damned...I'm busy!

Thanks for listening those of you who stayed. I feel better for the venting. And if you know of anyone who's had a similar problem, do tell. I'll take my suggestions to the doctor next week.

♥Spot

The one where I get some blog bling...

2011-06-10T15:57:00.000-05:00

Haha! Say that three times fast- blog bling- I dare ya! So my author friend Scott Niven (who you should all be following) was nice enough to pass on not one, but two blog awards to me last week and I'm just now getting around to accepting them. Not because I don't appreciate them (I do!), but because its been one of those crazy busy weeks again.

Lu had another Dr. appt. Everything is still going super awesome. She's at 34 weeks- six more to go before baby Dylan makes his arrival. She's still super adorable, but she will cut you for a cupcake. True story. Do not get between her and what ever food she's currently craving. I would post a picture but I can't find the camera I took them with. So um, maybe Sunday.

Sean finished the field work for his Eagle Project and I helped him make his spreadsheet. Now there's just a lot of data entry to be done. But its getting closer to finished. He's off to work at Cub Resident Camp on weekends and Boy Scout Camp during the week. I'll be seeing him very sporadically. Bummer. I miss that kid when he's gone. He plays the "what if" game best when I'm working out story details. He also catches mistakes in my manuscripts. And he makes me laugh when I'm in a pissy mood. So watch out for that. And if I call one of you saying "what if this guy planned on killing his wife, but she turned the tables and killed the killer and then they both decided they liked killing so much that they became a serial killer team?" do not hang up on me.

I also had a bachelorette party to throw Wednesday night, thanks to my friend K and her incredible husband C, who baked homemade strawberry champagne cupcakes for the party, it went really well. Even if C did get slightly upset that we defiled his delicious cupcakes with penis sprinkles. Hey, it was a bachelorette party! Tonight is the rehearsal dinner for the wedding and tomorrow is the big event. Sunday I will probably have to hold the couch down. Don't want that couch getting up and walking away on us. I mean, its a crappy job, but someone has to do it. Might as well be me!! I'm sure I'll need the recovery period!

So here is my beautiful blog bling:

I don't think that there was any hoops to jump through to get either of these. But of course I want to pass them along! So the Sweet blog bling goes to: Peg of Square Peg in a Round Hole
Heather of Welch Happenings Blog
Suzicate of The Water Witch's Daughter
Angelia of Living, Loving, Laughing
And also to Danica at Plattitude Paradise because she's having a rough time right now and I want her to know I care.

And the stylish bling I am handing out to some of my author blogs I follow. Their blogs are decked out in scary stuff so beware the faint of heart. Personally, I think scary is stylish! So here you go:

Rebecca Treadway of RL. Treadway's Ink (she gave me a delightfully scary screensaver!)
Blaze of Blaze McRob's Tales of Horror (because who else's boss writes a horror story just for them?)
Lisa of Jezri's Nightmares because her blog is scary good.
Claudia Lefeve over at Blog- Claudia Lefeve because she's got style!
and to Carson Buckingham at Carson Buckingham because she's not only stylish, her blogs are funny as hell! Seriously, I always end up giggle-snorting.

And that is that for today. Hopefully Monday I will have an interview for you. Not an author this time, but a lady working to get her business off the ground. And she does fantastic work!

TGIF,
♥Spot

The one where I pay homage to Oil of Olay

2011-06-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

Seriously, if you're not using it- you probably should be. That shit really works!

My mom got us started on moisturizing our skin at a young age. It was so ingrained that by the time I was a teenager, I didn't even think about it. Shower, moisturize. For me, it goes together like peanut butter & chocolate, Beer & pizza or swimming & summertime. It just fits. First we used Noxema, then as my mom got older she switched to Oil of Olay. As did I. And while I often write about how silly I think it is for women to go to extremes to stop the signs of aging (plastic surgery, botox, expensive dermatological treatments), I don't think its the same thing as using a product here and there. Or dying your hair (because seriously- I'm in massive need. These grays are getting ridiculous). So I dye my hair, I moisturize with Oil of Olay and recently I started using the Covergirl Oil of Olay foundation. Its a little pricey, but worth it. Case in point~

Sean and I took CJ back to school in Springfield on Thursday last week. We had also planned a shopping trip to get some of Sean's gear for his travels this summer. Springfield has a store called Gander Mountain and that's where we headed. Well besides camping gear, Sean has been wanting to buy a new hunting rifle. So we mosied on over to the gun department. The manager, a guy probably my age, came over to help us.

Manager dude: What kind of hunting rifle are you looking for?

Sean: Small game. I was thinking maybe I'd try Coyote hunting.

Manager: How much were you looking to spend?

Sean: About $750. *insert me choking here. $750?! WTH?*

Manager: I'd recommend this blah blah *that was when I tuned out- although I noticed that the tags on the guns said "varmint"-that made me giggle some*

Me: Do you have a card or something? Do you get commission? Because we aren't buying today.

Manager: No, but I'm the manager so it all helps me. I'll write down the gun info. If you guys are going to comparison shop don't let anyone talk you into the blah blah, its just not a good gun.

Me: Oh we'll probably come back here, its just that he's not 18 and I don't have a FOID card.

Manager: That is a problem!

Me: Its okay, we have plenty of friends who are over 21 and FOID carriers. We'll bring one of them.

Manager: Well just be sure they have the money. We can't do sales where one person is buying and the other is paying. It just looks funny. Like if you were buying the gun and your brother was handing you the cash. *he must have noticed the startled looks on me & Sean's faces*

Manager: I mean, well, uh, I just assumed he was your brother.

Me: He's my son.

Sean: Her youngest son. *thanks for that Sean*

Manager: Oh. I'm so sorry!

Me: Are you kidding me? You just made my day. Possibly my week.

Seriously guys, its the Oil of Olay. Or the blood sacrifices to the full moon. Nah, its the Oil of Olay.

Happy Monday,
♥Spot

The one where I catch you guys up...

2011-06-04T09:58:00.000-05:00

Catch you up on what's been going on around here lately. Its not really much but of course there are a few ridiculous conversations to throw out there. We've had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks- CJ's graduation (which was awesome). I cried when they showed the slide show. I can't believe they grow up so fast. Of course my Mom and Lu were crying in the row behind me as well. We took CJ out to eat after. We also had him home this week for a while and got to do some swimming and other things he loves.

My Graduate

We also had the first of Lu's baby showers. This one was a Sleepover/Shower for the younger crowd. Luke's mom brought his sister from Iowa so she stayed too (and us old ladies slept in beds not on the living room floor!). It was a huge success. She got some nice things, we had too much food and everyone made her a customized onesie using fabric paints. There were some talented artists among this group!

Lu and her future in-laws

Plus I'm trying to squeeze work in there! This week we have Lu's dr. appt, a bachlorette party, rehearsal dinner & wedding of friends. There are still two more baby showers for Lu and the rest of the house to paint. I think things might settle down come September. At least I'm hoping!

Now for ridiculousness~

Me: I'm submitting a couple of poems to this press. Want to hear my favorite"

Sean: *huge sigh* I suppose...

Me: *reading the poem to him*

Sean: Wait just a minute! That poem doesn't rhyme!

Me: Real poetry doesn't have to rhyme Sean. I taught you that in English.

Sean: I don't like poems that don't rhyme. Look at "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish". That's a classic! Know why? Because it rhymes!

Me: Um. Again. Poems don't have to rhyme.

Sean: That's where you're wrong. Its a state law in Illinois that poems have to rhyme. Violation of that law is a federal offense.

Me: If its a state law, how can it be a federal offense?!

Sean: It just is! And the punishment is beheading. *whips out his sword he bought on Ebay and begins chasing me through the house* (no worries, the blade is not sharp)

Me: *running* That's it!! No more "Law & Order" marathons for you! Or "Tudors"! No one gets beheaded anymore!

I haven't heard back about the poems. I hope they didn't want them to rhyme...

Have a great weekend,
♥Spot

The one where I get tagged...

2011-05-25T12:40:00.000-05:00

So I don't know if every one's blogger is acting all wonky or if its just mine. It will let me read blogs but every time I go to comment it takes me to blogger's sign in page and even after I sign in it continues to say "anonymous" on my comment and won't post it anyway. So I give up. I have tons of comments for every one's blog but blogger is eating them. I don't know if it will even let anyone comment on this blog but I'm going to write it anyway. So take that Blogger! In your face!

I. Got. Tagged. I guess that makes me "It". Thank you to Lisa Hollar over at Jezri's Nightmares for tagging me. Being tagged makes me feel loved. I don't care if you think that's silly, it does. If you haven't checked out Lisa's blog, you definitely should. You especially should if you like short horror stories and poems that she's nice enough to post for free. And if you like those, you can purchase her short stories and poetry collections on Smashwords or Amazon. Or you can win her Sunday contest, where you have to write a story in 55 words or less, like I did, and she'll give you one of her ebooks for free and let you judge next week's contest. I'm warning you, its hard and there's some good competition.

So I have to answer the questions and then tag some other peeps. Here are the questions:

If you could go back in time and relive one moment, what would it be?

This one is really really hard. One moment would be right after our wedding ceremony, when Mike & I were standing alone in the vestibule of the church and my sister (maid of honor) & my cousin (best man) were walking back down the aisle. The photographer (Mike's aunt) snapped a photo of us and I have never seen two people look more happy. Ever.

But I often wish I could go back and relive certain days. The birth of each of my children. Although those were physically painful, the moment you look at each new baby is priceless. Or even just a regular day when my kids were little. I'd just like to look at their sweet pudgy faces and snuggle their toddler selves again.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

I often think I'd like to go back and change things I've said or actions I'm not very proud of having taken. But I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and every single thing that I've done or had happen to me has made me who I am. And I wouldn't change any of that. I like who I am and I love the people who are my family. I'm going to quote the group Hinder here (Luke, stop groaning!)

"If I could go back in time,

wouldn't change a damn thing in my life.

I love the dumb things we do when we're young.

But the best is yet to come."

What movie/TV character do you most resemble in personality?

This one's a hard one. I had a friend who used to say I was Grace from Will & Grace. I like to think I'm slightly more mature now. So I don't really know. But I'd like to grow up to be the totally cool mother on Parenthood. Bonnie Bedelia's character. She's artsy and creative, but wise.

If you could push one person off a cliff and get away with it, who would it be?

I wouldn't for two reasons. The first- if I dislike someone enough to want to push them off a cliff, then that's just to quick of a way to go. I want them to suffer some. The second reason is because I believe in Karma. And it's a whopping number of bad Karma points to kill someone. I don't need that kind of negative luck!

Name one habit you want to change in yourself.

My inability to say "no". If someone asks me to help them, I invariably say "yes" regardless of whether I really wanted to or not. As a result I end up with too many things on my plate at one time.

Describe yourself in one word.

Talkative. Its what my school report cards always said. And not in a good way.

Describe the person who named you in this meme in one word.

Talented.

Why do you blog? (In one sentence):

To keep myself sane. All these thoughts have to go somewhere, right?

And the people I'm blog tagging are:

Elly at Bugginword (because pregnant women love to play games)

Peggy at Square Peg in a Round Hole (because she's one of my favorite people)
Yvonne Bishop at The Angelic (one of my new bosses)

Heather Welch at Welch Happenings (she needs a break from crocheting)
Claudia Lefeve at Claudia Lefeve's Blog (because I want to know!)

Now you all are it! Nanny nanny boo boo!
♥Spot

The one where I snap...

2011-05-23T11:08:00.000-05:00

Meltdowns are never pretty. Last night was no exception. It was 10 pm. The Borgias had just ended (season finale, not to be seen again until 2012, why Showtime? Why??) and I got up from the couch,(Sunday night is family TV viewing for us- HBO's Game of Thrones and Showtime's The Borgias, not for every family, definitely not PG, but works for us) I gathered my teacup, phone & plate and headed to the kitchen. This is what I found there: teabags left in the sink to stain the sink, a cup ring on the counter, kool-aid spill on the floor and an overflowing garbage can. Have I mentioned that I live with quasi-adults and not toddlers? It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I exploded. I pointed out that people should clean up their own messes and not leave them for me. That we are going to have bugs very quickly if they continue to not clean up their messes. And then I pointed out that it was time to put on the big kid pull-ups and start pulling their weight. And then I pulled out the big guns.

Me: *to Lu* You know what I was doing when I was 7 months pregnant with your brother? Working 40 hours a week and taking care of my own apartment. I worked days and your dad worked nights so I fixed all my own meals and extra so he'd have a lunch to take the next night. I cleaned the whole thing by myself and we went to the laundromat and grocery store on weekends when we were off.

Lu: I do help out! I did the dishes just the other day! And I do all the laundry.

Me: Laundry is your chore. You do not pay rent or groceries so you still have chores. And doing the dishes once a week is better than anyone else in this house, but its not exactly helping out. And when you aren't at work, you are asleep. I know you're tired, been there done that. Wait until your going through this with baby number 1 and 2 to take care of also. But a little more help is required around here.

Me: *to Sean* And you! You aren't even working currently and you don't do anything until I nag you! Your Dad was only a few months older than you when he was going to school half a day and holding down a full time job to get ready for his first child.

Sean: I thought about doing the dishes the other day, does that count?

Me: No. I appreciate the thought but you need to actually do them.

Sean: And having a baby on the way is probably a really good catalyst for responsibility. So maybe I should knock someone up. Wait?! Will they still let me go to seminary school and become an exorcist if I have a baby?

Me: Um, no.

And then I couldn't help it, I started giggling. Mostly because the thought of Sean in seminary school or as an exorcist is beyond ridiculous. Also because I'm pretty sure that's the worst reason I've ever heard for getting someone pregnant. *Let me state- for the record- he was kidding about both of those things* I ended my rant by saying that I was tired of being responsible for every one's business and I refused to nag them until they got their stuff done anymore (Sean's eagle project, Lu signing up for birthing classes and registering at the hospital) and that they were now on their own. Sink or swim time. I have got to get them to take more responsibility for their lives. Then I mentioned how I knew this little meltdown wouldn't do any good and I'd see them same place same time next week.

And with that I went to bed. In bed was where I read all the twitter updates about the horrible tornadoes and damage to Joplin, Mo. And then I felt like a wretch. Here I was yelling at my family when people had just lost theirs. Instead of being thankful for the fact that I have a home, plenty of food, and my family around me- I was complaining. I was not remembering that it can all be snatched from you in an instant. And I was not remembering to value them. Why does it take a tragedy to remind of us these things? And how can we learn to filter what's truly important from what's truly petty? I dont' have these answers. I struggle with this in my own life. I went back out and told them that regardless of everything I loved them all and I would try not to meltdown anymore. They promised to try harder to be more helpful (emphasis on the word "try"). And then I went back to bed and asked the universe to help me remember not to take what I have for granted and to be a better mother, better wife, better person.

Life is short and unpredictable.

♥Spot

The one where I totally planned a dress rehearsal and no one believes me...

2011-05-21T12:11:00.000-05:00

So picture this...Mike takes the afternoon off (before a huge camp-out, meaning this is a really big deal), Lu takes the day off work and Sean shaves and trims his beard. We all get up, get dressed up and pile into two vehicles because Mike & Sean have to be back earlier than Lu & I. Then we fill up said vehicles with gas (which is pricey). Then we drive two hours to Springfield where CJ's school is located. I call my parents (who live in Springfield), give them directions to the school. Then we arrive, find great parking spaces and enter the education center. I go up to the receptionist desk and this conversation ensues~

Me: Hi! We're here for graduation but we're waiting on two more people.

Receptionist: *crickets chirping*

Me: We're CJ's parents...

Receptionist: *completely blank look* Graduation?

Me: *beginning to wonder about this lady* Its in the activity room?

Receptionist: Graduation is next week.

Me: Um. I don't think so. Jayne told me it was today.

Receptionist: Its next Friday.

At this point, I can see her calendar on her desk and "Graduation" is clearly printed on next Friday's square. I felt ridiculous. And guess what? I went back and checked the email and the teacher did give me the right date. I have absolutely no idea how I made this ginormous mistake. Mike, Sean & Lu are all giving me dirty looks. Lu has to work next Friday. Sean has a training for CRC next Friday. Mike is unsure of his schedule.

The receptionist asks if we want to go to the other campus and visit CJ anyway. I tell her no, that if we do he'll only get upset when I don't take him home with me. No sense in needlessly upsetting him. I'll be back next week. So we go outside and meet my folks, who've just arrived. We tell them what happened and everyone laughs hysterically at me. They take us out to lunch anyway, which is great. Then Mike & Sean jet back home. My folks take Lu & I crib shopping and then we have pie & coffee before we head home. So it was a good day. Just not the day I'd planned. I try telling them it was just a dress rehearsal but no one is buying that story.

A mistake of this magnitude is completely unlike me. I will admit to being caught up in work lately. And having too many upcoming events to keep track of and plan. But sheesh, what the heck was I thinking?? Did my brain take a vacation the rest of me didn't know about?? And what about all those people at Prom last week that I said "see you next week" to? Nobody asked me what I meant. CJ's teacher called me and apologized. I assured her it was in no way her fault. All my screw up. She said when she went back and read the email I sent yesterday morning, she could now tell I had the wrong date. That doesn't help much though.

But hopefully Lu, Sean & Mike can all get things situated so they can attend. My parents & I will be there for sure. And it was really really good pie.

Happy Weekend,
♥Spot

The one where I take a new job...

2011-05-20T08:54:00.000-05:00

Mike and I had this conversation the other night~

Me: Do you think I'm crazy?

Him: We've been together 23 years. I know you're crazy.

Me: Yeah. But that's not what I meant. I meant for taking on more work when there's so much going on in our lives. There's Lu's baby, you're getting ready to be busier than a cranberry merchant at bogging time and I'm trying to get the house fixed up.

Him: Crazy? No. I just wonder why you want to start fixing other people's books. Won't that cut down on your time to write?

Me: It could I guess. If I let it. But I usually divide my day into pieces. I'm most productive at my own writing in the late afternoon/ early evening. I do most of my other stuff in the morning. Or late at night. Writing my own stuff is still the goal. But I really really enjoy editing and proofreading. And I'm really good at it. And it's just for me. Does that make sense? For the first time in a long time, my self worth is less connected to you and the children and more focused on my own abilities.

Him: You know I back you in whatever you want to do. If it makes you happy then you should do it.

And so I did. I took a job as Editor at Angelic Knight Press. I'm very excited to join their staff. And they did a lovely announcement. If you get the chance, please read it. I'm really looking forward to the challenge.

And guess what? CJ graduates today. I can't believe he turns 21 this year. So much is happening so fast. So many good things have happened this week that I find myself waiting with breath held for the ominous portents to start showing up. Crazy, huh?

Happy TGIF people,
♥Spot

The one where we discuss my work and other things...

2011-05-18T18:17:00.002-05:00

I know my children are nearly adults. They know they are nearly adults. Somehow they just forget to act like it sometimes. And they still don't seem to realize that "working from home" includes the key phrase "working". Because I'm home most days, it still seems to fall to me to cook, clean & run our lives. You know; schedule doctors appts, grocery shop, deal with insurance, balance checkbooks, make travel arrangements, keep the calendar updated so people know when they're coming and going and who else is where. Oh and keep bored people entertained. And this is why my Facebook statuses so often proclaim that I'm incredibly happy to be home alone. Those are the days when I get things done. Those are the days when I spend from the time I get up until the time I go to bed working. And even after I go to bed if I'm reading an upcoming review book on my Kindle. Here are a few conversations we've had about my work lately:

Lu: (after coming home from work around 10 pm) Did you even call the insurance lady today?

Me: Of course I called her. Why would you think that I wouldn't?

Lu: Because you were working when I mentioned it before I left and when you work you're in your own little world so I wasn't sure you even heard me.

Me: It's called time management. I come up for air around 11:30 and take a shower, eat lunch and do any pressing household business before going back to work. But your utter lack of confidence in my abilities is heartwarming. Thanks.

After Sean got home from Scouts:

Sean: So all the guys were complaining about their mornings today and I told them how hard mine was. How I had to roll out of bed at 8:30 and then I had to eat Pop-tarts even though I hate them because you wouldn't make me breakfast.

Me: I was working. And you're a big boy.

Sean: Then they all wanted to know why you were still home at that time so I had to explain that you work at home and how you're a writer and all. They were hugely impressed.

Me: Aw. Thanks.

Sean: Well they were impressed until I told them about how you never used to burn supper and now you do it all the time because you're so caught up in work.

Me: Thanks. Thanks for that.

And this convo:

*Lu's friend at work recently had a boy baby and now the two of them are always joking about who will have a girl first.*

Lu: I told S about how you said I should probably get married before I had any more babies and we were laughing. She said you and Luke were probably in cahoots and you probably had my wedding dress stashed in your closet somewhere.

Me: I would never buy your wedding dress without you. But I might refuse to buy it at all if you continue having babies and don't marry the poor guy. Besides, there's no room in my closet.

Lu: I told her yeah, you'd tell me to put it on some day and say we were going out to eat and the next thing I'd know I'd be standing in front of the courthouse with a ring on my finger and a marriage certificate.

Me: Who wears a wedding dress out to eat??

Sean was just laughing through this conversation.

Me: I'm so glad I can provide both of you with fodder for entertaining your friends.

Sean: Don't even be like that. You know you're going to blog this conversation.

Well said Sean, well said. And now I have.

Happy middle of the week,
♥Spot

PS- Got a few extra minutes? Check out the short story I put up at The Author Spot. And if you leave a comment, I'll be extra happy.

The one where we talk about the weekend...

2011-05-16T11:40:00.000-05:00

So first off...here's the picture of Morel mushrooms that everyone asked for. The Mountain Dew bottle in the picture is to give you a visual for size. Yes they were gigantic mushrooms. I'm still convinced gnomes are going to come after us for stealing their homes.

But whatever! So Lu and I went to the movies last Tuesday night to see "Water For Elephants". We had both loved the book and I was convinced they would screw up the movie as they so often do. Fortunately, I was wrong. They did a really good job. Oh, they changed a few things, left things out, ect. but all in all, it was well done. I highly recommend seeing it even if you haven't read the book. Lu and I had eaten dinner before the movie so we'd only gotten a soda during. Afterwards, I said I was going to the bathroom before we left.

Me: Don't you have to go again? (C'mon, she's seven and a half months pregnant. She goes a lot!)

Lu: No.

Me: Must be because you leaked all that water out of your eyes during the movie.

Lu: Don't talk to me.

I had to laugh at this because before pregnancy, Lu almost never cried at movies. I used to call her the Ice Princess. Mostly because I cry at movies all the time. Hell, I even cry at animated movies. This gives my family no end of entertainment in making fun of me. Once when Sean was about nine and we watched "Monsters, Inc" I cried when Boo had to go home. Small Sean looked at me and said, "You know this is a cartoon, right? These aren't real people." Other times they'd just pass me a tissue box as soon as we sat down. So now that Lu's hormones are kicking in, I'm enjoying the payback.

We went to CJ's prom on Friday. It was bittersweet, knowing it will be the last one. Not that CJ has ever seemed to really care about Prom itself, he's just happy to see Lu & I.

He did not win king, but no matter, he didn't seem to care and the boy who won did care. He was very excited. CJ was more interested in the hors-d'oeuvres. Can't say I blame him, they were delicious. Many people stopped by our table to talk. The principle of the school stopped to shake my hand and put his arm around me.

Lu: Is that someone important?

Me: He's the principle.

Lu: So that's what kissing ass looks like.

She said that because I've been called multiple times by the school after they mail out their survey forms. I don't pull any punches and they get my honest opinion. Its not always favorable. There is always an apology call and a look what new opportunity we've opened up for your son. Its sad, but that's the way the world works. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Don't get me wrong. I'm never mean. That doesn't get you anywhere. I'm polite but firm. And I back up my opinion with facts. And since I worked in the field (eons ago), I'm still on good terms with important people. As Sean once said, "I've never seen anyone say 'things are going to change for the better in this situation or you're going to be very sorry' with a soft voice and a smile on their face before." Naturally, those weren't my exact words. But mess with my kids, and I'll show you Mama Bear. And now, we have to find a new place for CJ since he's turning 21. He transitions from school to adult care. I'm not looking forward to the transition. He doesn't like change much.

I'm sure some people are wondering why we don't just bring him home to live. Don't think I haven't thought about it. I miss my son dearly. And saying good-bye when we drop him back off at his group home never gets easier. Ever. Its like leaving a piece of your heart somewhere. And more times than not, tears are streaming down my face the minute I get in the car. The only thing that makes it bearable is knowing that he has good people working with him and he has a good relationship with them. And now we have to find a new home. And the reasons we don't bring him home are many. Mostly because he craves routine. He likes to know exactly when things are happening. Unfortunately, our house is usually chaos and its nearly impossible to keep to his routine. Also, he is more independent at the group home. He does things there he refuses to do at home. Mostly because he knows I'm a sucker and will do it for him. And the biggest reason is this...if anything happened to his father or I, he would be okay. He would miss us but his life would continue on in a predictable manner. If he lived at home and something happened to us, his entire life would change and he would be devastated. See, it really is about thinking realistically about what's best for him.

Other highlights of the weekend included getting to see my uncle from Arizona some more. Getting to visit with my sister and her family. And doing some shopping with Lu. Baby Dylan is going to be the best dressed kid on the planet because I can't seem to stop buying him clothes. We had to get some more for Lu too, since she just keeps growing. She's super uncomfortable now as Dylan is taking up most of the room in her abdomen and keeping her awake at night with his nocturnal rolling and kicking. He's going to be a wild child.

The downpoint of the weekend? CJ flushed the ring Mike got me for Christmas down the hotel toilet. I freaking loved that ring. CJ has a fascination with flushing things down the loo. If its not nailed down, he'll try to flush it. And he's quicker than I am, and crafty about it. Mike says he'll buy me a new ring, but I loved THAT one. You should have seen the look on the face of the desk guy at the hotel when we told him. I'm sure he was wondering how our room looked and what else had been flushed.

Also today there are posts up at my other blogs. Stop over at See Spot Read and find out about zombie goldfish. Visit The Author Spot and read an interview with Lisa McCourt Hollar. Start following her blog, if you aren't too squeamish.

Happy Monday Y'all,

♥Spot

The one where we talk about Morels...

2011-05-10T10:11:00.000-05:00

Do you like wild mushrooms? I don't remember ever eating them until I met Mike. My mother's family always lived here in Illinois and they hunted and such so I'd eaten a wide variety of critters since childhood but Mike introduced me to deer (which I can handle), duck (gag) and turtle (never again). He also introduced me to Morels. I love the taste of them. I even like hunting for them when I get the chance. But I really hate frying them. It takes too long, it makes a mess and I'm over it. Unfortunately, I live with the "mushroom whisperer".

Yeah, that's Mike. For real. I couldn't even make this up if I tried. The man can spot a mushroom growing under a tree from his truck window as he barrels past at 40 mph. We've all gotten used to him suddenly braking and yelling "Mushroom!" At which point someone has to get out of the truck and pick it, because heaven forbid, we leave one behind. When the kids were little and we took them out to the woods mushroom hunting, we'd be traipsing through the woods and as little kids will- they'd be bickering, singing, generally making noise. Mike would bellow "SHHHHHH!" To which I'd reply "Really?! What? Are we going to scare them away?"

I'm not sure how other mushroom hunters are doing this year, but Mike is having a good run. Too good, in my humble "I have to cook the damn things" opinion. We've eaten tons of them, we've given some away, we fed them to my parents on Easter, and still there are bowls of the damn things taking up room in my fridge and taunting me with their "you have to cook us soon" smiles.

He sent me a photo when I was in town the other day that had a mess of mushrooms he'd picked and a mountain dew bottle. Why the mountain dew bottle? For size reference. The mushrooms were fully as big as the bottle. I texted him back and asked if he'd picked some Gnome's home? Because those little buggers will come after you. Even mowing the grass the other day he braked suddenly, climbed off the mower and picked about 20 mushrooms in my front yard. I told you, he's the "mushroom whisperer". And I'm the fry cook. Fab. Is mushroom season over yet?

In other news, CJ's last prom is Friday and he's up for Prom King. Molly is escorting him and I will take tons of photos. We are going to stay in Springfield and visit because my sister's family and my uncle will all be there as well. My uncle lives in Phoenix and comes to visit once a year. He & my Dad will be here tomorrow to fish and barbecue and load up on the potato salad and lemon pies I make from their mom's recipes.

Lu had an accident last night on her way home from work. She hit a deer, which happens a lot around here. Luckily, the deer jumped at the last minute and landed on her hood instead of her impacting it with the front of her car. Someone was watching out for her. As there was no front impact, the air bag didn't deploy and the seat belt didn't jerk her. She and baby Dylan are fine. Waiting to hear what the insurance says about the car though.

And also, I started a new page...an author page. I've linked to it on my sidebar or you can find it at The Author Spot. I will be moving my author interviews over there as of next Monday as they fit in better there. I will be talking about my writing, writing in general and the trials and tribulations that go along with it. I'll also be posting some current works-in-progress. It would be lovely if you checked it out. I would, of course, appreciate a follow by those of you who are interested and you can even like my page on Facebook.

Happy Tuesday,
♥Spot

The one where I interview Claudia Lefeve, Author and Super Woman

2011-05-09T09:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, so technically she's probably not the actual "Super Woman" but she advocates for victims rights and is even willing to put money towards the cause, so in my book she's a Super Woman. And you've just read it on the Internet, so it must be true, right? Well, now that we've got that settled, everyone should grab a beverage while we cozy up to Claudia and pick her brain.

First, please note that you can read my review of her novella, The Fury, over at See Spot Read. And now the interview:

1.) How long have you been writing?
Unlike a lot of authors out there, I didn't pen my first novel at five, but I've always loved telling stories.

2.) What made you choose the horror genre? Have you always been a horror fan?
Horror is one of the few genres that allows the reader to carry over that element of fear, beyond the last turn of the page. Personally, I think a person is more likely to check under the bed or behind the closet door after a good scary story, than to expect true love to come knocking on your door right after reading a romance novel. Call me cheap...I want my money's worth.

3.) What is your writing routine like? Do you have another job?
I don't really have a routine, but I try to write every night after work. With working full-time for the police and my part-time job as a college adjunct, it's simply a matter of time management. When not doing any of the above, I can almost always be found on the couch with my laptop - like right now.

4.) I've recently discovered that garden gnomes creep me out. What scares you? Do you have any silly phobias?
Dolls, puppets, and clowns will kill you in the middle of the night. It's true. When I was in high school, I refused to crash in my friend's room one night because she had a ventriloquist dummy in her closet. It's a good thing I don't have kids or they'd be stuck with only Tonka trucks!

5.) Who would you say your biggest literary influences are?
Ray Bradbury, Kurt Vonnegut, Stephen King, and my beloved William Faulkner. Their writing reflects a desire to entertain and engage readers on their own terms, not to please. There's a difference.

6.) The Fury deals with rape and I see that you are donating profits from the sale for a whole month to Pandora's Project. How did that come about?
While I get to advocate for the rights of victims in my full-time job, I rarely get the opportunity to support causes like Pandora's Project on a more personal level. The Fury is entirely fictional, but it stemmed from a case I worked on when I wanted to set the whole courtroom ablaze after an unfavorable verdict. The story just grew from there.

*From April 15th to May 15th, all proceeds from the sale of Claudia's novella, The Fury, will be donated to Pandora's Project in recognition of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Please visit her website to purchase the book*

7.) Do you ever scare yourself when you're writing?
Can't say that I scare myself as I'm writing, but I definitely have my moments while researching.

8.) I've noticed that you've done short stories and a novella. Is there a novel in the works?
When I finally built up enough confidence in my writing, I sent out a few short stories that were sold to a couple of anthologies. Last fall I started working on a novel, Heir. I had it pretty much wrapped-up, until I decided to do a 180 and changed it from fantasy to sci-fi/paranormal. I'm currently in the re-write process and I'm hopeful for a mid-late summer release.

9.) Do you belong to a writing group? Who reads your first drafts?
I'm not part of a writing group, but I'm a current sponsor and participant in A Round of Words in Eighty Days. It's a writing challenge offered quarterly, designed for writers who, well, have a life! Even though ROW80 is an individual challenge, it's amazing how much support you receive from the other writers involved. I even found one of my best beta readers being involved in this challenge.

10.) What advice would you give to newbie writers?
Write everyday! Over the last couple years, I've finally begun to believe in myself and my writing. Most of that is due to making writing a daily habit.

Claudia Lefeve lives in Northern Virginia with her husband and two pugs. For more information about the author, please visit her blog http://claudialefeve.blogspot.com or website at www.claudialefeve.com

Thanks for stopping by dear readers! We're back to my regularly scheduled nonsense tomorrow!

Happy Monday,
♥Spot

The one where I didn't plan on posting today...

2011-05-06T15:19:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm totally like trying to make a posting schedule and all. And I only had the idea yesterday and I'm already screwing it up. This is why me and schedules cannot exist in the same dimension. Because I just can't keep to one even when I'm the one who made it up. *sigh*

Anyway, I wasn't going to post today but then we had some awesome (and by awesome, I totally mean inappropriate and ridiculous) conversations last night and if I don't post them I might forget them which would suck for you guys. So without further ado:

Last night at dinner~

Lu: Sean is really on my nerves. Can we send him somewhere? Like to a traveling circus?

Me: Um. I don't think there are many traveling circuses anymore and it's not like he's got a circus "talent". He can't ride a horse or walk a tightrope or train elephants.

Lu: How about a freak show?

Me: Again, not many of those around anymore and um. He's not exactly a freak. I don't think sarcastic a**hole qualifies you for freakdom.

Sean: Hey. I resemble that remark. And actually there is one freak show still in operation.

Me: Really? I thought that someone stepped in and was all "freak shows aren't politically correct" and took them out of operation. I thought I saw a show on it and the people who were in freak shows were all pissed off because they were making money and now they can't.

Sean: I saw a show about this one last freak show.

Mike: yeah I saw it too. It was a taboo episode.

Me: Hmmm...well maybe Sean could be like the Bearded Lady only he'd be the Bearded A**hole.

Sean: Did you really just say that?!

Me: I meant because you have a beard. But that really did not come out right, did it?

Lu: No. But maybe he could be like the guy who walks behind the elephants scooping up their poop. Sean could be a freak poop scooper.

Mike: I think we should probably change the subject. So what's for dessert?

Later that night~

Lu: So I had a dream I was pregnant with triplets.

Sean: That's a nightmare! And you better pray for boys.

Me: Boys are easier, but I'd hope you were having girls. They'd be so cute!

Sean: Are you kidding me?! Can you imagine 3 Lus around here?! All the hormones! All the drama!

Me: But this Lu does the laundry. Maybe Lu #2 could do dishes and #3 could clean bathrooms.

Lu: I'm pretty sure triplet me would NOT do bathrooms. That's just gross.

Sean: My point exactly.

Me: Um. Well. I really can't imagine another you around here either Sean.

Sean: Oh hell no! There can be only one.

Lu: Yeah, one bearded a**hole per planet.

Sean: Me and Me#2 would have "Highlander"ed that shit out in the backyard a long time ago.

As you can see...it's still crazy all up in here. But there are big things a-brewin. And a few changes coming. Stay tuned.

♥Spot

The one where I ramble randomly...

2011-05-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

Is there any other way to ramble? I mean, if you have a purpose its not really rambling is it? And these are the circles my brain is going in today. I blame the peach margaritas from last night. So here we go...

Odd facts about my blog:

According to the "stats" I'm hugely popular in Russia. Seriously, more people in Russia view my blog than people in the US. Then there is Hungary and The Czech Republic. I'm not sure why Eastern Europe is so fond of me, but apparently they find me entertaining. Someone told me I should go there on vacation and wear an "I am Spot" t-shirt.

Also according to the "stats" a lot of people found my blog by googling "acting + strangely". I suppose I should be slightly concerned by this, but I'm not. I mean, that kind of describes my blog (and my family) perfectly, doesn't it?

Recent conversations at my house:

Lu: What's a sickle?

Me: It's that thing you can cut grass with. If you're the Grim Reaper.

Sean: That's a scythe.

Me: I know. The sickle is like the junior version.

*****

Me: *reading from my phone* Hey! Guess what somebody just said about me on Twitter? "Do us all a fav. Follow @Spot_Speaks. I know freaking awesome and she's it!"

Lu: Hmmm. Is that so?

Me: Duh. If you read it online it must be true. Everyone knows that.

*****

Me: You guys make it really hard to work.

Sean: No we don't.

Me: Yes you do. I'm just getting into something and one of you will be all "you should make dinner".

Lu: Sean started it.

Sean: No, I asked you "what's for dinner". I can ask that and eat hours later. Lu was the one who was all "I'm starving. Feed the pregnant girl".

Me: and then you guys had to argue about what I should make for dinner. "I don't want burritos." "I don't like Hamburger Helper."

Sean: Whatever. You need me. I remind you to eat and pee. Seriously, if I wasn't here you'd sit there working for days.

Me: It's true. He does ask me if I've eaten and bring me food.

Sean: Yeah. And I hear you mutter "I have to pee". And then an hour later I'm like "didn't you have to pee" and you're all "I totally forgot." And get up and go. Without me, you'd need depends.

Me: He's got a point.

Hope Cinco de Mayo is treating you well,
♥Spot

The one where I do another author interview...

2011-05-02T11:11:00.000-05:00

That's right...I'm like the Barbara Walters of the Indie Author world. Or I will be. Some day. Only without so much nasal voice. So hurry up, grab a seat and a beverage (BYO of course). Today's interview is with Anthony Izzo whom I met through the Indie Horror site. If you are a writer of horror, a reader of horror or offer services to authors you should definitely check this site out. Oh and they're going to put up my review there as well. Which is probably only exciting to me but I thought I'd let you know anyway. So without further ado...

Anthony Izzo writes, draws, and plays guitar with his wife and two sons at his home in the creepy snow covered hills of Western New York. When he is not horrifying his neighbors, he can usually be found in a local library, museum, or billiard room. And I found out his favorite color is blue...you know...because I'm all investigative like that...

You may also find Anthony online at www.anthonyizzo.com, or on facebook at Anthony Izzo.

I took the time to ask Anthony some questions about his writing life....

1.)How long have you been writing novels?
I've been writing novels for about fifteen years.

2.)What do you do for your day job?
For my day job, I work in the wild-and-crazy world of health insurance.

3.)Is this your fist published novel?
No Escape is not my first published novel. My first, Cruel Winter, was published by Kensington/Pinnacle books in 2005.

4.)What made you decide to go the Indie route?
I went Indie because the market for my print books seemed to dry up. I also love the creative freedom of being an independent author.

5.)In No Escape there is a huge military presence and the main character is ex-military. Do you have a military background yourself?
I don't have a military background, but military technology and military history have always been interests of mine.

6.)What scares you personally? Do you have any silly phobias?
I have a horrible fear of heights. Tall ladders are my sworn enemy.

7.)What is your writing routine?
I typically write 3-4 pages a day. Usually in a couple of writing sessions.

8.)Have you always been a fan of horror?
I've loved horror since I watched the first Halloween movie back in the early eighties.

9.)What other authors inspire you?
I'm inspired by Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Cormac McCarthy, and most recently, Joe Konrath.

10.)What advice would you give to newbie writers out there?
Read a lot and write a lot. Above all, don't quit!

Thank you very much Anthony, it was a pleasure both reading your book and doing the interview. Don't miss my review of Anthony's book, No Escape over at See Spot Read! You can find No Escape for sale at Smashwords and other ebook retailers. His other works include: Cruel Winter, Evil Harvest, and The Dark Ones.

Thank you to everyone who stopped by. Those of you who are new...sit a spell, look around check out the archives. To all my regulars...I promise more nonsense from my family next post.

Happy Monday,
♥Spot

The one where I try to do way too many things at one time...

2011-04-29T10:39:00.000-05:00

Tell me I'm not the only one who bites off more than I can chew. Show of hands, how many of you out there feel like there are not enough hours in the day? Wow. That's a lot of you. And sorry Gents, but it seems like it's a "woman" thing. I'm convinced its a holdover from caveman days. You guys got to go out and hunt down game while we stayed behind and picked berries, tended children, washed the furs and cooked. Overworked since the beginning of time. Totally explains why I'm so exhausted.

So what all am I doing that makes me too busy to blog? Or read blogs? Or comment? Home Improvement. We painted this house (every room but the kitchen) when we moved in. That's 9 years ago in May. Needless to say, they all need repainting. And the carpets need shampooed. And there was a mold issue in the bathroom. And I need to get it done before Lu's baby arrives. Then there's the showers to plan. Baby showers that is. And a bachelorette shindig. I'm in a wedding in June. There are tomatoes and peppers to plant. And lately, there are books to be read and reviews to write. There are authors to interview. There's a proofreading business to launch and there's fiction to write. And lest anyone forget- this is the time of year when I see my husband only at bedtime. If it weren't for Sean, I'd be trying to do this all on my own. But as luck would have it he's a fantastic painter. And we work well together. Way better than Mike and I work together.

I hope that you all enjoy the author interviews. I plan on doing one a week, tied in with the book I'll review at See Spot Read. There are a lot of great Indie authors out there and they need the word of mouth. Since their ebooks are priced affordably it's a win-win. And who doesn't love finding a new author?

So now some funnies:

Sean and I were painting the bathroom last week and of course we were smack talking each other the entire time. I'd just shot him a really sarcastic comment when I realized I need more paint on my corner tool. As I was up on a chair painting near the ceiling, I handed the tool to him and asked him to get paint on it for me. As soon as I grasped the handle to take it from him, I realized he'd loaded the handle with paint and now my hand was full of wet paint. I was hopping mad. Cursing, I stomped out of the bathroom to wash my hand. He was convulsed with laughter. When I told Mike and Lu about it? Yeah, they doubled over with laughter too. Rude.

Last night Lu and Sean were in my room talking to me as I got ready for bed (don't ask, it's a nightly occurrence. I've tried kicking them out but for some reason they pick that time to talk.) I told them that my thumb I'd sliced on the can lid had healed funny and felt kind of mushy. They both felt it~

Sean: you're crazy. It feels fine to me.

Lu: Yeah, it feels the same as your other thumb.

Me: no it doesn't! You're dad even thought it felt funny.

Lu: It's dad. He always agrees with you.

Sean: Yeah, you could tell him the sky was purple and he'd agree.

Me: *yelling loudly down the hall* Hey Mike!

Mike: *yelling back* Yeah?

Me: The sky is purple.

Mike: Oh yeah?

We all collapsed in giggles. Way to back me up honey!

And last but not least, have any of you ever thought you heard something that wasn't there? Like when you're falling asleep and you could swear someone says your name? Or sometimes I wake up thinking the phone rang but it's all silent.

Me: Remember how I told you that sometimes I hear things?

Mike: Yeah?

Me: It's called auditory hallucinations. I looked it up on the Internet and all I could find was...

Mike: Schizophrenia?

Me: yeah.

Sean: So you're schizophrenic?

Me: of course not! We all agree on that.

Sean: Who's we?

Me: All the voices in my head. Duh.

*giggling*

Me: Anyway, I'm not the only one. Lu has them too.

Mike: Well that explains a lot.

Sean: Maybe you're psychic. Maybe its the dead calling and you should get up and answer the phone that's not ringing. They might have important messages for you.

Me: Hmmm. Sounds like there's a story idea in there.

Sean: They might be like "Stacey...don't leave you're house on Tuesday..."

Lu: That's just creepy. I'm not answering the phone in the night ever again.

Well, I'm off to paint trim because it is a beautiful sunny day and I can't waste it. I'm sure the rain will be back tomorrow. Hope all is well with you dear readers. See you when I next come up for air...

♥Spot

The one where I interview Scott Nicholson, horror author and nice guy

2011-04-12T09:47:00.007-05:00

Come on in everyone, find a seat, grab a cup of coffee, tea, vodka lemonade, whatever. I'm pretty excited to announce that today we have Scott Nicholson in for a chat. For those of you who don't know Scott, yeah I know there's a few of you non horror fans out there (don't worry...I'm not judging), take a look at his *Amazon.com author page, go on, I'll wait. *taps foot impatiently* Back? Good!

Scott probably doesn't remember this but we actually first met in 2003 on the HWA website. That was back when you didn't have to be a *paid* author to join and I happily paid my member fee and set out to hobnob with people who knew what they were doing. Scott happened to be one of the folks I met and we emailed a few times back and forth. It was just before his book Harvest, now renamed Forever Never Ends, was released. I gave up submitting and homeschooled my children and Scott went on to become a successful author. But what I remembered most about him was that he was a genuinely nice guy. I'm happy to say that he is still a genuinely nice guy whose always willing to help a newbie author out. He's generous with both his time and his advice. So when he contacted me about doing a review of his latest book, Liquid Fear, I was more than happy to help out. Okay, so he gave me a free copy of the book too, but I would have done it anyway! So the review of Liquid Fear is up on my brand new book review blog, See Spot Read. I would encourage all of you to pop over there when we're done here and look around a bit. There's cookies and juice and a review. Okay, there's no cookies and juice. But its the thought that counts, right?

Scott also consented to let me pick his brain so here goes...

1.) I know everyone asks authors where they get their ideas and most authors hate that question, but, at least for me, it’s a legitimate question. I love it when authors include that info in the back of the book. So I won't force you to reveal the inner workings of your mind, but if you'd care to elaborate...

Every book is different, but usually it’s either two ideas jamming together, a character demanding to be born, or a plot that bugs me so much I have to tackle it. In Liquid Fear, it was a combination of research into pharmaceuticals that literally “change your mind” combined with my ongoing interest in psychological research.

2.) You've been writing books for several years now, what do you feel has changed the most about either you're style of writing or the way you go about writing?

I write less to what my “brand” should be and more toward what interests me, because I don’t have to worry about somebody pitching something to somebody else based on one sentence of description instead of the entire story. So basically I am freer to take chances.

3.) I know you've recently quit your day job to become a full time novelist, how has that changed your routine, beyond the obvious, of course?

Well, I am also running a business, but I’ve been doing that from the start. The writing is the product development and manufacturing end, and then there’s the entire process, including getting paid. Not to make it as cold as a factory, but basically I have to do it all, which is fine, because I love it all.

4.) I also see that you have joined your voice to the chorus of authors who are backing away from traditional publishing and going it more on their own. It definitely appears to be working well for you. Do you feel less pressure to conform to industry standards and ideas that way? In that, you don't have to convince an editor to publish your work, you can publish and go right to the audience for approval?

The only pressure is to tell the story the best way I know how, and then get a few trusted opinions and always have a professional proofreader. The only “industry standard” is professionalism, and New York doesn’t have a monopoly on that.

5.) I know that some of your books are based on experiences you've had or places you've been (like the hotel/paranormal conference in Speed Dating with the Dead), does Liquid Fear have any personal connections?

I studied a little psychology and I like to read the casebooks, but Liquid Fear was kind of a hodgepodge of many things. I attended UNC near the Research Triangle Park where the book is mostly set, and I’ve visited every location in the book (Cincinnati, West Virginia, DC). Other than that, this book was just based on research and ideas.

6.) This is a question I want to ask all horror writers...if you see a movie preview or book trailer that is just an absolutely fantastic concept (I always think of 30 Days of Night, vampires, Alaska, 30 days of darkness, brilliant!), do you want to shake your head and go "why didn't I think of that??!" or does it inspire you?

Well, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Like, “Snakes on a Plane.” It’s like, “Cool!” but I would never waste my time watching it because the title does everything for me. Sort of like the previews for a big movie. You know you’ve seen the entire movie in 45 seconds, so why waste $10 and two hours? Other times, it can stay in the back of your mind and maybe influence a direction you want to go. If you’re calculating, you can cash in on a trend—like teen vampires in romantic angst, for example.

7.) Several of my blog readers are aspiring authors or beginning authors themselves. What is your best advice to them, especially horror writers?

Write what you love and turn off the censors. But when you’re done, remember that somebody somewhere has to read it. If you want to sicken your reader, it may not do much to build a fan base. But just be true to yourself and trust that the work will find the people who need it—whether the audience is a few million or a few dozen.

8.) Okay, I know it's cliché, but who are some of your favorite writers, horror or otherwise?

Stephen King is obviously a master, but I also like the older-school stuff like Ira Levin, William Goldman, Jim Thompson, James M. Cain, Shirley Jackson, James Lee Burke, Elmore Leonard, and Dean Koontz.

9.) Finally, what scares you? (Other than taxes and government?)

Anything happening to children. As a father, I invest a lot of the world’s worth in my wife and kids. Anything that threatens my family is something that’s going to die—probably quite slowly and painfully.

10) I know you told me the serious things that scare you, but what about the silly things? I'm irrationally afraid of scarecrows, you? And do you ever scare yourself when writing?

Well, I have some real phobias, like flying. Probably mice are my silliest fear--I just don't like all that scurrying. I have been a little freaked out when I write, but it's more like something is emotionally intense instead of genuinely spooky...but sometimes late at night, you go, "Hmm, what if all this stuff was real?"

2) What is your writing routine? Do you schedule certain hours to write? Do you use a favorite pen, etc?

I pretty much do everything all the time. I just do the next thing when it needs to be done. Now that I make my own schedule, I trust myself to write when I need to, as part of the day. I recently took an entire day off, my first in 15 months, I believe.

Thank you Scott, for the book, for the interview, for all of the help you've given me. I wish you loads more success and continued joy in your work.

Liquid Fear is available for Kindle readers from Amazon.com for 99 cents for a limited time. Get yours now! You can order a paperback copy of the book from Scott's website.

Scott lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, where he tends an organic garden, picks a little bit of guitar, and does some freelance editing when he's not writing. He's living the life of his dreams and is thankful for new friends and new fans. You can visit him at www.hauntedcomputer.com. He also has Twitter and Facebook.

Thanks for joining us for a bit everyone! For my regulars, it's back to our regularly scheduled nonsense tomorrow. For anyone new, please take some time to browse my blog and make yourself at home.

Happy reading,
♥Spot

The one where we need to have a little chit chat...

2011-04-09T10:44:00.004-05:00

So my Dad has this voice that we call his "dictator voice". It means that in the following discussion he will brook no whining, silly excuses or disagreement. He's kind of like Dr. Phil. (If Dr. Phil had spent 24 years in the Air Force bossing around other people and dealing with live bombs). Even at my advanced age and parental status, the "dictator voice" scares me. But I called him on it and now it's kind of a joke. Still, when he starts a sentence with "we need to talk", I figure I've got some 'splaining to do and start frantically searching my mind for what I've screwed up recently.

It has come to my attention recently that I "need to have a talk" with some people out there. The subject? Lu's pregnancy and the father of her baby. It seems somewhat crazy to me, in this day and age, that people are blaming Luke for this situation. Wth? Peeps, wake up and smell the decade! It's not the fifties folks. If I was going to take anyone to task over Lu's pregnancy (which I am most certainly NOT), it would be Lu! She's the one who's responsible for her own body. And here's why:

1.) She's not sixteen. She's nineteen and legally an adult. She was raised to make her own decisions and well educated on sex and birth control. She knows how to prevent pregnancy and not to rely on someone else to handle that prevention.

2.) Luke is only a year older than she is. Its not like he's some older guy who walked in and seduced an innocent and then abandoned her.

3.) They were planning on getting married when said conception occurred. They'd been in a monogamous relationship and living together for a year and a half. And we'd already started looking at wedding dresses for heaven's sake!

4.) He did not abandon her, she asked him to leave. While there was some miscommunication and screw ups in the beginning, he was not trying to abandon his child or Lu. In fact, he's been doing a pretty decent job of stepping up.

5.) Neither of them planned nor anticipated this pregnancy. It was an accident of malfunction. Shit happens. And it happens for a reason.

Therefore, there is no blame to place and I would like everyone to stop trying to assign some. Mike & I are not angry because Luke "knocked up our little girl". For real people?! We are truly supportive of them both in their effort to work things out and become the truly awesome parents we know they can be. So back off or I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey.

And now for a giggle~

The other night Mike, Sean and I were watching a scary movie:

Me: Omg! Why would he put his bed between two windows?! Who does that?? The only way to watch them both at the same time is to sleep on your back. I can't sleep on my back. I'd be exhausted all the time!

Mike: You do realize our bed is between two windows, right?

Me: Yes. But that's different. You're between me and one of them.

In the car:

Sean: What is that smell?

Me: I don't know. But it kind of smells like soybeans. Its spring, time for weird smells in farm country. It must be an RSC.

Sean: RSC?

Me: Random soybean cloud.

On the return trip:

Me: Ewwww. That stinks! RCSC!

Sean: RCSC?

Me: Random cow shit cloud.

Sean: You truly confound me with your ability to make up and throw out random acronyms. Its like you don't even have to stop and think about it.

Me: I know. Lightening fast acronym skills are just one of my many super powers.

Sean: Make that an acronym.

Me: LFAS!

Sean: Astonishing. But not particularly useful.

Me: You're just jealous.

On the way to the movies:

Sean: Come on *dancing in his seat* let's get pumped up for this!

Me: You want me to sing the "Friday" song? "We so excited"

Sean: No! Wait..."partyin partyin"

Me:"yeah"!

Sean: No but let's get P to the U to the M to the...*loooong pause*

Me: To the P

Sean: *crickets chirping*

Me: to the E to the D. You know, your rapping would be more effective if you could actually spell.

Sean: That's right. Make fun of the Dyslexic guy.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday as much as I am,
♥Spot

The one where we take a little trip...

2011-04-07T12:08:00.005-05:00

I'm baaaaccckkk! Vacation was pretty much a little slice of wonderfulness with a few pieces of frustration mixed in. Things I learned on vacation:

1. When it comes to family, you can have too much of a good thing.
2. People in southern Alabama are the nicest most polite people I've ever met.
3. Other tourists are annoying.
4. People drink way too much.
5. If I ask my kids to not talk to me and not hang out with me for 24 hours, they will not follow this request.
6. My husband should go on vacation with me, if only to help me hang on to my sanity.
7. Some things take longer to forgive than others.
8. I love Cajun food.
9. I love boats. And history.
10. I can manage to get bronchitis absolutely anywhere, without even trying.

I had never been to Alabama before or the Gulf Coast for that matter. I was pleasantly surprised. For real, folks down there are super friendly and polite. If you're waiting to cross the road, they will stop for you. I wasn't even half in the road, I was on the sidewalk and traffic (both directions) stopped to let me cross. I felt like a celebrity. Around here, they speed up to hit you. And in their Walmart (because what vacation would be complete without a trip to Wally World?) you can actually find the workers! They come up to you to ask if you need help! And they actually know the answer when you ask a question!! It was like the Twilight Zone. Or maybe Stepford.

We only really got to spend three days at the beach due to rainy, colder weather. But two of those days we managed to get sunburned, so it was probably a good thing. I did have to spend one day in bed, hacking up a lung, but at least I finished a good book. We shopped at the Outlet malls one day and baby Dylan already has quite a collection of clothes waiting on him. And we went sightseeing two days. They have two historic forts in the area and the kids and I visited both. Sean being the Civil War buff that he is was in heaven. I thought they were pretty nifty too. And we visited the Estruariam, much like an aquarium only it included the marshes and wetlands as well. Who knew baby alligators were so adorable?!

I have a boatload of interesting conversations to relate from the trip:

In the hotel on the way home, we were getting ready for bed and there were people making a lot of noise in the hallway:

Me: (loudly) If you people don't settle down out there I'm going to come out and stab you.

Lu: Mom! You can't say that!

Sean: You can't go around stabbing people either.

Me: I wasn't really going to stab them, I'm just trying to scare them a little.

Sean: Did you say you were only going to stab them a little? WTH? Is that what you'll tell the cops? "I only stabbed them a little officer"

Me: NO! I said scare them.

Lu: It must have worked, they shut up. That or their downstairs telling the front desk the crazy lady in 216 threatened to stab them. But just a little.

Sean bought a captain's hat our last day and proclaimed himself "Captain of this vessel", vessel being my SUV. He kept putting it on and yelling "I have made my decision..." So once we stopped for gas in this little town and there were two choices for gas stations. The kids picked BP and we went there. It was awful. Dirty and the people were rather suspicious looking:

Me: (safely back in the car) You two are fired from gas station picking. Next time it's the Texaco for sure.

Sean: (in his captain's voice) I have made my decision...next time we visit the Texaco!

we pass the Texaco and it's not even a functioning gas station, the pumps are gone and the building is deserted.

Sean: I have made a new decision! I've decided to stick by my original decision!

Yes, he continued in this manner for the next 4 hours. I think I'm deaf in my right ear now.

Driving through Mississippi we saw many many religious billboards. One was for abstinence, many were anti abortion and many were just about finding Jesus. And no offense intended to any one's beliefs...but we began to joke about it:

Sean: There's another "Have you found Jesus" billboard. They just keep losing him.

Me: You'd better watch your mouth. This is the heart of Bible country and they still burn people at the stake. We're traveling with Jezebel back there so we've already got one strike against us.

Sean: Wait. What? Who's Jezebel?

Me: She's in the Bible. She was a whore and she got ripped apart by wild dogs.

Sean: You know an insult doesn't really work as well if neither of the other people in the car know what you're talking about...

All in all, we had a great time. Now I'm back and I have an absolute ton of things to get done before Lu's baby arrives. Carpets to shampoo, rooms to paint and rearrange, showers to plan and blogs to write. I expect to be busy busy busy. Sean quit his job so he can get ready for his summer travels and finish his Eagle Scout project. Little does he know, that now he can help me with all the painting and shampooing. Mike is neck deep in getting things ready for summer camp at both camps since the other ranger retired and they haven't found a replacement yet. I'm back to seeing him at supper and bedtime mostly. Lu is doing well. She's now an assistant manager at the Quincy DEB store. The pregnancy is still going well, she's six months along now and we all got to feel the baby kicking last week. He's an active little guy! She and Luke, the baby's father, are officially back together. He's been coming down on weekends and for appointments and plans to move back here the first of July. They hope to have their own place by Thanksgiving.

I'll leave you with a couple of pics:

Lu and Sean on the beach!

The three of us on the last day

Lu and Baby Dylan

There's no place like home...
♥Spot

The one where we head for Memphis...

2011-03-25T20:42:00.004-05:00

So I don't know how many of you are like me...I'm always up for a road trip. Especially when I'm going through states I've never been to. There's not many states I haven't been to at some point but this trip is hitting a few of them. We started off in Mendon this morning and then hit St. Louis, Mo; Blytheville, Ak; Memphis, Tn; and came to rest in Southaven, Mississippi. Now I've been all over the great state of Tennessee but Arkansas was new to me. We really barely clipped a corner of the state and I was kind of disappointed to find it looked no different then Missouri. After 7 hours, two gas/potty breaks and a ton of 80's music we checked in to our Holiday Inn before going out to chow down on some BBQ (we are just south of Memphis after all!).

Here are some brief glimpses of our day:

After a stop in Arkansas for gas, I asked the attendant how to get back to the highway. Another gentleman joined the conversation and then I headed out to the car where the kids already were.

Sean: Were you talking to people in there?

Me: Um. Yeah. I was getting directions.

Lu: Mother!! Stranger Danger!! Stop talking to strangers.

Me: They weren't that strange...

Sean: You're hopeless...

While driving:

Lu: Can I see the Atlas?

Sean: No.

Lu: please?

Sean: Ask me again in six minutes.

Lu: (waiting) Can I see it now?

Sean: No. You still have two minutes.

Lu: How about now?

Sean: No.

Lu: But you said ask you again in six minutes.

Sean: Yes. But I never said I was going to give it to you...

After dinner we came back to the hotel room and Lu decided to take a shower so she could sleep in a bit later tomorrow. She takes her stuff into the bathroom and we hear the shower start, immediately followed by a thump, an "oh shit!", and strange noises. We couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying.

Sean: do you think she fell?

Me: no. the thump wasn't that loud.

(Lu is still making the noise) I go to the bathroom door and knock.

Me: Are you okay in there?

Lu: (muffled) Yes.

She opens the door and she is laughing so hard she's crying (so it WAS both). She points at the floor and I see it's flooded with water!

Lu: The shower head was pointed out into the bathroom and I didn't see it before I turned the shower on!

Leave it to Lu!

I'm so happy to be back below the mason-dixon line where the only acceptable beverage is sweet tea, everyone says "y'all" and "yes ma'am", and grits are a staple. But I am going to let them keep their fried pickles. Those were just gross dude.

Well tomorrow will come early and we have another 8 hours on the road before we hit the gulf. Good night y'all.

♥Spot

The one where we get some good news...

2011-03-22T14:32:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged much in the past few months and there are a variety of reasons for that. We've had some health issues at our house and to be honest, it sapped my energy. In many ways, we are still feeling the effects of Mike's accident even after nine months. He was back on the job so quickly that many folks, including us, forget that it was such a serious accident. To say it has changed our family would be putting it mildly. A lot of good has come out it, but there are the bad things too. Mike has had more sinus infections and then the stay in the hospital last month. This is hard on a guy who got sick once a year (maybe) before this and hardly ever slowed down for it. But eventually we started noticing other changes in him as well. He seemed to be having lots of trouble with his short term memory. He got frustrated very easily. And then got frustrated that he was frustrated. For those of you who don't know him well, Mike was one of the most laid back guys on the planet. As one young man we know put it a couple of years ago, "Mike's so slow to anger, that if he yells at you, you better believe you f**ded up bad!"

And while he still manages to contain the frustration and not yell at people, it's simmering on the inside. He also tires much more easily and doesn't seem to enjoy things (even hunting) as much. We were both a little worried. So we went to see a neuropsychologist in Springfield. And after an hour long interview, Mike spent the next 5 hours being put through a series of tests designed to test mental functioning. Then we waited two weeks for results. I was nervous about the results. Yesterday we went back to her office. Most of the tests Mike aced. Especially the problem solving one. Which isn't surprising. Solving problems is a big part of his job. But there were some short term memory issues. The doctor's diagnosis was Prolonged Post Concussive Syndrome. Which means Mike had a mild traumatic brain injury from the accident. The symptoms showed up late and are staying late. Probably the stress of work exacerbates them. The good news is they'll go away on their own. He doesn't need any treatment except patience and his brain will heal itself.

I don't know if you can imagine what a relief this was. It's not a tumor. It's not Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's not a worse brain injury. It's not permanent. Things will be fine. She gave us some tips on how he can help himself remember things. She gave us tips on things I can do to help him. She told him he absolutely has to give himself down time occasionally to de-stress and rest. She said even the frustration is a symptom and it will go back to normal. She completely concurred that him skipping this vacation is the right thing to do since he'd only stress more about all the things he wasn't getting done. And she told us we were a great couple who communicated better than most people she knew. (Score us!) And then she wished us well.

And so I try to remember to be patient because this too shall pass. And some day the accident will be completely behind us. I only hope we don't forget the lessons we learned.

Conversation earlier today:

Me: We never got a bill from the hospital for your stay last month.

Mike: Are you going to call them about it?

Me: Are you kidding? And remind them about it? Um. No. I'm just going to assume that we had enough frequent flyer miles built up with them that this trip was free.

Enjoy your day today readers. Each one is a gift.
♥Spot

Then one where Lu finally picks a name...

2011-03-19T12:33:00.004-05:00

Bless me readers, for I have sinned, it's been one month since my last blog post. Sorry. Forgiven? I'm just going to go with "yes" on that one since I can't really hear your answer. And I'm going to dive right in with the good stuff. And apparently Lu's love life is the "good stuff". How do I know? Because a friend of mine related this conversation the other day:

KK: So I read the blog. Please tell me the guy Lu was seeing wasn't M!

MM: It was.

KK: What was she thinking?!

MM: I don't know. But it's over. The end.

KK: Thank God!

MM: Do you ever wonder why we're so invested in Lu's love life??

Don't worry guys. I get it. It's like a soap opera. So the update on that is that Lu and the baby's father are on very friendly terms. They aren't what one would call officially reconciled but that's because Lu wants to take things slow and make sure that the previous issues are on their way to resolution. But he's very involved with the pregnancy now. He and his mom were both at the sonogram where we found out it's a boy! And things seem to be progressing between them in a positive direction. And frankly, it's nice to see her happy. They did work together to choose a name: Dylan James Flanagan. Personally, I was partial to Milo. Her belly is ginormous. But she makes pregnancy look adorable. And thankfully, she takes after me and has a very easy pregnancy. I hope her delivery is the same. All the screenings have come back with negative results so the baby seems extremely healthy and on track. Her platelets dipped but then went up on their own. And she finally gained some weight. Here's a picture:

Isn't she adorable??!

Sean is still working as a telemarketer and comes home daily with the funniest stories ever. He meets and works with some interesting characters that's for sure. Some of his stories are funny, though kind of sad in a way. Sad that people feel the need to self medicate with drugs and alcohol to the point that they do. Even to get through the work day. I was going to share one, but suddenly I'm not in the mood. He's looking forward to vacay. And to getting to quit his job. He's working for the boy scouts again this summer and camp callahan and then travelling.

Mike is, of course, submersed in work. Always a ton of projects to do and the usual getting camp ready for summer. In fact, he'll be missing our vacation. Don't worry about him too much though. He's not a big fan of the ocean. He calls it the big puddle.

Mike: have fun visiting the big noisy puddle.

Me: Noisy?

Mike: yeah, it's constantly making that noise.

Me: You mean the sound of the waves? The one people find soothing and they put on those machines to help people relax?

Mike: yeah. It's so annoying. Give me silence any day.

Me: You just get weirder every time I talk to you.

Don't worry. I will enjoy it. I love that sound. And I'm very excited to be visiting a state I haven't yet been to. Alabama. And drinking sweet tea and saying y'all without anyone laughing at me. I'll keep you posted.

The heart wrenching part though? We aren't taking CJ. I just can't do that without Mike. I'm already having a fibro flare up and not getting enough sleep would make it worse. Also, we considered that we aren't sure how he'll do on an eight hour car trip two days in a row. Or being out of his routine for 10 days in unfamiliar surroundings. I know in my heart that we've made the right decision but that doesn't make me any less sad. But I will be taking him to my sisters in the next month or so. We'll see how he does there and keep working to get him ready to go on a vacation with us. And Mike has promised to go somewhere with me in the fall when his work slows down some. Alaska anyone?

The fibro flare was really bumming me out. I've felt so well for such a long time that it sucks to be reminded you have a chronic illness that can put you on the bench from time to time. I was throwing myself a real pity party for a couple of days. The klutziness was really getting to me. I have thrown my phone across the kitchen (not on purpose, it just slid out of my hand), dropped a dish of cat food upside down on the floor, spilled a very full glass of red juice all over the carpet, dropped and broken a glass cookie jar and sliced my thumb open on a can lid requiring an ER visit and tetanus shot. Talented, huh? I've grounded myself from using glass glasses for the duration. But the pity party ends today. Because I happened to see a show that reminded me that there are far worse conditions to have. I may be typing awkwardly with my bandaged thumb, but at least the rest of my appendages are responding to my brain signals. I may be dropping things, but I'm still able to clean up after myself. I may be forgetting things and having trouble coming up with the right word now and then, but I can still speak and see and hear and walk. And I have people who love me and forgive me when I'm moody and sick. People who take care of me willingly when I need it. A job doing what I love. A roof over my head, plenty of food to eat and a grandson on the way. I am a blessed woman.

Thank you all for sticking with me like you do. And a big shout out to my kindle readers!! You have not gotten your money's worth this month and for that I apologize sincerely. I'll try to do better.

♥Spot

The one where I try to get back on track...no really, I mean it this time.

2011-02-14T12:42:00.003-06:00

I'm really not being very good about this whole posting on a regular basis thing, am I? I could give you the fifty million excuses I could think of, but lets just chalk it up to health issues and motivational fail. Mmmk?

First, thank you to all of you who follow my facebook and sent wishes and prayers while Mike was in the hospital last weekend. That support is so appreciated. It was appreciated the first day when he was so sick and they couldn't figure out what was wrong and then the next day when he was so grumpy, I wanted to thump him with something. You know how you can tell your kids are getting over an illness, because they start getting grumpy? Well apparently he never got the memo that kids do that, not grown men. I think over the last year, I've kind of proved I'm a patient person. So everyone should probably stop testing my patience.

Second, I got to hear the grand baby's heartbeat again. Lu is doing great and everything is going well with her pregnancy. Her platelets dropped about 20,000 but they are still well above normal. She gained a pound back. And her belly has really popped out finally. There's no mistaking she's pregnant. And it's adorable. Although, she really doesn't like people touching her belly. I told her she better suck it up and get used to it. Pregnant bellies are like magnets. You just have to touch them. Things did not work out with the guy she was seeing. But his behavior afterward certainly showed that she made the right decision. Obsessive much? Yes he was. The baby's father finally got in contact with her again. It's only been a few texts but that's a step in the right direction. Maybe they can at least salvage a friendship since they are sharing a baby.

I have about a zillion conversations to share with you. So here goes:

The last day Mike was in St. Louis he'd called to talk to me and towards the end of the convo he began to sound distracted and I heard him say:

Mike: I don't know what I did with my phone.

Me: (completely confused) What?

Mike: I can't find my phone. I hope I left it in my room.

Me: Um. You don't mean the phone that you're talking to me on, right?

Mike: Well hell. That's why it's not in my pocket!

And last night we were watching a movie and the characters were walking in a forest in England and came upon a place where animal skulls were hung from trees:

Mike: That skull is an American big horn. They don't have those in Europe.

Lu: Stop taking the fun out of it!

Sean: The movie was probably filmed in Oregon anyway.

Me: Yeah, they have those in Oregon.

Lu: *giggling* I can't believe they put the wrong skulls up. Geez, did they think no one would notice? How silly of them.

And the other day, while sitting in Mike's doctors examining room:

Me: I can't read any of those papers he has posted on the back of the door. I mean, I can read the large print but that's about it. I need to make an eye appointment because I'm pretty sure I'm going blind.

Mike: *starts reading off the fine print*

Me: Wow. Thanks. Way to make me feel inferior. Good job big guy.

Mike: *trying to make me feel better* Well it's kind of blurry and I have to concentrate to read it.

Me: Um yeah. It's kind of blurry to me too and I have to concentrate to make it look like words!

Which reminds me that I still need to make that eye appointment! I have an appointment with the Ear, Nose & Throat doctor tomorrow for some vertigo I've been having. The downside to vertigo is that everything spinning like that is slightly nauseating. And I did actually fall down once. The upside though is that no one has to take me to Six Flaggs this year. Just bending down makes me feel like I'm on an amusement park ride!

Hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day! And that you are all in good health and good spirits.

Peace Out,
♥Spot

The one where Lu saves the Polar Bears and we prepare for Snowmageddon...

2011-01-31T12:19:00.003-06:00

Dude. Have you watched the weather forecast lately? Well if you're in any of the like 30 states that they are predicting this winter storm for, you probably have. It's supposed to be record-breaking. And I know a lot of you are like "Universe! Stop with the freakin snow already!". But not me. I'm like a kid on Christmas morning!! (yes, I do know that most of you think I'm certifiably crazy.) We are, without a doubt, going to get snowed in. You see they are predicting ice and sleet and snow for today. I don't particularly care for that wintry mix, but as long as both kids make it home from work safe, I'll take it. And tonight the snow is supposed to start. It's not going to end til Wednesday. Somewhere between 12 to 18 inches is predicted, but an inside source told me more like 24. Along with 45 mph winds which will make drifting and visibility an issue. We live on a gravel road off of another gravel road. And the 1/4 mile long drive to the mailbox and county gravel road drifts like you wouldn't believe. So without my hubby to clear the way, we will be stuck. And although he did make arrangements to have someone come and clear snow, I doubt they will be able to get to us until the other roads are cleared. But it's cool. Because I already grocery shopped, laid in firewood, stocked up on candles and matches. We will hunker down and enjoy the isolation. Sean will miss work, but I know he won't mind. (Because my children are crazy too, apparently). So, call me crazy, but I'm looking forward to Snowmaggedon. I hope the rest of you stay safe and warm as well!

And on the cold wintry theme, here's a convo from dinner the other night:

Lu: I have a great idea for how to save the Polar Bears! I'm going to go buy all the bags of ice at Walmart and take them to the North Pole to replace the melting ice caps.

Me: How are you going to get them there? I think they'll melt on the drive up.

Lu: In a refrigerated truck. Duh. Like the one they took Frosty the Snowman in.

Sean: You do realize that's not going to be enough ice, right?

Lu: I'll stop at every Walmart along the way.

Me: But how will you get it all the way to the North Pole. You can't drive there.

Lu: Sure you can. Haven't you heard of Ice Road Truckers?

Me: Um. Yeah, but there's no road. Maybe you could fly along and dump it out.

Sean: And you do realize that if the polar ice caps are melting then your measly bags of ice are going to melt too. Like dumping ice in a lukewarm drink.

Lu: Whatever Sean. It will work.

Me: Do you think Polar Bears prefer crushed or cubed ice?

Lu: Crushed. Duh.

Sean: Well I'm going to shoot all your Polar Bears.

Lu: You can't shoot Polar Bears, they're extinct.

Me: I think you mean endangered, honey.

Sean: A. Polar Bears are not extinct. B. But if they were, you're right. You sure as heck wouldn't be able to shoot them.

By this time I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Hope you are too.

Happy Snowmaggedon!
♥Spot

The one where I finally get my life back...

2011-01-28T11:56:00.004-06:00

I absolutely cannot believe that I have not blogged in almost two months. That seems crazy to me when it's one of my all time favorite activities. Not to mention, the way I connect with so many people near and far. Oddly though, I have noticed that several people took blogcations and went AWOL. Thank you to those of you who still commented or sent emails or kept up with me on Facebook. I'm still alive. And improved. Not new. Just improved. So I guess I'll just catch everyone up as best I can and go from there. This may take a while so grab a beverage, put your feet up and dive in.

I had some health issues while I was gone. Namely, pneumonia that played "musical lungs" and hung on from December 15th (my birthday) until about January 18th. Not being able to breathe pretty much sucks. And coughing so hard you actually crack a rib is not high on the list of fun stuff either. I would never have made it through Christmas (remember it was my year to host my mom's family) if I had not been oddly organized this year (I say odd because I'm never this organized at Christmas). I had bought most of my gifts early (yay for online shopping!) and had actually planned my days out so I could get things done. Also, Mike helped more this year with Christmas than he's ever, in our entire life together, helped. In fact, I may consider having pneumonia ever year. Or at least faking it. Cough. Cough. "I'm sick". And the kids pitched in too. And I finally gave myself permission to not sweat the small stuff. And to consider many things "small stuff". So Christmas came off with out a hitch. The cleanup was another matter. I didn't get the trees down until January 19th. I also had my gallbladder surgery. Finally. We'd had to keep rescheduling it due to the pneumonia. It wasn't bad as far as surgeries go and I've recovered rather quickly for me. So I'm finally feeling more or less normal. Better than normal except for a continuing cough. Surely it will be gone by March?

Mike is doing well. He's actually off to National Camp School for a week to head up and teach the Ranger portion. He was suggested by someone he'd met, they conferred with his bosses, talked to him and off he went. He was so nervous. Public speaking is not his favorite. But we went over his lesson plans and everything the other night and he's going to rock this gig. The new rangers are lucky to have him because he'll be a great teacher. But he hasn't been gone for a whole week in like 5 years. I'm going to really miss him. And I sure as hell hope we don't get snowed in. I have no idea how to drive the tractor and plow snow. Also, for those of you who are thinking "Ha! Her husband's gone for a week, lets rob the place", first, there's not much to take. Second, we have guns and Sean will shoot you. I much prefer sharp stabby things so I'll shank you with my vegetable knife. But worst of all...we have a pregnant Lu who will probably gouge out your eyes with her bare hands. Seriously. Those hormones are wild.

Sean is good. Still rocking the telemarketer world and keeping us all in stitches with tales of his daily worklife. He almost makes me want to get a job there. Sean and Lizzie did drop the "not dating" part and dated over Christmas break. Unfortunately, it was short lived. Now they really are not dating. So girls, he's up for grabs again. And he's racking up a tidy little nest egg. Although, I must admit he's pretty generous with his money. He's currently making his summer travel plans and seeing how he can fit some work in there too.

Lu is good. Her pregnancy is going well and she has the cutest little baby belly. She's really starting to show this last week and you can tell it's baby not pudge. She hasn't had any problems other than tiredness and some nausea at all. Her blood work is looking good and holding out high. We heard the baby's heartbeat at the last appointment and it was strong and 166. This leads me to believe it's a girl. The name picking is not going so well. She wants something uncommon, but not ridiculous. Maybe I should have a "name Lu's baby" contest. The baby's father is very much out of the picture. He can't seem to put aside his own feelings and realize that there's a baby involved, it's not really about him anymore. I think it's hurt Lu's feelings somewhat on behalf of the baby, but mostly she's relieved. There is someone else in the picture. He is ready to take care of both Lu and the baby. But they are taking it slow to see where it goes. With her hormonal mood swings, dating her is challenging. I won't say anything further because some of the baby's daddy's friends read my blog and it doesn't need to get back to him unless they get serious. You know who you are...and so do I. So don't go telling tales. She's still working at her retail job and planning to take online classes in the fall after the baby is born.

Well, bet you finished that drink, huh? If you made it through all this, then you are pretty well caught up. I can't wait to read some of your blogs and find out what's going on with the rest of you! And I do have some wickedly funny conversations saved up. It's good to be back. I've missed you all.

♥Spot

The one where I can't seem to put it behind me...

2010-12-04T13:46:00.004-06:00

So um. This is probably going to be completely random because I have no idea what I'm going to blog about. I had fifty thousand post ideas until I actually sat down at my computer and my mind went blank. So here I am staring at the blank screen and randomly typing.

Today is the 6 month mark from Mike's accident. He's doing great. He still has some occasional shoulder pain and he still doesn't have his stamina quite back but he's doing amazing for someone who almost died. He still says he only remembers bits and pieces of things after the accident. I have full recall of the entire day. Sometimes I wish I didn't. I can't pass a red truck without feeling a chill snake it's way down my spine. Every time anyone leaves the house I worry til I know their safe. If I start to say something and don't or if I don't get a chance to say "I love you" before they leave I spend hours freaking out, thinking what if something happens, will they know I loved them? It's ridiculous really, but I can't stop it. Even writing this I find myself tearing up. I have flashbacks to that trauma room and my husbands bruised and bloody body. He seems to have put it out of his mind for the most part. I wonder why I can't?

On a happier note- Lu's pregnancy is going really well. Other than the fatigue (you ladies know what I'm talking about- that bone weary tiredness of the first trimester), she hasn't had much trouble. Some headaches and passing nausea, but overall she's super healthy and doing great. I should take a picture of her baby bump to post. She sees the doctor for the first time on Wednesday and we're hoping they will be able to determine her due date for sure. Emotionally she's got a lot going on. She wants to have the first appointment be just her and I and the baby daddy is pressuring her to let him come too. I'm not sure why he can't seem to respect her wishes on this. Technically she doesn't have to let him come to any appointments but she's promised he could come to some. She's also helping a friend who's been through rehab for alcoholism and just got out.

Sean is, well, Sean. I haven't seen him much these last few weeks because he's got his father's work ethic. He had pneumonia and only missed one day of work. Then he stayed late several times to make up the missed hours. Then he took on a couple of side jobs with a friend. Between all that and his Lodge duties, he's gone a lot. I miss him. He's the one I can count on to lighten my mood. Lizzie (his "not" girlfriend) did visit with us over her Thanksgiving break and we all enjoyed that. Lu made us (and when I say "made" us, I mean MADE us. She's like the family game night Nazi) play games that night. Personally, I wish they'd drop the "not" status and just go back to dating. Sean found "the whole happy meal" in Lizzie and I like that she gives shit right back to him when he's dishing it out. Lu has asked them to be her baby's godparents.

And me? Well, I'm working on Christmas stuff. I'm unusually ahead of the game this year. My shopping is nearly done, I'm starting my craft projects tomorrow, and I may wrap some today. I'm usually a last minute Christmas girl so I'm feeling pretty proud. My folks and sisters family will be coming here for Christmas, so I do have some carpet shampooing and cleaning to do. And I have to get it all done because I'm having my gallbladder out on the 30th. That conversation went like this.

*I'd seen the surgeon (yes, the same one who did Mike and Lu's surgeries. He's probably going to get to go on vacation from the money he's made on us this year!) And the nurse comes in*

Nurse: Doctor wants to take that out right away. He said tomorrow but we don't have any openings. How about next Thursday the 9th?

Me: Um. No can do. We have a wedding to go to on the 11th and a banquet.

Nurse: How about the next week. The 16th?

Me: Nope. Mike's work Christmas party.

Nurse: The 23rd?

Me: You're kidding right?

Nurse: *blank stare*

Me: I'm having company for Christmas. How about the 30th?

Nurse: But the doctor said right away.

Me: I've been in pain for months now. I'm pretty sure I can handle 29 more days. So the 30th works. Book it.

I know that my family would have been okay with a messy house and pizza for Christmas dinner. But I would never have healed enough to be able to have CJ home. This way I get Christmas out of the way, enjoy every one's visits and then take care of me. That's how we Mom's do it, right?

Hope you all are having an excellent month. If you have snow, send it my way. I'm ready for some!

♥Spot

The one where tigers eat zebras and the cat is out of the bag

2010-11-24T15:24:00.004-06:00

First, I totally have a confession to make. I'm not nearly as nice and sweet as people think I am. I'm just really really good at biting my tongue and not saying what's actually going through my mind at the time. I find this seriously helpful in dealing not only with the general public, but also with other relationships. And the way that you'll know I'm angry is if I stop talking. No, I'm not deep in thought. No, I'm not just super interested in what you have to say. If I'm not talking in a truly animated fashion and gesturing with my hands, I'm probably pissed off and plotting your slow demise in my next short story. Unless I've been drinking, in which case I'm quite liable to come out with exactly what I'm thinking. Which never ends well, thus the reason I don't drink much. And the reason my husband prefers I don't drink at work functions. Case in point we were discussing someone the other day and I said that I would never drink much around said person as I was afraid the conversation would go much like this~

Me: Do you realize how bad your people skills really are?

Person: I don't know what you're talking about. Besides, you like me.

Me: No. You just think I do, because I happen to have excellent people skills.

And Sean said "yeah. I can pretty much see the conversation going exactly like that".

And now for the big news I mentioned the other day...I'm going to be a grandma!!! And this is how it happened~

*I'm in my office/family room in the middle of writing a story on the Chilean miners visiting Israel for the holiday season when Lu walks in. I glance up quickly to see who has entered my domain and then look at the clock. It's only 8:30 am which is really early for her to be up on a day she doesn't have to be at work.*

Lu: Remember when you said you'd love me forever no matter what?

Me:*slightly annoyed because I'm pretty sure she's going to ask me to make her a cup of tea and I'm right in the middle of an article* Yes?

Lu:*pulls out two positive pregnancy tests (different brands even) from behind her back and promptly bursts into tears*

Me: Wow. That is so not where I saw this conversation going.

Of course, then I hugged her and we sat in the chair and discussed things. I told her that what we had was a huge case of irony (considering she and Luke had broken up the week before) and that the Universe loved irony. There was no question as to what she'd do, I know her well enough to know she'd keep the baby. She'll live at home and start community college in the fall. Since I work from home, I can watch the baby. She's trying to work on a friendship with Luke so that they can deal well together when the baby comes. She's smart enough to know that a troubled relationship doesn't get better when a baby is added. If it didn't work before it's not going to then.

The timing is off and it sure wasn't in her plan right now, but she's handling it well. Luckily, she'd had the splenechtomy so her ITP is still in remission. She's had two blood tests since she found out she was pregnant and platelets are holding steady at a very high normal. Since she was already on iron for her anemia and folic acid the baby has a good start. And she was already a healthy eater so she's ahead of the game. She sees the doctor for the first time on December 8th but all estimates put her at 7 weeks along. She is already sporting a noticeable baby bump though so she may be farther along. Although, multiples also run on both sides of her fathers family.

All the key players (Luke, parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles) have been told so she told me I could share the news with you. Which is awesome, because I was about to bust! I don't even mind the grandma jokes. Much.

And last but not least, a conversation I had with Sean a few days ago~

*we were discussing a certain person and their complete lack of proper responses*

Me: Well a wise woman did tell Mo and I the other day that in 22 years of her line of work she had learned for sure that zebras can't change their stripes.

Sean: of course they can't. It's because zebras are pansies. Take me for instance, I'm a tiger. And I'm not going to change my stripes because I like my stripes. Cause I'm a freakin tiger. And tigers are bad ass. So we don't change our stripes. Zebras try to change but they can't. Because they're zebras. And they're all "I'm gonna stand in this field and hope the tiger doesn't eat me, maybe I blend in with the tall grass". See? Pansies.

Me: I'm pretty sure you lost me back at "I'm a tiger". I don't really understand where you were going with that analogy but um. Okay?

Sean: *head nod, eyebrow raise* That's right. Tigers.

Yeah, it really went down just like that.

Have a happy "day we celebrate how we cheated the Indians out of their land" day!
♥Spot

The one where a hatchling leaves the nest and why I will never be famous...

2010-11-20T14:07:00.003-06:00

A friend and blog reader emailed me the other day just to check and see how things are going in "Spotsville". I replied that things are hopping. And its true. I wish I could tell you all about it, but some things will have to wait. But first, I want to thank each and everyone of you for not only reading about my vida loca but also for caring about it. And to the many of you I keep in touch with outside the blog...I adore you.

So we are currently down in household size from 6 to 4. And no I don't mean because Mike is so busy working on the dining hall roof that he's hardly ever home. Although that is true and is a small bone of contention. I mean who else can say that the "other woman" is a tin roof her husband is building. Complete with "floating rafters" (whatever the hell that means). He even sent me a picture in a text message the other day of the roof. I answered "um. wow. It looks roof-y?"

No, Luke and Lu have called it splitsville. Well, actually, Lu decided it was splitsville and so he moved out roughly two weeks ago. Sometimes, things just don't work out and you have to move on.

And Bobby is leaving the nest. His brother bought a house and asked him to move in with him and his girlfriend. It's twenty minutes closer to town and not on a gravel road. We agreed that this was a good time for him to test his wings. We also made sure he knew that if it didn't work out he still had a home to come back too. I will miss him. And yet, I'm proud. It's a funny bag of mixed emotions.

And now for some random conversations that have taken place over the last few days:

***As Lu and I were standing in line to see the play "Forever Plaid" at the local community theatre:

Lu: *leaning over to kiss me on the cheek* Thanks.

Me: For what? The tickets were free.

Lu: No. For making me pretty.

Me: Um. Well, I didn't have a lot to do with that. That's more of a "thank the Universe" kind of thing. What brought that on anyway?

Lu: I was just looking around and looking at you and you're pretty and I look just like you, therefore I'm pretty too.

Me: Oh. Well in that case, you're totally welcome. You're really just glad I don't dress horrible and embarrass you, aren't you?

Lu: Yeah, that too.

***The other day when Mike came into my office in the middle of the day:

Mike: Are you working?

Me: Generally if you hear the keyboard typing non stop I'm working yes.

Mike: Oh then I won't bother you.

Me: You kind of already have so you might as well just tell me what you need.

Mike: I don't need anything.

Me: Then why did you come in here?

Mike: I was just checking on you.

Me: Checking on me how? What did you think had happened to me exactly?

Mike: I don't know.

Me: *sighing* well I'm glad we cleared that up. I'm fine thanks. I just bid on a new job. It would be a lot of articles though. I'd probably have to start taking myself a little more seriously and really putting in 6 to 8 hours a day.

Mike: you don't need to do that.

Me: I know. But I want to. And extra money would be nice, it would pay really well.

Mike: You don't need to do that because we keep you plenty busy around here taking care of us.

Me: Did you honestly just say I can't further my career because you and the kids are so needy?!

Mike: Yeah. That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Me: You should probably leave my office now. *And that my friends, is why I'll never be famous. Because my family requires too much of my time.*

***Sean and I talking before he went to bed last night, Lu was in the room too.

Me: So who painted your nails this time?

Sean: Dawn at work. I need to take it off before Monday so she can do a better job. She was in a hurry.

Me: Are you going to take it off before your scout thing tomorrow?

Sean: Nope. I did the last one with sparkly pink nails that my supervisor painted.

Lu: Only you would be able to find a job where you get to do such ridiculous things and still get paid.

Me: Are you going to take it off before your date with Lizzie?

Lu: Where are you taking Lizzie?

Sean: Hamilton Family Diner. I promised her some ham fam next time she was back. And no, I'm not.

Me: I wish you would.

Sean: Why? Are you being gender stereotypical?

Me: No. I just don't like fingernail polish on guys. You know how goth guys wear black fingernail polish? I just don't like it.

Sean: It's not black. It's Burgundy.

Lu: *Explodes into giggles.* It's Burgundy!!

Me: I don't care what color it is, I just don't like it.

Lu: *more hysterical laughter* It's Burgundy!

Me: Um. Are you alright there Lu?

Lu: Yes. You guys just crack me up. You should blog this. It's Burgundy. *giggle snort*

And that's what's going on around here.

Have a great weekend,
♥Spot

The one where Sean gets served

2010-11-08T12:29:00.003-06:00

So not many people commented on my last blog so I'm thinking maybe you don't like it when I get serious or maybe it's just a skinny people boycott. Whatever. If you guys are going to play that game I guess I'll just go ahead and give you what you want. I know, you want the "funny". Fine. Here. I hope you all snort liquid out your noses. (No, really, I do!)

A couple of weekends ago, Sean's "not girlfriend"(which is a whole confusing state in and of itself) Lizzie came home from college for the weekend and we'd already planned that she would come to our house Friday night. We said we'd make dinner (and by "we", I totally mean "I") and then we'd (now I mean "we") teach her to play Mexican Train Dominoes. Don't laugh. It's fun. And we are all extremely competitive so it involves a lot of trash talking and a couple of swear words. So she arrived on a Friday night and we gathered round the table to chow down on some pork carnitas (duh, what else would you eat but Mexican food when you're going to play Mexican train dominoes?). It was Lizzie, Sean, Lu, Bobby (who was still off work from his accident) and myself. Naturally our dinner table conversation took several small leaps off track. And I'm just going to warn you right now-- if you get embarrassed about the word "vagina" or are easily offended STOP READING RIGHT NOW. Also, if you think you might feel the need to offer me parenting advice or something-- don't. I won't listen and I happen to think I've done a wonderful job. Thus ends the warning.

Me: Lizzie, how did W's 21st birthday party go? Wasn't it her first time ever drinking?

Lizzie: I don't know for sure that it was, but I know she was always against underage drinking whenever she was with K & I. But she drank alot and puked twice.

Me: Gross. But sometimes when you puke you feel better and can keep partying. Not that I recommend that.

Lizzie: Yeah, she puked the first time at the party and then the next time after we got home, she was on the porch and the window was open.

Sean: Did she make it to the bathroom at the party?

Lizzie: I don't know for sure.

Lu: Well I hope she didn't puke in her purse.

*We all start laughing*

Sean: Why the hell would she puke in her purse?

Me: That's totally gross. Who would do that?

Lu: Well it always seems like a good idea, until the next morning. It's just a really bad idea.

Me: Please tell me you don't know this from personal experience!

Bobby & Sean: She totally does! Look at her face!

*by this time we're all laughing hysterically*

Lu: It's really not that funny!

-now I know some of you are going "she just sort of admitted to getting drunk" and yeah, it can be viewed that way. But for the most part if you think your teenagers have never snuck a drink or two, you're fooling yourself. Besides, it's not like I can ground her for sins of the past. If you could, my parents would probably still be trying to ground me for shit I pulled they never knew about. There's got to be a statute of limitations on that kind of stuff-

From there, the convo takes a bewildering turn-

Lu: I don't know why Axel(my tiny female cat) is so mean to Sparkplug(Lu's male cat) anymore. They used to be the Romeo & Juliet of the cat world.

Me: She hasn't wanted anything to do with him since he came home from the vets.

Lu: Maybe she just knows he can't put out anymore. That's okay Sparkplug, you stay away from her vampire vagina.

*All of us turn to stare at her*

Lu: I read it in that cat book you got when Axel was pregnant. When cats have sex the female has these little barbs in there that make it impossible for the male to pull out before the deed is done.

Sean: So let me get this straight- you think cats have fangs in their vaginas?

Lu: No not fangs, barbs. But whatever, they're like vampires.

Me: *struggling for breath because I'm laughing so hard* Vampire Va-jay-jays! Man, where's Elly when you need her?!

Bobby: thank god humans don't have those.

Me: seriously, people would never have sex. And boys would learn to say no.

Sean: No! Keep that vampire vagina away from me girls!

Me: Do they sparkle?

Yeah, we ran that conversation into the ground. And the rest of the night anytime anyone said "vampire" we all started laughing again. Which was very confusing for Mike when he finally made it to the house.

Sean ended up winning the game. And the highlight of the game was Sean kept shouting "Stop looking at my dominoes Lizzie!!" He gets highly irate when you look at his dominoes. And then once, when he had to draw a domino, Lizzie told him he'd had one he could have played all along.

Sean: Then why didn't you tell me?

Lizzie: Because you keep yelling at me to stop looking at your dominoes! Besides, I needed that space.

Yes, Sean, you did just get served.

Hope Monday isn't treating you all too badly,
♥Spot

The one where we talk less about weight and more about self-confidence

2010-11-05T13:47:00.003-05:00

Hello bloggy peeps! Remember me? Yeah, I don’t blame you at all. I have been seriously neglectful of this blog and since it’s the very thing that got me so far to begin with that is truly unforgivable. But I think I’ve kicked the case of “bloggy blues” that I seem to have been suffering with lately. (And it wasn’t just me. Did you notice how many other bloggers seemed to have struggling lately? Must have been some sort of weird co-alignment of the planets). But I’m back and hopefully to stay this time.

Now, normally you know I don’t do a lot of reactionary pieces. I respect everyone’s right to have an opinion that differs from mine and don’t find a lot of fulfillment in arguing just for the sake of argument. But I feel I must speak up this time. If you’ve been on the webs at all in the last week, you’ve heard about the horrible blog at Marie Claire bashing fat people. It’s gotten a lot of attention and evoked horror from most people. I was content to ignore it. People are dumb, right? Then I read it. And while the author did say some insensitive things, I don't think she truly meant to hurt people. (But you totally spelled "heroin" wrong, sweetie. There's no "e" on the end of the drug). But then I happened to have my attention called to another blogger’s response to the article. I know she was trying to be helpful, but her blog was almost as bad. She says that the times in her life when she’s been fat, she felt invisible. That most people ignore fat people. Girl, you could not be more wrong!

First, I don’t think anyone who claims to have been overweight for roughly three years out of her life knows much about being fat. And the author completely fesses up that at these times in her life she’s been miserable, hating her own body and desperately wanting to change. So of course when she goes out into the world, armed with her horrible self-image and expecting to be treated poorly, she seems invisible. That has more to do with attitude than extra weight.

Let’s get this straight. I am a big girl. I’m not morbidly obese, but I’m no one’s idea of thin. I have been thinner in the past. High school, after my first baby, after my second baby. Oh don’t get me wrong; I was never a skin and bones girl. I was curvy. And always, I had to be careful to maintain that weight. I had to get plenty of exercise and say “no” to desert. Then I got pregnant with my third child and 17 years later I still haven’t lost all that baby weight. Oh here and there I lose a few pounds, then I find them again, and so on. But I am far from miserable in my skin.

I don’t binge eat. I don’t hideout and scarf food where no one can see me. I cook healthy. I don’t fry foods and I don’t eat them if I can avoid it (except for the occasional greasy cheesy goodness from McDs). My blood pressure is good. My cholesterol is low and my heart is healthy. I do not have diabetes or any other weight related health issues. I would like to lose a few pounds but mostly that’s because I’ve been forced into inactivity lately by circumstance and feel better when I can get outside and hike or stay in and play Wii. So I’m heavy, but relatively healthy.

But here’s the thing. I am not invisible. No one treats me badly because of my size. Men still hold doors for me, I still get flirted with and I still feel sexy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those “fat is sexy” girls who run around in body revealing clothing. I wear age appropriate classic clothing most of the time. (sometimes I splurge on something silly but that’s just my fruit loopness coming out). I feel sexy because I’m self-confident. It has nothing to do with the way I look and everything to do with my personality. People smile at me because I smile at them. I meet their eyes and I don’t look away. I’m friendly and positive. I don’t hide. Want an example? I was at Wal-Mart the other evening and I left Mike and Sean in the hunting department to head over to pick up orange juice. As I walked down the aisle, I saw a guy stocking and he turned, smiled at me and said:

Him: Didn’t you used to work at Waldenbooks?

Me: Yes.

Him: I worked at the calendar store one year.

Me: (I really don’t remember him, but I don’t want to be rude) Oh yeah! Hey! How’re you doing?

Him: Great. Wow. It’s really good to see you!

Me: You too. Take care.

And I strolled on, apparently quite visible. The topper? It was the day I’d been in the ER, so my hair was slightly messy; I was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, obviously completely un-ravishing. But it was probably my personality that he remembered not my beauty.

And now, lets talk about that dirty little secret that no one ever talks about. Skinny doesn’t equal self-confidence. I know just as many skinny girls who are miserable in their own skins as heavy girls. In fact, sometimes I wonder if skinny girls aren’t even more insecure. Skinny girls feel like everyone judges them on their appearance instead of getting to know them. I know because my sister is a stick. Seriously. Like they divided the fat genes in my family 90/10 and I got the 90. Does it mean she’s uber self-confident? Hell no! Does it mean she’s healthier? No. She complains about just as much joint pain as I do, she just won’t go to the doctor and do something about it. My daughter? Size zero. Self-confident? Not as much as I would like. And constantly worried about gaining a pound.

I have skinny friends and I have friends who are way larger than I. So here’s the point. Be you. And be happy being you. You can choose to worry about your size, hair color, height, boob size or weight. Or you can choose not to worry. The choice is yours. Not everyone who’s fat is gross and not everyone who’s skinny is hott. So why don’t we stop discriminating? Why don’t we stop beating each other up over it? Why don’t we learn to base self worth on personality, kindness and accomplishment? Why?

Bottom line: I do not want to see two fat people having sex. I do not want to see two super skinny people having sex. Personally, I don’t want to see anyone having sex. But if I were forced to, I would prefer it were two healthy people, regardless of a few extra pounds more or less. So if fat people gross you out, close your damn eyes and don’t watch.

Be you. Be happy. And don’t let anyone (ever) make you feel bad about it. Regardless of your outer shell, you have what it takes to shine.

Sorry for the length peeps, but if you made it through, you deserve a snack. A snack of your choice-a be it healthy or chocolate.

♥Spot

The one where I have the Plague or Black Lung or possibly Scurvy.

2010-10-29T09:46:00.004-05:00

I think I have the plague. No seriously. Stop saying nobody gets the plague anymore. They do. I looked it up. For real. Okay, so I don't really have the plague. I'm not sure what I have, but I woke up feeling like crap. Tight chest, icky cough, headache (of course I've had the headache for three weeks so it might be completely unrelated), sick tummy and no appetite. Yeah, that's right no appetite. Not wanting to eat anything usually means I'm actually sick. I was almost too lazy to even make my cup of tea this morning but since there was no one else home to do it for me, I toughed it out. Now I'm wanting to curl up in the chair with the super soft blankie and watch some mind numbing TV. That really wasn't in my plan for today though.

I'm supposed to be working (two articles for Buzzreactor) and then cleaning my house. I'm pretty sure the cleaning the house part is not getting done. Sorry my house will still be a mess when you get here tomorrow Lizzie. I will try to get the bathrooms done at least. I'll also try not to give you the plague.

I do have some funny stories. I promise. And they have nothing to do with the plague. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel more like writing them.

TGIF everyone.
♥Spot

The one where I lose a tooth in a pumpkin carving accident...

2010-10-16T10:37:00.005-05:00

Relax folks, it wasn't my tooth, but more on that later. First, let me apologize for my absence. I owe a special apology to my Kindle readers (you're still there, right guys?) because they actually pay to read this blog. Sorry. I wish I could say I had good reason for being absent. But I didn't really. It was just some strange lassitude that seems to have crept into my soul with the turning of the leaves. I'm not sure where it's coming from, generally this is my favorite time of year. I love fall. I love the month of October when I can DVR enough scary movies to last me through the winter. But this year, I'm lacking that special "oomph" and I'm not sure where it's gone. So if someone finds it, please send it back, I mean, after all, it is MY "oomph" and No One Else's. And besides, I NEED it. Like desperately.

Things are going well in the household. My trip to Ohio with my folks was actually way more fun than I thought it would be. And I got a haunted house fix. I will blog about that later in the week. My knee is healing finally. I still have a lot of trouble with stairs (thank goodness Lu does the laundry for me). And I'm not sure when I'll be able to squat. Seriously, you don't realize how often you squat until you can't. I squatted down to get on eye level with my niece and you could barely here my whimpering over the grinding protest my knee made. Yeah, not doing that again for awhile. But I can walk almost normally. And I can gingerly get down on the floor and back up again on my own. So it's probably functioning at a 70% level. I can handle that for now.

Mike has been super busy the last several weekends. This weekend should be the last big camping event, but since they started putting a new roof on the dining hall he'll still be tied up for awhile. At least he's feeling well. His stamina and brute strength still aren't what they were but he's doing remarkably well, considering. And the shoulder is still a thorn in his side but we see the doctor soon.

The kids are good. All working full time now, which gives me an empty house for most of the day. (Score!) And when they are home it's bustling chaotic confusion, but mostly in a good way. The freelance writing is going well. As those of you who are with me on FaceBook know, my boss emailed me the other day to tell me that one of my articles got picked up and linked to by a popular Hungarian newsite. I went to check it out, but it was all in Hungarian. Lol. Anyway, I was happy. I am currently looking for more editing work, so if anyone has written something they need edited or proofread...give me a shout. And I have several pieces out on submission. But as anyone who writes knows...that's just a waiting game.

So, now that you're caught up...on to pumpkin carving...

Luke had gotten us pumpkins over the weekend and CJ was home for a visit, so Monday night we went on the deck to carve our pumpkins. I sat down to do CJ's for him. Lu was diligently (if a little scarily) working on cutting off the top of hers with a really really big knife. Luke was sorting through pumpkin guts for the seeds (so he could roast them) and I was scooping out the inside of mine. Sean had taken CJ for a golf cart ride. Time passed, it started to get dark, CJ was back and ready to go inside and freakin mosquitoes (yes, mosquitoes in October, how effed up is that?) were eating me alive, so I was trying to carve my face quickly. Recipe for disaster. I'd drawn a pretty standard Jack O'Lantern face; two triangle eyes, upside down triangle nose and grinning mouth with three teeth. I carved and carved and was busy pushing out the carved bits. I noticed it was taking some effort, this pumpkin was thick. When I got to pushing out the mouth bit, I was really struggling, my hand deep inside the pumpkin, pushing outward. Finally I felt it give way. The mouth popped out of that pumpkin with enough force to go sailing through the air and hit Luke upside the head (totally accidental I assure you or do I?)!

Said simultaneously:

Me: Oh! I lost a tooth!(putting my hand to my mouth, don't ask why)

Luke: Did you just throw pumpkin at me?!

Then:

Lulu: What? You lost a tooth?! Omigosh! Let me see!

Me: Not me silly. My pumpkin! It came out of there so fast, it ripped one of the teeth out.

Luke: So you didn't throw it at me on purpose.

Me: No, I have no desire to start an all out pumpkin war because I know who would end up cleaning that up!!

Sean: So you almost lost a tooth in a pumpkin carving accident?

Me: For real.

And so the pumpkins were carved. And they were cute. I really do love October.

Have a fabulous weekend,
♥Spot

The one where horror writers are made not born...

2010-09-28T12:10:00.008-05:00

I just want to let you all know up front that I'm going out of town tomorrow. And we all know that travelling Spot is not always blogging frequently Spot so I thought I'd warn you in advance. Of course, I'm going to Hildi's with my parents so I might turn into "I must blog in order to keep my half assed claim to sanity" Spot. We shall see.

Yep, I'm leaving my whole tribe and heading to Ohio with my parents. I'd promised Hildi I'd come visit her this month (our all time favorite) so we could do some Haunted Houses or see some scary movies together. And when my parents decided to go this week to watch Hildi's youngest she's (5) cheer with the high school cheerleaders at the football game, she suggested I come with them to save money, wear and tear on my knee and so they could baby me. Well, I don't know about the babying part, I'm more on the nurturing side, but at least I wouldn't have to drive alone now that my offspring have decided to get full time jobs. So plans were made and I'm heading off to their house tomorrow so we can head to Ohio bright and early Thursday morning. I'll be gone a week. I hope the cats and my house survive. I'm leaving Sean, Mike and Luke with head colds and crossing my fingers that Lu doesn't catch it. So we'll see what the week has in store for me.

Hildi's husband is one of those lucky so & so's who always seem to be winning something. Seriously, I don't think they've ever actually bought a TV. A couple of weeks ago, he did it again. Won a TV. So Hildi called and asked if I would like the TV from their bedroom. That sucker is huge. I said sure what do I owe you. And she said don't be silly, you can have it for free. Free is my favorite price so I graciously accepted and she sent it home with my folks. We picked it up from them last Tuesday. It was so large that we had to buy a new TV stand for the living room where we were putting the TV. That was fine with me because I was sick of the old one and in fact have plans to redo the living room decor anyway. Tuesday night when Sean got home he started clearing off the old entertainment center in order to put together the new one. I was busy in the kitchen, making dinner.

Sean: Hey mom! I found this really old thing. It's rectangular and black and covered in dust. It looks like it has some kind of tape in it.

Me: (turning around to see him holding up a VHS tape) Very funny dork.

Sean: Wow. I seem to have come across an even more ancient relic! It's so small. What can it be?

Me: (turning around again to see him grinning and holding up a cassette tape) Wow. That is old.

Sean: Do we even have a device that might play this anymore?

Me: Yeah, the stereo in there has a cassette deck. I think there's actually one in my SUV too. *Looking closer at the tape* OMG! That tape is from when I was little! It's probably got Aunt Hildi on it singing "I love a rainy night". It was her favorite song when she was three. Hold on to that.

Sean: We have to listen to it.

So after dinner, we sat down in the living room and Sean put the cassette in the player.

Me: So for my 7th birthday I asked for a cassette recorder and got one. I then recorded make believe radio shows, poems, songs, aunt Hildi and I singing. It was like a video blog without the video.

Lu: You were such a strange little kid.

Me: agreed. I'm just letting you know that I have no idea what you're about to hear. It's like a disclaimer.

*Sean hit play*

voice on recorder (which sounds oddly like Hildi's daughter): so now I'm going to sing a song I wrote. "Every body's got to die sometime, that's just how it goes, don't ask me why though, cause I don't really know." (only slightly off key)

Sean: Wow. You were a morbid little thing at seven, weren't you?

Me: Of course I was. What else would you expect? I was raised watching "Night Gallery" and "Twilight Zone", Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" and my bedtime stories were straight from Stephen King and Anne Rice. I read Poe's collected works at ten. I think morbid was more of a destiny for me than a choice. It really shouldn't surprise anyone that I turned out to be a horror writer.

Lu: You were weird.

Me: Whatever. With the ability to write lyrics like that and halfway carry a tune, I think it's a wonder that I'm not a rock star.

Sean: You are insane.

Me: By "insane" you totally mean "creative genius" right?

I'm not even going to dignify his response with repeating it here. I'm so misunderstood.

And then last night, I dreamed that Lizzie was cheating on Sean. Which is weird, because they aren't even dating right now. But there you go. If you're reading this Lizzie, don't do it. That guy was not as cute as Sean. And he was short.

Well, I'm off to start my packing. Maybe I can sing for my parents in the car. I'm sure they'll enjoy that. Especially if I make up my own songs.

♥Spot

The one where I frighten young men...

2010-09-26T10:33:00.003-05:00

Lu and I woke up this morning to a strange sight...an RV was parked in the little parking lot in front of our house. I know it wasn't there yesterday, as my computer desk is in front of a window that looks out on the front yard. We were pretty sure it wasn't there when we went to bed last night. Now there is a huge camp out going on down in camp with three hundred people from ours and other councils so I was pretty sure it was someone from that. Except that our camp doesn't allow RVs. So I texted Mike to find out who it was. He said he would find out.

I went about my business this morning and didn't think too much about it except that it kind of creeped me and Lu out a little. Throughout the morning people have been leaving camp and I glance up from my computer to watch them go. One of those times I noticed folks outside the RV. One boy in a scout shirt climbed in, while one in a tracksuit stayed out. When I glanced up again, just a few seconds later, tracksuit boy was taking a pee facing my house. For real. Standing there, in full view, with his equipment out, peeing. IN. MY. Front. Yard.

I believe I shouted "No Freakin Way!!"

I texted Mike. Then I went on the warpath. I put on shoes and headed out. When I got to the RV, I rapped loudly on the window. The boy in the scout uniform rolled it down.

Me: I just want you to know that one of you just took a pee in my front yard.

Boy: What?! Why did you do that?! *Looking back at tracksuit guy.*

Me: *fixing tracksuit guy with a mama bear glare* Did you know that this was some one's home and you just whipped your stuff out in full view of my family and took a pee in my front yard?! (okay, so I was the only one who saw, but still)

Tracksuit guy: I didn't know!

Me: Well next time maybe you should think about it and be a lot more respectful. Isn't that one of the traits of the scout oath?? A scout is respectful?

Tracksuit guy: I'm sorry ma'am, I'm really sorry.

Boy: We're really sorry. Won't happen again.

Me: Fine.

They pulled out of there in the next 10 minutes. When I got back in the house, I realized that I hadn't once thought about my knee in my angry march and now it was protesting. Lu was standing at the door in her robe. She'd just gotten out of the shower when I hollered that I was going out to yell at the guy who peed in my yard.

Lu: I thought you might need rescuing.

Me: From a couple of boy scouts?

Lu: Well we didn't know who it was!

Me: You were going to come to my rescue in your robe?

Lu: If I had too.

I guess the mama bear apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Lol.

Sure hope the rest of the day is quieter.

♥Spot

The one where I get a bit "preachy" on y'all

2010-09-24T12:43:00.004-05:00

So, I'm going to discuss something today that I don't often discuss. Oddly enough, I had this blog post written in my head yesterday and didn't get time to actually get it to the computer. Then when I read my favorite bloggers posts today, a couple of them were about religion. I think it might be a sign from the Universe.

When Lu was in the hospital recently, my uncles (my mother's brothers) were visiting one evening when the pastor from my Grandmother's church stopped by. He read a bible passage and led us in a quick prayer. After he left we got to discussing how strong my Grandmother's faith had been and how she'd enjoyed her visits from the pastor. I said that I enjoyed the pastors stopping by because it reminded me of Grandma even if I didn't necessarily believe the same things they did. I still take comfort from their words and the fact that they are sending out prayers for us. My uncle stated that he did not believe in God. Because how could God let bad things happen to good people. That statement has been buzzing around in my head for the last month.

Here's the thing: I'm the exact opposite. I believe in a higher power (which we'll call the Universe) because bad things happen to good people. You're probably totally confused right now, huh? I must admit I was too at first. But let's think about what defines a "good" person. To me, a good person is someone who stays on the right side of the law, takes personal responsibility for their actions, doesn't lie, steal, or harm others. A good person tries to help others when they can, pays it forward as often as possible, is kind and generally makes a difference in the lives of others. I try to be a good person. I don't always succeed. But I still put the effort forth. If I asked a smattering of people I know, if they thought of me as a good person, I would hope they would say yes, I think they would. And many times I've heard my husband referred to as a good person. I'm trying to raise my kids to be good people and seem to be succeeding for the most part. And yet, as most of you will agree, we've had a year of hard knocks. I lost my grandmother, Mike nearly died in an accident, Lu has had medical problems and surgery, I've had the knee injury and surgery. We've had some tough times. But through it all, I've still struggled to be good. We didn't give up on each other or rail at the Universe. We didn't blame anyone else for our troubles or treat anyone badly. We didn't try to cheat the system and milk out Mike's workman's comp...the man was desperate to get back to work. Through it all, we've tried to hold to our integrity.

But it wasn't easy. It would have been easy to complain and give up. It would've been easy to beg for money from others. It would have been easy to turn negative and nasty. It would've been easy to blame others for our misfortune. And that's what proves my point. Being a good person isn't always easy. Oh in good times, it is. And that's the point. If no one ever faced adversity, their "goodness" would never be challenged. If it was easy to be "good" everyone would do it? Right? It's the challenges and bad times that test your commitment to being "good". It's like if it never rained, you'd never know how to appreciate the sun. If my life was easy, I wouldn't appreciate the effort I or my family put in.

I don't know if anyone but me is following my train of thought here, but I hope the message is getting through. Being a "good" person is hard. But the Universe tests "good" people for a reason. And I firmly believe that the rewards are great. I'm not talking about Heaven, because my views on Heaven and Hell are pretty nebulous at best. I'm talking about the reward of supportive friends, great family bonds, and just the joy of making some random person smile because I let them go ahead of me in line. These joys, in the here and now, are things that make life and "goodness" worth it. And the challenges, well they're there for a reason. Each one teaches a lesson, strengthens my resolve, and moves me forward. The Universe is testing me. Hope I pass.

And to any of you who read this and think "jeez, Pollyanna, give it a rest". I apologize, but this is truly how my brain works.

Blessed be,
♥Spot

The one where I direct you to various other "Spot"s...

2010-09-21T09:13:00.004-05:00

That was a curious title, no? Well now that I've got you hooked...I'm going to send you on a wild "Spot" chase. I hope you guys are laughing at my cleverness, because I'm cracking myself up here and if I'm the only one laughing its kind of sad. But once again, I did not sleep well and sleeplessness and Darvocet leave me feeling wonky.

Anyway, I have to hurry and get around and leave for town today, but I was so productive yesterday that I wanted to point it out to you. In case you missed it. But just to be nice, I'll give you a Sean convo first...

I was cooking dinner last night when Sean got home. He's not quite used to being a working drone yet as it's only his third week of full time work. So to beat the "Mondays", I'd let him choose what I made for dinner. He chose his favorite: chicken Parmesan, mashed potatoes, Italian green beans and garlic cheese toast. He also had an early Scout commitment so I was making supper early and it was nearly ready when he got home at 5:15. He leaned casually against the counter and said~

Sean: So when did you tell Lizzie about T?

Mike: Uh oh.

Me: Oops? I guess Lizzie reads my blog. Why? What did she say?

Sean: She texted me and asked if I was ditching her for druggie chick.

Me: (giggling) She's teasing you. It was obvious from my blog that you aren't into druggie chick. That's funny.

Sean: (also laughing)

Mike: wait. so she's not mad?

Me: (rolling my eyes) of course she's not mad. Now she has something to tease him about.

Mike: Oh. Well she likes that other guy anyway, right?

Me & Sean: What??

Mike: She said when she was here Sunday that she was texting some guy and she was going to see him.

Me: (giggling again) you're so dense. That guy is her friend who goes to college with her, they share the ride back and forth. He's not a boyfriend honey, he's a um. friend.

Sean: he's the friend who got her hooked on Glee, if you know what I mean.

Mike: Oh.

So..."HI Lizzie"! Thanks for reading my blog! And give Sean plenty of crap because he always deserves it. =]

Now dear readers, let me point you in the direction of my other endeavors~

*There is a new post up at The Gert & Hildi Chronicles

*There is a review of the movie "Devil" by M. Night Shyamalan up at What Spot Saw

*There are book reviews & recommendations up at Gert & Hildi's Booknotes

*You can read my article about Bristol Palin mocking her mom on Buzzreactor.com. You can read my other articles there too, I am blogger Spot (of course), however, I would not recommend trying to wade through the blogger's articles. I think I'm the only "English is my first language" writer there. I'm about to draw up an editing proposal for my boss.

That's all the "Spot"-y goodness I have for you today.

♥Spot

The one where I get to spend time with my kids...

2010-09-20T13:59:00.004-05:00

I can't decide what I want to write about today. I'm having that trouble alot lately. I seem to have an excess of thoughts. But when I try to nail them down I have trouble getting a cohesive sentence. It may be the lack of sleep or the lingering effects of pain medicine. Or just a general ambivalence and sense of malaise I've felt lately. Which again is probably attributable to the lack of sleep. It's extremely hard to get comfortable. My knee, which should be healed by now, feels like someone took it off and put it back on sideways. Yeah, it's a really weird feeling. It's still swollen to about three times the normal size. I can walk without crutches, but with a noticeable limp. Anyway, enough of me whining.

I got the chance this weekend to spend some quality time with both Lu and Sean. Friday night Lu and I met a friend for dinner (at Buffalo Wild Wings and it was so good I cannot stop craving chicken). Then we went to two movies. Yep, we did a double. First we saw "Devil" and it was awesomely scary. Solid (and original) plot, solid acting. Lu was so creeped out that she debated sleeping in my room since the guys were gone that night. Then we saw "Easy A". I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Very sarcastic humor and a good lesson about human nature. We had a fabulous time and I was definitely reminded of why she's not just my daughter, she's one of my best friends.

By pure chance, Sean's schedule opened up Saturday and he offered to do the grocery shopping with me. I was elated. I mean, Mike was going to take me and that would have been alright, but Sean and I have it down to a science and it goes much smoother when he's my helper. Plus he never begs for cookies the way some people *cough cough Mike* do. So first we headed to lunch at the Mexican restaurant (never grocery shop on an empty stomach!). While there we got a chance to talk. I've really been missing him since he started working full time. He's gone all day and many nights he has activities (scouts, civil air patrol, lodge duties) so our hang out time had been severely hampered. He made me giggle with stories of the things he really wants to say on the phone and stories about the people he works with. Some of them not so savory characters. Like R, who just got out of jail after two years for drug dealing. K, whose dad is a wanted felon. And a couple of gang members. Of course, Sean is on good terms with all of them because he's so laid back. So then he's telling me about T, the girl who wants him.

Me: Well is she nice?

Sean: Um yeah. But she hangs out with the drug people.

Me: Oh. Is she a meth head?

Sean: No. I think she just smokes pot.

Me: did you tell her you don't date girls who do drugs?

Sean: Yes. I don't think it's dating she has in mind.

Me: Ooooohhhhh. Well, um, did you tell her you don't "do" girls who do drugs?

Sean: Yes Mom. She asked me if I wanted a drink at lunch the other day. I declined.

Me: Wow. She sounds great Sean, bring her home to dinner. Wait?! How old is she?

Sean: Her birthday is the end of the month and she turns 22.

Me: OMG! Does she know you just barely turned 17?

Sean: Yep.

Me: Wow. Is she pretty?

Sean: Um. She's okay. (hands me his phone which has a pic she sent him)

Me: Oh holy hell! She's not wearing a shirt!! (I mean you can't actually see anything but you can tell she's not wearing a shirt) Why would you show me that?! I'm your mother!!

Sean: Yeah. Well when I stop showing and telling you should worry.

Me: Hmmm. Good point. Have I told you lately how much I really like Lizzie? (his ex girlfriend).

Sean: Yes mother. (slightly exasperated) We're hanging out Sunday.

We had a good time shopping, it went smoothly. He refrained from knocking me into displays since I was already limping. Later, I shared this conversation with my sister Hildi, who flipped out.

Hildi: Did you call that chick and tell her to leave your baby alone?!

Me: Um. No. I don't have her number. And that's really not my style anyway.

Hildi: well you should!

Me: No. He's 17. He has to make his own choices. Obviously he's been putting this chick off nicely, which is what I would expect him to do. It is Sean we're talking about. He's been mature since he was born. I think he can handle it. Besides, he was right. If he didn't tell me about it is when I'd need to worry. Of course, then I wouldn't know I needed to worry. *I confess, I lost myself a little at this point but in my defense it was almost midnight*

I'm so thankful that I have this relationship with my kids. The one where they can tell me anything and I don't freak out. One where they want to tell me everything. (sometimes more than I needed to know). I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I guess that's why, I'm so disappointed in the woman I call "mother". I'm not going to go into any of it here, because she's told me before that she didn't want to be written about on my blog. I have to respect those wishes. I'll just suffice it to say, that I hope she gets the wake up call she needs soon, before it's too late. Because life is too short to waste.

Life, love & TMI,
♥Spot

The one where I hate being laid up...

2010-09-16T10:26:00.003-05:00

Honestly? I was looking a little forward to my down time. Having some enforced relaxation after what has to go down as the craziest couple of months for our family. I was looking forward to being on the other end of the "being taken care of" side. Settling in for some naps, some movies of my choice, some peace & quiet. But after almost a week of it- I'm so done.

I miss my computer desperately. I can only sit there for so long before the knee starts aching. I miss cooking (I must admit Lu makes the most amazing PB&J sandwiches ever but I need some meat!) I miss being busy and productive and caught up in the frantic chaos that defines my life.

Sitting around only allows me time to focus on the parts of my house that are flawed and desperately in need of work. Like how bad my carpets need shampooing. How badly the bathroom needs repainting. CJ's toy box needs cleaning out. New slipcovers, new chairs. The list is damn near endless. And mind boggling. I don't even know where to start.

Apparently, relaxing is no longer in my nature. Who knew? Oh yeah, so maybe you guys did. Good call.

So today found me hobbling around (don't yell- the doctor told me I could) and making my bed, wiping the counters, making a grocery list and loading the dishwasher. I'm either OCD or just have control issues. Again, no surprises there.

This whole episode has been something else. Apparently, the Doctor told Mike & Lu that once he opened up my knee the damage was worse than what the MRI had shown. He said my knee was "way older than the rest of my body". For realz? How the hell did I wind up with the used part?! And how do I get a refund? What gives, Universe?!

I guess perhaps it relates to the recent discovery of some labs I had done fourteen (yes, fourteen) years ago that suggest I have Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis. Oh well, it's always something, isn't it? Life is a constant uphill climb, but the roadside viewing areas are what makes it all worthwhile.

It looks as though things are finally moving forward for everyone. Lu is doing great and went back to work Tuesday. She has a 35 hour schedule this week. Luke is looking for a second job. Sean is a full time telemarketer and he loves it. How crazy is that kid?! His phone call stories make me cry with laughter. I'll be sharing those soon. Bobby works full times. And Mike is back full swing although he'll probably be facing shoulder surgery in January. He has a labral tear and impingement from the accident.

Once the knee is healed, hopefully I can get something of a writing routine going again. I have freelance work coming out my ears. So for now, life is good.

I will soon be catching up with all of your adventures as well.

Take Care, my friends,
♥Spot

The one where I begin (quietly) freaking out...

2010-09-07T10:26:00.004-05:00

Yes, you read that right. I know, I'm usually not given to freaking out. And I'm definitely not given to public acknowledgement of freaking out. But there you have it. Why this behavior you ask? Because Friday is the day. The day of my knee surgery. Um. Yeah. I do know that it's supposed to be a very simple surgery. Yes. I do know that the incisions are tiny and require only one stitch. Sure I know that I should be completely healed up in a week. So why am I freaking out? Because last summer they gave me the same song and dance and I ended up with a 4 inch gash and major recovery, oh yeah and then it go infected and then I found out they nicked an artery while they were in there. So pardon my freak out, but me and surgery are not on good terms.

I visited Mike's aunt yesterday and we got to have a long chat. We have very much the same personalities and outlook. Having been through what she's going through just last year, we were able to really connect. I zeroed in on her exact fears because they were the same ones I had harbored. I think our talk helped some. And I know the trashy magazines, travel bottles of soap and shampoos, and Lindor Truffles I took her helped. A girl has got to have her stuff. Fortunately, so far they haven't found anything that specifically points to cancer. Now it's a waiting game til surgery when they can remove the cyst and biopsy it.

Lu and I both have doctor appointments today. Mine to discuss some hopefully minor stuff and hers with her hematologist to check her blood counts. Positive thoughts that they are good please. Then she sees the surgeon on Thursday and she's hoping to get released for work.

After the doctors visits we will be going to the visitation for my friend's husband. I'm wearing tons of waterproof mascara.

Sean started his full time job today. I think I was ten times more nervous than he. I packed him a lunch. I can't wait to hear how it goes.

And Mike and I had this conversation this morning~

Me: (knocking on his office door and entering) Um. So I wanted to give you the bad news in person since I'm such a supportive wife and all.

Mike: (turning to me expecting a money issue I'm sure) What?

Me: I'm really sorry, but Bob from "Bob and Tom" died.

Mike: Um. Ok.

Me: He was in a car accident in Arizona.

Mike: Um. Huh.

Me: I thought you loved that show?!

Mike: Well I don't get to listen to it very often.

Me: Whatever. That's the last time I break things to you gently. Next time you get a Post It note.

And today I received an email from one of my Kindle readers. How cool is that?! I always wonder about them. You know, who they are and how they found my blog, ect. So thank you Donna from Texas for the blog love! It was great to hear from you.

Happy Tuesday,
♥Spot

The one where I look for the silver lining but can't find it...

2010-09-06T09:43:00.004-05:00

So on the whole, I'm really not a big fan of this year so far. And this weekend? Well, it's been a triple slam dunk of bad news. Friday a woman I call friend lost her husband. I'm still unsure of the details, a mutual friend of ours was trying to get things pieced together. But the details don't really matter. Her husband is gone. He was a vibrant fun-loving guy and the few times I actually spent with him were great. He had "lived" if you know what I mean and had great stories to tell. And together they were a fabulous couple. They were very close. He had retired a few years back, and she'd cut her hours back, both kids were out of college and settled. And they had a few grand kids. It was definitely their "golden years", but now he's gone. Suddenly. And my heart aches for her.

Next, a man we call friend and who's very close to my husband was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. Now prostrate cancer does have a 93% survival rate so his odds are good. Of course, they won't know for sure until they do the surgery. He too is a healthy active retiree enjoying his golden years with his wife. Again, they're one of those awesome couples who enhance each others personalities. Fingers crossed for him.

And the last blow...my husband's aunt may have ovarian cancer. She went to the ER Friday with intense pain and they admitted her. Her obgyn called in an oncologist (who just happens to be Lu's doctor so at least she's in good hands). There is a cyst the size of a tennis ball on her ovary. They're sending her to a larger hospital in a bigger city to do the surgery and biopsy. Of course, we won't really know anything til then. She's an amazing woman. For any of you who think I'm an inspiration, let me tell you, she wrote the book. She has a son with Downs that she's never stopped working with. Another son was paralyzed in a car accident and she quit her job to become his full time aide and activist. She is the one that everyone leans on when they need a shoulder.

So in conclusion, bad shit happens to good people. All. The. Damn. Time. And life is seldom fair. So you better count your blessings while you have them and don't let a day go by that you don't find something to appreciate about your life or the day that you were given. Because every day is a gift. And don't put off the little rewards you owe yourself. Don't spend your time thinking about doing something in the future. Do it now. Live in the day. You don't know how many days you have left.

Sorry for the seriousness, but it's been that kind of weekend (year).

♥Spot

The one where I have appendicitis in my ovary and other weird shit

2010-09-02T11:57:00.003-05:00

Why is it that on any given day I can be completely in love with some doctors (yes, Lu and I have decided to leave Mike and Luke and become part of Dr. Saeed's harem. No, I don't know if he has an actual harem, but we aren't afraid to start one.) and completely disgusted by other doctors? Not to mention nurses...

First, Lu's appointments went well yesterday. She got the okay to leave the house and appear in public sans mask. Which is really good, because yesterday she was extremely pissy about having to wear one and I had to deliver (for roughly the 360th time) the lecture on accepting things gracefully versus acting like a spoiled five year old. But since she's currently on so many antibiotics and has more to take once she finishes those, I'm pretty sure she has like an invisible electrified germ fence around her. The unfortunate news is that they have to wait til early November to do most of the immunological testing since she had IVIG infusions the beginning of August. They said she has 3000 other peoples antibodies running through her system now. And yet she still managed to get two different kinds of pneumonia and a kidney infection. Unbelievable. But she feels pretty good and is hoping the surgeon will let her go back to work at her next appointment. She did take back over the laundry which makes my knee happy.

So lets move on to the bizarre portion of this post. For those of you who have been reading from the beginning (thank you Danica!) or those of you who have read the archived posts, when I started this blog I was about to have surgery to remove my right ovary and the cyst that had taken it over. The surgery was a comedy of errors but the cyst was benign and I slowly healed up. Lately however, I've been having some pain in the exact area where the cyst used to be. It feels exactly like it did when I had the cyst. So I called the doctor's office.

Me: Um. Yeah. I had my right ovary removed last August due to a huge cyst. But now I'm having pain in the exact same place and it feels like it did when I had the cyst.

Nurse: Well you can't have pain in an ovary you don't have.

Me: (duh) well I didn't say it was the ovary, it's just in that vicinity.

Nurse: How long have you been having the pain?

Me: Off and on for the last couple of months but more so the last two days.

Nurse: What are you taking for pain?

Me: Nothing. (because I'm not a whiny little b*tch)

Nurse: Well are you sure they took out your ovary?

Me: Well, if they didn't I'm gonna be really pissed off since that's the whole reason they split me open!

Nurse: Well it's probably not gynecological.

Me: Um. Couldn't it be something at the surgical site? Doesn't she want to take a look?

Nurse: *huge exasperated sigh* I'll talk to the doctor and call you back.

So the next day, she calls back~

Nurse: The doctor says to take Tylenol or Motrin for pain.

Me: Um. Okay. (shouldn't we figure out why I'm in pain first?)

Nurse: and if you start to run a fever it might be appendicitis so you should call your regular doctor.

Me: That's it?

Nurse: Yes.

Really?! I almost asked if I was being punked!! Who has appendix pain in their right lower quadrant?! Do they think my appendix shifted in to fill the empty space left by my ovary? Or is the appendicitis in my non existent ovary?? Bear in mind this was the doctor who only did an ultrasound on the ovary after I put my foot down about it. I'm so finding a new doctor, if the ovarian appendicitis doesn't kill me first.

And in other news, Sean withdrew from College. A week after classes started he came to me with a plan. He said he was miserable every minute of class (which I thought he might be) and that he was too young to be miserable (which he knew I'd agree with). So he withdrew and is planning to get a job or two and save all year. Next year he wants to go to three different high adventure boy scout camps. He'd go on the OA work program so he works there for half the time and then gets to play. The prices aren't bad and I'm all for seeing some sights and having some fun before you settle down. He'd get to go to the mountains in West Virginia, the Florida Keys and Philmont in the New Mexico mountains. So he's been busy filling out applications. One he filled out was for Bonkers, which is our towns version of Discovery Zone or Gymbaree.

Me: You just want to work there so you can check out all the hot single moms.

Sean: Yep. Nothing says sexy like a diaper bag.

I'm hoping he doesn't mean that.

Well, I'm off. Mike has his appointment today with the orthopedist to go over his shoulder MRI. Then we're off to his physical therapy and dinner at a Mexican restaurant I've never been to. I guess that's worth having to kill an hour while he's being tortured.

♥Spot

The one where I re-think my goals for the year...

2010-08-31T10:10:00.004-05:00

Thank you to everyone for all your wonderful comments! Except you...you follower who deserted me. For real?? Kick a girl while she's down?! What kind of person does that? Rude.

You know what weirds me out? Not much actually. But it weirds me out when I'm in a group and I go to tell a story and someone says "Oh yeah! I read that on your blog". I know right?! In a sense it's a little annoying, because obviously I wanted to tell that story and now they've ruined it. But also because it means people I know know way more about me than I do them. It also makes me think twice before I write anything, which shouldn't be the case but it is. I mean if I bitched about someone I know on the blog now it would totally get back to them and probably blown all out of proportion. I mean, don't get me wrong, being widely read (at least in my little neck of the woods) is awesome but also kind of surreal.

Lu is doing well here at home. She hasn't run a fever, she's eating more, and other than tiring really easily she is symptom free. She takes her medicine with a jello cup or pudding cup and that seems to help it stay down. She is going stir crazy though. It's tough to be stuck at home when you're eighteen. So I spend alot of time hanging out with her to keep her entertained. Since I love hanging out with her, it's not much of a hardship but I do seem to fall behind in my tasks. Which got me to thinking about goals and how I haven't accomplished any this year.

Normally, I don't do New Year's resolutions. But turning forty last year had me thinking I needed to set some goals. You know, something to strive for. We're almost three quarters of the way through the year and I have accomplished exactly none of my goals. So either I need to reevaluate my goals or step up my game.

My goals were simple, because I believe in making them attainable so I don't feel like a failure (the way I kind of do right now). I wanted to lose twenty pounds (should be easy to do in a year, right? Hmmph). I wanted to get two stories accepted for publication. And I wanted to finish a novel. I have not lost any weight. Unless you count the five pounds I'm continually losing and then re-gaining. I guess I've done it at least four times now so technically I lost twenty pounds and said goal didn't state that I had to keep them off. I haven't had any stories accepted for publication although I have collected some really nice and some form rejection letters. And I have two novels in progress but nowhere near finished. And I haven't written a word of fiction in over two months. These goals are kicking my ass. So my Dad suggested I make a list of the things I have accomplished this year even if they weren't even in my thoughts when I made the last goals. So here goes:

1. Began freelancing. This wasn't even something I'd given thought to last December when I made my goals. I didn't think I had the skills or connections. But now I make enough money freelancing to pay the payments on my new vehicle plus save some. Thank you to Kathryn who talked me through getting started and gave me the pushes I needed.

2. Attended my first writing conference. Thank you to Deena and everyone at Coyote Con for coming up with and presenting an online conference that made it easy to attend. I learned so much and met so many amazing folks. I'm a better writer for it.

3. Began submitting again. Thank you to Tina for her encouragement and editing skills. Thanks also to Suzicate and Kenzie for being my fruit loop girls! I so want success for all of you as much as I do for myself. I haven't had any acceptances yet, but there are still three more months to the year...

4. Renewed my relationship with my husband. It's funny that this wasn't one of my original goals when I now know that it should have been. This relationship is the backbone of our family and both of us had taken it for granted for far too long. It's a shame it took such an earth shattering event for us to realize it, but you take your wake up calls where you find them.

5. Found out that I have the most amazing (and world wide) support group ever. So much love and support were sent our way after Mike's accident, not only from family and close friends, but from the entire community and the Internet. It feels amazing to realized that you are so blessed.

6. Found a renewed sense of my spirituality. I'm not going to preach here, but it's hard not to have faith in a higher power after everything this year has brought.

7. Managed to retain and even add a few followers to this blog (except for the deserter...). That means alot to me, because this blog has become so much a part of who I am.

And that's where my mind is at right now. Contemplative. What were your goals and have you reached them? Are you progressing towards them or is it time for a re-evaluation? Do you even set any? Enquiring minds want to know...

♥Spot

The one where you try to remember who I am...

2010-08-28T09:43:00.005-05:00

It feels like years since I last blogged even though it's only been two weeks. I did get a chance to read some of your blogs but not to comment. It still feels like I'm lost in blogland though. I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for not writing and some of my Kindle subscribers have probably dropped me, but honestly I'm afraid to check to see if they have! If you're friends with me on Facebook then you have some general idea of what's been going on. If you aren't you've probably been going "WTF?!". Don't feel bad, I've done alot of thinking that lately too.

So on the 17th of August we headed to the hospital with Lu for her splenectomy. The surgery went well. The doctor came out and talked to us afterward and said it took longer than planned because he tried to keep the incision small for her. (and yet it still ended up being 6 inches long!) He said she only lost a quarter unit of blood. Things seemed promising. They put her in the ICU for the night just to monitor her. They'd put in an epidural for pain relief and it was working so well that she wasn't in any pain at all. The night was good even though we got very little sleep. ICU is a noisy place and they check on you frequently. Plus Lu is a beautiful young girl and the nurse was a hott young very talkative guy.

Wednesday they moved her to the pediatric floor. The surgery floor was full and she was close enough in age to be able to stay there. That was a great choice. The nurses on that floor were wonderful. Wednesday was another good, pain free day for her. The only complaint she had was the bladder catheter they have to leave in while you have an epidural. It grossed her out.

Thursday the surgeon said they could take out the catheter and the epidural and she could get out of bed. Unfortunately, when the epidural meds wore off, there wasn't enough other pain meds in her system. I watched my baby writhe in pain for 3 hours while they tried to get it under control. Three shots of Toradol, two shots of Morphine and countless Loritab later she was finally comfortable again. Watching your baby in that much pain is something no mother should have to do. I've never felt so helpless. And in case anyone is wondering, Lu has a really high pain tolerance so this had to be agony for her to complain.

Friday, the pain was under control, but since she hadn't been able to use the bathroom, despite countless tries, they had to re-catheterize, she'd also spiked a temp so they added an IV antibiotic and did a urine specimen. It came back positive. So they added another antibiotic. Unfortunately, that same day she began vomiting and couldn't keep anything down. They gave her anti-nausea meds every four hours and they would knock her out for 3 and then she'd be awake and nauseous for the hour in between. It was a rough day.

Saturday she was still nauseous and feverish and the surgeon decided to do a CT scan to check things out. The CT scan revealed pneumonia in her left lung and a pocket of fluid in her pleural space. The surgeon called in a pulmonologist (lung specialist). The lung doctor wanted to watch her and wait, if things got better, no problem. If things got worse then he would have to draw some fluid off her lung. That night she ran a 101.8 fever.

Sunday I started wondering why the doctors couldn't seem to get this figured out. I mean the surgeon was off the hook- he had done his job and whatever was wrong now was beyond his speciality. He continued to see us and coordinate with the other doctors but he readily admitted he was baffled. She did get that catheter out again and seemed to have no trouble in that respect. And I do admit she wasn't giving the doctors much to go on. She had no cough, no pain, no shortness of breath, no real symptoms save fever. Sunday night she spiked a 103.5 fever. As the on call hematologist said "we could pop popcorn on you girl!". The nurse said "I'm going to call the doctor as soon as I can figure out which one to call!" A doctor was called, tylenol was ordered and the fever broke. And Lu ate pizza.

Monday I was frustrated. They did the Thoracentisis, which means they gave her a numbing shot in the back, then inserted a huge needle and drew off a sample of the pleural fluid. Lu took it like a champ. She is the strongest bravest girl I know. And I managed to comfort her and not pass out when I saw the sight of that needle. I did move so I wouldn't actually see it enter her back though. They sent off the sample. When her regular hematologist, who'd been off all weekend, showed up he was angry that they still didn't know what was going on and had called in an infectious disease specialist. Finally, someone agrees with me that this is crap and they should be able to figure it out. I was seriously considering demanding they send her to a bigger hospital but figured I'd see what the new guy had to say. I'm glad I waited. Dr. Saeed is amazing. He studied her chart before he came in, then he pulled up a chair and said "tell me about the last time she was healthy". I explained that Lu had always been kind of sickly, that she'd had whooping cough her freshman year, and that when the ITP was under control was when she'd been her healthiest. He asked about me and I said, that yeah I'm also puny and get sick easy. I told him I'd seen an immunologist once but no one ever followed up because my doctor moved. He told us we were very interesting. Then he examined her and told us that he was very sure Lu had a immune deficiency to begin with and when they removed her spleen (the captain of the immune system) it seriously depleted her immunities. He said the catheter introduced bacteria into the urinary tract causing that infection. The ventilator probably allowed some perfectly normal mouth germs to infiltrate her lung causing an anaerobic infection in the fluid in her chest. And that she also picked up pneumonia. He changed antibiotics around and added a special one for the anaerobic infection. He said she should be better in a few days and able to go home.

Tuesday her fever never did go above 100.8 degrees. Unfortunately that's still considered a fever and you can't be released from the hospital until your afebrile for 24 hours. She still had nausea and wouldn't eat much and she did throw up the antibiotic he ordered. So she was started on anti nausea meds again. I got my records from the immunologist faxed to the hospital so he could see them. He declared them interesting and said that I should have the follow up testing and that he was sending Lu to an immunologist here in town, but if he didn't seem to be going to do the testing she needed he would find us one in a larger city. He believes that Lu has basically no immune system currently.

Wednesday she was doing better. And her fever never went about 100 degrees. We'd started doing laps in the hallways to help get the fluid from her lungs. She had to wear a mask when she left her room but finally we were free of catheters and IV poles. That makes the going a little faster. People looked at us funny of course. Some pitying, thinking she had cancer. Some scared, thinking she was contagious. We'd gotten to know all the nurses so well and even the secretaries and housekeepers. There was always someone to chat with. But we were ready to go home.

Thursday she was discharged. We left with two antibiotics and anti nausea meds. And Dr. Saeed gave implicit instructions: Lu is not allowed in public except for doctor appointments and she has to wear a mask.If she should run any fever at all, call him. If she runs a fever over 100 or has a cough or chills we are to go immediately to the Emergency Room and tell them he sent us, he will come and admit her. I'm praying that doesn't happen.

It's good to be home. We both were happy to sleep in our own beds and take a shower in a room without bumping into anything. Those hospital bathrooms are killer. I do have to set my alarm and wake her up to take meds so that they are spaced evenly apart. And I do take her temperature alot but so far so good. And she's still not eating normally. Smoothies, noodle cups and such at least give her some nutrition. She lost 9 pounds in the hospital. By the end, dietary was sending up protein shakes. Because when you weigh just barely enough to begin with, 9 pounds is alot.

Someone asked me if we knew this was a possibility before we did the splenectomy. The answer is no. No doctor had ever really questioned her immune system. We had no idea she might be immune deficient to begin with and that taking out her spleen would cause serious and life threatening complications. And yet, the spleen had to come out. All treatments for ITP are immune suppressing. But the future is uncertain. We're facing alot of testing in upcoming months while they try to figure out which immune deficiency she has and how to treat it. We don't know when she will be allowed to leave the house. Once again, her life is on hold. I'm not sure she realizes the seriousness of it quite yet, but so far she is handling things with remarkable calm.

Thank you to all the staff and doctors who worked with her during our hospital stay. Everyone was respectful,kind and caring. And thank you to Dr. Saeed for getting us home at least. I have the utmost confidence in his ability to see this through to a solution.

And thank you to everyone who sent prayers, well wishes, good thoughts and offered real and moral support. I don't know how I'd get through this without you all.

♥Spot

The one where I reassure you that I'm still alive...

2010-08-15T10:58:00.003-05:00

Yes indeed I am still alive for those of you who are wondering. I do apologize sincerely for not posting even somewhat regularly lately. And for not reading and commenting and knowing what's also going on in your lives. The last two weeks have been hectic and stressful and some days I just don't have the brain power left to post. So this is a quick update.

Mike is still doing well after being released to go back to work. He did end up with an infection in his finger where the stitching had left a hole. And we saw an orthopedic doctor about the shoulder pain he's had since the accident. The doctor wants an MRI.

Sean won his election yesterday. He's now the chief of the OA Lodge. Yes it is an honor and also a huge responsibility. I know, without a doubt, he'll live up to the challenge. And besides, he has an awesome speech writer (me). He starts his first college courses on Monday. I think I'm more excited than he is.

Molly had a blood test Monday and her platelets had only climbed to 122,000 after the IVIG. It was very disappointing that they didn't get boosted more. On Friday we went back to her hematologist to find that they had dropped to 93,000. The IVIG was not doing it's job. The doctor put her on a high dose of steroids to hopefully boost them up for the surgery Tuesday. The continued dropping and non response to treatment has me very worried. Her hemoglobin is also down. He's convinced that the two are not related and that the low hemoglobin is just iron deficiency anemia. But she's already on a high dose of iron twice a day. I'm not one to ask for prayers but any love, positive thoughts, prayer, or good karma that you can throw our way would be greatly appreciated on Tuesday and beyond.

And me? Well, I'm exhausted, stressed, slightly grumpy and the knee is giving me trouble. And I'm currently without my best friend. My computer is having issues and is unusable. I'm borrowing Mo's laptop and it's a civil relationship at best. I miss my computer. The good news is I backed up all my writing online and pictures on SD cards. Somedays I'm smarter than the average bear.

So here's just a few random items:

*Mike got an awesome new work truck. Like the last one, only better. And thank god it's dark blue and not red. I would have flipped out. I still get trauma room flashbacks and hate when he drives off camp property alone.

*Thursday night I dreamed I got a rejection notice on one of the stories I currently had out on submission...guess what was in my email inbox Friday morning. How come prophetic dreams are always about bad stuff?!

*Mo's Luke got a job at Applebees and likes it.

*I'm going to a writer's conference in Ohio the end of the month (provided Mo is doing okay) and my sister Hildi is going with me!!

*We have to be at the hospital for Mo's surgery at 6 am on Tuesday morning. Are they freakin serious?? Apparently they are.

*I haven't written a single word on my fiction works for almost a month. That's no way to treat your career. Luckily I'm (just barely) managing to keep up with my freelancing. And that's only because I need the paycheck.

*When Mo was getting her infusions, the pastors from my Grandmother's church stopped in on different days. One is older and always tells a joke. The other is young and very personable. The young one and I had this conversation-

Him: Well God always has a plan even if we don't know what it is.

Me: so everything happens for a reason, right?

Him: Yes.

Me: when Mike was in the hospital someone told me that God never gives you more than you can handle.

Him: that's right.

Me: (leaning in conspiratorially) well, just between you and me, I think he may have seriously overestimated my capabilities.

Him: No, he just has faith in you.

Me: I think he may have too much faith.

So friends, bloggy buds, tweeples, bear with me. I am certain things have to slow down. And I will be taking the laptop to the hospital with me while I stay with Mo. I'll post updates when I can. Take care of yourselves and be good to one another in my absence. You are all in my heart and thoughts.

Always,
♥Spot

The one where we spend alot of time at the hospital and Mike thinks he's funny.

2010-08-05T11:08:00.003-05:00

Hola! For those of you who don't watch Dora the Explorer, that's "hello" in Spanish. See how coming here is totally educational? New languages, new words for the old language, zombie apocalypse survival strategies, it's like one stop shopping only for blog reading. And I'm hoping it's totally making up for my sporadic blog posting of late.

This week has been mostly spent (or at least it feels like it) at the hospital with Lu while she gets her infusions. Monday we had to see the doctor first and it took forever. Her platelets had dropped 33,000 points over the weekend leaving her again at 22,000. Good thing we'd already scheduled the IVIG. They decided to spread it out so that she may not have such a bad reaction this time. So the first day took 4 hours. It's not so bad for Lu, they give her a huge dose of Benadryl and Tylenol to help combat any reaction and once she's hooked up she pretty much passes out for the rest of the time. Seriously, even the blood pressure cuff taking her BP every half hour doesn't wake her up. But Luke and I are here just basically watching her sleep. I finally thought about bringing the laptop yesterday but I forgot the plug and it was dead. This time I was better prepared! So far so good reaction wise. Other than fatigue (even with a 3 hour nap every day) she's had no other side effects. She looks really pale today though, but I've got my fingers crossed she stays okay. The receptionist, the nurses, everyone now knows Molly by name. They're all extremely nice and caring. And we've met some wonderful people who are in here having treatments too. Most of them are elderly so they are very curious about a young girl and what her ailment might be.

Sean is doing well. He called last night from the hotel in Virginia again. They left Jamboree yesterday and began their whirlwind DC tour. He sounds exhausted. I asked if he was still Jewish and he said he might be. Lol! He said one of the oddest things from the day was how a homeless man stole food from one of the scouts in Union Station. Apparently it was Taco Bell on a tray the boy was holding and the homeless man walked up and grabbed it and mumbled something and ran off. I said it's probably good karma to let bums steal your food. And he probably mumbled "thanks dude". He's having a good time but he sounds ready to come home.

So apparently since Mike's accident he thinks he's developed a real funny streak. Some illustrations~

Me: (on a Sunday night when once again he's asking if I want to go to the bar) No. I'm not going anywhere. I had to go to town every flippin day this last week. I'm being a hermit today. I don't want to deal with people. Did I tell you how much I don't like people sometimes.

Mike: Yes. You made your opinion known. Loudly. Yesterday. While you were throwing groceries at me.

Me: Good. But I was not throwing groceries. I might have been slamming them around, but I was not throwing. I wouldn't want to dent cans or smoosh bread.

That same night, our air conditioner froze up and we had to shut it off so it could defrost. I'm so not good with heat. We found a fan and set it up to blow directly on my side of the bed.

Me: I'm sorry I'm going to be hogging all the fan.

Mike: It's okay. I'm considering sleeping on the couch.

Me: Why??

Mike: Because I'm afraid I'll roll over in the night and accidentally touch you and you'll yell "don't touch me...it's hot" and I'll lose an appendage.

Me: Wow. You really do know me well.

Pretty sure I like this more snarkastic side of him. Pretty sure I still need to move north to avoid the heat. *note to self* Write Blockbuster Bestseller sooner rather then later.

Hope you all are having a good week!
♥Spot

PS- hamletsmistress- took your advice, upped the calories, five pounds fell off! Score! Thanks mucho!

The one where I totally ramble on because that's what I do best.

2010-08-01T13:14:00.004-05:00

I know, I know. I left everyone in the lurch this last week. *hangs head in shame*. Very heartfelt apologies. It has been one of "those" weeks. Who'm I kidding? It's pretty much been one of "those" summers and to tell the truth fall is not looking to be much better. So this post will be a long one and a bit of a mash-up as I catch you all up on what's going down in Spot Town.

Monday I had an MRI on the right knee because it does pretty much the same as the left and if I'm going to get one fixed I might as well try to hit the two for one deal, right? I mean walking is highly overrated, right? Seriously, you save money if you combine surgeries because they only charge you once for the operating room, anesthesia, ect. A surgeon taught me this several years ago. And besides the monetary savings, I only have to freak out once this way. And if you've been here since the beginning you know how bad being put under freaks me out. After the MRI, we headed to Springfield, met my folks at Texas Roadhouse (thanks for dinner Mom & Dad!!). It was super yummy and we had a great time. Then we picked up CJ from his house and headed home. Unfortunately, due to a communication snafu between his school and his home they had already given him his night meds. Which means when we got home at eleven, he was wide awake. He didn't fall asleep til 2:30 am. Which means I didn't get to sleep til then. And while he woke up bright and chipper at 8:30, my butt was dragging.

In spite of that we had a great day. We swam in the lake. CJ does a vicious dog-paddle which he learned at the age of two and still continues to manage to propel himself through the water with. We took golf cart rides through camp (his favorite) and then made a trip to town to run a few errands and pick up pizza. And CJ got his haircut at the salon. This is monumental. He hates haircuts and starts freaking the minute you turn on the clippers. But if we don't cut his hair he grows this wild Harpo Marx 'do. The girl was amazing. She spoke softly and reassuringly, let him hold her hand and warned him before she did anything like "I'm going to turn the chair just a bit now". And it worked. Which was a huge relief.

Wednesday Mike & I had to run to town in the morning for an appointment, so Luke accompanied CJ down into camp to hang out with Lu and her campers. I think this was an eye opening experience for Luke who has not spent alot of time around people with disabilities but he did well. After Mike & I returned we swam again and took more rides.

And Thursday CJ accompanied Mike and Luke to camp while they ran the zip line and I took Lu to the doctor. Mike tried to get CJ to ride the zip line. No go. I warned him. That afternoon we took CJ back to his house and I cried. It's so hard to leave him when we've had a great visit. We've decided that when he turns 21 we will move him to a group home in the nearby town so that we can see him more frequently.

On to Lu's doctor visit. Her counts have dropped back down to 50,000. They have to be brought up for the surgery so we start IVIG treatments again on Monday. She was not happy, but she seems to be taking it in better stride. Mostly she hates missing work and spending hours at the hospital (um Me too!). They will spread it out over five days this time in hopes of lessening her side effects. Fingers crossed. The surgery is getting closer though and this last treatment should keep her boosted up enough for the surgery. They will take a blood test that morning to be sure and they will have blood and platelets standing by in the operating room should they need them. She will be in the hospital about 5-6 days. So you know where I will be as well. And then at home recuperating for several weeks. I guess the silver lining is that I will get to spend some quality time with my daughter before she heads out to start her life.

Wondering about Sean? Yeah, it's cool, I know you are. He called me Sunday from the hotel in Virginia. He enjoyed Gettysburg and took pictures for me. Then he called me again Friday night. He was pretty psyched about scuba diving. And he'd just attended a Jewish religious service. Apparently he was quite impressed because it was fun. They sang and danced.

Me: So are you going to become Jewish now?

Sean: No. Probably not. But if we have the chance to attend a service somewhere around where we live, I'm totally gonna take you. I think you'd like it. And I will never make fun of Jewish people again. I'm still wearing my yarmulke. And we're eating dinner with some Jewish boy scouts so I'm totally eating kosher.

Me: Let me know how that goes. What else did you do today?

Sean: I did some archery. I really suck at it. Then we did air rifles, tomahawk throwing and knife throwing. I'm pretty good at throwing tomahawks and knives.

Me: You get that from me. And that will come in pretty handy during the zombie apocalypse. I can back you up with the archery, I'm pretty good at it. Plus I throw darts like no body's business.

Sean: I think I'm just going to go with a flamethrower in the zombie apocalypse.

Me: Why? You know flames don't kill them and then they just end up setting things on fire.

Sean: I read that blog by the Bloggess too. I'm not going to set them on fire inside my house. And I will for sure close the chimney flue.

Because, no matter how far away he is, he realizes the importance of preparing for the zombie apocalypse. I've taught him well. I may or may not be a little miffed though that he's managed to text a pretty girl the whole time, but not his mama. Rude. They leave the Jamboree Wednesday morning and head for DC. Look out Washington, hear comes Sean.

So lately I've been doing something that I thought I would never in a million years do. Forgetting to eat. For real. I seriously never thought I would forget food. But without Sean to remind me that it's time to cook, I've actually been skipping quite a few meals. I realize sometime in the afternoon (when I get dizzy) that I haven't eaten. I'm also eating less at meals. You'd think that would translate into losing weight wouldn't you? Um. No. The scale refuses to budge. Even when I call it nasty names. I'm also crankier. Seriously, Friday I had to go through a 4 1/2 hour virus removal with the company we get our computer security from. And I had to be here the whole time. I was so cranky that day I threatened to rip some one's arm off and beat them about the head with it. And yesterday? Well, I had to grocery shop. Alone. On a Saturday. I came to the conclusion that I do not really like the general public anymore. Although, I did let an elderly gentleman go in front of me in line because he'd already checked out once and forgot to get ice. I do that every. damn. time. So I let him ahead of me so his ice wouldn't melt. He called me a sweetie. I figured I needed the Karma points since I was going through the express lane with 24 items instead of 20. C'mon, those lines were long!! Anyway, I've concluded that the crankiness is a direct effect of low blood sugar so I'll probably try harder to remember to eat. Now I'm staying chubby to save lives. Is there no end to my generosity??

Happy Sunday,
♥Spot

The one where some things end and others begin.

2010-07-25T10:47:00.005-05:00

So Sean turned seventeen last week. On Wednesday to be exact. How can seventeen years go by so fast? I remember the day of his birth to the second. Of course, considering his birth damn near killed me, I guess that's not so hard to believe. But I also remember most of his toddlerhood. Not that I've forgotten CJ's or Lu's, just that Sean has always been a memorable character. And he was sooo cute. Chubby little apple cheeks and light blonde curls. Stubborn and precocious even at three. Some things never change. He lost the chubby cheeks and his hair darkened considerably but the stubborn and precocious took up residence. We celebrated his birthday Friday night when the kids all came home from camp. Steaks and shrimp on the grill, twice baked potatoes, mushrooms sauteed in butter & garlic and crescent rolls with an amazing (and store bought) cake for dessert. It was a good night.

Then yesterday dawns and Sean and Lu and I get ready to head to town. We've decided to breakfast at Panera and then Lu has to work and Sean & I will head to the Mart of Walls to pick up a few last minute items on his list. He has to be in Keokuk by 4 to leave on his trip. When we walk outside to leave I notice that Sean's eyes are puffy and red. His dad mentions it too. Sean says they're itchy and he took benadryl, he just figures its because he hasn't been around the cats much. I'm dubious but let it go. By the time we get to Panera his cheeks are also suspiciously red (they always turned apple red when he was allergic to something as a little kid). I mention it and he says that yes, the itching is getting worse. I make a call to his doctors office but they are gone so we scarf breakfast and head to the ER. By the time we get there you can watch the hives popping out on his skin and his chest is getting tight. Thankfully, they rush us back to a room. The doctor comes in orders a breathing treatment and shots. One steroid and one benadryl. Thankfully, they all work. If not, added to the ER expense would have been the $1700 dollars we paid for his trip. Not cool. Not to mention his disappointment at missing out.

After we left the ER we ran to Walmart, got his stuff and sped home. Shower, pack the backpack and speed to Keokuk. We made it with two minutes to spare. There was a lot of preparation before loading the two buses and I got the rare opportunity of seeing my baby in action. The words "born leader" come to mind. He's efficient, in charge and the other boys listen to him. And I know you're all thinking I'm totally biased, but I could so get affidavits from other people (not related to him) who would say the same thing. I am so proud.

Finally, the load the buses. Sean and the other leadership core are the last to board of course. I sneak in one last hug and turn to one of the other mothers and confess that I think I might cry. Yes, I know he's seventeen. Yes, I know he's responsible and independent. Yes, I know he'll have the time of his life. But he's still my baby. And I've never been separated from him for two weeks before. Worrying about him? Well it's kind of a job requirement and damn it, I'm good at it. I ask another mother if she's worried about her son and she replies "No. Sean will take of him."

So he's off for two weeks to Gettysburg, Fort AP Hill Virginia and the 100th year of Scouting National Jamboree, then on to DC. He's going places I've never been and making memories that will last a lifetime. And I'm at home missing him and knowing that this is the closing chapter in his childhood and the beginning of his adulthood. I have the feeling that one is going to be a real page-turner.

Bon Voyage Baby,
♥Spot

what passes for sane on a crazy day

The one where he now belongs to the USMC

The one where we wrap up the year...

The one where we adopt a code word...

The one where charity begins at home...

The one with the zombie giraffes...

The one where I get angry...

The one where things look up...

The one where we're in the hospital again *sigh*

The one where music is useful...

The one where I went AWOL (again)

The one where my children make me laugh...

The one where things change...

The one where we pick up a hitchhiker

The one where things are random...

The one where I'm someone's favorite...

The one where Lu has a baby and Sean wrecks a car...

The one where we grieve...

The one where I catch you guys up...

The one where I do a guest post!

The one where I try to explain things to Mike...

The one where we celebrate America's Birthday...

The one where I give further proof that the universe is out to get me...

The one where we discuss my new story over dinner...

The one where I have random conversations...

The one where we're not in Kansas anymore and we never really were...

The one where we examine Sean's motivation...

The one where I whine a little...

The one where I get some blog bling...

The one where I pay homage to Oil of Olay

The one where I catch you guys up...

The one where I get tagged...

The one where I snap...

The one where I totally planned a dress rehearsal and no one believes me...

The one where I take a new job...

The one where we discuss my work and other things...

The one where we talk about the weekend...

The one where we talk about Morels...

The one where I interview Claudia Lefeve, Author and Super Woman

The one where I didn't plan on posting today...

The one where I ramble randomly...

The one where I do another author interview...

The one where I try to do way too many things at one time...

The one where I interview Scott Nicholson, horror author and nice guy

The one where we need to have a little chit chat...

The one where we take a little trip...

The one where we head for Memphis...

The one where we get some good news...

Then one where Lu finally picks a name...

The one where I try to get back on track...no really, I mean it this time.

The one where Lu saves the Polar Bears and we prepare for Snowmageddon...

The one where I finally get my life back...

The one where I can't seem to put it behind me...

The one where tigers eat zebras and the cat is out of the bag

The one where a hatchling leaves the nest and why I will never be famous...

The one where Sean gets served

The one where we talk less about weight and more about self-confidence

The one where I have the Plague or Black Lung or possibly Scurvy.

The one where I lose a tooth in a pumpkin carving accident...

The one where horror writers are made not born...

The one where I frighten young men...

The one where I get a bit "preachy" on y'all

The one where I direct you to various other "Spot"s...

The one where I get to spend time with my kids...

The one where I hate being laid up...

The one where I begin (quietly) freaking out...

The one where I look for the silver lining but can't find it...

The one where I have appendicitis in my ovary and other weird shit

The one where I re-think my goals for the year...

The one where you try to remember who I am...

The one where I reassure you that I'm still alive...

The one where we spend alot of time at the hospital and Mike thinks he's funny.

The one where I totally ramble on because that's what I do best.

The one where some things end and others begin.

The one where we're in the hospital again sigh